Chapter Fifteen
At half past the hour, the door to Samuel’s office opened. He had arrived only moments before and had poured himself a whiskey, though he hadn’t sampled it before Jane appeared, and when she did, he abandoned it in the corner of his desk.
The devil himself must have constructed the dress she was wearing, and Samuel would pay old Scratch double its worth if only he never had to see her wear it again.
He was mesmerized the moment he saw her descending the staircase earlier and he very nearly exposed his true feelings in front of everyone.
Thankfully, Liddell had reached her first, giving Samuel a moment’s pause to realize his near mistake.
Even now, as she approached him, he felt a deep, intuitive desire to meet her halfway and pull her against him. The frothy overlay of her pale-blue gown seemed to shimmer beneath the gas lamps of his office, and for a moment it seemed that her skin was glowing beneath the garland sapphire necklace.
A thread of wicked pride coursed through him at the sight of her wearing that. He couldn’t quite understand it, considering it was only on loan, but it touched a part of him that greedily wished to drape her in thousands of pounds worth of jewels.
Jane’s white-blonde hair was piled on top of her head and had been pinned in place with dozens of pearl pins, while her shining gray eyes gave her the appearance of some sort of icy fae queen.
Surely, if a man saw her in the forest, he would follow her into her kingdom without qualm and swear his fidelity to her the moment the castle gates closed behind him, never to be seen by the human world again.
He shook his head, desperate to banish the bizarre fantasies that continued to conjure up in his head every time she was close, just as she was now.
Jane did not smile or frown as she approached him.
She looked as neutral as ever, and still, he was in awe of her.
From the moment he first spotted her on the train, her sad countenance had caught him by surprise.
He had instantly wanted to conquer whatever it was that made her so melancholy, just as he wished to do so now.
And then, to see her preening and smiling at that pompous Liddell, well, it had caused something to snap within him.
Something hot and primitive. He didn’t like it and perhaps that’s why he wanted to speak with her in private.
He didn’t wish to explore those emotions any more than he wished to pull a tooth out of his head, but he needed to say his peace and be done with it, lest he let it continue to build within him until it burst.
“You wished to discuss something?” she asked evenly, stopping a few feet away from him.
He cleared his throat, but his voice was still raspy.
“Yes.”
She waited, but he didn’t speak.
“Well? What did you wish to say?”
Samuel reached behind him and, picking up the scotch, he took a bracing sip before placing the half-drank glass on the desk behind him. With some liquid courage coursing through him, he spoke.
“After our discussion the other night at the theater, I had hope that we understood each other, but it would seem I was mistaken.” He paused to make sure that his next words made an impact. “I don’t want you preening about Mr. Liddell anymore. I don’t wish to use you like this, Jane.”
Her brows cinched together.
“I don’t know if using me is a very fair term.”
“How would you word it then?”
She cocked her head to the side.
“Well, I don’t think I’m doing anything more than any attentive hostess. Accepting his request to dance, laughing at his jokes, whether amusing or not, listening to him intently when he speaks. It all plays to his more refined side.”
“Refined?”
“Yes, refined,” she repeated. “I’m sorry; have I done something that’s upset you?”
“No,” he lied immediately. “But I think, for the time being, you should go ahead and ignore my mother’s sentiments and just behave as you would with anyone else.”
Jane shook her head.
“I’m sorry, but I cannot.”
Samuel, not readily familiar when people told him no, paused.
“And why is that?”
“Because I’m your mother’s secretary. Not yours.”
“Yes, but my mother works for me.”
“From what I understand, you and she work together, in tandem.”
“Yes, but this is my company.”
“A company you would not have without her. You’ve said that yourself.”
“That’s not the point.”
“I think it’s exactly the point,” she said, taking a step toward him. “And have we not already discussed this? If you don’t like the way I’m performing my duties, then you should have words with my employer—”
“I am your employer,” he growled, causing her brows to lift at his tone.
Taking a deep breath, he exhaled to get hold of himself.
Then, he continued. “What I mean to say is, I’m sure my mother has a very clever idea of using you to flatter the politician so that he might be more favorable to my bill, but I don’t believe the cost is worth the cause. ”
She frowned.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning,” he said, his eyes downcast. “That I do not require you to spend any more of your attention on that man.”
