6. Shane
Six
Shane
I almost kissed her. Again. How many times have I almost kissed Sadie? In the coffee shop, in the hallway, in my office? I’ve lost count.
I blow out a breath, scrubbing a hand over my face as I sink back down onto the couch. The leather creaks softly beneath me as I stare at the door. As I stare at the black hole that just swallowed Sadie up. The image of her walking away, shoulders slumped and head down, avoiding looking at me at all costs, is seared into my mind. Into the backs of my eyelids, because even closing my eyes does nothing to dispel the image.
I have the sinking feeling that I fucked up. That I was too gruff, too abrupt. She was so fucking sweet, coming here after the game to check on me, to encourage me, and perverted monster that I am, all I could think about was shoving my tongue down her throat, so I shut the conversation down. Practically barked at her to go home.
I groan and drop my head into my hands, raking my fingers through my hair. This is such a fucking disaster. Having her here day after day is hell. Absolute hell. And yet I’m addicted to Sadie’s presence. When she’s not around, I’m like a junkie, craving my next hit. Obsessing over when I’ll see those gray eyes again, over when I’ll smell her cherry and vanilla scent, over when I’ll hear her sweet voice.
She’s twenty-one. She’s Lilah’s best friend. She’s in fucking college.
I remind myself of all the reasons why Sadie’s not for me, why a gorgeous girl like her wouldn’t want someone old enough to be her father, but it doesn’t matter. I might as well be trying to convince myself that Santa Claus is real for all the good it does me.
I’m going to lose my goddamn mind before this internship is over.
And as much as I know I should, I can’t end it early. I won’t do that to her. She needs this to graduate.
And as much as it’s killing me, I want her here. I need her here.
I sink back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. I need to get a grip. To find a way to keep this tenuous hold on my control. I can’t keep almost giving in to my base desires. She deserves better than a pervert more than twice her age drooling over her.
But god, I want her. I want her so fucking bad, it hurts. I want to taste her, touch her, bury my cock inside her over and over again until she screams my name. I want to ruin her for all other men.
The idea of Sadie with someone else sends my stomach lurching with a sick twist.
Knowing I should stop sitting alone in my office and wallowing over what I can’t have, I start to push to my feet when something hard pokes against my leg. Frowning, I swipe my hand between the couch cushions, and my fingers brush against something firm but soft. With a gentle tug, I pull out a small, leather-bound notebook in a shade of deep purple. It’s definitely not mine.
Sadie’s?
I flip it open and instantly recognize her pretty, feminine handwriting. Fuck. It must have fallen out of her bag. I stand with the open notebook in my hand, moving to set it on my desk so I can give it back to her tomorrow.
I have no idea if this is private or not. I shouldn’t flip the pages she’s filled to see what she’s written.
I shouldn’t, but I do. Because I’m an asshole, I can’t stop myself from looking down at the words scrolled across the page.
And then, everything inside me goes still. I can’t breathe. All I can hear is the rushing of blood through my ears.
Because the words staring back at me…this can’t possibly be real. My vision swims and I’m lightheaded as I flip pages, skimming, my name jumping out at me over and over again.
…I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want Shane, and he barely knows I exist…
…Shane is so fucking hot I can’t think straight around him…
…I touched myself and imagined it was Shane’s fingers rubbing my clit, Shane’s voice telling me I’m his good girl…
…Working with Shane is torture. How am I supposed to get any work done when all I can think about is how badly I want him to bend me over his desk and fuck me until I can’t remember my own name…
And then the last one, the one that makes my heart catch, that makes my gut churn and all the air whoosh out of my lungs.
…I think I’m in love with Shane…
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
I slam the notebook closed with shaking hands, my breath sawing raggedly in and out of my lungs. My heart is racing, my blood hot in my veins. My cock is so fucking hard it hurts, straining against my pants.
Sadie wants me.
Sweet little Sadie thinks she’s in love with me.
My god.
