29. Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Caiden
J amie looks good. Good and not the least bit happy to see me. He keeps his distance all afternoon, reserving all his smiles for Sage and the baby. The way he is with them leaves me feeling like an outsider and if it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve come all this way to see my dad - something that has taken every ounce of my strength to do - I’d probably leave. I told Darius that Jamie would be back to his normal life, and I was right.
I focus my attention on Maria - trying to keep my jealousy in check when Jamie laughs again at something Sage says. Maria puts together a feast - all vegetarian, filling the room with the scent of garlic and cheese. Her warm smile and eagerness to take care of us reminds me fondly of the birthday dinner she made for Cooper and I. All the food and gifts and love she poured into making the night special.
Regret rolls around inside me when I think of how cold I was to her in the past. How I never even bothered to attend their wedding. This woman has so many reasons to not accept me in her life, yet here she is, cooking up a storm and chatting to me like I didn’t run away and leave my heartbroken father for her to take care of.
Watching Maria move around the kitchen reminds me of her son doing a similar thing, only with less finesse and loads more cussing. The thought does something funny to my stomach, and warmth blossoms in my cheeks when I think of the other things Jamie and I did in my kitchen.
Maria hands me the plates, which I carry through to the dining room, then take a seat across from Jamie.
“How long are you staying for?” Sage asks, her eyes flitting to Jamie and then back to me. I’m certain she knows everything that happened between us and this question is as much for his benefit as Duncan’s.
“I have to be back at work on Thursday, so a few days. Maria says my dad will be back from his trip tomorrow. I guess it will depend on how he feels about me being here.” I shrug, my stomach churning at the thought that he won’t want me around.
“I told you, sweetie, your dad is going to be thrilled,” Maria says, joining us with a huge bowl of salad in one hand and dressing in the other. “Jamie, can you get the pasta from the kitchen?” My eyes follow Jamie out of the room, coming to land on a large print on the wall that I missed earlier. It's one I'm very familiar with - the four of us stargazing the night of my twentieth birthday.
“It's my favourite photo,” Maria says when she catches me staring.
“Mine too,” I reply. “I have a copy next to my bed.” Hidden in my drawer because it's too painful to look at. For the first time since losing Cooper, I look at the photo and see not what we lost, but what we gained. A family.
When Jamie returns, we eat and make idle chit chat - Sage and Maria doing most of the talking. Jamie holds the baby for the duration of the meal, all his attention on the little thing that looks startlingly like her mother.
Maria asks me what I’m doing now and where I’m living. I get the distinct feeling from the way she’s talking, that she has no idea that Jamie and I have seen each other recently. It becomes clearer that he never told his mum about seeing me when she remarks about Jamie having recently been on a work trip to the same town I live in.
Once the meal is over, Sage takes Nova and excuses herself, saying she needs to head home.
“I can drive you,” Maria offers. “I have book club soon and it’s a few roads over from yours. Jamie, why don’t you take Caiden out this evening? Catch up a bit.”
“Yes, Jay, it's been so long, I’m sure you have plenty to catch up on,” Sage remarks, drawing out the word ‘so’. Jamie scowls at her but is met with a mischievous smirk. If Maria is confused by the comment, she doesn’t say anything.
“You can take your old room. Jamie will get you clean sheets,” Maria says to me, as she stands and starts gathering up our empty plates.
“There’s a lot of instructions for Jamie being thrown around,” Jamie responds coldly, getting to his feet and taking the plates from his mother. “I have plans tonight.” He storms out of the kitchen and my body deflates, feeling like I made a terrible decision in coming here. Hopefully, my father’s welcome will be a little warmer.
“Ignore him, Caiden.” Maria looks at me with a sad smile. “He’s going through a breakup and has a lot on his mind.”
Once Maria has left the room, I stare at my hands, ignoring Sage’s knowing looks.
“His mood has nothing to do with his break up with Rachel,” she says, and I look up. She has Nova on her lap, the baby cradled into her chest, her little blue eyes open and looking at me. “But you already knew that.”
“I know,” I admit. “He’s upset with me.”
“Bingo.” Sage smirks. “He thought you had something special but then you started ignoring him.” She looks at the door and then back at me. “Jamie has always known what he wants, he’s never struggled with that, until you. You turned everything upside down and then you shut him out.”
“I didn’t mean to,” I say defensively. “I just…” I shake my head because this is going to sound really bad, especially to Sage. “I just got upset that he left.” My eyes land on the baby. “And I know his reasoning but he never even said he’d come back. Like our time together was just a fling to him.”
