Chapter 31
Romeo
Showering is a little awkward since the space isn’t really made for two people, but we have to conserve the little water we have. Julien dries off first and heads to the bed so that I can douche privately.
When I come out with a towel wrapped around me, I shiver from the A/C unit running full blast. Nutmeg is dozing on the rug by the couch, her belly exposed and her legs outstretched. She’s so damn cute. As much as I want to rub her belly, I let her sleep. It’s been a long day.
I find Julien on his back in bed, completely naked, his hands tucked under his head, staring at the open roof and the stars above.
He looks at me and smiles so beautifully that my heart skips a beat.
“Come here,” he says, reaching his hand out to me.
I drop my towel and slide in next to him. He pulls me against him, and we immediately start kissing as if we don’t want to waste a second. My hand cups his face as his tongue dips into my mouth. I ache all over for him. It hurts so much that I feel almost like I have the flu or something.
My knee slides between his thighs, and his cock hardens against me. I swell in response.
We don’t stop kissing when he rolls over onto his back and drags me with him. When we come up for air, he says, “Do you trust me to have sex with you without a condom?”
“I’ll always trust you.”
“Thanks. I… want to make love to you without one, if that’s okay. I want to know what it feels like to be inside you without one.”
“It’s okay.”
He nods and runs his hands over my sides. “Turn around and give me your ass.”
I flip around, straddling his waist, and grab his cock.
His fingers pry my cheeks open, and his fingers play with the ring of muscle as if exploring it for the first time.
And for the first time, I’m swelled with regret that other men have touched me there.
So many fucking men. All of me should have belonged to Julien.
I close my eyes as he swipes his tongue over my hole. He swirls over it, prods it, and sucks it. I get lost in the sensation as I swallow his cock. Julien groans, and his hot breath ghosts over my already heated skin.
I suck him down for a few minutes longer before I’m popping off and moving away from him.
“Hey, I wasn’t done munching on your ass,” he complains.
“Well, I need you in me. Please? Please be inside me one more time.”
His brows drop low, and he nods once.
“Don’t move. Just lie there,” I order.
I reach for the lube sitting on the side table, squirt some into my hand, and oil my fingers. I toss the bottle and shove fingers inside me, but I don’t bother to work myself open. Julien’s tongue relaxed me enough.
Once I’m lubed, I wipe my hand on the covers, hover my ass over him, and hold his cock so that I can sink down on him.
He slides right in like an old, familiar friend.
Julien’s cock fits me like no one has before.
I’m going to fucking miss it. I never once thought I’d say I’d miss a cock, but here we are.
The thought makes my eyes water, but I shove back the pain to bring on the pleasure for both of us. I’m not about to ruin this moment.
One last time.
Our last time.
I don’t want this to be the end, and I don’t want him to die. Julien deserves to live a long and happy life.
Despite trying hard not to cry, a tear slides down my face. Instead of continuing to fight it, I just let it happen. I raise myself up and slam back down. Julien’s gripping my hips, watching me, always watching. It’s never in a creepy or lustful way, but a protective one.
I move faster now. While I don’t want it to end, the faster we finish, the longer I can hold him.
I lay my upper body against his, kiss him for a minute, then bury my face in the crook between the neck and shoulder, that sweet spot of his that I love. He wraps me in his strong swimmer’s arms.
My ass moves up and down, and Julien meets me halfway each time.
The tent soon fills up with our sex noises and scents. Our skin grows clammy, pressed against each other, and my ass is pulsing. I squeeze his cock, and another groan slips from him.
I yelp when he suddenly flips me over, shoves my legs back, aims his cock, and pushes back in. His muscles ripple as he rolls his hips faster and faster, hitting my prostate harder and harder.
“Come,” he demands.
I wrap my fingers around my cock and stroke, pound for pound, keeping up with the rhythm, twisting on the upstroke, and swiping my thumb over my crying head. It’s crying as much as I am.
I throw my head back as soon as my balls let loose, shooting cum so hard that it hits my chin.
