25. chapter twenty five
chapter twenty five
hand me your burdens mister
“ Y ou’ll be fine; you haven’t lost a game this whole season.” I say to Finnthrough the glass, his red face and the worried glare in his eyes pulling on my heart strings. I don’t know why he always gets like this before games, but it’s like something is telling him he’s gonna screw it up.
But I’m convinced Finn could go out on this ice black out drunk andstill get the Lions higher in the table with no problems.
He tilts his head at me, before sucking in a breath. “Is she here?”
I shake my head, my eyes dipping, before finding his green ones. “Nope, it’sjust me.”
Relief swept across the parts of his face that I could see that weren’t covered byhis helmet. I don’t know why he was so worried about having Rory’s eyes on him. She was the person I’d constantly want around me if I was nervous. Her smile had powers, I was sure of it. Whenever she let it shine it was as though the world breathed a sigh of relief.
But as I studied him, recalling what had happened atmy birthday dinner that I hadn’t been there to witness, I remembered why Rory not being here was probably for the best. For both of them.
Finn cast his eyes to the stands for a second, before nodding his chin at me.“And Sommerford.”
I angle my head around to find Henry still minding our seats, he catches myeyes as I look at him, handing him a small smile before I turn back to Finn. “It’s just a friends thing.”
Finn shrugs, his gear rattling as he does. “You don’t have to explain anything tome, Gold’s, whatever is going on with you and Tristan—”
“I know,” I rushed. “Has he said anything to you?”
Finn shook his head as another Lion skated behind him. “Not really; the onlyconversation I can get out of him is two or three words when he comes back to the dorm at midnight, and then he just crashes.” Finn peered around before he glided closer. “As long as you're okay, yeah?”
I nodded. “I’m fine, I promise.” Right then Jesse skated by, his goalie gearmaking even me feel claustrophobic. “Hey Jess.”
“Gold’s,” He nodded his helmet at me, before tapping Finn on the shoulder.“C’mon, dude, Burton wants us for warm up.”
Finn eyes me before I shoo them both. “You’ll be fine; now go destroy them.” I said, clasping my hands together, before bothJesse and Finn fist bumped me against the glass and skated off to join the rest of the team.
I smiled at them as they did, before I turned back and headed up to my seat tojoin Henry. He was more than happy to be here with me when I asked him earlier, replying almost instantly.
I was fully wedged between two thoughts as I hopped back up the stands of therink, almost positive that Tristan had gotten it wrong about Henry, or that Henry just had a great way of hiding this emotionless side of him. I thought it was impossible that the boy I was walking up to now, with a golden smile plastered on his face and the biggest blue eyes I’d ever seen, was this mastermind who could only want girls for one thing.
“How they doing?” Henry asked, pulling down my seat for me as I claimed it.
I nodded at him, stealing back my oversize takeout soda and taking a sip.“They’re fine; Finn always gets like this before games, but they’ll pull a win; they always do.”
Henry clapped his hands together as he leaned forward, resting his elbows onhis knees. “They’re insane out there, the games I’ve been to… my God, do they kill it.” He angled his head around to face me. “And I must say, I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t think you’d come.”
I narrowed my eyes playfully, watching him as he leaned back into his seat.“Why not?”
Henry shrugged. “I had a feeling I’d missed my shot, but I must be doingsomething right if you’re here.” His smile sparkled at me, and as the lights lowered around the rink, the chants from the cheerleaders from behind the glass bounced off the walls and the crowd roared, I felt like trying to figure this guy out, trying to see the twist in his smile that Tristan promised me was there, would be pointless.
But regardless, I had to get over Tristan, and I wanted to think that I knewmyself well enough to trust that I was right about Henry, that the person I’d come to like whilst we dove head first into textbooks and research for that presentation was the person who was sitting next to me right this second.
I let the commotion of the ice take over my thoughts, my smile hiking higherwhen the announcer called out numbers eight and twenty-two, knowing that my friends were down there and doing what they clearly had the talent to do. The heckles from the Lions fans—faces I’d recognised from the hallways—whooped and hollered as the klaxon sounded and the game against the Michigan State Spartans got underway.
The ice was instant chaos, the way it usually is with Lions games. Wewere the leading team in the entire collegiate cup, and for good reason. And I knew they were my friends, so I was probably biased, but they really were ruthless. Not in a cruel way, but in the way they dominated the ice, their focus sharp, their movements unstoppable.
As I tried to keep up with where the puck was—the tiny thinggetting lost between the green and midnight blue jerseys—I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I slipped it out of my pocket without taking my eyes off the ice, but once I read the name across my screen, my heart froze, and my eyes abandoned the game.
Tristan
Today at 19:03 PM
look up
Without distracting Henry, I subtly lifted my eyes from my screen, the lowlights making it hard to spot him, seeing as though he could slip into the darkness so easily. But I found him, after another scan of the seats, watching me from the other side of the rink.
I took a moment to reacquaint myself with him, feeling like it had been yearssince I last saw him. His hair still swept over his forehead, in that effortless way I seemed to love. And although it was breaching minus four degrees in here, he still had on a white shirt that showcased his arms. The tattoos I tried to guess the meanings of even harder to make out from over here.
