Chapter 17
BEAU
Lea’s sister was something else.
As soon as I was finished with work for the day, she’d dragged me out of the apartment to an arcade a few blocks over.
I didn’t even know arcades still existed.
I’d never been to one before, and her excitement was contagious.
Plus, she didn’t even give me the opportunity to say no to her, not with the way she begged and begged and begged—even though I wasn’t saying no, she just didn’t give me a chance to reply before the begging started.
She certainly had a flair for the dramatic.
Maybe she was an actress?
“Are you an actress?” I asked her as she jumped and stomped to the steps that the dance game displayed on the screen. She had a never-ending well of energy.
Judy laughed—theatrically—and fluttered her hands like she was fanning herself.
“Oh, no, you sweet boy. But I don’t blame you for thinking so.
In fact, I’m flattered.” She hit every step and jumped exuberantly on the last one, throwing her arms over her head in a triumphant pose as New High Score! flashed across the screen. “Hell yes!”
Judy stepped down, grinning, then nodded to the object I was clutching in my hand. “Is that all you wanted? I won over a thousand tickets, we could probably buy out the whole arcade.”
“Um, yeah. Just this is good. It’s for Lea,” I added, looking down at the octopus candleholder. What a random prize to have at an arcade. But I couldn’t not get it, and I was nervous to give it to Lea. Wasn’t sure if he would even like it, or like the fact that I’d gotten him a gift at all.
“He’ll love it,” she said. Her phone started ringing, and she pulled it out of her large twine satchel bag and answered it. “You’ve missed the best evening yet, brother dear.” Her eyes cut to mine and her lips curved in a slow smile.
It reminded me of Lea’s smile.
“Oh yes, he’s right here. Mmhmm.” Judy laughed.
“Well I suppose you’ll have to ask him yourself, now, won’t you?
Yes, yes.” She rolled her eyes. “Ugh. Fine.” She pulled the phone away from her face and hung up.
“I’m not sure why he’d call me and not you if he didn’t even care about talking to me.
He just wanted to know where you were. I swear, it’s like I don’t exist,” she pouted.
Oh crap. Lea and I had never even exchanged phone numbers. “Oh—ha.” I pulled out my phone and pretended to be surprised. “Oh no, four missed calls. I forgot I left it on silent.”
Judy squinted at me. “Hm. Well, I suppose we better hurry back before he has an aneurysm. Although I can’t say I’m sorry for stealing you. You’re refreshing, Beau. So…unassuming.” She patted my cheek and smiled, then flounced out of the arcade.
Unassuming? Was that a compliment?
I was anxious about seeing Lea again. I had no idea what last night had meant to him, but I knew what it meant to me.
Everything. It meant everything. His acceptance, his passion, the way he’d…god, the way he’d touched me. I’d never known anything could feel that good, and I wanted to do it again. And again. And again. Forever.
Lea was so easy to be around. I’d always thought my first time doing something like that would be awkward and uncomfortable, that I wouldn’t be able to get out of my own head enough to enjoy it.
But Lea had known what to say and do to keep me in the moment, to bring me to the most incredible orgasm of my entire life.
I really hoped he wanted to do that again. Maybe he would let me…reciprocate.
Just the thought had me practically vibrating out of my skin.
My crush on him had multiplied into something I didn’t even have a name for.
Utter infatuation? All I knew was that Lea was unlike anyone I’d ever met before and I really, really liked the way he made me feel.
Who he was. His confidence in himself was irresistible, and on top of that, he was kind.
He cared. I just wasn’t sure if he cared about me in the same way I was starting to care about him.
And I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I let myself fall in love with him. I didn’t think he’d ever feel the same way about me.
By the time we got back to the apartment, the sun had set and my nerves had risen exponentially.
Lea was sitting on the couch when we walked in, but jumped up as soon as he saw us.
My heart pounded with excitement at just seeing him again.
I could feel my cheeks heating as some kind of anticipatory buzz hummed through my veins.
Would he kiss me again? God, I wanted him to kiss me. To feel his lips against mine.
“What the hell Judy, you can’t just force him to go places with you.
” Lea glared at his sister as he moved toward me.
“I swear to god, every gray hair I’ve ever gotten is because of you.
It’s a travesty.” Lea came to a stop before me, his eyes roaming all over my face.