I’m not sure which part of me aches worse, my cock or my heart. I can’t think. I can’t breathe. She thinks she’s in love with me?
Holy fuck.
I sink down into my desk chair and open the journal again. I shouldn’t violate her privacy like this, but knowing that Sadie wants me as much as I want her has turned my entire world upside down.
My fingers tremble as I flip through the pages, taking in every single word she’s scrawled across the pages. Words about me. About us.
Us. The word echoes through me like a crack of thunder. Like a detonation.
If this is how she feels, there could be an us.
My attention snags on a fantasy she’s written out in detail, one where she’s naked in my lap, my hands on her breasts as she grinds her pussy against me, so wet she leaves a mark on my pants.
…I want to claim him with that wet mark as much as I want him to claim me. I want him to leave marks on my skin—hickeys on my neck, love bites on my breasts, fingertip bruises on my hips, red hand prints on my ass…
I turn the page, and come across more filthy thoughts.
…I wish I knew what Shane’s come tastes like. I bet it’s just as delicious as the rest of him. If I was his, I’d ask him to teach me to suck his cock exactly the way he likes. I’ve never done that before, but I’d be so good for him. I’d call him Daddy and say thank you when he comes in my mouth…
It’s a good thing my will is up to date, because I’m about to have a heart attack. My heart is galloping so hard and so fast in my chest that I can’t catch my breath. I’m too warm, my skin stretched too tight. My entire body is vibrating, my balls aching and throbbing.
I flip another page, hungrily devouring everything she’s written. I find another fantasy, one in which I lay her out on my bed and…
Fucking. Hell.
… Shane’s cock stretches me, tearing me open as he takes my virginity…
Sadie’s a virgin. I read that sentence again and again, and every single time, it’s like a fire punch to the gut. My cock throbs, sticking to my boxer briefs because of all the pre-cum I’ve been drooling.
I could be Sadie’s first.
I could be her only.
I could claim her, make her mine in every single possible way. I could have everything I’ve ever wanted.
Could’ve had it months ago, apparently. Because she wants me. Because she’s in love with me.
How did I miss this? How could I have been so utterly clueless as to how she felt? The part about me barely knowing she exists…fuck. If only she knew how wrong she was.
My mouth is dry as I turn to another page. It’s not a fantasy this time, but a list of everything she wishes we could do. A sexual bucket list of Sadie’s dirtiest fantasies.
I feel like I’m at a fucking buffet.
I want Shane to eat me out until I’m a shaking, sobbing mess
I want Shane to teach me how to be his good girl, in every single way
I want to wake up in Shane’s bed with his fingers in my pussy
I want Shane to shave my pussy
I want Shane to tie me up and do whatever he wants to me
I want to call Shane Daddy while I worship his cock with my mouth
I want Shane to take my virginity
I want to dress up in lingerie for Shane
I want to play strip poker with Shane
I want Shane to lock me up in a chastity belt because my pussy belongs to him
I want Shane to come all over me, anywhere he wants
I want Shane to fuck me up against a wall, so hard and deep I see stars
I want Shane to bend me over his desk whenever he wants
Every single one of her wishes is amazing. Perfect and filthy and fuck I might come in my pants.
But it’s the last one that makes my heart explode.
14. I want to marry Shane and have his babies
That one makes my chest ache. That one…it changes everything. As if my world hadn’t already been tilted on its axis, knowing that Sadie’s feelings are so powerful that she wants to marry me and have my babies…I have no words to describe it. It’s the best, most intense thing I’ve ever felt.
Truth be told, I’ve never thought much about marrying again, or having more kids. I dated a bit after my divorce, but it’s been years since my last girlfriend. No one’s caught my interest.
Until Sadie, all those months ago in my kitchen.
I turn to another page, my heart racing, pulse hammering in my temples, cock dripping and throbbing, balls so hard and tight they hurt. On this page, her handwriting is shakier, as though she scrawled the words in a rush. I can’t stop the groan that rumbles from somewhere deep in my chest as I read them.
