3
She never viewed me as merely an attendee. To her, I was always her best friend, so I could never overstep my boundaries or betray her trust.
However, her Devarsa had to apply the symbolic vermilion to my hair, making it difficult for me to feel at ease.
I wanted to tell her, but it would just complicate everything.
Last year, the rules regarding marriage changed, making it illegal to marry more than one woman unless proper consent is obtained from the first wife.
Ranaji was even stricter about these matters in his household. He had clearly instructed his brothers to have only one marriage. I could never ruin the life of the person who saved mine.
“ ,” suddenly another attendee ’ s voice caught my attention, pulling my gaze from the bedsheet I had been blankly staring at for what felt like an eternity.
"Ji," I responded, and she knitted her brows in confusion.
“ You look pale since you got back,” she said, prompting me to touch my cheek and shake my head instinctively.
“ It ’ s just… I ’ m a bit tired,” I replied.
“ What happened to your wrists?” she asked. I looked at my wrists, noticing the grazed marks.
“ Oh!…I pulled the water out of the well a little too hard,” I lied.
“ Okay, anyway, Ranisa is calling for you,” Reva informed before leaving.
Even though I had only met her at Suryagarh, she felt like a friend; she had been incredibly helpful from the start. We took turns handling responsibilities whenever we felt tired.
I arranged the dupatta over my head and walked out. They were still playing. “ Yes, Nandani,”
“ ,” she looked at me. “ Ask someone to make something for Devarsa.”
I glanced at him as he looked up, then quickly shifted my gaze back to her. “ Of course,” I replied.
He interrupted. “ Bhabhisa, tell her not to cook for me. She cooks terribly,” I took a deep breath in frustration. Nandani chuckled softly. “ No, Devarsa, you ’ ve only had the khichdi she made. She ’ s a splendid cook. But don ’ t worry; she will ask someone else to prepare something,” she replied, glancing at him, tightening my jaw.
“ Then it ’ s fine,” he replied, stretching his arms wide as he spoke. “ Ask them to bring that into my chamber,” looking at Nandani.
“ Okay, Bhabhisa. I should get going. Bhaisa gave me some work,” he said, looking at Nandani and Princess Aishwarya before standing up with a broad smile.
"Namak mirch thik hone chahiye hamare Bhojan me," “ The salt and pepper should be right in my meal,”
I inhaled deeply and nodded. “ Ji, Kunwarsa,” I said, walking away. Their voices faded into the background.
As I stepped into the kitchen, I surveyed the lunch preparations and asked, “ What ’ s on the menu today?” The head cook replied, "Dal Baati Churma, Panchratna Dal, Papad ro Saag, Ker Sangri, Gatte ro Saag."
I inquired further, “ Is it ready? Kunwar Agastya is asking for lunch,” I told the head cook, who nodded in response. Yes, it ’ s almost ready, but we don ’ t have any servers available right now.”
I looked around, noticing everyone was busy with work.
“ It ’ s alright, just take a plate; I ’ ll handle it,” I told him.
I waited until they prepared and handled it, then walked to his chamber. Upon entering, I attempted to call out, "Kunwarsa, I ’ ve brought your lunch. May I come in?" I asked, standing outside his bedroom, but there was no response.
“ Kunwarsa, I brought your lunch,” I called out again. Finally, he replied, “ Come in.” His speech was deliberate as I entered.
He was writing a letter, leaning forward over the table, so I approached him.
He furrowed his brows, gazing at me from tip to toe. "Humse milne ke bahane doondh rahi ho?" “ Are you looking for reasons to meet me?” he asked as I kneeled before the table to set the plate.
"Hum kyu bahane doondenge aapse milke ke?" “ Why would I do that?” I asked in response. Irritated.
"To fir Bhojan tum kyu laayi ho?" “ Then why did you bring the food?” he asked, looking back at the paper.
I sighed, “ Pehli baar laaye hai? Pehle bhi to kitni baar laaye hai na. Fir aaj aap esi baate kyu kar rahe hai?" “ Is this the first time? I ’ ve brought you meals many times before. So, why are you saying such things?” I inquired lowly.
He finally lifted his gaze from the paper to me. I could feel the weight of his gaze. But I didn ’ t dare to look up from the maroon fabric hanging over my chest.
It hit me!
I was still wearing the attire he gave to me. Shit! That ’ s why he was watching me so closely back then and now.
