Chapter 19
WAYNE
Days are easier to spend around the ranch when Katie is here. Not just because it gives me an excuse to be out in the stables or the fields instead of the office, but because being with her is a great excuse to avoid my dad, his new wife, and my sister.
We’ve reached a sort of tenuous truce, but all it takes is one sideways look to light the fuse all over again. We’re all pretty fed up with that.
The last thing anybody needs is for me to bring up a baby out of wedlock. Not only would it put Katie in an unwelcome hot seat, but I can just picture what my dad and sister will have to say about it. They’re just looking for an excuse to pick open old wounds.
Especially since I’ve been hanging around here far longer than anybody expected. Myself included.
Most days in the office I’m playing catch up on Al’s clerical work. He’s still not up to snuff, and I’m happy to take things off his plate. The guy needs room to recover, and there’s not much time for that kind of thing around here.
But today I can’t seem to make myself focus. Filing invoices and receipts isn’t the most stimulating activity when all my brain wants to do is wander off to find Katie.
When I first got here, it was easy to get distracted by the sexy thoughts, but now that her pregnancy is in full swing I’ve got other things to contend with. The future is coming up fast, and if I don’t get ahead of things I’m gonna be left in the dust.
Clicking through to my email, my inbox is pretty full. Lots of responses to applications or work queries, which ought to make me feel pretty good.
I would, if every subject line didn’t have some version of, “We regret to inform you…”
Every tire I’ve kicked turns out to have a hole in it.
It was all fun and games a couple of months ago when I was dropping lines to buddies to see if I could get any traction, but things are getting serious. I’m at the point of sending resumes and letters of introduction to friends-of-friends and even outright strangers. So far, no luck.
For the longest time I was confident that my resume could speak for itself, but now I have to own up to some hard facts. Because it seems like there’s one major problem with my CV.
It’s got my name on it.
Turns out I burned my bridge while I was standing on it. Now I’m in the middle of the river and nobody’s sending a boat to get me to shore.
“Hey!” The voice almost has me come out of my chair, and I scramble like hell to try and get to the accounting books to cover my failed job hunt.
Mary leans against the door frame watching me with her arms crossed.
When I realize I have no idea how long she’s been standing there, my cheeks flush pink.
“Hey.” I set the log book aside, positive the charade of working on the ranch accounts only makes me look more guilty.
“What’s up?” Her face is blank, the question intentionally vague. She could be asking about anything. From ranch business, to things with Katie. Smart money says she’s really interested in all of it.
“Nothing. I’m just…” Looking at the screen again, I can’t hide how defeated I am to have no prospects. “I was checking up on some emails I sent about lining up some new professional projects.”
“Huh.” She nods slowly. “Sounds like a fancy way of saying you’ve been applying for jobs.”
The truth comes like a kick in the ribs.
“Yeah,” I admit, defeated. My dad’s new wife is the last person I thought I’d ever confide in, but she’s the only one asking when I’m too bruised to make something up.
“By the look on your face, I’d say you’re coming up empty handed.”
“You could say that.”
“I wondered,” she says frankly. “None of us knew exactly what was going on with your job back in town, but I had a hunch there wasn’t a job left for you to go back to.”
“What gave me away,” I ask, cringing because I’m not sure I want to know the answer.
“At first? Bluster. But now it’s been, what?” She checks her bare wrist like she’s looking at a watch. “Three months? More? And you don’t seem in any hurry to get back to the office.”
I put on my most charming smile and snap my fingers at her.
“You’re pretty sharp, you know that?” Keeping it light feels like it ought to work, but it comes off sounding hollow.
“I have my moments.” Quiet falls over us for a second, and she doesn’t look away from my face. Maybe it’s because she’s married to my dad, but despite our ages being pretty close, she has the air of someone a hell of a lot wiser than me. Which maybe wouldn’t be all that hard, considering.
“Wayne, do you mind if I say something,” she says, breaking the silence.
“Would it matter if I did?” That gets a smile, but only half of one.
“Avoiding your problems won’t make them go away.” It stings, but it might just be the medicine I need.
“I hear you. But work just isn’t coming.”
“I’m not just talking about work.”
Shit. I may have been dreading someone taking me to task over losing my job, but what’s coming up next is even worse.
“I know you don’t need me to tell you this,” she begins. “But there’s nothing easy about having a baby. Nothing.”
So she knows.
I shouldn’t be surprised. Mary’s got a sense for this sort of thing. Also, my poker face is shit. I squirm so much in my chair there’s no hiding how culpable I am in the whole thing. Mary leans closer, making sure she’s got me dead in her sights.
“With everything else she’s got going on right now, Katie needs someone she can depend on. Now more than ever.”
Somehow hearing it out in the open is the best and worst at the same time. I slump back in my chair, numb to the tips of my fingers.
“Yeah. I know.” Which is true. I absolutely understand what Katie needs, so why is it so complicated to actually stand up and do the right thing? It’s not as if I’m intentionally half-assing it, but somehow that’s exactly what I wind up doing.
Maybe it’s because I don’t know what kind of father I’ll be. God knows the template my dad and I laid out isn’t the best one to follow. Not that I can say that to the woman staring me down.
“She’s gonna need help,” Mary says when I don’t cough up an immediate answer.
“I’m trying,” I protest. “Look, I even offered to help her out with this lawsuit. More than once. From what I’ve seen I should be able to beat the pants off these stuffed shirt guys David whoever has hired, but Katie keeps refusing my help.
She wants to figure it out on her own. I can’t tell you how frustrating that is—”
“I’m not talking about the lawsuit.” She eyes me steadily. “And neither are you. Not really. Besides, judging from how much you’re spinning your wheels around here, who can blame her for turning you down? What kind of hot shot big city lawyer has trouble getting picked up by a new firm?”
“Boy.” I snort out a laugh and shift in my chair, wounded by her directness. “I guess the truth hurts, huh?”
“Does it? Because I’m not sure you’re letting it sink very deep.” Goddamn, this woman isn’t pulling a single punch. Maybe she was in advertising, but she’d be hell on some poor bastard on the witness stand.
“Look,” I say, putting up my hands. “I get it. And you need to know I’m seriously thinking about everything. I really am. Even if it may not look like it. But I’ve got to admit, life is coming at me pretty fast right now. It’s not easy.”
“Nothing worth doing is ever easy. Look at your father and I.” It’s the first time she’s referenced their marriage outright, and I prick up my ears.
“You think that was easy? With your sister hanging around?” She snickers wearily and runs her fingers through her hair.
“The age difference would be enough on its own, without all the family drama.”
Mary might not be looking at me, but it’s clear that I’m squarely implicated.
“I hear you.”
She looks at me hard, but doesn’t counter me in words, so that’s something. Take the victories where you can find them.
“Wayne, I guess what I’m saying is this.
” Reaching out, she dusts her fingertips over the mounds of paperwork jumbled up in Al’s absence.
“Work is work, and the world goes on spinning whether we’re ready to catch up or not.
But women like Katie?” She arches a brow, a knowing glimmer in the corner of her eye. “They don’t wait around. Baby or not.”
Tapping her hand twice on the door frame, Mary saunters off to leave me with my thoughts. There’s a lot swirling around in my head, and it’s well past time to get it straightened out.