Chapter Twenty-Eight
Elise
Taking a deep breath, I turned Bessie’s steering wheel left and drove into the Speed Demons compound.
I’d already decided not to accept Robbie’s proposal, but I’d also decided I needed help. Having the sonogram and speaking to Robbie had somehow pulled me from my daze. I’d gone home and begun to plan a way forward. Finally, I’d come to the conclusion that it was impossible to do it alone.
Mom was so deep in her grief that I worried one more blow would send her into a breakdown. Point in case: she was so far inside her own head and thoughts that she hadn’t even noticed I was pregnant. My only other option was Bandit, because when I thought about it, I recognized that for all his faults, he loved his family.
I wasn’t sure of the reception I’d get coming here, but I had to at least tell him about the baby and hope, after the initial shock, he’d take me under his wing. Plus, I found it was easier to swallow my pride when I was doing it for my daughter.
The first thing I noticed when I parked Bessie was the state of the place.
Trash and beer cans were strewn on the ground. Motorcycles were parked haphazardly, and brightly colored pieces of cloth were dotted here and there. The compound had never been a palace, but Connie always made sure it was clean and welcoming. Now, car and bike parts had been thrown in a haphazard pile next to the farmhouse, and the barn door hung off its hinges.
The place reminded me of one of those old, deserted Western towns on documentaries with the saloon doors that swung ghostlike in the wind. It was deserted; leaves and dust blew everywhere. I wouldn’t have been surprised if tumbleweed didn’t blow through any second.
I pulled my shoulders back, jutted my chin, and began to pick my way over the asphalt toward the barn. Bandit had to be around here somewhere.
Gingerly, I stepped inside and looked around, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. It looked like a bomb had gone off. More beer bottles were strewn everywhere. Broken glass littered the floor and thick layers of dust coated surfaces that obviously hadn’t been touched in weeks.
“Hello?” I called out. “Bandit?”
A loud groan came from behind the bar, and mutters rose up through the air, along with curses and women’s giggles and murmurs.
Confused, I looked around and saw several bodies moving at the far end of the room. Half-clothed men and women who’d been sleeping on the floor began to sit up and look around.
“What the fuck’s that bitch doin’ here?” someone questioned.
“What bitch?” Bandit’s raspy, sleep-filled voice demanded from a far corner.
The rustle of clothes permeated through the air, followed by the sound of zippers being pulled and boots thudding to the floor. A large silhouette loomed, and Bandit emerged from the shadows wearing just his jeans.
His stare caught mine, and the same sneer from the night before slid back onto his face. He sauntered up close, leaned down, and snarled, “Get the fuck out, bitch.”
Heart pounding, I jutted my chin up, desperately trying not to gag at the reek of liquor fumes coming off him. “I need to talk to you.”
His bloodshot eyes flicked from my head to my toes and back again. “Got nothin’ to say to you. Now, turn your townie bitch ass around,” his voice turned into a bellow, “and get the fuck out.”
“It’s important, Bandit,” I insisted. My finger went to the buttons of my coat, and I began to undo them. “I need to tell you something.”
Bandit’s strong hands shoved mine away before gripping my lapels. Then, with a sharp tug, he ripped my coat open.
Silence reigned except for the sounds of buttons as they hit the tiled floor and scattered.
“I fuckin’ know,” he bit out. “Went to Bert’s office last night. Wanted to see how you were doin’, make amends for my boy’s sake, and check in. Instead, I saw ya with your pretty boy, stuck-up asshole, all cozy together, holding hands and canoodling.” His eyes cut through me. “What are ya? Four months along? You didn’t even wait for my boy to die before you jumped into bed with that prick.” His stare flicked over me dismissively. “I guess I should be grateful. At least John went to his maker, never findin’ out what a traitorous, lying, conniving cunt you are.”
My throat heated. “That’s not it,” I croaked. “You don’t understand.” But the roars and shouted insults of the brothers drowned out my voice.
“Traitorous bitch.”
“What a lying cunt.”
“Fuckin’ slut.”
