Chapter 27 #2
When I looked back up at Tate, he was closer.
The fear I’d felt a minute ago transformed into something altogether different.
I tried to curb the feelings of longing, but in this moment, I was transported back to that place four years ago, where desire consumed my every breath.
Tate cupped my cheek before tracing my face with the back of his fingers.
Then he pulled away with a jolt, as if for a moment he’d forgotten our dilemma.
He’d forgotten about Taylor. He was just my Tate again. But before I could blink, it was over.
He walked over to Nicholas and joined him at the edge of the sandbox. Goose bumps peppered my skin as I watched them play, still reeling from the brief feel of his fingers against my cheek.
As the sun began to set, the three of us walked back into the house together.
“Can you stay for dinner?” Tate asked, the tension in the air certainly thicker than when I’d first arrived.
I thought it wise to limit the time spent around Tate today, given my inability to avoid feeling things I shouldn’t, yet I didn’t want to disappoint him after he’d gone to such lengths for Nicholas. And we did need to eat something before getting back on the road.
“We can stay, sure.”
“Does he like pasta?”
“Loves it.”
“I bought like five kinds.” Tate flashed a crooked grin.
“You don’t say…”
“What’s his favorite?”
“Spaghetti.”
“Got that.” Tate nodded, seeming pleased with himself. “And what does his mama like?”
God, that was a loaded question. Now probably wasn’t the appropriate time to admit I was most hungry for him. “I’ll have some of whatever pasta you make.”
Nicholas had gotten interested in a train set Tate had set up in the living room.
“Why don’t you relax while he plays?” Tate gestured over to the couch. “Can I pour you a glass of wine while I make dinner?”
“Sure, yeah,” I said. “That’d be great. I could stand to relax a bit. Just one glass, though, because I have to drive.”
“Got it.” He nodded. “White, red…rosé?”
“You bought different kinds of wine, too?”
He shrugged. “Didn’t know what you liked.”
“I like all three, but I’ll have red tonight.”
“Coming right up.”
Red matched my mood. It felt more tumultuous.
I sank into the sofa, feeling like a huge weight had lifted. I hadn’t known what to expect with this visit, but it had gone well, despite the tension in the air between Tate and me. From Nicholas’s perspective, it had been the perfect day. And I didn’t really want to leave either.
Of course, even thinking that was dangerous. But I felt safe around Tate. And I loved that my son got to be with his dad, even if he didn’t realize it. One day he would, and days like this would mean even more.
I’d been resting my eyes when Tate’s deep voice startled me. “Here you go.”
I opened them and took the glass of red. “Thank you.”
“My pleasure,” he murmured.
When he walked back to the kitchen, I longed for his presence. Even if we couldn’t touch each other, I still ached for him, ached for his eyes on me.
I sipped the wine slowly, appreciating the warmth of this humble rental home and, most of all, appreciating the effort Tate had put into this visit.
From my seat on the couch, I had a clear view into the kitchen—a clear view of Tate moving around, opening cabinets and drawers as he cooked.
There was nothing sexier than a hot man who knew his way around the kitchen.
I enjoyed this side of him, yet sadness washed over me.
What if someday he met someone? Now I’d have a front-row seat to it.
The only good thing about having been estranged from Tate was not witnessing him with other women.
Now that was inevitable. I’d dodged a bullet with Leah, but that luck wouldn’t last forever.
Khloe, Tate’s dog, interrupted my staring as she hopped up on the couch and took the spot next to me.
“Hey, you,” I muttered, rubbing between her ears. She closed her eyes.
My gaze traveled back to Tate and the way his jeans hugged his ass as he stood at the stove. A vision of that brawny body hovering over me haunted my memories. My skin tingled. I hated that I couldn’t control these sensations.
“Mama, look!” Nicholas called.
He had arranged the trains in a pattern he was apparently quite proud of.
“Wow, honey. You did so good.”