Like it always did, I felt my heart rate spike, those thoughts and feelings I’d felttowards him revving their engines and making me remember how much the guy sat next to me had to do in order for him to match what I felt for Tristan.
I studied him for another moment, like he was doing with me, before I watchedhis phone screen lit up his face, just as my phone vibrated in my hand again.
meet me outside.
When I looked back up at him, he was shuffling his way past the away fans,sulking down the steps like he was trying to escape something. I caught my breath before I twisted to face Henry, who luckily was still invested in the game.
He must have clocked the panic in my eyes when I turned to him, forcing himto shift his attention onto me and his arm to snake around my back. “Hey, you okay?”
I had to catch my breath again. “Yeah… no, actually. I…” His eyes roamedmine, but all I could see when I looked into them were Tristans. I squeezed them closed as I shook my head. “I’m just gonna head to the bathroom; I’ll be back in a minute.”
“You sure you’re okay?” Henry asked, staying near me as I stoodup.
I shook my head as I made a bee-line for the steps down to the rink floor.“Yeah… I’m fine. I won’t be long.”
I twisted back around and sprinted down the steps and into the darkness of therink, somehow feeling Henry’s eyes follow me all the way out of the room. I brushed past the sea of latecomers, all heading back towards the commotion of the game, while I was on a different mission. I sucked in some precious air once I’d made into the lobby, my body sighing when I saw the rain sprinkling the glass doors that lead to the exit, so I threw the hood of my yellow hoodie up and braced the rain.
The door hinges groaned as I pushed it open, the rain-soaked chill slipping inas I stepped outside. The door clicked shut behind me, and I looked around, scanning the dimly lit parking lot until I spotted Tristan just off to the left, standing under an umbrella. His silhouette was unmistakable, shadowed in the glow of the streetlamp.
I marched over to him, not sure where this sudden urge to be near him camefrom. I didn’t question it; I just let it pull me closer until I was standing under him, tucked under the edge of his umbrella.
“You’re alive,” I said, my voice flat as I wrapped my arms over my chest.
The orange light from the streetlamp above us lit up his face as he cranedit—that sarcastic smile he wore like an outfit shining down on me. “Of course I’m alive; I’ve just not felt the best this week.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Tristan shrugged, the raindrops that drummed against the umbrella dispersingas he did. “I’ve had a lot on my mind, Gold’s, and I didn’t want to burden you with it.”
Burden me with it?
The words stung me in a way I wasn’t prepared for, and if the rain wasn’t soloud, I’d have probably heard it crack under the weight of knowing that Tristan saw himself that way.
A low ripple of thunder that broke through the clouds startled me, and as therain grew heavier around us, I edged further under the umbrella.I looked up at him, my mouth parting as I shrugged my folded arms—
“So do you want to explain this now, or shall I wait for him to burst out hereand challenge me to a dual for your hand?” His voice was laced with a mixture of amusement and something sharper, and I hated how it settled in my head.
I blinked, caught off guard by the flicker of worry in his eyes. It was strange, oddly comforting, to think he might care about me being here with Henry. A small part of me wanted to label it as jealousy, but what could Tristan possibly be jealous of? This wasn’t real. We weren’t real. So why did it matter to him?
But this side of him? This was new. Sure I knew he wanted to look out for me, that much was clear. But this? Something about it made me happy, as though that mischief I'd spotted in him was slowly seeping into me.
I shrugged, my hands falling uselessly by my sides, letting my mouthrun before my mind caught up. “Jealousy’s a sin, sir. Didn’t anyone teach you that?”
His lips twitched like he was fighting back a smile, one that made mystomach flip. “I never claimed to be a saint, Golds.” His voice dipped, as did his eyes. “So forgive me if I’m not sweating over the thought of burning in hell for being jealous that you’re sitting with that prick.”
There was something in his tone that left me speechless for asecond—the weight of his words heavy between us.
He was jealous.
But how was that possible if he’d been treating me like I didn’t existall week?
I shook my head. “Well, this was the plan from the start, wasn’t it?I help you keep your peace while you plan your great escape and help me get Henry.”
Tristan bit the inside of his lip. “Yeah, that was the plan until we found out thatHenry’s an arsehole.”
I rolled my eyes, more to buy me some time to think than anything else. “Well,plans change, Tristan. Okay? Henry likes me, and I’m assuming you don’t need me anymore, seeing as though you’ve been avoiding me and you're here on your own without me.” I shook my head, delving into the part of my mind I'd refused to venture into. "And if this was all pretend anyway, it shouldn't be that hard for you to accept that, right?"
His body was close enough that I could see the faint flecks of gold in his dark eyes, feel the warmth of his breath against my skin. Neither of us moved, suspended in the quiet tension, the world around us somehow fading into nothing.
“So,” he said quietly, almost to himself, “pretending, right?”
“Right,” I replied, my voice breathless, like I'd just finished a run.