“Hey. I’m so sorry she made you do that. ”
I shifted on my feet, the weight of the octopus candleholder in my left hand feeling ridiculous. “It’s—it’s fine, I had fun,” I told him, staring into his cobalt eyes. “I’ve never been to an arcade before.”
He raised one of those wickedly arched brows. “Never? That was your first time?”
I could feel heat creep across my face because now I was thinking about last night, and I wondered if he said that just so I would think about last night. Was that a good sign? Did he want to do it again, too?
“Uh, never. Yeah.” My flush deepened as I brought the present up between us, and his eyes flicked down.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a present. I won it. F-for you,” I said, my voice shaking. When his brows drew together in confusion—or displeasure, I wasn’t sure what he was feeling—embarrassment flooded me.
What a stupid, stupid idea, getting him a gift—like we were actually dating. I started to let my hand drop and said, “But you don’t have to take it, I—”
Lea snatched the candleholder out of my fingers so fast I rocked back on my heels. “I fucking love octopi!”
“Octopodes!” Judy shouted from the couch, where she’d taken up residence.
“I thought it was octopuses,” I said, distracted by the sheer delight on Lea’s face. It vaporized all my embarrassment and replaced it with a glowing warmth, a satisfied pleasure that I’d been the cause of that. I’d made him that happy.
“Oh you beautiful bastard, Beau! Thank you,” he said breathily, smacking a hard kiss onto my cheek.
My toes curled as I brought my fingers up to touch the spot he’d kissed.
“I’ll put this right over there on the table. I think I might even have some candles somewhere. This is so perfect!”
I let that glowing warmth suffuse every part of me as I watched Lea replace the vase of flowers with the candle holder as the table centerpiece, adjusting it a million different times until it was situated to his liking.
“There,” he said. “Lovely. Thank you, doll.” The smile he gave me from across the room stopped my heart as effectively as an arrow.
But then his smile began to fade, and he cleared his throat as he walked back over to me.
“Hey, let’s go in my—in the bedroom,” he said, serious now.
My stomach sank. “I need to talk to you about something.”
Just when I’d started to feel so good—so sure—about things, I was plummeted right back into a frantic state of uncertainty. “Yeah, o-of course,” I said, following him when he started down the hall.
The knot that had suddenly formed in my chest began twisting tighter and tighter, and by the time Lea had closed—and locked—the door, I was a tangled bundle of raw nerves.
Lea pulled out his desk chair and gestured toward the bed.
“Why don’t you sit? This won’t take very long, I just wanted to…
” he trailed off as I sat on the edge of the bed, my fingers twisting together.
I shoved my hands under my thighs to hide the nervous action.
“I just wanted to talk about last night.”
When he didn’t elaborate, I cleared my throat and asked, “What—what about last night?”
Lea was looking anywhere but me, and that was the worst sign. Dread and disappointment were weaving together in my stomach, a snarled mass of sadness that made me nauseous.
With a long sigh, Lea said, “I made a mistake, Beau.”
Ice displaced every ounce of warmth inside of me, spreading and hardening at a rapid pace.
Lea was oblivious to what his words did as he went on. “I shouldn’t have—you were in a vulnerable place, and I took advantage of that, and I’m really sorry. But even more, I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to—to do something like that again.”
He slid to the edge of his chair and his voice was vehement when he said, “But Beau, I want you to know that I’m really, really proud of you for coming out to me last night.
And I’m humbled that you felt safe enough with me to do that.
It was brave and incredible and you should be proud of yourself, okay?
I hope you are. You can talk to me about that kind of stuff anytime, my door is always open in that regard.
I just think—I think you were feeling a lot of things, that we both got caught up in it, and that’s okay, it’s not like we did anything wrong, but it can’t happen again.
Do you understand what I’m trying to say? ”
A wave of humiliation pummeled me over and over again.
I was sick to my stomach and I knew I was about to cry.
That was the last thing I wanted to do right now.
How pathetic would it be if I just started bawling because he was rejecting me?
He had every right to say and feel these things—in fact, I shouldn’t be upset at all.
He’d given me an experience I would never, ever forget, and I should have expected things would end this way.
But…but what if he knew how I felt about him? No, that wouldn’t change a thing, would it? Because even though I didn’t think, for one second, that what we did had been a mistake, Lea did think that. And he never wanted to do it again.