"Paros de? Kunwarsa," “ Shall I serve, Kunwarsa?” I asked, embarrassed.
A long silence followed as I calmed my racing heartbeats down, and he finished writing.
"Thik ho tum?" “ Are you alright?” he asked, and I responded, smiling, "Hume kya hua hai?" “ What happened to me?” I clenched my fists on my knees, waiting for his answer.
But Ranaji ’ s voice startled me. “ You ’ re back, Agastya?”
I stood up and stepped back, looking down as he entered.
“ Bhaisa,” Kunwarsa chirped, getting off the couch. glancing at them from the corner of my eye.
“ Where did you go without telling me?” Ranaji asked, walking to the couch.
“ Nowhere. I was feeling down, so I thought I ’ d take a walk,” he said with a faint smile, sitting beside Ranaji as he patted his shoulder.
“ You shouldn ’ t wander around like that anymore. You ’ re about to become a man with responsibility. After your marriage, you shouldn ’ t roam like a free bird,” Ranaji said.
“ Ji, Bhaisa, by the way, should I ask someone to bring your lunch here too?” he asked, and Ranaji gazed at the food and replied.
“ Oh, yes, I need to talk to you about something as well,”
I left them alone after saying. “ I should get your lunch, Ranaji,”
Reaching the kitchen, I asked the helpers to prepare food for Ranaji. A few attendees lined up with bowls in their hands, and I directed them to follow me.
We all reentered his chamber and watched them talk. I signaled the attendees to place the bowls on the table and asked slowly. “ May I serve you, Ranaji?”
He smiled and replied, “ Yes, please.”
I began while he ordered the other attendees to leave. “ You all can go.” They bowed and left.
“ Do you think they will take any action against it?” Ranaji asked Kunwarsa, and I tried not to pay attention. I was the trusted attendee, so he didn ’ t ask me to leave.
“ They will. And I think they are behind all of this.”
I didn ’ t know why, but everything felt different. I had heard them conversing a thousand times while serving food, but this felt different.
“ So, do you think six months is the minimal time they ’ ll need to lift their swords?” Ranaji asked.
“ We must wait until after the wedding,” Kunwarsa suggested, “ because then, and only then, can we use Meharangarh ’ s army.” I felt uncertain, but I sensed they were discussing the same kingdom where he had secured his alliance.
I finished serving and filled their empty glasses with water, and Kunwarsa said, “ Let ’ s eat, Bhaisa.”
Ranaji nodded and looked at me, asking, “ , has Ranisa eaten lunch yet?”
My heart raced slightly, and I tried to respond. “ Not yet, Ranaji. She just had a plate of raw mangoes. We ’ ll serve her a bit later.”
He turned to Kunwarsa. “ Did you bring her raw mangoes?”
He chuckled, admitting, “ I wouldn ’ t have gone otherwise.”
Ranaji cautioned, “ Limit the mangoes; otherwise, she ’ ll complain about pimples.”
I smiled and nodded. “ Yes, Ranaji.”
They asked me to leave. I returned to the Queen ’ s chamber. The day unfolded routinely. I cared for her, helped her bathe in the evening, and gave her a foot massage before bed.
I felt a profound sense of peace and fulfillment; I wanted nothing more. The love I received from Nandani and the trust and importance that everyone placed in me was enough for me to dedicate my entire life to this kingdom: Suryagarh.
After that incident, life gradually returned to normal, and I resumed my daily chores. The days passed, and thankfully, I did not see Kunwarsa again. I didn ’ t know where he was. Nandani hadn ’ t given me any tasks like delivering lunch to him or supervising the attendees while they cleaned his room. Perhaps he had gone somewhere else.
He had been attending meetings and negotiations since Nandani got pregnant. Meanwhile, Prince Ranvijay, Kunwar Agastya ’ s older brother and Ranaji ’ s younger brother, was in the Kingdom overseeing construction on the outskirts, which is currently at its peak. Kunwarsa would disappear for months and sometimes leave the Kingdom without saying a word.
The last three years have transformed the Kingdom. After returning from a wedding three years ago, he has changed significantly. He may have matured, but the responsibilities have likely affected him.
What was I thinking? And why did I care?
I took a deep breath, gathered my thoughts, and returned to work.
I had spent all my time caring for Nandani. It had been two weeks since I last saw him in Nandani ’ s chamber. My life was getting back on track, but my thoughts wouldn ’ t settle. I had been having terrifying nightmares since that day. Some nights, I woke up drenched in sweat. Just moments away from consuming me and freeing my soul, the flames haunted me deeply.
