12. Chapter Twelve – Lily
Lily
“You wanted to talk,” I remind Adam as we walk out of the building. Like magnets, our hands found each other, now that the rain has stopped and we don’t need to cling onto our umbrellas for dear life.
I’ve been fearing this conversation. As much as I’ve tried, I just couldn’t manage to make up my mind. I want him. I know that much. But I love my career and I’m so fucking scared of destroying it, hoping by just ignoring it, all of this would go away.
But then I saw him waiting in the hotel lobby with an iced coffee for me in his hand and I just knew that wasn’t going to happen and now, with his hand automatically having found mine, I’m even more sure that this isn’t going away anytime soon.
"Right," he says with a nod, looking around the place. "I did. And we do. Let's find a quiet spot. "
Subconsciously, we fall into step with each other, walking toward the general direction of the station and looking around for a dry place to sit.
"There," he suddenly says, pointing to our right, a grin slowly spreading on his face. "We should go there."
I gulp when I follow his gaze and my eyes find the giant Ferris wheel in the distance.
A few orange sun rays break through the clouds, which is going to get us an amazing view of the skyline. But this thing looks really damn high.
"Okay," I tell him, swallowing down my anxiety. Breathe, Lily, it’s going to be fun!
I’m okay with heights if I have sturdy ground under my feet. A skyscraper, even planes are mostly fine, unless they get caught in turbulence and make walking an adventure in itself.
But a Ferris wheel?
I’m way too paranoid about getting stuck at the top and having to be rescued with a helicopter and or a flimsy fireman's ladder. Climbing to my rescue at such a height just doesn’t seem very appealing to me.
Then again, at least I’d get to see some hot firemen, so I’ll just push down my anxiety and get on there.
It's going to be fine. There’s no way it’s going to get stuck. At a random fair back home, maybe. But I can’t imagine a malfunctioning Ferris wheel here in Japan .
Adam pulls my arm and walks us over to the ticket counter, where he pays for our tickets, shooting me triumphant grin before I can even take out my wallet.
I roll my eyes and let him have his moment. He seemed a bit peeved when he discovered I’d gotten him the museum ticket, so he can have his macho man moment, paying for the Ferris wheel ticket. It’s alright.
He needs to calm down about it, though.
I've worked hard to be where I am, and I'm very capable of paying for things I want, or even dates, myself. Not that I'm complaining if he's covering the Ferris wheel in exchange for the museum, I’m super uncomfortable with people doing me favors or paying for me.
To a degree where it took months before I was finally comfortable delegating tasks to Felix.
I always used to feel like a pretentious prick about making him do my work until one day he sat me down and told me in no uncertain terms to get over it.
That was the wake-up call I needed.
We’ve been working amazingly together ever since. But when it comes to dating, I’m still stuck in this mindset.
I’ve learned during my little dating app stint just how many men think that just because they’ve bought you a drink, they are entitled to your time. Or because they’re paying for dinner, it means you will take them home and repay them with a blowjob. Ehw. I’d much rather pay for myself and be on equal footing .
But alas.
When we climb into the Ferris wheel cabin, I’m surprised by how sturdy it actually seems.
It's still wobbly, don’t get me wrong, but I thought it would be more like getting onto a paddle boat, rocking back and forth constantly and making you fear falling into the water. The cabin is huge though and there must be some kind of stabilization technique going on.
Adam chooses to sit beside me instead of opposite me, his thigh touching mine, only the fabric of his jeans and the flimsy fabric of my dress separating our bodies from each other. And I’m hyper aware of it.
"So what are we talking about?" I ask him nervously when the door closes and the cabin starts to move, acting like I have no idea what this is about. My hands fist the fabric of my dress, clutching it between my fingers in an attempt to ground myself.
"I was going to ask you," he says with a low chuckle, turning his head to look at me. "What’s going on in that pretty head of yours? You’ve seemed very stressed the past two days."
I sigh, my whole body sagging in on itself like a deflated balloon.
"I really don’t know what’s going on with me," I admit softly. "I’m sorry for being so standoffish."
"No need to apologize," he assures me and reaches for my hand again. I force myself to relax, but when an abrupt shaking goes through the cabin, my fingers dig into the back of his hand. “But… talk to me. Try to walk me through it.”
We are slowly climbing higher, more and more of the Tokyo bay coming into sight, partly illuminated by individual sun rays breaking through the clouds. It’s a beautiful view.
Such a shame that right now, I can’t enjoy it. I’m way too occupied with willing my beating heart to slow down a bit, because I’m trying sort my thoughts, not get into a cardiac arrest here, all while feeling Adam’s intent gaze on me as he gives me all the time I need.
"I’m confused," I finally admit and take my hand out of his, crossing my arms in front of my chest and digging my fingers into my upper arms. I know it looks defensive – and I very much feel the part. Like I need to physically protect my heart. "Something is happening,” I motion between the two of us with one of my fingers. “And while I’m not entirely opposed to it,” I continue and he chuckles when he realizes that I’m blushing, "I’m just not sure this is going to work out."
My shoulders tense again as I put the ball in his court. I’m not sure what I expect. Maybe him to agree with me, to tell me I’ve made it all up in my head and that I need to stop the creepy behavior.
"Listen, Lily," he says reassuringly, placing his hand on my thigh, his thumb rubbing slow circles just above my knee. I am hyper-aware of his touch, all of my senses tuned in to his warm hand touching my bare skin .