She nods, not looking in any way offended as I’d expected. “Did you ask him to come back? Because from what I know, he asked you to come here. He showed you what he wanted when he asked that. Jamie doesn’t do flings. He hasn’t put his heart on the line, not since Coop.”
I think about the way he’d begged me to go home with him that day, wishing I’d had the guts to accept his offer then and there instead of running off. Wishing I’d asked him to come back. Wishing we’d at least talked it through and found a way to make us work even with the distance. But wishes never got anyone anywhere, least of all me.
Sage shakes her head and with baby in arms and a bag over her shoulder she stands in the doorway. “Look, if you want my two cents, I think the two of you suck at communicating. He’s mad ‘cause you ignored him, you ignored him because… I don’t even know why, but I’m sure you have your reasons. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. You’re not children, sort this out.”
She leaves without another word and my only thought is how lucky that baby is to have a mother like her.
I lie awake on my bed, listening to my stepbrother stomp around his room. Maria hasn’t come back yet, and as far as I know, he hasn’t gone out despite supposedly having plans.
Jamie never lived here back when I did, but Maria and my dad had given him a room anyway, and sometime after Cooper’s death, he moved into it. Now, he’s only a few feet away from me, yet the distance feels like an entire ocean apart.
My skin itches, my legs restless and uncomfortable as I toss and turn, trying to ignore the ache inside me that wants to see him. To touch him. To kiss him. Ignoring the part of me that feels so pulled towards Jamie, it’s taking every bit of my resolve not to knock on his door.
Music starts playing loudly. The Whole of the Moon by the Waterboys seeping through the quiet of the house and into my room. It gets louder and I’m sure he’s doing it deliberately to fuck with me. When it plays on repeat for the third time, I climb out of bed with a huff and throw open my door, closing the space to his closed door in a few steps.
He opens after a few loud knocks and I suck in air as I take in how breathtaking he looks dressed in a tight white Henley and blue jeans.
“Can you turn it down, please?”
His eyebrows pull tight as he takes me in, dressed in black jeans and his hoodie.
“No,” he says bluntly, loud enough for me to hear over the music. “I’m leaving soon, anyway.” Jamie heads further into his room, his back to me, and I follow. His room smells strongly like him, his bed is unmade and there's clothing piled high on a desk. My eyes roam over his space before coming back to rest on his broad shoulders. He’s all power and confidence but at the same time soft and warm and so comforting, I want to lose myself in him every time he’s around me.
Feeling incredibly frustrated - at him, at my thoughts, at my undeniable need for my stepbrother - I disconnect his smart speaker from the wall, throwing the room into silence. “I thought you were going out?” My voice sounds harder than I intended.
When he turns around, his eyes are dark and there’s a hungry expression on his face which makes my pulse race.
“I am.” Jamie takes a step closer and I watch his chest rise and fall with every breath. “On a date,” he adds.
“Oh.” My heart plummets and my mind screams at me to leave but I was never one for making the right choice. “Is she pretty?” I don't know why I want to punish myself by asking.
Jamie steps closer, his head tipped to the side as he studies me. I stand straighter, not letting him see the tremble in my body. Tension is thick in the air and need courses through my blood, making sweat break out on the back of my neck.
“He. And yeah, he’s pretty.” My throat constricts as I swallow thickly and his eyes zero in on my Adam’s apple.
“Are you going to fuck him?” I clench my hands at my sides to stop myself from touching him. This game we’re playing suddenly feels familiar.
Jamie’s startling green eyes trail up to my lips. “If he wants me to.” He’s so close, I can feel heat radiating off his muscular body.
“Do you want to?” The distance between us shortens and I’m acutely aware of the wild thumping of my heart and the blood rushing to my ears.
He licks his lips. “What I want doesn’t seem to matter anymore.”
He invades all my senses, and I can't stop myself. I want him. More than I want my next breath of Jamie scented air. My hands land on his chest, one gripping the fabric of his tee tightly, while the other slides beneath the hem, lifting it while roaming his taut stomach. His breath catches at the same time his hands find my hips, pinning me to him with a punishing hold. Why did it have to be this man? Why did my stupid heart have to trip and land in his hands?
“What do you want, Jamie?” My forehead rests against his, our eyes locked on each other.
“Tell me you missed me,” he says. “Tell me you wanted to see me, even if it’s a lie.”