The only thing that brought me comfort during those nightmares was the memory of his hand resting on my head. I rolled onto my right side beneath the comforter in my room. It was past midnight, and everyone else had already fallen asleep.
Since that day, I have habitually left the lamp lit in my room. A few fellow attendees asked me about it, but I could only say that it helps me stay alert in case Nandani needs me in the middle of the night.
With my eyes closed, I tried to drift off to sleep and push away the thoughts of that day, but it felt impossible. I pulled the comforter over my head, hoping it would protect me. However, as soon as the comforter trapped the heat, flashbacks of the blazing pyre flooded my mind.
I felt my heart slow, my cries grew louder, and people watched me with my hands bound to the wood. I couldn ’ t help but push the comforter away and sit up. It was getting worse.
I immediately looked at my wrists. The marks from the Jutes had faded, yet they had left me with a lasting fear for the rest of my life.
I pressed my palms against my face and tried to remind myself, ‘ This is Suryagarh. You are safe here. No one is going to burn you alive. You are safe, . ’
I inhaled deeply and glanced at the metal jug beside my mattress. Leaning forward, I picked it up, but let out a frustrated sigh when I realized it was empty.
I stood up and walked out of my room towards the kitchen. It was well past midnight, and I couldn ’ t understand why the morning light felt scarier to me than the darkness of the night.
Maybe, in the darkness, I could hide from the light.
Without taking a lamp, I entered the kitchen to fill the jug and noticed a few attendees still awake. “ Why are you awake?” I asked one of them, who was lighting the stove before looking at me.
“ Prince Agastya has returned. He ’ s asking for something to eat,” she informed, and I lowered my gaze for a moment.
“ Oh,” I nodded, looking at her and the other attendees, chopping vegetables, crushing dried chilies, and boiling milk. I gulped as I watched them and placed the jug in the corner, saying, “ Let me…” The attendees glanced at me and frowned.
“ You should get some rest. Ranisa will want you bright and early tomorrow morning,” she said, making me smile and shake my head.
“ I can ’ t sleep,” I insisted, sitting down and grabbing another knife to chop vegetables. After slicing and assisting the attendees with the cooking, I glanced at the bowls filled with four vegetable curries, two sweets, and chapatis and frowned slightly.
“ He doesn ’ t like beans.” I pointed to a bowl, and the attendee turned to me.
“ Oh, I ’ m sorry, I forgot,” she said, lifting the bowl off the plate and looking at me with a confused expression.
“ Onion,” I reminded. She set a bowl of diced raw onions before lifting the plate in her hand. I watched her walk away with the plate.
Taking a deep breath, I immediately stood up to follow her.
“ Listen,” I called.
She glanced back at me, and I nervously swallowed as I looked at the plate. “ You should rest. I ’ ll take it to him,” I offered, extending my hands. She stared at me momentarily before leaving the plate without a word.
I smiled and said, “ You look tired.”
She smiled back and walked away quietly.
My heart raced faster with every step I took toward his chamber at night. The moon shone in the sky, and stars scattered like a blanket. The chilly winds made me shiver before I entered.
Illuminated softly with a few lamps, the chamber glowed, and as I breathed deeply before going forward, I saw the light streaming from his bedroom.
I bit my lower lip as I entered the bedroom and glanced at the couch, expecting to find him sitting there. He wasn ’ t.
I quickly scanned the bedroom, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Feeling anxious, I called out, “ Kunwarsa.” My voice came out slow and slightly shaky, as it was my first time entering his chamber past midnight. It was painfully silent.
I noticed a soldier outside his bedroom, who informed me, “ He ’ s in the resting area.”
I nodded, and he walked away. He must have come to inform me.
As I approached the resting area, I noticed him near a pile of burning wood at the end of the gallery. The surrounding darkness intensified my fear as I moved closer. He was facing away from me, looking out at the open garden. The clattering of metal made my brows furrow in confusion.
Quietly stepping forward, I noticed him sitting with a large bowl of dark powder. His hands were smeared with the gray substance. A heavy iron mortar rested beside him, and his expression appeared serious from this angle. I focused intently on his eyes, observing the powder between his fingers and faintly catching its scent, bringing it closer to his nose.
The confusion was evident; he bit his lower lip as his hand instinctively brushed against the dagger at his side.
