6. Maksen
6
MAKSEN
D amn her.
Her voice felt like the first light of dawn, soft, warm, and full of promises I wanted to make to her just so I could make her happy.
As soon as I heard her, I simply felt much better than I had in the last couple of weeks. The heat was flushing through my body as the anger grew inside my limbs. I became so fucking nervous around her that it pissed me off.
I wanted to hit my face for being so weak like this when it came to her.
I started walking in circles in my room, and from time to time, I threw a quick glance in the mirror just to assure myself that I was ready to leave my house and go straight to the cabin Annalise mentioned.
I didn’t know how she managed to arrange a secret meeting for us in one of the security cabins in her forest, but I couldn’t wait to see her again.
She gave me the coordinates by using hidden words so that if Lukyan was to listen to our conversation he wouldn’t know where to look first. My girl was the smartest.
My girl.
Fucking hell, Maksen.
I shook my head, remembering how terrible I felt that I had to ignore her, but it was the only way Lukyan would’ve believed me. But after the call I consciously made yesterday, I knew he was already suspecting something about us. I was waiting for the moment when he would tell me that he knew I spoke with Anna.
But he didn’t know what a perfect liar he crafted over the past fifteen years. I was his best asset, and the person he should’ve feared the most.
Because I didn’t fear any God.
Now that we were getting closer to the moment when we would finally see each other, I felt a strange feeling exploding inside me, an unknown happiness bursting. It scared the hell out of me.
I wasn’t used to having these types of feelings, not even around her because she had always been so close to me. Now, when the anticipation of being next to Anna was so overwhelming, I found myself breathing harder. And I didn’t want to think about what it truly meant.
I left the house and warned Bailey that if anyone asked about me, he had to tell them that I was home but I didn’t want to see anyone. I left my phone in the bedroom because I was smart enough to think that Lukyan might have wanted to track me.
He might’ve even been listening to our phone call, but thanks to Annalise, he wouldn’t suspect that we were going to meet each other.
I was ready for another shot in the leg because I’ve spoken to her again. I couldn’t care less. My heart would take a bullet for her anytime, without caring that it might stop beating.
Lukyan left for an auction in Kentucky, so we had plenty of time to stay together at the cabin.
As soon as I walked through the entire garden and reached the place where I kept my boats, I saw Patrick already preparing for the quick trip to Makenova’s mansion.
One thing I loved about my home and Annalise’s was that we were connected by a long river, and I could reach the vast forest on her side without anyone noticing.
Well, the only one who was going to notice was the bodyguard. I’m still curious how she managed to make him shut his mouth about us meeting.
“To the Makenova’s?”
“Yes. Please try not to reach the north side of the forest. Take me exactly where the surveillance booth number fifteen is placed.”
He agreed with a slow movement of his head, then turned on the boat’s engine and drove right to the place I told him.
Our people knew all the points on our islands so they would always know the spots where enemies might try to strike. The safety of this place was unbreakable. Lukyan made sure of it.
The river was calm and it looked like a sparkling mirror decorated with dripping branches and darting shapes that were creating a majestic view. The boat was heading to the destination, crushing into the splashing waves of the river, and I couldn’t do anything but inhale deeply, enjoying the algae-scented smell of the water.
“Should I wait for you, mister Brown?” Patrick asked, without turning around to see me.
“Yes,” I replied quickly. “But try not to be seen by anyone,” I added and ran my fingers through my hair.
He nodded and silently continued to drive the boat. My mind was foggy since I was constantly thinking about the moment I was going to step out of the boat and meet Annalise after the longest two weeks of my life.
What should I do first? Hug her? Wave at her?
Kiss her.
Fucking hell.
I couldn’t do anything but wave at her. We were just best friends. I couldn’t pass over that barrier.
Patrick anchored the boat right next to the river bank and I breathed in deeply as I saw the dim light inside the cabin. I stepped out of the boat and raised my glance to the sky, noticing some water drops falling hurriedly to the ground. The rain was going to start soon, so I made my way to the cabin and stopped once I saw Annalise standing in front of it with the bodyguard by her side.
My heart pounded faster in my chest at the sight of her as her lips curled into an innocent smile.
“Hi,” she whispered softly.
