22
The drive to Spice House had been quiet and uneventful. Of course, with the looming winter holidays coming, I’d played Christmas music, as was typical for me. Theo, on the other hand, didn’t seem as festive. He’d participated in the conversations I tried to start about school, classes, projects that needed to be finished before the holidays, and similar topics. I still felt that he was holding back as we made our way to see Arthur.
I hadn’t told Theo when we’d met in the parking lot, but I’d had a blow up with Collin right after Monday classes were over. Two weeks had passed since I’d last seen him, only to accidentally run into him in our dorm room after classes. Typically, after Monday classes were over, I had lunch and immediately took off to Spice House to visit Arthur. Since Theo needed an hour to finish up some errands before we left, I’d stopped by my dorm before leaving for once.
Upon entering our dorm room, I found Collin packing his bags. When he caught sight of me, he began slinging clothes and belongings faster, squealing and mumbling about how he “just can’t put up with”
living with me anymore. I sat in silence on the edge of my bed, staring at him as he cursed and complained and packed up his things.
When he finally left our dorm room, huffing and puffing to carry all of his bags, he slammed the door behind him. Sitting in silence for a few moments, I finally got up and cleaned up the bit of mess Collin had left in his wake. Then I put my things away neatly, grabbed my lanyard, wallet, and phone, and headed out to the parking lot to wait on Theo.
Another thing I didn’t mention to Theo on the ride to Spice House was that while I was waiting on him, I had perused his Peepers account. Much to my confusion, I found that most of the videos he’d posted since coming to Midway had been removed from his account. The squirrel video I’d caught him filming that night outside of the bookstore was still available. Our Halloween video with our costume and stupid dance was available, and currently sitting with more than six million views and a million likes.
The video of Arthur talking about throwing the toaster through the racist homophobe’s window was still present, with nearly as many views and likes. However, everything else was pretty much scrubbed from his account. Weirdest of all, he’d untagged himself from the video I’d made defending him against Ben. When he’d showed up at my car, I desperately wanted to ask him what was going on with his account, but I decided against it.
Theo had shown up in the parking lot acting unlike himself. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was that was off, but he seemed distant. He didn’t necessarily say or do anything that made me worry, but his vibe was off. He didn’t initiate conversations that weren’t about school. He didn’t sing along with the Christmas songs on the radio, though he smiled at me when I went about my usual routine. He seemed to merely be participating in life, not engaging.
I found myself wondering a few things as I drove and did my best to act unbothered. One, I couldn’t wrap my head around why Collin was so bothered by my friendship with Theo. Of course, many people react strongly to anyone that has cheated on a partner. I understood that aspect of Collin’s attitude. However, he didn’t personally know Theo or Ben, so I couldn’t understand why he was taking it all so personally. Furthermore, I couldn’t wrap my head around why he’d put so much energy into trying to prove that Theo was the biggest jerk to ever wander off Jerk Island.
It all seemed like a giant waste of energy to me.
Secondly, I couldn’t help but wonder why Theo was so distant with me or why he had deleted so many videos off of his Peepers account. Since I’d made the video defending him against Ben, and Theo and I’d had our talk about my annoyance with the situation, things had been different between us. I couldn’t deny that our friendship had changed a bit since that incident, but today was worse. I felt like I was riding in the car with a stranger. It was awkward.
Why he deleted so many videos from his account two weeks after the incident also confused me. Since I’d made the video letting everyone know that Ben was mistaken about my relationship with Theo, things had settled down considerably. People were consistently defending Theo in the comments of Ben’s videos if he so much as even alluded to his beef with Theo. The comments on Theo’s videos had been nearly all positive.
The number of people approaching Theo on campus, asking to be in a video on his account was getting ridiculous. Everyone wanted to be in a video, be his friend, talk to him, or simply be in his orbit. It was exhausting at times, not being able to have a conversation with him in public without someone approaching us about Peepers, but it was good for Theo’s business. I couldn’t bring myself to get upset when things were turning out well for Theo.
Wondering why things were suddenly so weird was something I couldn’t stop myself from doing, though. Everything was good. So, why wasn’t everything okay?
“We’re here!”
I announced cheerfully as I pulled into the Spice House parking lot, as though Theo was unable to see for himself.