“But your mother—”
“My mother be damned,” he said without heat, before glancing back at her.
“I know what she’s doing. She thinks that if you are flirtatious and flattering to Mr. Liddell, he’ll be more eager to help see that my bill survives in Parliament.
I don’t doubt her plan. It’s a good one and without a doubt, it would work. ”
“Then what’s the issue?”
“The issue, Jane, is that I cannot bear it.”
Samuel was breathing heavily now, but he was not the sort of man to rage or withdraw from his emotions. Though Jane seemed to miss the weight of his words.
“If you’re worried about my sensibility, I assure you, I’m not a silly little thing born yesterday. I’m aware of how the world works, and if smiling at a man for a few weeks would benefit your mother and, in turn, you, I don’t have an issue with it. You needn’t withdraw your tactics to protect me.”
“If I were truly an honorable man, I might have considered that first,” he said, a touch of self-deprecating humor in his tone. “But as it were, I am only a man, as Lady Belle says.”
She appeared puzzled by the statement.
“What does that mean?”
“That means, Jane, that I’m not asking you to stop flirting with Mr. Liddell because it’s the right thing to do, or because I’m worried about your virtue. I’m asking you to stop because I selfishly don’t like it.”
She blinked.
“You don’t like it?”
“No, I do not. Not at all.”
“But… the bill.”
He pushed himself off the desk to stand before her.
“Yes, I know. The entire reason I invited him to Glasgow was to get his support. But I can’t help it.
Damn it… I’m making a mess of this.” He gazed into her eyes.
“I’m aware of both of our positions within this company.
Emotions complicate things. From empires, to kingdoms, to family names, to businesses.
I knew that early on and have always tried to maintain a lofty indifference to my own wants and needs,” he said quickly as he tried to rush through what he was about to say.
“But I’m afraid I’ve finally met an emotion I cannot stifle, and because of that, I’m afraid that I have no other choice but to let you go. ”
Jane’s throat worked to swallow the news that was undoubtedly shocking.
“Let me go… As in, you’re dismissing me?”
“Yes,” he whispered, hating the pain his words were inflicting. “But you’ll be compensated for the full year, as per your contract.”
“You’re dismissing me because you, you have feelings for me?”
“Yes.”
“But… But I don’t understand.”
“It’s a matter of principle, Jane. I cannot have any sort of relationship with an employee. Not only is it against company policy but it’s against my own morals. The power balance is skewed.”
“So, you’re getting rid of me because you think we might, what? Have some sort of relationship—”
“No, no, no,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “I’m simply removing the issue.”
“I’m an issue now?”
He sighed.
“Please, Jane, this is already humbling for me. I don’t wish to argue with you.”
“Well, maybe I want to argue with you,” she said firmly, taking a step toward him. “You’ve no right to fire me based off your own feelings. I’ve done nothing to warrant this.”
“Jane—”
“No. I have been exemplary in my performance as a secretary for your mother; I’ve arranged most, if not all, of this weekend by myself; I’ve done everything asked of me, and you decided to let me go based not on my abilities and performance as an employee, but based on your feelings about me.
Is that correct?” Samuel opened his mouth to respond, but she continued.
“Well, it’s arbitrary, and I don’t accept it. ”
His brow lifted.
“You don’t accept it?”
“No. No, I don’t. I demand you keep me on as an employee until either my performance deems me unfit, or I decide to leave.”
It was this thread of steeliness that he liked most about her.
It was unencumbered by human emotion. It was basic, and practical, a survival instinct that so few had and yet, he recognized it.
It was the very thing that drew him to her the most. All her sharp edges seemed to call out to the worst in him, for all he wanted to do was take her into his arms and…
He began to shake his head, but then she took another step and placed one of her hands on his forearm, all but pinning him there beneath her weightless touch. He was already so devoted to her that he feared she would go running if he even tried to explain it.
“Please, Samuel,” she said so softly that he felt his insides shatter. “Do not let me go.”
“Jane.” He said her name like a warning, as her hand moved up his arm to his biceps.
He grabbed her hand to stop her fingers from trailing.
“If you stay here, under my employ, I cannot continue to be the man I was. The man I always hoped I would be.” His fingers tightened around hers as he exhaled. “This is an impossible situation.”