The only thing I could look at right now was the way her bodyguard was looking at me. I had never seen him before now so I guessed he might’ve been hired in these last two weeks, but I knew he knew who I was — everyone in this house knew.
I stopped in front of Annalise, then I raised my gaze on the man, announcing that we needed privacy. But the next move he did was something that raised my levels of anger instantly.
He grabbed Annalise by her wrist, gripping it and gazing at her intently.
“Be fast. You don’t have much time.”
Her entire facial expression changed, and her eyes went instantly empty. Her arms got stiff at her sides as her look didn’t move from the ground. The only thing I knew the next moment was how fast I threw my hand out at his throat, raising him up from the ground.
The adrenaline was rushing through my body and the need to kill him for what he did to my little one was growing inside my limbs. I saw the fear in his eyes, so I tightened my grip, feeling his veins pumping out of his thin skin.
“Don’t you ever fucking dare to touch her like that again!” I growled into his face, and I would’ve punched him right away if it wasn’t for Annalise pulling me away from him.
I let him fall back on the ground and immediately followed Annalise into the cabin as she pulled me with all her strength. My pulse was racing like hell, and I was trying to take deep breaths in to calm down. He shouldn’t have done that.
“He was lucky that you were here, Anna. I would’ve ripped his…”
“Maksen.”
And that’s when I felt like she caressed my soul, managing to calm me down entirely just by simply calling my name.
Yet, my mind kept thinking about the way she reacted at his touch. I knew he scared her, but her body language showed more than just a simple feeling of fear. It was pure terror, and I sensed it by the way her eyes lost their spark instantly and her pupils shrunk.
“Annalise,” I whispered, trying not to say anything that might trigger her even worse. “Why?”
Her chin dropped to her chest and before I opened my mouth to say something, she glanced at me.
“Why what?”
“Your reaction when he touched you. Every time someone touches you, your body freezes with terror.” My voice lowered as I kept looking at her.
I wanted to make her feel comfortable talking about what she felt a few moments ago. I wanted to convince her that I could be trusted, that I could be the safe place where she could hide from anything that scared her, just like I’d been for all these years.
I noticed her behavior getting worse as we grew up, but I didn’t have the courage to bring it up in our discussions. Every time someone else was touching her, her facial expression dropped and her eyes were shouting for help. I didn’t know why, neither did I find the right moment to ask her. But now, I couldn’t sit there and do nothing. I had to know what happened to her.
“Why the fear of touching, Anna?”
“I-I don’t know where it comes from… I-I just don’t like to be touched,” she blubbered and started playing with her fingers.
It was something I noticed she did every time she felt anxious or was overwhelmed by negative emotions.
Something inside me ignited, and the fire of true anger made my blood boil in each one of the tiny veins in my body.
I don’t like to be touched. I don’t know where it comes from.
Her words stuck in my heart and threatened to linger there forever.
The memories of the girls our organization sold came in a rush to my mind, making me remember how scared they were of any touch. Some of them used to scream, while others had the exact same reaction as Anna — they froze, while their eyes were screaming for help.
Her words were the words of a victim of abuse, and I could’ve ripped off the head of the one who did whatever the hell he did to my dearest little one if only she had given me a name. But I didn’t ask her for more, because she was already shaking and drowning in her own pain. I didn’t want to harm her any further right now.
But no.
I didn’t want to think that she was abused. Not even for a second.
I didn’t want to accept such a thing happened to her, because that meant it happened under my eyes and I didn’t notice anything.
It couldn’t be true.
“You don’t remember anything?”
Shut your damn mouth, Maksen.
She looked at me and her emerald irises became greener because of the teardrops starting to roll down her cheeks.
I had this overwhelming urge to step forward and take her into my arms. But I didn’t. I stood in the exact same position she left me in before she jumped away from me.
My question brought a note of confusion onto her face as if she had never thought of it before.
“Should I have something to remember? D-Do you think I forgot the reason why I’m afraid of being touched?”
My soul was dying with every word she whispered because she was so innocent that she didn’t even take into consideration that she might’ve been a victim. But what scared me the most was that she wasn’t remembering anything.
As far as I was concerned, if you forgot your abuses, then that was your body’s way of trying to protect you from a trauma it knew you wouldn’t be able to heal from.