He smiled, but didn’t respond. Instead, I parked and we unbuckled and slipped out of the car. Theo waited as I dipped into the backseat and grabbed the five-gallon Christmas tin from the rear of the car. Since I knew I wouldn’t be seeing Arthur until the new year, I had to make sure he got his gift before the holiday.
Theo and I walked through Spice House in our coats, scarves, and gloves, marveling at the decorations put out for the residents’ benefit. Lights, garland, tinsel, no less than three Christmas trees, and tons of fake snow decorated the halls of Spice House. I knew Arthur well enough to know that he’d call it all “gaudy,”
but secretly, I knew he loved it. As all the residents did. Anyone that said they hated Christmas decorations was simply a Scrooge in my book.
“Hey, Artie!”
I announced cheerfully as Theo and I entered his room.
He’d left his door open, so I’d only grazed my knuckles against the wood as we walked right in. Arthur was standing at the windows next to his chair, staring out at the snowy woods behind Spice House, his hands clutched behind his back. Someone—probably one of the nurses—had come in and hung lighted garland in Arthur’s window, making the room more festive than Arthur would probably admit he liked. At the sound of my voice, he turned and managed a respectable scowl. Theo and I both laughed at him as we began taking off our winter layers.
“Don’t call me that you little twink!”
Arthur barked and eased himself into his chair.
Amused at his theatrics, I gave Arthur a once over as Theo took our coats, scarves, hats, and gloves and laid them over the footboard of the bed. He was in dark slacks, a white long-sleeve button down, a green and red bowtie at his throat. Arthur could act as grumpy as he liked during our visit, but I’d spotted the holiday colors.
“So,”
I said, sitting down on the edge of his bed, “how’s tricks, Scrooge?”
Theo sat down next to me, smiling at my question.
Arthur glowered at me for a moment, making sure I was aware he was still upset about the slight I’d given upon entering his room. However, his scowl quickly disappeared as he considered the question.
“I suppose everything is fine,”
he said, running his hands over the thighs of his pants before crossing his legs. “We had a nice feast last night. Turkey, ham, dressing, the works. The mac and cheese was a bit dry, but I think they have too many white people in the kitchen, so…”
I chuckled. “Bastards.”
Arthur performed an exasperated shrug, then waved his hand through the air, as though chasing the thought away.
“Is that my gift?”
he asked, pointing at the tin on the floor next to my feet.
“Greedy like Scrooge, too,”
I said, standing and picking up the tin.
I walked over to Arthur and set it in his lap. Before he could stop me, I bent down and planted a wet kiss on the top of his head.
“Merry Christmas, my friend,” I said.
Arthur swatted at me, but I was too quick for him. I’d dashed back to the bed with a cackle and plopped down next to Theo once again. Much to my amazement, a scowl was not on Arthur’s face as he began to pry at the lid of the tin. He was grinning as his fingers pulled at it. Once it was open, he looked up at me evilly.
“Half chocolate popcorn, half caramel corn,”
he said. “Oh, this will keep me occupied through Christmas.”
“I want to make sure you get your sugar fix while I’m home for the holidays,” I said.
“Thank you,”
Arthur said with a bob of his head.
“You’re welcome,”
I said as he plucked a small handful from the tin.
Arthur stuffed a few pieces of chocolate popcorn into his mouth with one hand, and with the other, returned the lid to the tin. As he chewed, he leaned in his chair to put the tin on the floor next to him. His eyes darted from me over to Theo.
“Did you bring me a gift besides that sour look?”
he asked Theo.
I turned my head to look at Theo sitting next to me. Unsure if he’d actually looked sour or not, I noticed that he plastered a smile to his face as soon as Arthur had called him out.
“Of course,”
Theo said, chuckling.
He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small, yet festive envelope. White and decorated with blue swirls, the envelope was delivered to Arthur before Theo sat down next to me once again. Arthur eyed Theo suspiciously for a moment as his fingers worked to open the tiny envelope. When he looked down, his face lit up once again.
“A gift certificate for food delivery!”
he gasped, delighted. “I can get decent mac and cheese delivered! Thank you!”
Theo chuckled. “You’re welcome. If you need help with the app—”
“I know how to order food!”
Arthur chastised him, shaking the gift card at Theo.