…Finally home from the office. I’m so horny and worked up after being around Shane all day that I need relief. I’m going to touch myself and imagine it’s Shane’s fingers inside me, stretching me and getting me ready for his cock…
The image of Sadie sprawled out on her bed, fingers sliding in and out of her little pussy as she fantasizes about me wrecks me. Destroys me. With a ragged groan, undo my belt, shove my zipper down and my shirt up, and grab my cock, stroking roughly. It takes less than five strokes before I’m coming, spurting onto my stomach, come dripping down my cock.
“Sadie, fuck,” I groan, pumping my hand again and making more come erupt from my cock. If she was here right now, I’d put her on her knees and tell her to clean up Daddy’s cock, and when she was done, I’d eat her sweet pussy until she begged me to stop. Until she was a dripping mess for me.
The thought makes my balls pulse again, and another bead of come drips down my shaft.
I gulp down air, trying to catch my breath, and then duck into the small bathroom adjacent to my office to clean myself up. As soon as I’m done, I’m back in my chair, flipping pages. Wanting more.
Wanting everything.
There are more filthy fantasies and wishes—scrawled sentences about skinny dipping and falling asleep with my cock inside her and playing with her ass—but there are other entries, too. And what I read makes my heart trip over itself. It feels too big and clumsy for the cavity of my chest, like it can’t help but bounce helplessly against my ribs.
…I wish Shane would confide in me. I can see the weight of what he carries, how much stress he’s under, and I just want to be there for him. I want to take care of him. I’d be his best friend if he’d let me…
…When Shane smiles—like, really smiles—it’s devastating. His entire face lights up and it’s like watching the sun rise. I wish I could make him smile like that. I wish I could be the one to make him happy…
…I wish Shane saw me. Really, truly saw me. Not as Lilah’s best friend, not as some silly intern he found crying in a coffee shop, but as a woman. His woman. I want to share everything with him—hopes, and fears, and dreams. I wish he could be my safe place, and that I could be his…
…Shane is so strong. So stoic in the face of adversity. Does he ever lean on anyone? Because he could lean on me…
I scrub a hand over my face, my eyes burning, my throat tight.
Sadie. God. She sees me. Sees my struggles. Sees to the core of me in a way I don’t think anyone ever has before. Her feelings go far deeper than lust. She doesn’t just want my cock…she wants all of me. To take care of me.
I should be the one taking care of her. My sweet, lovely, precious girl. God, I want that so fucking badly my chest aches. That longing, that need to protect Sadie, to look after her, it burrows deep inside me, devouring me from the inside.
I’m the stupidest asshole on the planet. I’ve been gruff with her, pushing her away, avoiding her. I’ve been telling myself that what I feel for her is so fucking wrong.
But how can it be wrong if she’s in love with me, and I’m in love with her, too? Because I am. Crazy, stupid, head-over-heels in love with her. And she…
My eyes burn again, and I let out a shaky breath. I tuck Sadie’s journal into the inside pocket of my suit jacket, right over my racing heart. My thoughts are moving so quickly I can’t seem to latch onto one for long. Her name pounds through my skull. My chest aches.
I wish she was here right now.
I know I should feel bad for violating her privacy the way I did, but I don’t regret it. Not even a little. Because now I know the truth of how my precious girl feels about me. It feels like a miracle that she left this journal behind, that I was asshole enough to snoop.
I’m not going to be able to control myself around her anymore. Not when I know how she feels. Not when I’m just as crazy for her as she is for me.
I’m going to make her mine. I’m going to give her everything she wants, everything she’s dreamed of. I’m going to make every single fantasy in that journal come true. I’m going to worship her perfect little body until she’s shaking and coming and screaming my name, over and over and over again.
I’m going to love her, the way she deserves to be loved.
Fuck the age difference. Fuck the circumstances. Fuck all the reasons I’ve been holding back.
Sadie Brennan is mine.