21. Ryan
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Ryan
I couldn’t stop thinking about Lila.
Every damn minute, she was on my mind.
It wasn’t just the way she looked or how her smile lit up a room, although, yeah, those things hit me harder than I liked to admit.
It was the way she made me feel .
Like I could be whole.
But I wasn’t the only one tangled up in this mess.
Colt was just as on edge, his usual charm cracking around the edges, pounding the punching bag way too hard, as Jaxon lifted far too much weight.
The gym didn’t seem to be burning off as much energy as usual.
“So, Colt,” Jaxon said, his tone grim, “how was your date with Lila?”
The weights hit the rack with a loud clank as Jaxon sat up, wiping the sweat from his brow. I froze mid-lunge, my stomach twisting at the question.
He shrugged, but I caught the flicker of something in his expression.
Guilt .
“It was good,” Colt said, his voice nonchalant, but there was a hint of defiance in his tone.
Jaxon’s jaw tightened. “Good? That’s it? Because the way you’ve been walking around with that smug grin tells me it was a hell of a lot more than just ‘good.’”
I stepped back from the bag, my heart pounding for reasons that had nothing to do with the workout.
“What the hell does that mean?” I demanded, and it came out sharper than I intended.
Colt’s gaze flicked to me, then back to Jaxon. “It means we had a good time, all right? She came back to my place afterward.”
The room went silent, the air heavy with unspoken tension.
My hands curled into fists at my sides, and I saw Jaxon’s jaw clench so hard I thought his teeth might crack.
“You didn’t think to tell us?” Jaxon asked, his voice dangerously low.
Colt straightened, a defensive edge creeping into his posture. “What’s there to tell? We went out, we had fun. She wanted to be there, and so did I.”
“Damn it, Colt,” I growled, stepping forward. “We talked about this. If this thing with her is going to go anywhere, we have to be on the same page. All of us. Or have you forgotten what happened last time?”
Carly.
She was sweet and adventurous, the kind of person who saw the good in everything. Colt met her first, but she and I had a connection, too.
Sharing had seemed like the best way to go about things.
But beneath the surface, cracks had been forming.
The problem wasn’t her… it was us.
Colt had always been impulsive, diving headfirst into things without stopping to think about the consequences. I was the opposite: careful to the point of hesitation. We didn’t talk, and it just got messy.
Just like this was about to get messy.
Colt was being reckless. We didn’t even know what to do about Nate.
It was all just such a mess.
Colt’s eyes darkened, and for a moment, I thought he might lash out. But then his shoulders dropped slightly, and he let out a frustrated sigh.
“I didn’t plan it, okay? It just…happened. She was there, and it felt right.”
“That’s not the point,” Jaxon snapped, his voice rising. “We’re supposed to be a team. Communication, Colt. That’s what keeps this from falling apart.”
I stepped between them, my chest tight with anger and something deeper—something closer to hurt.
“You think this is just about you? That you can do whatever you want and we’ll all just fall in line? That’s not how this works.”
Colt’s eyes flicked to mine, and I saw the frustration warring with regret.
“I didn’t mean to mess things up,” he said quietly.
“Too late for that,” I muttered, turning away.
The gym fell silent again, the tension thick and suffocating.
I grabbed a towel, slinging it over my shoulder as I headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Colt called after me.
“Out,” I said without looking back. “Because I need to figure out how the hell we’re supposed to fix this.”
But deep down, I wasn’t sure if we could.
* * *
The rest of the day felt like I was dragging myself through wet cement.
The tension from the gym clung to me like a second skin, and every interaction with Colt or Jaxon was stilted and forced.
Even when we were working together, the usual camaraderie was gone. It was like the thread that tied us together had frayed to its breaking point.
After our shift, we all ended up in the break room, trying to act like everything was normal while we sucked back coffee like caffeine was a lifeline.
The atmosphere was lighter, sure, but that was only because none of us were saying what we were actually thinking.
Lila .
She was the unspoken elephant in the room, sitting on all of us, making it impossible to breathe.
Chief Anderson, oblivious to the undercurrent, leaned back in his chair and clapped his hands together. “So, fellas, the annual charity fireman’s ball is coming up. You know the drill. We need to make sure we show up and represent.”
The guys murmured their agreement, and I forced myself to nod along with them.
The charity ball was a town tradition, a chance for the department to schmooze with the community and raise money for a good cause. Everyone loved it, especially Chief Anderson.
It usually involved tuxedos, a lot of awkward small talk, and more than a few women trying to cozy up to the firemen.
Typically, it was a lot of fun, but things were… different this year to put it mildly.
Chief’s gaze landed on Nate, a knowing smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I know who I’m bringing. But you, Harper… you got anyone in mind?”
Nate smiled. “Probably my sister.”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut.
I felt Jaxon tense beside me, and I didn’t have to look at Colt to know he was feeling the same way.
This was just going to be another evening where we didn’t know how to act around her.
Another reminder that we hadn’t sorted anything out.
“She enjoyed skiing,” Nate continued with a shrug. “More socializing can’t hurt, right?”
The room seemed to tilt for a second, Nate’s casual words throwing me off balance.
He had no idea how loaded this was for the rest of us—how every glance, every word, every second around Lila had become a tangled web of want and guilt.
Why were we doing this?
Why did we have to get ourselves into such a mess?
There was no way this could end well.
And yet…
Yet I liked the idea of seeing her in a ball gown. Even if she was on Nate’s arm.
What the hell was wrong with me?