“It wouldn’t be a lie.” Tilting my head, I ghost my lips over his. “I missed you. I want you.” My lips press roughly to his. “I’ve never wanted someone so badly.” Jamie deepens the kiss, his tongue sliding inside and swallowing my moans.
“I’m still mad at you,” he says, his hands skating from my hips to my ass. He pulls me closer, our erections rubbing together subtly, then kisses the spot beneath my ear which makes me shiver. “I don’t like it when you ignore me.”
“I’m sorry,” I pant as he kneads my ass cheeks. “I thought you didn’t need me in your life.”
He growls and kisses me harder before taking my cheeks in his hands. “You’re infuriating.”
“Let me make it up to you,” I say, my hand skimming over his groin. Jamie smiles wickedly, then moves his hands to my shoulders and not so subtly applies pressure until I’m falling to my knees, my eyes landing on his belt buckle and the bulge in his jeans. He rips off his top and I take in the dips that run to the edges of his low slung jeans.
“Maybe I shouldn’t need you, Caiden. But I do.” He undoes his belt, and unzips his jeans. “Take me out.”
Nuzzling my nose into his open fly, I breathe him in, then do as he ordered. Pulling his hard cock out of his boxers, I straighten up and then lick from the base to the tip.
“I want to punish you for pushing me away.” His hands find purchase in my hair and I look up at him. “But at the same time I want to worship every inch of you.”
“Do both,” I suggest, wrapping my lips around his hard length. He lets out a deep groan and grips my hair tighter, pulling until my eyes leak.
“That’s it, sunshine. Suck me. Show me how much you missed me.” Hollowing my cheeks, I suck harder while taking him further into my mouth. His hold on my hair becomes increasingly painful but it only spurs me on, making my own cock throb from the confines of my jeans.
Jamie looks down at me, his lips parted in a perfect O at the same time he starts moving his hips. Holding my head still, he fucks my throat, his thrusts getting more forceful with every movement. Loosening my jaw, I let him take control, gagging every time he hits the very back of my throat.
“Oh fuck, fuck, I’m gonna fuck your throat so hard you feel me there for days.” A moan slips past my lips and I hastily undo my fly and free my aching cock while Jamie ruts into me like a wild animal. He holds his cock deep in my throat, my nose against the coarse hair around his base until my vision swims. Then, he pulls out and I suck in a sharp breath before he does it again and again.
“God, you're so perfect. Choking on my cock like a good fucking boy.”
I whimper at his words - my mind fuzzy, my body warm and pliant, swimming in a sea of sensation. I lose track of everything around me, and when his movements stutter and thick, salty cum coats my throat, I’m barely able to swallow it all down. Coughing, some of it slides out the sides of my mouth and onto my chin. Jamie pulls out, rubbing his cock over my lips and muttering ‘beautiful’ as he does, then lifts me off the floor and throws me onto his bed. He tears off his remaining clothing, then carefully removes all my clothing until I’m naked and spread out on the bed before him.
Jamie covers me with his body, his mouth finding my neck and locking on until the skin prickles and stings. His spent cock twitches against my thigh when he kisses up my neck and laps up his cum from my skin.
“Eyes on me,” he says as he lays chaste kisses over the plains and valleys of my body. He touches every part of me, my skin alive and tingling with sensation. When he pushes my legs up and his tongue finds my hole, at the same time his hand grips my cock, my lungs cease working and I float away on a haze of pure white hot pleasure.
“You’re so beautiful, I can’t stop looking at you.” He kisses around my rim, while his hand moves in circular motions around my cock. “I can’t stop dreaming about you.” Jamie licks and nibbles at my hole. “I can’t stop thinking about how perfect you are. For me. Just for me.”
His hand moves slowly over my cock as he licks and sucks and probes at my hole. He doesn't let up until tears are streaming from my eyes, and I'm begging him to make me come.
Jamie stops, pulling back to take in my flushed, sweaty form, and I whine, hot and needy and wanting. So much wanting . He leans over me, his hand working my cock and his mouth hovering above mine. He smells musky and I realise he smells….like me.
“Do you want that? To be mine?” Whimpers fall from my lips and my body writhes beneath his as he works me over, hard and fast. “Say it.”
“Yes!” I cry out, pleasure blasting out of me as I nod my head - at his words, at his touch, at the pure rightness of the moment.
Mine. The word ricochets around my mind.
Jamie Durand may never have meant to be mine, but perhaps life isn’t as linear as that - perhaps what wasn’t meant to be can one day be . When he covers us with a duvet and I snuggle into his side, I hope I’m right.