The thing was, I could handle those names. They didn’t mean anything because I knew they weren’t true. What hurt me down to my core was Seth’s roar, “John would be ashamed.”
I let out a loud sob, my arms cradling my stomach, trying to shield my baby from the hate and vitriol swirling violently through the air.
Bandit stepped away, hocked his saliva back in his throat, and spat at my feet. “Get. Out.” His voice was deathly quiet.
“I need to explain,” I insisted. “Bandit, you’ve got to listen to me.”
Quick as a flash, he reached into the back of his waistband, pulled a gun, and butted it against my temple. “My son and my wife trusted you,” he rasped. “Their bodies aren’t even cold, and you’re already knocked up by the biggest shit stick in town. If you’re not outta this clubhouse by the time I count to ten, a bullet’s goin’ into your skull, and you can be damned in hell. I don’t care if they lock me up until the day I drop down dead. Got nothin’ left anyway.”
My eyes met his golden-brown ones, so much like John’s.
The ache began to pulse inside, and all hope drained away, leaving a realization in its place.
There was no point. Bandit had made his mind up about me, probably the day John introduced me to him and Connie. I didn’t know what I’d ever done to deserve his contempt; maybe it stemmed from my dad’s dislike of him or even the rest of the town’s.
I didn’t stand a chance.
I never did.
“One,” Bandit drawled, eyes like ice, freezing the shell that was left of my heart.
I didn’t wait for ‘two’; instead, I turned on my heel, raced out of the clubhouse, and stumbled into the parking lot. Boots pounded as the men sauntered after me, jeering and cat-calling more insults. A sharp sting and searing pain emanated from my shoulder, and a rock thudded to the ground beside me as everybody laughed.
“Nice throw, Seth,” someone called.
“Just doin’ as the Bible says,” he jeered. “They stoned whores to death back then.”
Roars of laughter filled the air, and I swore to myself and my dad in heaven that I would never let my daughter near these animals again. Not for as long as I lived.
I reached out and swung open Bessie’s driver’s door.
“Nah, ha!” Bandit called out.
My chest froze over, fear licking at my insides. I slowly turned back to face him.
The gun he still had pointed at me jerked to one side, indicating for me to move away. “That’s my boy’s truck. I’m his next of kin, so that makes it my truck. You’re not gettin’ any more of my John. You took enough pieces from him.”
A wave of nausea hit me.
Bessie was all I had left of my ol’ man.
“No,” I breathed. “Please, Bandit. Don’t do this.” I began to babble in between my sobs. “Please, please don’t do this.”
“Two.” Bandit’s lip curled. “Three. Four”—he sped up—“five six seven eight nine ten.”
I screamed as a deafening bang splintered the air, and I felt a bullet whizz past my ear. A loud roar went up, along with hollers and cackles of laughter. I started shaking, pure terror taking over my senses. A sharp pain hit inside my stomach, and my hands flew to my baby.
“Oh my God,” I whispered.
“That baby’s the one reason I missed,” Bandit bellowed. “Though, I should put it out of its misery rather than let it have a disloyal bitch of a mother like you. Walk outta here, bitch! Or you and your spawn are dead.”
Everything began to shake: my hands, knees, arms, even my head. I could hardly see through the tears filling my eyes and streaming down my face. Sobbing, I turned and stumbled toward the road, but my foot caught on something, and with a cry, I fell to the ground.
“Best place for whores is on their knees,” a voice shouted.
Roars of laughter filled the air, but somehow, I hauled up to my feet, cradled my bump in my hands, and without looking back, I ran.
“I love you,” I sobbed. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“Elise!” The shout sounded so far away.
“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you,” I whispered. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you,”
A yell. “Robert! She’s over here,” then a muttered. “Sweet Jesus.”
I kept quietly chanting over and over. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” Warmth hit my skin, but I pushed it away. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Arms banded around my back. “Come on. We need to get you out of here.”
“No!” I shrieked, fighting to get away. “I wanna stay with John.”
“It’s freezing, Elise. I need to get you warm.” Somebody tried to lift me, but I struggled, trying to claw at the ground. “No!” I wailed. “Leave me alone.”
