Chapter 29 #4
A sudden shift in my heart accompanied the realisation of his absence; it felt like the calm before a storm.
I bit my lip and moved toward his dressing room. He wasn’t there either. Maybe he was in the bathroom. I checked, but he wasn’t there.
Nervously, I blinked and reached for the handle of the library. He must be there. Pushing it open, I stepped inside and looked at the table and the empty chair.
Yet the lamps were lit. I felt dread crawl over my skin as I took more steps inside. As I walked past the shelves, I finally spotted him sitting against a wall in the corner, near a lamp, with a book in his hand.
But he was asleep.
My heart sank further as I looked at him. It pierced my chest to see him sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest and his head tilted back against the wall.
I gulped silently and walked toward him.
Feeling my presence, he opened his eyes and looked at me lazily.
Inhaling deeply, he thinned his brows and palmed his face in frustration.
“Kunwar-sa, aap apne bistar par kyun nahi so rahe?” “Kunwar-sa, why aren’t you sleeping in your bed?” I asked in a slow, polite voice, pouring all the honey I had in my body.
He stood up on his feet, replying, “Tumse matlab,”
“None of your business.”
I clenched my jaw in anger. I couldn’t sleep because of him, and he was throwing fits.
When he tried to walk past me, I grabbed him by his chest and pulled him closer.
His eyes widened in shock as our bodies crashed against each other.
“Hai matlab. Poore gaanv ki upasthiti mein sher banke maang bhari thi aapne humaari. Thodi si ladaai karli to aapke matlab samaapt ho gaye?” “It is my business. You filled the vermilion in my head like a brave heart in front of the entire village. And suddenly, after an argument, it’s none of my business?
” I asked, my voice rising slightly but in a whisper, so as not to wake the whole palace.
He stared into my eyes and held my wrists, trying to push my hands down. I tightened my fists even more and stared back into his eyes.
“You are getting married to Princess Rashmika?” I asked, frowning.
He lowered his gaze to my lips, lifted it back to look intensely into my eyes, and nodded. “Yes, I am,”
My anger rose to another level, and I pulled him even closer.
“Don’t you dare, Kunwar-sa,” I warned.
He gritted his teeth. “Vivaah bhi karenge, suhaagraat bhi manaayenge aur chote-chote pyaare-pyaare bacche ko janm denge,”
“I’ll get married, consummate, and give birth to small, beautiful kids with her,” he muttered, pushing my hands down his chest.
My knuckles whitened with the strength I was pouring.
But he was stronger, and there was no chance I could hold him against his will.
He jerked my hands low and exclaimed, “Hum dono ke madhya ab koi sambandh nahi, aur na kabhi hoga,”
“There is nothing between us, and there won’t be anything ever.”
Hearing him, I gulped and fought back my tears. He walked away, and I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing his wrist and pushing him against the shelf.
His eyes widened with shock.
“Humaare madhya koi sambandh nahi se taatparya kya hai aapka? Itni saralta se bol denge aap. Kuch din pehle to aap ro rahe the humaare liye. Ab aapka prem lupt ho gaya?” “What do you mean by saying that there is nothing between us? How can you say that with such ease? You were crying for me a few days ago; now your love is over?” I asked, and the shelf shook slightly under his muscular frame.
He gritted his teeth and looked intensely into my eyes.
“Natak kar rahein the. Tumhe pata to chal hi gaya tha. Ab ye sab kyun kar rahi ho?”
“I was acting. You figured it out, didn’t you? Now, why are you behaving like this?” he asked in a low but frustrated voice.
I couldn’t help but raise my voice. “Aapko samajh nahi aa raha hum ye sab kyu kar rahein hain? Humein nahi acchi lagti Rajkumari Rashmika ya koi bhi, jiske vishay mein aap sochein, baat karein ya chinta karein,”
“You are not getting why I am doing all of this? I don’t like Princess Rashmika or anyone you think about or you care about.”
He inhaled sharply and inched forward.
A chill ran down my spine, and I quickly stepped back. My body pressed against the wall, and I looked into his eyes, boring into mine with anger.
“Kyun? Tum hoti kaun ho jiske acche lagne ya na lagne se humein antar padega?”
“Why, who are you, and why would your likeness matter to me?” His words infuriated me even more.
I couldn’t help but exclaim, “Patni hain aapki, aapko antar padna chaahiye”
“I am your wife, and it should matter to you.”
He thinned his brows and inhaled deeply.
