Chapter 14
Jaylin didn’t exactly mean to keep The Adventures of Captain Kuwabara, Explorer of Deep Space a continued secret from Hiro, but everytime he thought about bringing it up, he got so embarrassed that he couldn’t manage the words.
Except… then Scholastic accepted Dorit’s pitch, and Jaylin’s nerves exploded.
His little comic was now being turned into an actual middle grade graphic novel, and at some point in the next six to eight months it was going to print, and there was a not insubstantial possibility that people aside from Diego and Aditi were going to read it.
And Jaylin still hadn’t managed to tell Hiro. The enormity of the secret grew and grew, the further along in the process he got.
Then it was somehow August, a week before Jaylin started his fall semester at school, and when he brought in the mail after getting home from his afternoon shift at El Guanaco, there was a fat package for him. From Scholastic.
He went inside and mindlessly toed off his sneakers, set the rest of the mail on the table in the entryway for when Hiro got home from work, then went to the living room and opened the package with shaking fingers.
There, in his hands, was a proof copy of his little comic. Not so little anymore.
So much more real now.
Wow.
He took it with him as he went to the kitchen to start on dinner, throwing together the broccoli cheddar soup that Hiro really liked. He thumbed through his graphic novel as the onions were sautéing, then again as the broccoli and carrots cooked down.
He’d just turned off the burner and covered the pot to let it stand and thicken until dinner time when he heard the door open.
He jumped guilty and shoved the book behind himself before he realized how ridiculous he was being. He needed to show Hiro. He wanted to show Hiro.
It was just that, for some reason, it was easier to think of strangers reading the comic than it was for Hiro to read the comic. Hiro wasn’t stupid. He’d know exactly what it meant.
How much Jaylin loved him.
And that was scary. It was scary to think about telling him that. For all that Jaylin wanted to own the feeling, wanted to relish the feeling of loving someone who he was—he was pretty sure loved him back, it still felt like a big step.
More often than not now, Jaylin spent the nights in Hiro’s big bed.
Another silk pillowcase covered the pillow on the side Jaylin preferred to sleep.
But they’d only ever kissed and cuddled.
Hiro was achingly careful with him, never pressing, never pushing, and even when something went wrong, he was kind.
He’d touched Jaylin’s hair several months ago while they were kissing on the couch. Jaylin hadn't dreamed it would have bothered him that much, but he'd had a full-blown panic attack. Hiro had gentled him through it and begged forgiveness and had never touched Jaylin’s hair again. Not once.
Jaylin looked down at the book in his hands.
Maybe he was ready for more.
“Hey,” Hiro said, poking his head into the kitchen. He smiled. “There you are. It smells amazing in here.”
“I made broccoli cheddar soup for dinner,” Jaylin said, smiling goofily back.
“You’re a marvel,” Hiro said, with such enthusiasm that Jaylin laughed.
“It’s just soup.”
“‘Just,’ he says,” Hiro grumbled. “It’s my favorite soup and you can make it. Before you, I had to buy it everytime I wanted some.”
“Well, I made a double batch,” Jaylin said. “So there’ll be plenty of leftovers for later.”
“Did you plan this?” Hiro asked, coming into the kitchen. “Is that why you brought that crusty bread you didn’t let me eat yesterday?”
Jaylin’s cheeks heated as he clutched his book to his chest. “Maybe.”
Hiro leaned down to kiss said hot cheek. “That’s why you know best.”
“Also,” Jaylin started, taking a deep breath, bracing himself. “Also I have something to show you.”
“Okay,” Hiro said.
“Can we go to the living room?” Jaylin asked. “Sit on the couch?”
“Sure,” Hiro said. “Though now I’m really curious.”
“I mean, you only have to be curious for like three seconds,” Jaylin said, trying to hide his nerves as they walked to the living room.
He wanted Hiro to understand.
Once they were sitting next to each other on the couch, Jaylin shoved the book at Hiro.
“I, um, I made this,” he said. “For… for you.”
“Made it?” Hiro asked, taking the book. “The Adventures of Captain Kuwabara, Explorer of Deep Space. Proof.” He looked pleased but puzzled as he looked over the cover. “You… drew this?”
“Yeah,” Jaylin said, biting his lip.
Hiro blinked down at the book and opened it in the middle, flipping through a few pages while Jaylin sweat next to him. When he looked back up at Jaylin, his eyes were wide. “You drew this? All of it?”
“Y-yeah,” Jaylin managed.
Hiro looked down at the book in his hands, then back at Jaylin. “Can I read it now?”
“If you want to,” Jaylin said, doing his best not to squirm.
Hiro smiled at him and turned his attention back to the graphic novel, opening to the very beginning, where PROOF was again stamped in big letters across the inside.