"I don’t kiss every woman I spend a day with, you know?" he says teasingly, the corner of his mouth lifting into a grin, and finally, the muscles in my shoulders relax again. "Let me be perfectly clear: I like you.” My cheeks turn even warmer. "And I would like to see where this goes."
"I would like that too," I mumble softly and release the rigid hold on his hand, taking it in mine instead. "But I’m not sure I can."
His breath hitches and I gulp past the lump forming in my throat.
“I haven’t worked at Siren’s Talent for long yet. And dating a rival? I know you’re friends with Millie and Kayla, but I’m pretty sure there’s something about fraternizing with rival companies in both your and my contract. And I’m not trying to get me or you fired or sued." I take a deep breath, but my heart is still beating into my throat.
"Neither can I," he promises, turning his hand around so his palm faces mine. "And we’re not. Let me talk to Millie and Kayla—"
"Oh, hell no." I shut him down quickly, pulling my lip between my teeth. “You're not talking to my bosses about this. If needed, I’ll do that myself. But Adam, I need to be clear: I’ve worked so hard to be where I am. As much as I want you, I can’t jeopardize that.” I take another deep breath, my voice breaking as I continue. “I can’t risk my career for you.”
The words come over my lips like lava, the way I’m swallowing them feeling like glass in my throat .
"So then what are we going to do?" He cocks his eyebrow and squeezes my hand.
I release a shaky breath.
"Let’s keep it a secret," I say and squeeze his hand back. "We’ll take the few days we have left here to see how it goes. Maybe we can’t stand each other by the end of this week anyway, and all this drama will be for nothing."
That makes him chuckle, and it makes the whole cabin shake.
"So, only here for now?" he asks and cocks his eyebrow at me until I give him the slightest nod.
"Only here. A little trial run."
He hums in his throat and leans his head back against the cabin wall.
"I don’t like it," he finally declares, then moves his whole upper body to face me. “But if the alternative is not having you at all, I’m in.”
He takes his hand off my knee to cup my face, his fingers burying into my hair. As he captures my eyes with his, the distance between us slowly disappearing, I melt against his warm palm, waiting for him to close the distance between our lips.
My hands slides up his side, finding his arm and trailing a path, until I lay my fingers upon his wrist by the side of my face. One last time, his eyes jump to mine before mine flutter closed as his breath feathers over my face.
"Been wanting to do this every time I saw you," he mumbles, and I can’t help the soft sigh that falls from my lips.
"I’ve been wanting you to kiss me again, too," I finally admit, my voice barely louder than a whisper.
And then, finally his soft lips capture mine.
The kiss is heat. It’s summer.
It’s a gentle warmth that spreads in my belly, a ray of light that keeps getting bigger and warmer, until it flicks a switch and lights the two of us on fire.
His hand fists my hair, roughly keeping me in place as he demands entrance to my mouth with his tongue.
My hands find his shoulders and wander into his hair, clutching it between my fingers as our breaths mingle and our tongues dance the hottest dance I’ve ever experienced.
He pulls me closer until I need to climb into his lap and straddle him, and once I’m there, I want to touch him, letting my hands wander over his chest, tugging his hair just because I can, feeling his hard muscles on his shoulders, and clutching onto the fabric of his shirt.
And his hands are everywhere.
They trail firm paths over my hips, grazing my breasts, massaging my thighs, and squeezing my ass. I only break the kiss when they start sneaking under the hem of my dress, trying to sneak too high to keep it PG in public.
He groans when I pull away, an adorable pout on his lips as I capture his wrists to keep his hands where they are on my thighs .
"Not here," I scold him playfully and look around the tiny cabin. I haven’t spotted one, but I wouldn’t be surprised if all of them were equipped with cameras.
"Alright, not here," he agrees quickly, but when I climb off his lap, he immediately puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close to his side. "Oh look, we’re finally at the top," he points out, pointing at the skyline.
His change of demeanor is giving me fucking whiplash, but I can’t help but chuckle, the laughter getting stuck in my throat when I actually follow his gaze.
"Oh God," I say, a hint of pain in my voice as I clutch onto his arm again, noting that this time, he slightly puffs his chest. I’d find it really cute if it weren’t for the height we’re currently at. "This is really damn high."
"It is," he confirms with a chuckle and nod.
Then he captures my chin with his finger and turns my head until I’m looking at him again. Before I can protest, he kisses me again.
This kiss is more languid, savoring me, taking the time to explore my mouth with his and making me forget all about how high we are in the air. It’s like a dessert you can’t get enough of, so you take your sweet time to savor every single bite to the fullest.
"Such a wonderful view," he says once he breaks the kiss. When I open my eyes, I find his firmly fixed on me instead of the view outside .
"God, you’re so charming." I bury my beet-red face behind my hands, but he wastes no time in peeling them off to look at me.
"And I love your reaction to it." He grins and presses his lips against my palm. "So don’t hide it from me."
"I’ll try," I promise, and he nods in understanding.
We’re already on the descent, but when I try to climb off his lap, his hands on my hips keep me firmly in place.
His eyes wander over me, from my kiss-swollen lips to my flushed cheeks, to the cleavage of my dress, and to its hem riding high on my thighs.
"Please tell me you don’t have any plans for after this? Are we returning to the hotel?"
The look he captures my eyes with makes the heat in my cheeks intensify, and I squirm in his lap. When he finally lets me climb back into my seat, I quickly cross my legs, because the way he looks at me like his favorite dessert after going hungry for the day just does things to me.
Good thing I actually didn’t have any other plans for this afternoon.
So I nod.
“Let’s go back.”