We all laughed and Arthur bent to put the envelope and gift card on top of the tin next to him.
“So,”
Arthur said, looking back over at Theo, “why do you look so sour? Jesus’s birthday is coming. Brighten up, child!”
Theo started to chuckle, but his shoulders slumped. Suddenly, I realized that I hadn’t been imagining Theo’s poor mood on the ride over. I hadn’t been wrong that the last two weeks had turned him into a sourpuss.
“I’m bright!”
Theo responded, the nerves apparent in his voice.
I glanced at Arthur and he shot me a disbelieving look.
“Well,”
Arthur said, “that’s obvious. Your tone and the wobble in your voice proves it.”
Theo sighed and clasped his hands in his lap. I reached over tentatively and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Theo shot me a look, then looked over at Arthur. He looked at me once more, started to say something, stopped, then looked down at his lap. After exchanging another look with Arthur, I was about to say something, but Theo finally spoke.
“It’s just Peepers,”
he said slowly. “It’s not anything worth getting upset over, really.”
“Yet here you are,”
Arthur said, “upset.”
When I gave Theo a sympathetic look and another shoulder squeeze, he sighed and looked at me, then locked eyes with Arthur.
“Everyone wants to be on my channel now,”
he said. “Ever since Josh made that video defending me against Ben—”
“You know about that?”
I asked Arthur.
“I may have stumbled across it.”
Arthur sniffed.
“—yeah, well, now everyone is all up in my ass,”
Theo said. “They all want me to put them in a video. Everyone wants to be my friend.”
“That’s good, yes?”
Arthur asked.
“I guess,”
Theo said. “But it’s kind of superficial. Like, everyone wants me to make a video with them talking about…whatever…but it’s all bullshit. They want to talk about Midway’s football, the lack of amenities at school, or some cool trend they love. No one has anything worth videoing. It’s all just noise. No one is actually talking to me about anything real. I feel like people just pull something out of their ass for me to record, just so they can be the cool person on my channel. No one is really connecting with me like I’d hoped.”
Arthur nodded along sagely as I gave Theo another shoulder squeeze.
“I really thought…I thought people would connect with me, you know?”
Theo asked. “People would talk about real shit—like you did—but it’s just…noise.”
Theo slumped and my hand slid from his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, guys,”
Theo glanced at me, then Arthur. “I just feel really alone. I love making videos for Peepers and doing the whole influencer thing, but it also makes it clear to me that everyone at school doesn’t actually care about me, they care about what they see on Peepers. Things weren’t great having an account with Ben, but at least I wasn’t alone.”
Sitting in silence for a few moments, Arthur and I watched Theo hold his hands in his lap and look down, distraught. I looked over at Arthur, and after a knowing look, we turned our attention back to Theo.
“Theo,”
I said finally, “you have me. And Arthur.”
“Precisely,”
Arthur said blandly. “You ungrateful little bitch.”
Theo cracked a smile.
“I know,”
Theo said, looking up to meet our eyes. “But you know what I mean. Other than you guys, no one is genuine with me. I was really excited about having other people make videos with me. I wanted to create content that was meaningful and made people feel seen. But as soon as I turn the camera on the people who beg to be on the channel, they just act like idiots. It’s not real. None of it is real.”
“Well, of course not,”
Arthur said. “If people wanted real, they would turn on a documentary. Not click on motherfucking Peepers.”
I chuckled.
“The internet isn’t a real place, dear,”
Arthur said. “It’s a sanitized, filtered version of anything it reflects from real life.”
“I know,”
Theo said. “I know.”
“Then why are we sitting here listening to you bitch and moan?”
Arthur threw his hands up. “You know none of it is genuine, yet you’re acting hurt when it’s confirmed for you.”
I shot Arthur a frown.
“If it’s not watering down that which we call life, it’s creating a heightened version of it.”
Arthur shook his head. “You don’t get life from social media. You get entertainment. And it’s not even all that entertaining, if we’re being honest. It’s just easier.”
Theo was nodding along, unoffended by the truth Arthur was sharing.
“Lounging on your bed, swiping your finger across a screen is easier than getting up, showering, getting dressed, and going out and actually putting yourself out there for judgment,”
Arthur said. “Sure, those other children at the university may have been leaving nasty comments all over your videos, but which hurt worse? Going out and having people scream at you, or reading the comments?”