A moment later, Tate called us into the kitchen. He’d plated our food and had poured me a glass of seltzer and Nicholas some lemonade.
While Tate had also served himself, rather than eat, he mostly watched Nicholas twirl his pasta and slurp the noodles. Watching a father fall in love with his long-lost son one precious moment at a time was beautiful—truly a gift to me as well.
“This is really good. It’s al dente,” I said with my mouth full.
“Yeah. My mother always taught me not to overcook it.”
“Your mom’s Italian, right?”
“Yeah.” He grinned. “Taylor must have told you.”
“You definitely get your looks from the Italian side.”
“Taylor looks like his mom,” he pointed out.
“That did nothing to help me figure out your connection to him.” I smiled over at Nicholas. “He likes your al dente pasta, too.”
Tate placed his hand on my arm, sending a shiver down my spine. “You sure you don’t want another glass of wine?”
I cleared my throat. “I can’t if I’m gonna drive home.”
“Well, I was gonna say…” He shifted in his seat. “You’re welcome to stay here, if you don’t want to drive back tonight. It’s dark. And there are two bedrooms. You could stay with Nicholas in the bigger one, or you could each take one, and I can sleep on the couch.”
I thought about it for a moment, but then shook my head. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea for us to stay.” I looked over at Nicholas. “He likes his bed.”
That wasn’t it. But I couldn’t admit that staying overnight with Tate made me nervous.
I was afraid of feeling any closer to him than I already did, and afraid of somehow feeling rejected.
The more time I spent with him, the more agonizing it was to think I couldn’t have him.
I longed for the days when our being together didn’t hurt anyone.
“Okay.” He nodded, moving the food around on his plate. “Whatever you think. No pressure. I just wanted to let you know it’s an option, since you’re not exactly right around the corner.”
We finished eating, and I was getting ready to collect our things to leave when thunder rumbled in the distance. Then came the sound of rain pelting against the roof.
I looked toward the window. “Crap. I didn’t know it was going to rain.”
“Let me check the forecast to see how long it will last.” Tate reached for his phone. A moment later, he shook his head.
“What?” I chewed my lip.
“Looks like a heavy band of rain that will last for a bit.” He made a face. “I don’t want you driving in that.”
Well, crap. I didn’t want to drive in it, either.
“Stay,” he insisted.
“I didn’t bring any extra clothes, or anything for Nicholas.”
He sighed worriedly. “It’s up to you.”
Ultimately, clothes shouldn’t matter. Lord knows, I’d spent plenty of days when Nicholas was a baby wearing the same clothes for more than one day. That wasn’t a good reason to put Nicholas in danger by driving home in torrential rain. I needed to do what was right.
I turned to my son. “Nicholas, since it’s really raining, would you want to sleep here?”
“Yes!” he said excitedly.
I knew that would be his answer. Turning to Tate, I shrugged. “I guess we can make do with the clothes we have.”
He smiled softly. “I planned to spend the weekend here, so I brought several shirts. You’re welcome to wear one. I don’t have anything extra to fit the little guy, but I can pick up some stuff to keep here for next time if you give me his size.”
Wrapping myself in one of this man’s T-shirts was not going to help my internal battle.
I took another deep breath. “I’m staying here against my better judgment, because I don’t like driving in the rain.
I don’t plan for us to spend the night here routinely.
I’ll drive back and forth so long as the weather isn’t bad. ”
“Understood.” Tate nodded.
Silence filled the air for a moment after that, save for the sound of the rain.
Tate helped me give Nicholas a bath in the surprisingly well-stocked bathroom. As with everything else, he had purchased a variety of soaps and shampoos. After the long ride out here and the afternoon playing outside, Nicholas was bushed. He went down within minutes of me putting him to bed.
I emerged from the bedroom, ready to freshen up and join Nicholas for sleep.
But then Tate made a request. “I was gonna stay up for a bit. Will you join me?”