“Fuck yeah,” he rasps, moving his hips even faster now. He’s hitting me so hard and deep, my body is being shoved upward in the bed, and he has to keep dragging me back down.
Finally, he fills me. It’s hot. It marks me. His cum makes me his. He’ll always be mine, long after he’s gone. No one will ever be good enough. No one will ever match my Julien, my Sugar.
He falls on me, breathing heavily and loudly.
My fingers trail along his sweaty back, our hearts hammering against each other as if we share one heart.
One heart to sustain us. When he dies, half of my heart will be gone.
It will never heal. He wants me to move on, but I’ll never recover from this trip and him.
Julien’s my hero. My savior. My fucking addiction. I hate knowing him and loving him because it hurts so fucking much.
He finally climbs off me, grabs a rag from the shower, and cleans us up, though I’m leaking a little cum from my ass still.
“Stand up, Cupcake,” he says.
When I get out of bed, he takes the comforter off and snags his phone. “Come on. I want to show you something.”
I follow Julien outside and toward the telescope. There are cushions already there for us to sit on. He sits on one and pats for me to sit between his legs on the other cushion. I sit down, and he wraps the comforter around us. It’s colder now that it’s fully dark.
“I had them set up the telescope toward a specific location in the sky,” he explains. “Look through it. It should all be ready for you.”
I squint one eye while I peek through the lens. “What am I looking for?”
“Do you see the slanted ‘W’ there at the top?”
“Yeah.”
“Now, look slightly right. You should see a strand of stars that end in a point and come back down, like two arms reaching left. Here…”
I pull away from the telescope and look at the phone he’s holding up. “It looks like that. And you need to search for this one on the left. It looks like a body with two legs.”
I scan the image of the constellations, memorize them, and put my eye to the lens again. The sky is so clear that it doesn’t take me long to find them.
“Got it.”
“Good. This is the story of Perseus and Andromeda. She’s on the right.
He’s on the left. It looks like she’s reaching for him.
Their love was unrivaled in Greek mythology.
Imagine it. Andromeda has been captured and is guarded by a sea monster named Cetus.
She’s to be Poseidon’s blood sacrifice, but Perseus is having none of it.
He flies in on winged shoes and kills the monster with his harp.
It was love that saved her. It was love that freed her. ”
My vision blurs and my jaw clenches to hold back all my pain, but I still look at the stars as best as I can. “Then what happened?”
“Phineus wants her for himself, but for power, not love. When she fell in love with Perseus, he was enraged. And just when Perseus and Andromeda are to be wed, Phineus storms the wedding with his army. But what he doesn’t know is that Perseus slew Medusa, the gorgon with snakes for hair.
He beheaded her and still carries her head around.
Anyone who looks into her eyes is instantly turned to stone.
At the right moment, Perseus held up the head, and Phineus and his men were instantly turned to stone.
Perseus and Andromeda were married and had many, many children.
The moral of the story is that love conquers all. ”
But love doesn’t conquer all. Even if I tell him I love him here and now, he’s still going to die, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I promise myself that I’ll tell him before he leaves.
Julien needs to know how I feel. He needs to know someone out there loves him and that he’ll always have my heart until it stops beating.
We sit for a while in the darkness, our only light the stars, telling mythological stories of love and betrayal, while we touch each other. It’s nothing sexual, but more like a struggle to stop doing it.
Julien kisses my temple and says, “Let’s go in, baby.”
We stand and head inside the tent. Nutmeg greets us and wags her tail. Julien squats and kisses the top of her head. “You take good care of our Romeo, okay? Protect him.”
She licks his nose in response.
He spreads the blanket over the bed, and we climb underneath the covers. I curl into him, and he holds me close.
“I’m so fucking tired,” he whispers.
My lip trembles, and I nod. “Me, too.”
“I’m tired of feeling heavy. It’s hard to explain. Like something is pressing down on me, and I’m struggling to get out of it. The harder I fight it, the tighter and heavier that weight gets.”
“I think I know the feeling.”
