Chapter 19 #2
Alex's two friends fell silent, their eyes fixed on us, and my cheeks turned crimson. My words had been interpreted in a different way than I'd intended.
My friend chuckled into my neck. His breath on my skin made me shiver. “I didn't know you were naughty,” Alex whispered. “Was I wrong?”
Oh no, he was flirting with me, wasn't he? My cheeks heated up. I shook my head. I had to save what little dignity I had left. “Gotta go!”
Without giving him time to tease me any further, I fled to my first class. Oh God, this morning was a roller coaster of feelings.
***
“Yo!”
I looked up from my exercise when Nina, a classmate, slid into the chair next to me. She's a pretty girl with a bob cut of brown hair, and slightly taller than me. As someone who’s a hundred and seventy-three centimetres, it was rather surprising. I was used to always being the tallest.
“Hi.”
For a while, we worked in silence, but I could feel her glancing at me every now and then.
She watched me with her big brown eyes. For some strange reason, she seemed genuinely curious about me.
Which was odd. No one in this school had ever considered me interesting enough.
Not that I'd ever cared about that before. Since I used to spend all my time at the dance academy, I’d never had enough time to worry about what my classmates thought.
Unless it was the outfit that intrigued her?
I hated that I looked like a clown, no matter how shallow that made me. Her stare made me uncomfortable.
“Is there a problem?”
“Are you and Alex dating?” she asked without hesitation.
Of course. Alex, the famous heartbreaker. I should have known people would ask questions. It was inevitable. “Why?”
“I thought you were.”
“Would it change anything for you if we were?”
Nina laughed, which drew the teacher's attention. We quickly looked down to avoid trouble. She moved closer to me to whisper, “Oh no, not anymore.”
“Are you... close to Alex?”
Was I going to have to fight for him? The idea seemed a little absurd, but we were talking about high school. Anything was possible here. She looked up at the clock above the blackboard. The bell rang in the corridors, indicating recess. Nina cocked her head to one side.
“We have a past.”
“Please don't tell me you're a jealous ex who wants to see me suffer,” I joked.
“When I said a past, I meant a purely physical one.”
Ah... She was one of his former sex friends. That made the whole thing a bit awkward. Nina shrugged as if she'd just told me what the weather was like outside. Her excessive honesty was disconcerting.
Seeing my face, she smiled. “Sorry, you probably don't want to know about all this. We're friends now. It's just that I've noticed Alex is different with you.”
Nina had piqued my curiosity. It was strange to talk about Alex with someone I hardly knew; it also allowed me to know a bit more about Alex. No matter how close we'd become in recent months, there was still a part of him that he tried to keep hidden.
“What do you mean?”
“He used to hate touching people, and it always felt like I hit a wall whenever the conversation got too personal. But now he’s laughing and following you like an enamoured puppy. It's a good change.”
Her words puzzled me. The Alex she knew seemed different from the one I knew. Sure, he's a little taciturn and moody, but Alex is genuinely sweet. And funny.
“Alex is really nice, but it's true that he's very distant when he's suspicious.”
“I wish you happiness,” she said, one hand on my forearm.
“We're not together.”
Nina raised an eyebrow, a small smirk on her lips. Of course, she didn't believe me. “I only wish you happiness. It's up to you whether it's platonic or more.”
***
Alex
When Alex headed for the park at lunchtime, he was surprised to find Elena and Nina eating together.
Nina was part of his past. Elena was part of his present and, he hoped, his future.
Seeing them together was like mixing two parts of him that weren’t meant to coexist. Elena turned to him, smiling.
It was the first time she was at ease with others.
Alex sat down on the grass beside her and listened to the girls talk, without ever taking part in the conversation.
Once Nina was gone, Alex’s skin prickled from the nerves.
“Does it bother you that I've...”
“That you...?” she repeated.
For once, Alex was at a loss for words, which amused her. He ran a hand through his hair. No matter how much he wanted to become better for her, she already knew his reputation. A reputation he wanted to erase, but couldn't.
“That you had sex with Nina?”
Elena's voice was calm. Too calm, even.
“With Nina and many others.”
“Why would it bother me?”
Alex smiled to hide his disappointment. He didn’t want Elena to judge his bad old habits.
Still, he was hoping for a little possessiveness from her.
Alex had stopped going to parties, had stopped the one-night stands, the drinking.
.. He'd stopped it all because he loved her. Did she really not care? Elena must’ve noticed his internal turmoil, given how her gaze softened.
“Let's say I'd mind if you still did it now.”
***
As he got home, Alex spotted his mother sitting at the kitchen table. He quickly tried to turn back until she beckoned him to come closer. Did she know about Elena? Despite all the mistakes he'd made, he'd never snuck a girl in.
“Are you going to explain why Elena was here last night?”
Shit. Alex sat down next to her, knowing he couldn't escape the conversation. “There was trouble at her place. She panicked, and I picked her up.”
Lexi wasn't satisfied with his answer. No one would believe such a lame excuse in any other context. “Did you...”
“No,” he retorted.
Everyone believed something was going on between them. Now that he'd accepted his feelings, Alex understood why. He looked like a puppy in love. Gosh, he felt like a puppy in love. Lexi tucked a blonde lock behind his ear—a gene neither he nor Audrey had inherited.
“Alex, you should watch out with Elena. I know she's kind, but I think she's taking advantage of your kindness.”
Alex frowned. He knew her. He knew she’d rather suffer in silence than ask for help. If she called him, she must’ve been desperate. “I want her to use my kindness.”
Lexi's eyes widened at his honesty. “You can't save her, Alex.”
“But she needs me.”
“What she needs is professional help. You can't feel responsible for something that's none of your business.”
Deep down, Alex knew that his mother was right. He couldn't help wanting to be with Elena. He wanted to help her, just as he'd wanted someone to help him, years ago.
When he didn't answer, Lexi frowned as something must have clicked in her mind. “You're in love with her.”
There was no point in denying it. Anyone who took the time to look at him would have noticed. Alex was so transparent that maybe even Elena could see it. He prayed that she couldn't. Alex had no idea what to do if one day she realized he loved her, and that she was incapable of loving him back.
“Sweetheart, in a relationship, it's important that both parties can be happy on their own. You've spent years picking up the pieces of your heart. Don't give away what’s left of it.”
She was right, once again. He knew his heart was damaged and fragile, but Elena was worth it. He'd given her the power to break it again with a snap of her fingers. “Like I had a chance with her.”
Elena was too good for him. That didn't stop him from wanting her just the same. She was kind and funny and smart, and every time they were together, he couldn’t help but hope she would love him too.
“What?”
Alex lifted his gaze. “Mom, look at me. I don't stand a chance. I'm a wreck. The day she realizes what she's worth, she won't want a reject.”
“Alexander, I forbid you to say such a thing. You don't know what you're worth either.”
“She's too good for me, and you know it. You know how broken I am.”
Elena had seen him lose it once; that day had thrown a big chill into their friendship.
Alex lost control when he got angry, but seeing the terror in Elena's eyes had the effect of a cold shower.
She had seen how destructive his behaviour was.
He didn't want to be that person anymore.
Elena deserved better. Maybe he did, too.
“If that's what you really think, why don't you become a better person for her?”