“Dekho, humein krodhit na karo,”
“See, do not enrage me.” he said, and I thinned my brows.
“Hum krodhit nahi kar rahein aapko. Aapne humein tang kar rakha hai. Humse seedhe muh baat nahi karte, humein dekhte tak nahi, humaari chinta nahi karte, humein sunte nahi, aur kuch nahi karte. Keval humein aabhaas karaate hain ki hum aapke jeewan me kuch nahin hain,”
“I’m not enraging you. You have spun my whole life. You don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t care about me, and don’t listen to me. You only make me feel I am nonexistent in your life.” I said, and he stepped even closer to me.
“Patni?” “Wife?” he muttered, glaring at me.
“Ah, I see you recall it now. A few days ago, you denied involvement with me and said you didn’t want one.
You know what your problem is? You want me, but reject my past. You seek my love, yet you withhold yours.
And I refuse to comply with your terms. That’s why I have told you before, and I’m repeating it: stay away from me, be happy, and forget about everything,” he intoned, and I inhaled deeply, hearing his words.
He took a step away from me, but I immediately grabbed his chest and pulled him back.
Our lips almost collided with each other. Our breaths united as I asked, “And what about what I want now?”
Our gazes met.
He gulped, shut his eyes briefly, and pushed my hands down.
“Suman, you’re just angry. This is not who you are.
This is just your anger, nothing more. You might want me now, but after two days, you’ll say that you don’t trust me, you don’t feel good with me, and you don’t want to see me, and I shouldn’t have saved you and entered your life,” he retorted, and I bit my lip, shaking my head.
“I was just angry,” I attempted to convey, and he gazed into my eyes.
“And you still are. You don’t understand that I have nothing left in me to give you.
I can’t love you anymore; I can’t hold your pain anymore because I have my own to bear.
Please, don’t make it harder for me. It would never bother you as much as it bothers me.
You’d easily get back to work, forget about me, and be happy. ”
I shook my head. “That’s not true. You know I’m not like that,” I said.
He took a deep breath and mumbled, “I know what is true; clearly, you don’t understand.
I wasn’t the one who entered your room first. You came into my life, into my chamber that night, seeking comfort.
When I asked for it back, you showed that I’m not the man who should seek comfort.
You might have feelings for me, but you don’t grasp that I am inseparable from my past. A manwhore, you called me, and I’m not someone made for you.
Honestly, I don’t want someone in my life who would try to make me feel disgusting about myself.
I’ve spent my entire life running from that feeling, and I don’t want to plunge into that well for the rest of my life.
” His eyes were strained, and his voice turned hoarse.
I swallowed, pushing the lump back down my throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what had happened to me. How would you react if you saw me hugging another man?”
He chuckled, lowering his head for a moment.
“Honestly, I wouldn’t have felt anything.
I trusted you. I knew that if you had feelings for me, even if you didn’t confess, I understood them and tried to prevent you from falling for me.
I always told you I wasn’t the good man you think I am.
I knew you were falling for me. And I fucking trusted you.
I didn’t stop you from meeting another man.
I didn’t stop you from marrying someone else.
Even if I had seen you hugging a man or kissing someone, I would have thought maybe he was just a friend or someone in need.
Or I might have lost it, thinking he was forcing himself on you, because I knew that if I saw those feelings for me in your eyes, you would never betray me.
” His voice rose by the end, making me tremble.
“That’s because I don’t have a past with many men, and you’ve never seen me flirting with anyone. That’s because I’m not that kind of woman,”
“Can you prove it?” he asked me out of nowhere.
I was shocked. “What?” I thinned my brows.
“Yes, can you prove you didn’t meet any men, did not like anyone, look at any, or flirt with any?” he retorted. “I’ve known you for the past few months. How can I know everything about your past and trust what you say?”
My jaw clenched, and my hand rose instinctively, landing a slap on his face.
“How can you say that?” I was seething in anger as I looked into his eyes, turning red with rage.
How could he question my virtue?
“How can you even think like that about me? I told you I did not see anyone, did not meet anyone, did not flirt with anyone, and shared everything about my past; how can you say that?” My voice rose in fury.
He took a step away from me and bit his lip.
His green eyes looked dangerous when he said in a slow voice, “You want me to trust what you say about yourself, but when I tell you I have nothing with Rashmika, that she’s just my friend, you say you don’t believe me.
That hurt you, didn’t it?” he asked, smiling, more like hiding his true expression.