My heart raced as I watched him pull the knife from its golden sheath, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead. Holding the knife, he scraped a small amount of powder onto the blade ’ s tip and leaned closer to the fire.
He placed the blade into the flames, and suddenly, a bright spark erupted from the powder. For a moment, the fire transformed into shades of blue and dark orange.
I shivered to death.
But a smile spread across his face as he exhaled.
Suddenly, he looked at me.
Fear washed over me, and I stammered, “ Um, di…dinner.” Lowering my gaze. I took uncertain steps forward, kneeling to place the plate before him.
I could feel his intense gaze on me.
"Soyi nahi ho ab tak?" “ Haven ’ t you slept yet?” he asked dryly, washing his hands in a nearby bowl and pushing aside the items he had used to reach for the plate.
I gulped nervously, lowering my eyes. “ Neend nahi aa rahi thi.” “ I couldn ’ t sleep.” He wiped his hands with a cloth, and my heart skipped a beat when I noticed the small cracks in his fingertips, stained with gray powder that had now turned black.
"Kyu? Ullu ho?" “ Why? Are you an owl?” he spat, catching my attention to his face, making me grit my teeth and take a deep breath.
"Aap bhi to jaagre hain, aap ullu hai?" “ You ’ re awake, too—are you an owl?” I couldn ’ t help but respond.
He brought the plate closer, tearing off a tiny piece of chapati and setting it on the side of the plate.
"Hum to aur bhi bhot kuch karte hain... Tum karogi?" “ I do plenty of other things, too… will you do that as well?” he asked neutrally, his face showing no emotion as he took a bite and then glanced at me.
I lowered my gaze and gently shook my head as I poured water into his glass. The silence lingered as I sat across from him, my hands resting in my lap and my eyes directed downward as he ate quietly. I didn ’ t fully understand why I was here, but it felt comforting to be around him.
"Pareshaan ho?" “ Are you worried?” he asked slowly. I raised my gaze to see him licking his fingers, then nodded.
He slightly nodded and spoke calmly, “ Go to bed…nothing will happen.”
I lowered my gaze, feeling a gentle wave of comfort wash over me with his words. I didn ’ t get up; I couldn ’ t. His soothing presence while he ate silently sent the waves of comfort I hadn ’ t felt in ages.
He didn ’ t ask me to leave again and continued concentrating on finishing his dinner.
I watched him clean his fingers in the bowl, then pull the plate toward me as I stood up with it in my hands. I glanced at him briefly before turning around, but, he called, “ Suno,” “Hey,”
I halted and turned to see him placing small stones into the mortar, his unwavering focus clear.
“ Ji,” I responded slowly. He went on, “ Bhojan mat banaya karo.” “ Don ’ t cook.”
I blinked in silence, yearning to ask, “ Why?”
He lifted his lazy gaze and replied flatly, “ Dar jaogi,” “ You will get scared.”
I gulped at his words and lowered my gaze. "Jinke sir par saye nahi hua karte vo dar se darke nahi reh sakte, kunwarsa,” “ Those who don ’ t have shadows over their head can ’ t afford to be scared of fear, Kunwarsa,” I said, watching him take a deep breath and nod as he stood up.
He was tall and well-built, and his dark-dusted outfit suited him perfectly. Approaching slowly and silently, he stopped two feet from me.
He swallowed quietly and gently touched my head over my dupatta , caressing it slowly while whispering, “ Kuch nahi hoga… hum hai,” “ Nothing will happen… I ’ m here.” His words suddenly felt heavy in my heart. I blinked and stepped back from him, and tears filled my eyes.
“ Good night, Kunwarsa,” I wished, and he nodded before returning to work. After returning the plates to the kitchen, I fell asleep in my room.
He was in the Kingdom now, and I could peacefully fall asleep.
The next few days were similar, but unlike during his absence, we had several encounters since he was in the kingdom. Sometimes, we bumped into each other in Nandani and Ranaji ’ s chamber; other times, we took leisurely strolls. As always, we pretended not to recognize each other outside our roles as prince and servant.
A week later, after cleaning her bedroom on an ordinary day, I returned to Nandani ’ s resting area. Soft peals of laughter came from the garden side.
Curious, I walked over and noticed them chatting and laughing. Leaning against a pile of pillows, Nandani gently caressed her swollen belly while talking with Princess Aishwarya, Prince Ranvijay, and Kunwarsa.
As I stepped closer, I saw him lying on his back, his head perched on Prince Ranvijay ’ s lap.