“Did someone touch you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable?” I said, and I almost wanted to punch myself in the face.
I couldn’t help but ask her. If there was someone who caused her any harm, I was going to kill that person.
She fixed me with her big round eyes and a tear rolled down her cheek.
“Only in my nightmares,” she sobbed and took a few steps back so she could sit down on the little bed near the window. “I always had these nightmares. These awful nightmares where this dark veiled man is chasing me, tying me up, and…”
As she tried to finish her sentence, she sobbed loudly and I quickly moved to sit next to her. Her body wouldn’t react like this if the reason behind it was only the nightmares she had. It had to be more than that.
“Don’t say it. I know what you wanted to say, and it’s okay if you can’t get the words out.”
“I don’t know where they come from. I’ve always had them,” she further explained and I noticed how her voice became even more full of sadness. “It feels good to finally talk with somebody about it though. It feels like I’m not alone in my own mind.”
“You can talk with me about whatever bothers you, as I’ve already told you,” I spoke slowly and pinned her with my gaze. “You’re not ever going to be alone as long as I’m alive.”
I wanted to hug her so badly that my hands just instantly trembled. I didn’t know how to manage the entire situation. I didn’t want to be too harsh or make her feel uncomfortable with anything. I guessed I just had to be there and be a good listener.
“How’s your leg?”
Her question sliced the discussion like a sharp knife. She didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so I respected her decision, hoping that what she said was true and it was only the nightmares harming her mind.
“It’s fine. I’ve been shot worse than that,” I said and let out a vague laugh.
“I’m sorry for what he did to you,” she replied quickly and I saw how she let her attention fall on the leg that was injured. “I know it’s my fault. I put my hand on yours and…”
“I regret nothing, and neither should you.”
She raised her head and looked me deeply in the eyes. I could kill people and not feel a thing, but when she looked at me, I felt all sorts of things that were making me wonder how she managed to do that to me.
I knew I had something for her ever since we started growing into real teenagers, but with every year that has passed by, it developed into such a feeling I didn’t know how to describe it.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course. Anything,” I quickly replied.
“We have to leave the cabin soon, so can you please hold me in your arms for a few more moments just like you did when we were little? Because I don’t know when I’ll get to see you again, and I…”
But I didn’t let her finish her sentence. I took her in my arms and put my palm on her head, moving my fingers through her soft hair strands. Her body quivered as she hugged my torso and pressed her right cheek to my chest. I knew she could hear my heart beating fast as hell, but I didn’t mind it.
I just kept her in my arms and enjoyed every second that was passing by us.
And it felt liberating.
But I still had a question for her. I looked down and she raised her head from my chest to look me in the eyes.
“How did you do this?” I asked her briefly, letting my lips curl into a soft smile.
“Do what?”
“Make the douchebag outside let us meet here.”
She laughed before her lips parted to let the words out. “I threatened him that if he wouldn’t listen to me, I would tell my father he touched me in a way he shouldn’t have.”
I was speechless. That sounded nothing like what my little Annalise would’ve done in the past. I couldn’t believe she had done something like that. But the moment she raised her glance up to me, I bursted out in a colorful laughter.
“What? You didn’t think I was able to bribe a man this efficiently?
“Indeed,” I said between laughs, trying to catch my breath back. “You seem like you couldn’t hurt a fly, nor do you seem like the type to blackmail people who are actually protecting you,” I added and my comment made her laugh.
Her beautiful rose-tinted lips curved into a smile that revealed her perfect white teeth.
I let my gaze fall on the little brown birthmark she had above her lip, and I felt the urge to run my finger over it.
“I can’t hurt anyone unless it’s for the people I truly care about,” she mumbled and I saw how her bottom lip started trembling.
Fuck it.
“Do you care about me?”
And she froze.
I instinctively touched her bare arm with the tips of my fingers, and as soon as I felt her softness, I remembered how I used to caress her hands whenever she couldn’t sleep. She loved that when we were children.
“Is that even a question?”
I offered her a sincere smile, then I gave her a peck on the forehead. I knew she cared about me.
But the way I cared for her terrified me because I would’ve done anything for her.
Anything .