19. Chapter 19
Ludiin
T arymn wasn’t home.
That much Hym had told him. Ludiin gave the alpha’s bedroom door an evil look as he slipped into his room.
A shaky breath rippled through him as he tried his best not to think about what happened in that washroom and focused on getting ready for bed.
But his mind was bent on making him relive every moment, hear every gasp, shiver at the slightest touch of his fingers as he put on his sleeping clothes.
Fucking hell , Ludiin mumbled to himself, hating that he was feeling everything again. Damn, Luci for taking the tea away from him. Without it, there was no shield, and now every thought of Tarymn hit too deep. Ludiin couldn’t help but want him. Again. Even though he rejected him. Again.
“Stupid,” he whispered to himself as he crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling.
But the ceiling offered no comfort. He lay there for hours, his body thrumming with restless energy, his mind circling endlessly, dissecting every touch, every kiss, every moment until all that was left was fire beneath his skin.
“Go to sleep, please,” Ludiin begged, turning to his front. He gasped as his very hard cock brushed against the mattress. Heat licked down his spine, slow and unrelenting, like it had a mouth and a purpose. Turning him inside out.
Fuck.
Ludiin dragged in a labored breath. Without thinking he shoved to his feet and attacked his clothes.
Was it supposed to feel like this? Like was coming out of his skin. Every breath felt too shallow. He felt like he was going to lose his mind if he didn’t do something.
Naked, Ludiin dropped onto the bed, his thighs sliding open as he reached for his dripping hole. His cock dripped precum on his stomach, making a mess.
“Fuck,” he cursed. Stunned. Overwhelmed by his own reaction.
He bit into his bottom lip to keep from moaning as he rubbed his fingers over the tight ring of muscles.
Tarymn kissed me here, he thought, the memory rippling through him like a current he couldn’t shake.
His fingers brushed over his hole in soft, slow, deliberate strokes, mimicking the way Tarymn’s tongue had licked him, devoured him right before he rammed it deep inside him.
Ludiin shoved two fingers inside him. And then—
Ludiin clutched the pillow to his face and screamed as cum shot out of his cock in an explosive stream that hit his chest. Overwhelming pleasure flooded his veins, leaving him breathless, trembling.
Shit. This was terrible. He was right back where he started. Maybe he could convince Luci to give him the tea again. He couldn’t take this. Not again. Ludiin blinked hard, fighting the sting of tears that blurred his vision.
Tomorrow.
He would talk to Luci tomorrow. Maybe if he told him everything—every humiliating detail of what happened in that washroom with Tarymn—then maybe Luci would understand.
He squeezed his eyes shut, but sleep refused him. His body remained restless, knotted with tension, until the faint sound of footsteps reached his ears at dawn.
Tarymn.
The knowledge sent a shiver down his spine. His body went rigid, every nerve suddenly awake, hyperaware of the alpha’s presence even though a wall separated them. His heart pounded like a drum in his chest as his gaze drifted to the door.
It was ridiculous. He knew Tarymn wasn’t going to walk in. And yet, gods, he wanted him to. He longed for it. Craved it.
You’re so stupid , Ludiin scolded himself as he turned away from the door, curling into himself as if that would silence the aching need still gnawing at him.
***
“Ludiin!”
Luci’s voice shattered the fragile sleep he’d barely managed to slip into, dragging him awake.
Ludiin muttered a curse under his breath, yanking the covers over his head. The mattress dipped with Luci’s weight as he sat down.
“Are you awake?”
Ludiin silently groaned. “No.”
“You wouldn’t be talking to me if you were asleep.”
“What do you want, Luci?” he snapped, voice muffled by the blanket.
“Don’t be mad okay,” Luci said.
“What have you done this time?” he asked, dread curling in his stomach.
‘“Ford is coming over.”
“What?” Ludiin threw the covers off him. He blinked at his brother in disbelief. “You invited him over? Without asking me?”
Luci shrugged, unbothered. “You’ll be fine. You already talked to him. The hard part is done.”
Before Ludiin could get a word in, Luci sprang to his feet and strode toward the door. “He’ll be here any minute. You should get ready.”
“Luci!” Ludiin shouted, hurling a pillow across the room. It missed Luci’s head by an inch.
“Don’t be mad. I’m only trying to help,” Luci called. He slipped out into the hall, but not before tossing one last grenade over his shoulder: “If you don’t come down, I’ll send him up here.”
“Leave me alone, Luci!” Ludiin yelled, too furious to care who heard the outburst. His chest rose and fell sharply, heat prickling under his skin.
