Chapter 28 #2
“You’re unbelievable. Don’t you think they deserve to be told?”
“To be honest sweetie, this has nothing to do with your grandparents. The boy isn’t related to them in any way, so I’m not sure it makes a difference to their lives.”
“Scott is my half-brother, Mum, so it makes a difference to me. Christ, you really are the most selfish bit—”
“Watch it, Calla, I’m still your mother.”
“No. You’re the woman who gave birth to me. My actual parents are currently enjoying their retirement in Greece.”
“That’s harsh, are you purposely trying to hurt my feelings?”
My heart is raging out of my chest. I’m just about keeping it together and a lid on the volume of my voice, so perhaps I am subconsciously trying to hurt her.
So why do I feel I have the right to be angry?
She’s lied to me my entire life. I grew up believing my father didn’t love me when the truth is; she betrayed him.
Of course, I’m talking about the guy my mum married. Greg Williams.
I always wondered why she changed back to her maiden name. I presumed the hurt he caused when he left her pregnant and alone, was the reason. Now I see she was the one to cause the pain.
“You know what, Mum? I think I’m done.”
“Done with what? I don’t understand. I was calling you, remember? Then you started bombarding me with all this daddy crap.”
My mother couldn’t be any more heartless. Did it never occur to her, I should know who my real father was? Obviously not, as she continues with what she’s bursting to tell me. “I actually called to let you know I’m getting married again, but as you insist on pissing all over my fireworks—”
“You’re what?”
“Yes, young lady, so you don’t need to worry about who your real daddy might be, I’ve got you a new one.”
I bang the phone against the receiver. I can’t stand to listen for another minute.
Taking a deep breath, I wipe away the tears falling down my face with the back of my hand.
How does she always make me feel so small?
I wish so hard for Ash to call me then. My entire body is yearning to hear his voice; to make this thing better, but I can’t call.
We might have promised to message when we needed the other, but the last time I tried, he sent me a text saying he couldn’t pick up because they were about to be interviewed.
Now I don’t want to chance interrupting him again.
I phone the next best people I know. This whole thing could be a terrible shock to them, or they might already be aware. Still, I have to talk this over with the two people who know my mother better than anyone—my grandparents.
Sometimes late at night, when I’m alone in my bed and unable to sleep, I think about what my life might have been like if my grandparents weren’t in my life.
They have given me nothing but love, security and a happy home.
What would I have done if I’d only had my mother?
I doubt very much I’d be the person I am today.
“Your mum is one of a kind, and I don’t mean in a good way,” Nanna said when I poured my heart out down the line.
Gramps added, “All we can do is apologise for the way she is, my darling. We had no idea Vivienne was having an affair, but I have to confess, it explains why Greg didn’t hang around.
It must have devastated the poor bloke when he found out what his new wife was up to.
And they were so young.” His voice wandered off in thought before he asked, “And how do you feel? I remember Scott Knox very well. He wasn’t a pleasant boy.
In fact, I’m sure I had to speak to the school a few times about him. He was a nasty one.”
“Actually, it affected Scott badly. His dad told him during his last year of school, which was part of the problem. I think he hated me because of the way it affected his family.”
“And what about your biological father? Did you ever meet him? You know, when you and Scott were actually friends.”
“If he actually was my father, who knows. But no, I didn’t meet him, but I saw him around. Honestly, I’m almost numb about the father part of it. I’ve been so consumed with getting to know Scott because he’s with me so often. We work together now.”
“At the café? How do you cope? Isn’t it too much?” Nanna asked.
“No, it’s not. I mean, it was awkward as hell at first, but we’re actually becoming friends. It’s a slow process, but he isn’t the boy I remember from school.”
“Then we should be happy for you. Gaining family is a good thing, and it sounds as if you’re trying to make it work. I just wish we were there going through this with you. I don’t like you being alone.”
“It’s going well and I’m not alone. Not really,” I told them. “I have Scott now and Angie hasn’t gone back to uni yet.”
I didn’t mention Ash, I didn’t see any point, despite him consuming the last few months of my life. If they knew how much I was hurting inside for not being with him, they would worry more.
We argued a little about them coming home to look after me.
I persuaded them not to; explaining there were only a few days left before I returned to university.
I said goodbye to them, feeling all the lighter for talking it over.
They listen to me and it feels good to be heard.
I wish I had called them sooner. Now all I wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and hibernate until the day Ash walks back into my life, or at least my hallway.
We’ve grabbed the odd phone call here and there since he’s been away, but the longest conversation we’ve had to date was the day he arrived in New York.
His whispers told me he had people around him, which was reflected in the amount of time we spoke.
It was short, but I’m always grateful for any time we have.
Ash’s voice is the only sound that can soothe the ache in my chest.
Most days, I try to keep myself busy, but in the free moments I have, my thoughts turn back to Ash.
This is the first time anyone has left a mark on me, I’ve told no one I love them before.
In my down moments, I wonder if he misses me like I miss him.
Does he think about me often and does he cry himself to sleep as I do? I doubt it.
Thank God Angie and Scott are here to distract me; otherwise, I could drive myself mad. I get a feeling they’ve made some kind of pact to keep me going because I’m never alone although I’ve never felt loneliness like this before.