“To the one who believed in me,” Hiro read aloud as Jaylin wrung his hands together. He’d wanted the dedication there, it had seemed only right, but having Hiro read it out loud felt like it was laying Jaylin bare.
“Keep going,” Jaylin said quickly, when Hiro paused to look at him, spots of color in his cheeks.
“Right,” Hiro said, clearing his throat. He turned back to the book, and Jaylin scooted in next to him and followed along as Hiro read, watching Hiro’s expressions and reactions to what happened on the page.
He saw Hiro’s eyes widen as he continued to flip through the book.
Saw him exhale softly as he read about Captain Kuwabara’s adventures, about how hard he worked to do the right thing, how hard he fought, even when the odds were against him.
How he met Kirah and was determined to help, even when everyone else tried to warn him away.
How he and Kirah continued on in the next adventure together, side by side.
When Hiro got to the last page, he closed the book and ran a finger down the spine of it. “This is incredible,” he said, hushed, as if he didn't want to break the quiet spell. “Jaylin, wow, I…”
“I made it for you,” Jaylin said again. “And I—I asked Aditi to help me make it nice once I finished it, and she got me to tell Diego about it, and Diego wanted me to tell his not-Aunt Dorit about it, and Dorit works at Scholastic? And she pitched it and now it’s, um, it’s being published?
And I didn’t mean to keep it from you, I just—it kind of just happened—”
“It’s amazing,” Hiro cut in softly. He reached out to cup Jaylin’s cheek. “ You’re amazing.”
“You are too,” Jaylin said. “And I just wanted… I just wanted you to know that. How amazing you are.”
Hiro made a low sound, and Jaylin leaned in to kiss him. He was getting better at taking initiative. He had never wanted to before, but Hiro enjoyed it so much when he did, and Jaylin loved giving him that.
Giving.
Jaylin had spent so much of his life running in place, exhausting himself and stagnating. Now he was going somewhere good, so fast it sometimes made him dizzy. But he was so, so happy.
This was what flourishing felt like. This was what flying must feel like.
“Hey, Hiro?” Jaylin whispered.
Hiro’s eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled. Jaylin loved that he had gotten to learn Hiro’s face so intimately. “Yeah, sweetheart?”
“I’m happy,” Jaylin said. Even with the anxiety and panic that still reared its head, even with the bad dreams about how things used to be, even with the self-doubt and self-flagellation that still crept in. “I’m really, really happy.”
Hiro’s lips parted. “I’m so glad.” He sounded breathless. “I’m so glad.” And then, nuzzled into Jaylin’s temple. “Me too.”
Jaylin turned to kiss the corner of Hiro’s mouth. Hiro was still careful with him, and Jaylin had been happy to take things slow, to let himself heal a little from the fingerprints Brent had bruised into his skin. But the happiness and pride zipping down his spine made him want.
He wanted to give more to Hiro. It wasn’t because Hiro gave him so much, because what they had wasn’t transactional. It was simply because Jaylin wanted . He liked Hiro so, so much, and was happier with him than he could ever remember being.
And now he wanted to be closer.
“Would you—” Jaylin licked his lips, suddenly shy. But he wanted Hiro more than he wanted to hide. “Would you want to… touch me? If I wanted that too?”
They were so close that Jaylin heard Hiro’s quick inhale. Saw the way Hiro’s eyes darkened. “Yeah,” Hiro rasped, only ever honest with him. “If you wanted it? Then yeah, sweetheart. Every damn day.”
Jaylin almost gasped at the admission. At the raw desire in Hiro’s voice. He wondered if he’d ever stop being surprised by the fact that Hiro liked him, wanted him, as much as Jaylin liked and wanted Hiro.
“Take me to bed?” Jaylin asked, and it came out clumsy, but Hiro didn’t seem to mind. Instead he was eager, eyes bright.
“Yeah?” Hiro said, voice rough. “You want that?”
Jaylin nodded. Returned Hiro’s admission with his own. “I-I want everything with you.”
Hiro quickly stood, taking Jaylin’s hand and pulling him to his feet.
Jaylin let out a laugh as he was tugged up, gratified at Hiro’s eagerness. Excitement had settled low in his belly, residual sparks fluttering through him. He and Hiro had slept together in the same bed almost every night, but they’d only ever slept.
Jaylin was looking forward to sex in a way he never had before. He’d never done it freely, when it wasn’t a transaction. He looked forward to learning what Hiro liked. Learning what made Hiro feel good.
Maybe Jaylin wanted to learn some things about himself too.
They tripped their way to the bedroom hand in hand, stopping for breathless kisses along the way. It was only once they were inside the threshold, bed in sight, that Hiro pulled back.