14. Sunday #2
I woke up this morning and stretched. Smelling the delicious brunch that he was preparing, I glanced at the clock.
It was a little before eleven, which meant that our food would be ready soon.
I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to shower and dress before it was time to eat.
When I finished, I headed downstairs just as Cedar was plating our meals.
“Good morning,” he called happily over his shoulder.
I was torn in two because I knew what I needed to discuss with him, yet I didn’t want to ruin his mood. Maybe hanging with Chaz was just what he needed yesterday.
“Good morning,” I greeted and took my seat at the breakfast nook.
“You rest well?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t mean to get in so late last night.”
“What time was it?” I asked and snatched a strip of bacon from the plate he set before me.
“A little after eleven.”
“It’s okay.”
He returned with his plate, took my hands, prayed over our meal, and then looked at me expectantly.
“Did you enjoy your shopping excursion yesterday?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you have enough money?”
I giggled. “CJ, you spoil this baby and me. Of course, I had enough. How much did you think that a baby would need? You gave me three bands for him and five for me. We don’t need all that. I’m a simple girl, remember?”
“I just want to make sure that my seed or my woman don’t lack for anything.”
Aspen chose that moment to kick. I rubbed my belly and giggled.
“You good?”
“Yeah. Your little guy’s just agreeing with you is all. He kicked me.”
Aspen walked around the table and rubbed my belly. “Aye, yo. Chill ya li’l ass out. Don’t be kicking my woman too hard in there, Son. Or you’ll have me to deal with when you get out.”
I shook my head. “You’re ridiculous. You know this, right?”
He smirked, kissed my lips, and sat back down. We ate in peace, and I waited until the end before I broached the subject.
“CJ, things have been tense between us lately.”
“I know.”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
His forehead scrunched up, and his eyes darkened as he shoved his plate aside and rested his elbows on the table.
“Wassup?”
“I’ve been thinking that maybe we need to just co-parent Aspen.”
“What the hell are you talking ’bout?”
“I miss the way things were before the relationship, before the complications of kisses, sex, and the baby. I miss my friend. I’m just saying that we don’t have to be in a relationship?—”
“Nah, I know what that technically means. But I’m asking you what the fuck is you trying to say to me, Sunny?”
“Listen and hear me out, please. In the beginning, you were adamant that you didn’t want a relationship.
Despite having feelings for you, I respected that.
But you got into this relationship because of our son, CJ, not because of your feelings for me.
There’s been so much tension lately that I don’t want you to feel obligated to me.
We can still have a beautiful friendship and raise our son together like we planned without being involved. ”
“The fuck is you saying?” he repeated.
“You’re triggered by everything. I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship, Cedar. And that’s okay. I want you to be ready when you are, not because you’re forced to be.”
“All you wanted was for me to give us a shot. Now that I’ve done that, you’re telling me it’s not working? Kinda shit is this?”
“I love you, but I refuse to spend a lifetime trying to make up for what Taylor did.”
He shook his head. “How do you think you’re making up for what she did?”
“You question me about everything and trust me with nothing.”
“If you were more trustworthy, then you wouldn’t have to explain shit, and I wouldn’t be questioning you all the time.
I’m transparent as fuck with you, Sunday.
But you’re the one creeping around hotels, cutting off conversations when I walk into the room, and providing sketchy details on this phantom friend. ”
“She’s not a phantom, she’s real. And that’s all she is. Why can’t you just be cool, and we consider co-parenting? At least for a while until we can figure the rest of this out between us. We can go back to being easy the way we once were. I miss our easy ways.”
“I’m not on this bullshit.”
“CJ, please.”
“Nah, I’m done with this conversation.”
He shoved back from the table so violently that his chair fell over. I flinched and called after him.
“Cedar, please come back.”
I heard the front door slam, and I sat for a few moments longer until I heard his truck revving up. Not long after, I heard his tires screeching as he drove away. Tears poured down my face.
The baby started moving in my belly. I rubbed my stomach. “It’s okay, big guy. Mommy messed up, but I promise you that we’ll get it together before you come. We both love you so much.”
I sobbed and felt my baby kicking as a result. I knew that he could feel my stress. I inhaled and held it for several seconds before releasing it. I repeated it twice before I spoke to my baby again.
“We love each other, too, but we’ve got so much to work through.”
I sniffled, but I couldn’t gather my composure. My next words were to a God I hadn’t prayed to in a long while.
“God, please help me. Why am I so scared to face the truth? Why am I destroying the best thing that’s happened to me in such a long while?” I sobbed.
Complete silence greeted me in the quiet townhome.