“I had a dream the other night that I was swimming in blood. It was so thick, and the tide kept trying to drown me. A large hand pressed me down to kill me. I thought it was about Holt at first. But it’s not.
It’s all my pain wrapped up into a living nightmare.
My only reprieve has been you and this trip.
You have given me two weeks to breathe the freshest air. Thank you.”
I can’t say anything. Words won’t come out. If I speak, I’m going to sob like a baby. He deserves more than that.
I lie awake until his body relaxes and he sinks into the mattress. His heart, under my hand, grows steady, and his breathing slows.
It’s his rhythm that pulls me into sleep.
I don’t want to sleep.
I need more time with him.
The darkness doesn’t care. It’s never cared.
I blink my eyes open, pissed at myself for not staying awake longer. Sleep takes away my time from Julien. Sleep is a fucking thief.
There’s a sense of emptiness surrounding me, like I’ve lost my warmth and comfort. I realize Julien isn’t holding me anymore, and in place of his body, I’m holding my unicorn. I reach for him in the bed, but the space is empty and cold.
Panic sweeps through me as I quickly sit up and look around, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. I grab my phone from the table next to the bed. The clock reads 4:47 am.
Fuck.
He didn’t leave already, did he?
Maybe he’s going to the bathroom.
I climb out of bed and check the toilet area, but he’s not there.
“Julien?”
I’m only met with silence.
After I flip on the light, that’s when I see it. It’s a letter sitting on the table with that snow globe from the Santa Monica Pier right on top of it.
A queasy feeling passes through me, and my mouth goes dry. Why would Julien leave that behind? Then I remember him saying he couldn’t take it with him when he leaves. Something tightens in the pit of my stomach as I’m filled with dread.
I snatch the paper and read it.
My Romeo,
I’m so fucking sorry to leave like this. It’s easier this way for both of us.
When you read this, I’ll be gone, fallen to my death. It’s why I’m here. Why I took this journey. I wanted to live life as I wanted it before I ended it all.
I’m just not as strong as you, baby. I tried to stay. I really did. My trauma keeps me paralyzed. Holt ruined me, body and soul. Everyone else ruined what was left. You restored some of my faith in people. I just wish it were enough. You deserve someone stronger.
I’ve left you and Jinx everything. Next week, my lawyer will reach out to you about my will.
I’m leaving you my fortune of one hundred and one million.
Jinx will get the other 20% of my fortune, which is about twenty-five million.
That should last you both more than a lifetime of financial security.
You can have my Bronco, too. The title will be switched over to…
“No, no, no, no…”
I drop to my knees, and my hands shake, then my eyes leak, making it hard to read. Making it fucking hard to breathe. So much fucking money. I can’t even grasp how much that is. And I don’t fucking want it! None of it! I only want Julien.
Instead of finishing the letter, I look at the time on my phone again. It’s almost time for the sun to rise. He’s been talking about seeing it. For a fleeting second, I have some hope.
“Fuck! I have time. I have time!”
I scramble to get dressed in only my underwear, slide on my shoes, and run out of there to find him.
I have time. I have time.
He’s going to be there at the lookout to watch the sunrise.
There’s time!
I run as fast as I can to the spot where he found me during dinner earlier. My heart is racing, and my tears are streaming. I’m trying to be hopeful, but I’m terrified he’s just jumped, and I’m too late.
If I tell him I love him, he’ll stop what he’s doing. He’ll stay with me. I know it.
Please let there be time.
I scold myself for not saying something earlier tonight. Fuck, I should’ve told him! Stupid, stupid. I wanted it special for when he left.
I’m out of breath just as the sun’s starting to rise.
Hurry, hurry!
I can practically hear the clock slowing down to stop ticking. It echoes in my head.
My legs burn, but I don’t dare stop.
I trip and fall, scraping my bare knees on the rocks. The pain radiates straight to my teeth, and the breath whooshes out of me. I look down to see they’re bleeding, but I can’t stop, so I limp and run.
Please still be there. Please still be alive.