“ And, Bhabhisa, do you remember when we tried to sneak out of the kingdom?” Kunwarsa said, and laughter erupted. Prince Ranvijay joined in, too.
“ What is this? When did that happen?” Princess Aishwarya asked as I smiled, watching them laugh attentively at him while he spoke. “ Choti Bhabhisa, Bhabhisa was planning to go outside the Kingdom. She was sure that Bhaisa wouldn ’ t let her, so she came to me, and we made a deal to sneak out of the Kingdom,” he chuckled softly.
“ And did you do what he asked in return, Aishwarya?” Nandani asked, looking at Princess Aishwarya, who replied with amusement, “ What? What did he ask for in return?”
Nandani spoke with animated gestures, her eyes sparkling with joy. “ He asked me to make someone jealous in return,”
Princess Aishwarya ’ s eyes widened. “ You mean a girl?”
Nandani nodded and laughed. He playfully palmed his face and shook his head. “ Noooo, no, no, that wasn ’ t real, Bhabhisa.”
A smile spread across my lips.
“ Devarsa, you ’ re quite a different man. I mean, how many girls?” Princess Aishwarya teased, and he just laughed.
“ Ayyeee, don ’ t mess with him like that, Aishwarya,” Prince Ranvijay said, and they all laughed again.
“ Does Ranaji know about all this?” Princess Aishwarya asked, glancing at Nandani and Prince Ranvijay while Nandani shook her head.
“ It ’ s nothing serious,” Prince Ranvijay said. “ He just jokes around,” Nandani added. “ He ’ s full of secrets, Aishwarya.”
They chuckled softly, and he laughed, glancing up at Princess Aishwarya.
A shiver ran through me when he gazed at me standing there. My smile shrunk, and I lowered my gaze.
“ Nothing was serious, Bhabhisa. “ His voice was now serious, and laughter was long gone. “ I was just trying to see how popular I was with girls.”
"," I suddenly heard Nandani's voice and looked in her direction.
His gaze was watching me, piercing me to my bones.
“ Hnn?” I walked closer to her as Princess Aishwarya asked, “ Alright, so what ’ s your biggest secret, Devarsa?” She inquired. He looked at her before looking back at me.
“ I already have a wife,” he chuckled at the end, and everyone laughed.
I sat frozen, goosebumps crawling over my skin and a knot tightening in my stomach. Glancing at Nandani, who was laughing and looking at me, I quickly forced a smile as best as I could.
"Hahahahaaaa, , can you ask someone to warm up the water?” Nandani asked, and I nodded. "Yes,"
I looked at Prince Ranvijay, gently patting his cheek. “ Don ’ t say things like that. You ’ re getting married in five months. Be loyal to your future wife.”
He chuckled softly and nodded. “ I am, Bhaisa, I really am.”
“ Awwww, he loves her so much already,” Nandani commented. I stood up and heard him say.
“ Let the talks of love gather dust on the shelves, Bhabhisa,” his smile weakened.
I looked at him again, momentarily lifting my gaze to meet his eyes. He looked at me.
“ Why is that?” Princess Aishwarya asked, and he lowered his gaze.
"Vo hamara pyaar jhel nahi paegi Bhabhisa," “ She wouldn ’ t be able to handle my love, Bhabhisa.” He said.
Then, Prince Ranvijay inquired, “ Why not? You ’ ll need to give her a chance.”
He shook his head and smiled. “ I ’ m done giving chances, Bhaisa,” he said.
“ You know that.” Princess Aishwarya ran her fingers through his hair and replied, “ She will make you fall in love with her. I ’ m sure of it.”
He smiled, glanced at her, took a deep breath, and, before glancing at me, replied, “ I ’ m loyal, Bhabhisa.”
Everyone appeared confused. I quickly lowered my gaze and turned to walk away from there.
Was he talking about me?
“ By the way, when are you leaving for Mehrangarh?” I suddenly heard Nandani ask, and I turned to look at him.
What? Was he leaving? Again.
Why?
He replied, “ This evening.” She then asked, “ Should I have someone pack some food for the trip?”
He answered, “ Yes,” and Nandani called out again. “ ,”
I looked at her, and she smiled at me. “ Can you pack something for Devarsa?”
I nodded silently. He blurted out, “ Only fruits, Bhabhisa, nothing else.”
I looked at him, and Nandani reiterated, “ Only fruits.”
I nodded, walking away from there.