He nodded, his gaze drifting down to where his fingers still lingered, gently clasped around mine. “We're using each other. That’s all this is. Selfish.”
“Exactly.” The word felt heavy, as if saying it could make it true. But neither of us let go, our hands clasped as if we were both unwilling to break the connection. He was so close, his presence radiating warmth, protecting me from the rain, though every nerve in me seemed to hum with fire.
For a second, he just looked at me, studying my face, his gaze softening in a way that made my heart pound like rolling thunder. “So, if I pulled away right now,” he murmured, “that’d be fine with you?”
I swallowed, the question lingering between us, heavy and unspoken. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
A faint smirk tugged at his lips, almost challenging. “Because you’re still holding on.”
I could feel my cheeks flush, but I didn’t move, didn’t let go. “You’re the one who hasn’t let go either.”
He laughed quietly, a low sound that made my stomach flip. “We're both stubborn then. And I thought we couldn't be more alike.”
“Are we, though?” I said, forcing my voice to stay steady even as my pulse betrayed me. “I want to be here, Tristan. I want this life.” I blinked, feeling the weight of every unspoken truth between us. “But you—you’re looking for a way out.” Our fingers unlaced. "The only reason we're like this is because it's pretend. We only make sense if we're pretending… right?"
I knew I should have stepped back, broken this spell before it pulled me under. But instead, I took a shaky breath, letting the moment linger a second longer. Letting a tiny strand of hope wrap around my heart that it wasn't just me who felt the lines blurring.
But as his thumb brushed ever so lightly over the back of my hand, he leaned in, just close enough that his lips hovered beside my ear, his voice a soft murmur. “Right,”
My eyes slowly fell shut, a faint quiver invading my bottom lip.
I felt my head shake as his moved away. How was I that stupid that I'd let myself get like this? So stupid. So hopeless. So lost in tower of my mind that I truly thought that I'd change this entire mans future because I leant into words that weren't real. When I knew they weren't ever real.
But the way he looked at me in that moment, like he couldn’t pull himself away, told me there was more he wanted to say, something that felt real enough to bridge the quiet ache hanging between us. The world around us felt distant, the hum of the city fading until it was just the two of us in a strange, intimate bubble, close enough that I could feel his warmth against the cold air, close enough to make me forget why we couldn’t let this go any further.
And then, like it was the simplest thing in the world, he pulled back, leaving me there, my heart racing, with the sensation of his touch lingering like a secret neither of us would admit to.
His head dipped, and the sky cracked open with another burst ofthunder, the storm’s fury rattling the ground beneath us. I braced myself for him to confirm what I’d been dreading—that he was still leaving, and this was just his way of saying goodbye.
But he stayed silent, eyes fixed on the ground, and with each passing second, my chest tightened. It felt like every unspoken word between us was screaming the truth I was too afraid to hear: he was going, and he didn’t need me anymore. It was time to let go.
I forced a tight, brittle smile, wrapping my arms around myself to ward off the chill. To protect myself. “Well, then… good. You’re happy on your own, and I’ll stick with Henry.” The words felt hollow, but I pushed them out, raising my chin. “We’ll just call it quits, yeah?”
I didn’t wait for him to answer, turning my back on him and storming into the rain, hoping the downpour would hide the sting in my eyes, the ache that clung to me.
“Gold’s.” He called after me, his voice strained. I didn’t want to face him, Ididn’t want him to see the look on my face, knowing that this was it for us—
“Marigold?”
I froze.
It had been so long since I heard anyone call me that. My parents barelycalled me that anymore, after I told them I preferred Goldie. Even my professors stuck to the nicknames. So hearing that name leave Tristan's mouth sent a feeling through that I wasn’t sure what to call.
But it made me turn around, just as my hand gripped the door handle. “What?”
I watched him sigh, before he rolled his shoulders and took a step closer. “I’msorry I’ve been distant this week; I really am, okay? And if I’ve hurt you, then I promise you I didn’t intend to.” His eyes held mine as he shook his head. “And I don't care if this is breaking the rules, but I cannot just let you walk back in there with him.”
I threw my arm up, the raindrops that had caught on my hair splattering around me. “And why not?”
“Because I care about you, Gold’s. I care about you enough that I’d stay herejust to make sure he doesn’t touch an ounce of the good that I know for a fact your heart lives on.”
My knees buckled at his words, but I couldn’t let him camp in my heart anylonger, I couldn’t let him make that camp a home, knowing he wouldn’t be there long. Knowing that I'd already let this go too far in my mind. “But you don’t want to be here, Tristan, that was why we did this in the first place—”
“Plans change,” He said, barely loud enough that I was sure I misheard him,the rain that heavy that I almost asked him to repeat himself. But if I heard him correctly, if I heard what he wasn’t saying when he said that, I didn’t want to.
I shook my head, the ever changing current of emotions that were swimming around my mind enough for me to collapse. But I breathed in, savouring the cold air as I kept my eyes trained on his, before pulling open the door to the rink. “I’ll see you around.”
I didn’t look back as I stepped inside, but I could feel his gaze on me, lingeringlike the last words of a song that hadn’t quite finished playing.