“The screaming,”
Theo said.
“Having some faceless, nameless twat on the internet reject you or insult you hurts less than being told you’re unwanted after you’ve washed your ass and put on an outfit you thought looked nice,”
Arthur said. “Being told you suck while you’re in your musty pajamas in bed doesn’t hurt nearly as much as being bullied when you’ve made an actual effort. That’s why everyone loves the internet.”
I chuckled as Theo stared at Arthur.
As Arthur sat back in his chair, finished with what he had to say, Theo chewed at his lip. Unsure of what to say, I waited for one of them to restart the conversation.
“I get tired of fighting these people,”
Theo says. “Fighting to prove that I’m not what they say I am when they’re leaving shitty comments on my videos. Or when they scream at me in public. And then I have to fight them to not act like idiots when they aren’t mad at me. It’s exhausting. I mean, I guess I’ll have to get used to it.”
Theo slumped again.
“I never get tired of fighting the bad guys,”
Arthur said suddenly, a devilish grin on his face. He rubbed his hands on the arms of his chair as if kneading dough. “Nothing makes me feel more alive than telling some piece of shit what I think of them. It’s the good guys you have to watch out for.”
Theo and I looked at each other, then over at Arthur, questioning looks on our faces.
Arthur nodded slowly.
“The people who are always nice,”
Arthur sneered. “The inoffensive, sweet ones. They never say anything bad about other people. Never do anything provocative. Always neutral and never rocking the boat. They’re the first ones to stay quiet when the bad guys need to get their asses kicked. They’re so busy trying not to upset anyone or draw attention to themselves that they’d rather let the bad guys burn everything down than to stand up to them. Those people I cannot stand.”
I looked away, my eyes focusing on the wintry landscape outside of Arthur’s window.
Arthur pointed a finger at us.
“Watch out for them,”
Arthur said. “Don’t waste too much of your time getting mad at these little children who don’t know how to act when you turn the camera on them. Save your energy for the bad guys and the ones who won’t stand up to them.”
“What do you mean?”
Theo asked as I stared at the window.
“Someone who wants to be friendly with you when you’re on the come up?”
Arthur asked. “Where are they when you’re not doing well? If they’re by your side, that’s a real friend. If they’re making themselves busy not taking sides, fuck ‘em. Those are the worst kind of people. But—and you listen to me—you have to actually get out there and live to figure out which are which. Stop expecting the internet to do the damn work for you. Anyone can be anything they want on the internet. I don’t trust any of it.”
With a dismissive wave of his hand, Arthur sank back in his chair. After a moment of silence, he spoke up a final time.
“Go out there and let these fools be on your channel,”
Arthur said. “Take your videos. Try to get them to be genuine with you. If they don’t, you don’t have to post the damn things. Eventually, these kids will understand that you’re not going to post any ole bullshit and only the ones with something worth hearing will try to be on your channel. Put in the work, Theo. Go out there and live.”
I glanced over at Theo, finding a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips.
“You want to do another video?”
Theo asked.
Arthur laughed bitterly and waved him off with a lazy arm.
“You’ve already gotten me into enough trouble,”
he said to Theo. “Do you know my old publisher got ahold of me to see if I wanted to write my autobiography?”
“What?”
I said, a bark of laughter escaping my throat.
Arthur was nodding.
“I haven’t talked to anyone there in…probably seven years,”
Arthur said. “All of a sudden, they’re interested in me and my life and want me to put it on paper? I told them to go to hell.”
Theo and I chuckled.
“And it’s all your fault.”
Arthur grinned and shook a finger at Theo “They didn’t say it, but I know that little video I made for you found its way to them. Probably some little faggy intern showed it to someone there who mattered.”
“Sorry,”
Theo said, though he wasn’t.
“Mmhm,”
Arthur said, shaking his head. “Keep that damn phone away from me. I’m here trying to die with dignity in this festering old people’s roach motel. I don’t have the energy to be writing any more damn books.”
The three of us shared a laugh.
“But you’re thinking about it,”
I said finally.
“I told them I’d get back to them after the holidays.”
Arthur waved me off.
And then we were all really laughing.