“Stand back, Dad. I’ll get her.” Heat hit my spine. Then I heard a whisper in the shell of my ear. “Think of the baby, sweetheart. Think of her.”
“He took him from me,” I sobbed. “He took Bessie, and he took John.”
I felt myself being pulled away from the rough bark of our tree, and I sobbed harder. “He took him from me. I hate him. I hate Bandit.”
I was lifted into warm arms. “Wrap that blanket around her, Dad. She’s frozen.” My breath hitched, and I screamed, “Get off me!” squirming in his grip. I struggled, every part of me twisting, fighting him like a wild animal. “Get your hands off me!” I shrieked as I felt someone restrain my arms.
“She needs a hospital, Son.”
“I’ve got her. She’s okay.”
I tried to open my eyes so I could beg to stay, but they were swollen shut. “Please leave me here.”
“Get her in the car, Robert.”
“No,” I begged. “Please don’t take me away.”
My stomach was crammed with pain. Everything hurt, head, eyes, skin and bones, my heart and soul. I couldn’t breathe because every time I tried, I felt the ache of my lost love.
My body was jostled as Robert carried me across the icy ground. A car door opened and then slammed shut, and another voice called out, “Is she okay?”
“She will be,” Robert muttered.
I’ll never be okay again. I thought. Not without John.
I was jostled again, and the air around me suddenly heated. I shivered as it seeped into my frozen skin. Then, I was pulled into a firm chest, and just for a second, I allowed myself to imagine it was my ol’ man holding me close.
I thrust my face into his neck and inhaled his goodness, but it smelled wrong. My heart shattered into tiny pieces, and I moaned at the agony enveloping my chest.
A soft rumble came from beneath me as Robert grunted, “I’ve got you, Elise.”
An engine purred to life, and we began to move.
“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you,” I whispered.
Robert softly shushed me. “Go to sleep. I’ll take care of you.”
Oblivion seemed like heaven. I didn’t want to hurt or feel anything more, so I snuggled deeper and fell asleep.
Three Days Later
Voices whispered in hushed tones, and I knew they were talking about me.
My vacant stare remained glued to the scene outside my window. I kept my mouth shut and let them whisper. Who cared what they thought when life without John didn’t seem feasible. The years without him stretched before me, and I knew I couldn’t do it.
After losing Dad, John, and Connie, who would’ve thought losing Bessie would be what finally broke me.
But I loved that damned truck.
It was my last link to John.
Except for my daughter.
My hand slid to my stomach, and a lone tear rolled down my cheek. How would I care for her when I couldn’t breathe? I fought against them sedating me—I knew it may hurt the baby—but they held me down and injected me regardless. When I eventually woke up, I forced myself to be calm because I didn’t want to hurt Constance anymore.
The bed depressed as somebody sat beside me, and a hand took mine. “I’m going to take you away, Elise. We think a change of scene will help, and after what happened with Bandit, I’m worried for your safety.”
“Okay,” I said flatly. I didn’t care. Wherever I was in the world, I’d still ache for John.
“How about the beach?” Robert asked, sliding an arm across my shoulders. “I was thinking California.”
A wave of despair hit me. “Not San Diego,” I implored. “Please, not there.”
“God, no. Jesus.” He laughed. “We’ll go somewhere classier. How about Santa Barbara?”
One shoulder lifted. “Okay.”
“I’ll apply for a special license. We’ll have a small wedding on the beach. Just my parents and your mother.”
Another tear rolled down my cheek.
“We’ll do it for the kids, Elise. I’ll look after you and them.”
I closed my eyes and whispered the one word that forever sealed my fate.
“Okay.”
One Week Later
I looked into blue eyes and sent up one last prayer that John would shout my name.
“If anyone objects to this marriage, speak now, or forever hold your peace.”
I closed my eyes.
Please, God, please, God, please, God, please, God, please, God.
But God wasn’t there. Just silence.
Two minutes later, I squeezed my eyes shut again, imagining golden eyes, a cocky smile, and all the beauty that was my John. Then, from deep down inside my shredded soul, to my ol’ man, I said, “I do.”
And then, finally, I let him go.