His whole life was being flipped upside down again.
And he had no say in it. Helplessness burned like acid in his chest. He fucking hated this.
Hated Luci for cornering him like this again, for never trying to understand, for pushing when all he wanted was space.
He hated himself for being the way he was.
With a weary sigh, he dragged himself out of bed and stumbled into the washroom. The cool splash of water on his face did little to calm the storm inside him. He dressed in slow, jerky movements, and finally made his way downstairs toward the cooking station.
But the moment he pushed the door open, his steps faltered.
Hym, Jamue, and of course, Tarymn were already seated at the table, halfway through breakfast. The chatter at the table faded, the shift in the room instant.
Tension simmered in the air, thick and oppressive.
Tarymn’s eyes followed his every movement, trailed over his body with a heat that made Ludiin’s breath catch.
Fuck. What was happening?
Tarymn had never looked at him like that before.
Like he wanted to devour him. Something twisted in Ludiin’s chest, quickening his heartbeat until it pounded in his ears.
He gripped the plate so tightly, forcing himself to ignore the alpha’s presence as he piled it with food.
Without sparing him a glance, Ludiin stalked to the table and sat down, then shoved mouthful after mouthful of food past his lips.
He didn’t care what the food tasted like; he wanted to get the hell out of there.
“You’re finally up,” Jamue said, slicing through the tension. “Was last night that exciting?”
Ludiin’s cheeks burned, the warmth crawling up to the tips of his ears. Against his better judgment, he lifted his gaze only to find Tarymn still watching him, his eyes heated. Air snagged in Ludiin’s throat.
Shit. Was he thinking about last night too?
“I’m sure it was, but I haven’t heard a word of it,” Luci said, with a disapproving shake of his head. The room stilled, and suddenly every pair of eyes swung toward him. Heat rushed up Ludiin’s neck, his skin prickling as if he were pinned beneath a magnifying glass.
“It wasn’t exciting,” Ludiin blurted as he turned on Luci. “Baron and his friends laughed at me. He invited me out because his friends wanted to meet the joy inventor, to see how someone they thought was mentally challenged could create the best pleasuring bots.”
“He what?” Luci’s voice rose, disbelief widening his eyes. “He wouldn’t dare.”
“He did.” Ludiin pushed up from his chair so fast it screeched against the floor. He grabbed his plate and stalked to the counter, his shoulders tight with rage. “You’re the worst judge of character, Luci. I wonder what kind of disaster Ford will turn out to be.”
“Ludiin…” Luci’s voice faltered, horrified. “I can’t believe you just said that to me.”
“You shouldn’t have invited Ford without my consent,” Ludiin shot back, slamming his plate onto the counter.
His chest heaved. “You never listen to me.
I get it you're trying to help and you're afraid I might end up alone, but this is too much. You should have asked me.” He turned, glaring at his brother, waiting for him to say something, anything. But Luci just stood there, staring at Ludiin as though he’d lost his mind.
Maybe he had.
The sharp chime of the front door sliced through the heavy silence.
Luci eyes went wide. “I think that’s Ford. What now?”
“You should open it,” Ludiin muttered, bitterness curling his tongue. “You invited him, after all.”
“I can tell him to leave if you’d rather not…”
“It’s fine,” Ludiin interrupted him. “He’s already here. Turning him away now would feel…rude.”
“I’ll go let him in then,” Luci said softly, disappearing through the door, leaving behind a charged silence.
Hym pushed back his chair and joined Ludiin at the counter. He scooped more food onto his plate, though his eyes lingered on Ludiin with quiet concern. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice low.
“I’m fine,” Ludiin said. For a moment, Hym’s mouth parted as if to say something, but he stopped himself. A faint frown creased his face before he shook his head and drifted back to the table, settling in without another word.
Seconds later, Luci walked in, Ford trailing behind him.
The alpha’s grin widened when he saw him. “Hey,” he said, stopping in front of Ludiin.
Ludiin felt the weight of every gaze in the room on him, especially Tarymn’s. He risked a glance in that direction and instantly wished he hadn’t. Tarymn was at it again. Watching him. That same unflinching stare was settled on him.
Ludiin bristled, his shoulders tightening as irritation prickled through him. He’d had enough of that.
If he wanted to say something he should say it , Ludiin thought as that feeling of defiance returned. He grabbed Ford’s arm, and pulled him out of the room, his body buzzing with adrenaline and anger.
He didn’t stop until they reached the landing of his den.
Ford gave a low whistle as he looked around. “So, this is where the magic happens.”