30. Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty
Jamie
“ O h God, I should have knocked.” My mother’s horrified voice pulls me from a really lovely dream. Cold air hits my side as the warm body next to me shoots up. Opening my eyes, I take in my mum, wide eyed and staring at Caiden, who is blushing fiercely.
Fuck.
“Mum,” I groan. “You can’t just barge in like this! Go, please.” I pull the duvet higher up and over my head, then grab Caiden’s leg and pull him down and under the blanket with me. His warm, naked skin presses to mine, and I bury my nose in his neck. He smells like warmth, and sleep, and me.
“Sorry. Shit. I just wanted to ask if you’d seen Caiden. Which clearly, you have,” she rambles. “Duncan will be home in a couple of hours, and I wanted to tell him that. If you could pass on the message. Shit, fuck, this is awkward.”
“Mum, you’re not making it less awkward. He got the message, please go,” I say. Caiden is looking at me with wide eyes, his brows drawn together and bottom lip trapped between his teeth. With my thumb, I pull his lip free then lean in and kiss it.
“Okay, I’m going. Maybe use a sock on the door next time? Or no, okay, I’ll just knock in future. Um, Jamie?”
I smile at Caiden as I answer my mum, grateful for the large duvet keeping us hidden.
“Yes, Mum?”
“This isn’t a new thing, is it? Don’t answer that! I’m being nosy. Sorry, really am going this time.”
When the door closes, Caiden throws the blanket off of us and sits up, his body tense as he watches the space where my mother was standing a few seconds ago.
“I’m sorry, I should have gone back to my room.”
“Why are you sorry?” I kiss his cheek then push him onto his side so I can position him with his back against my chest.
“Because you didn’t want them to know about us. I mean, I’m not saying there’s an us but you know what I mean.”
I chuckle, nibbling at the soft spot at the base of his neck. I love the way his body trembles when I suck and bite him there, so I do it again, leaving behind more love bites, until he’s whimpering and pushing against me. Rolling Caiden onto his back, I lie with my head on his stomach and play with his belly button, tracing the tattoo that wraps around it while looking into his sapphire blue eyes.
“I don’t care who knows but we should probably discuss what exactly all this means and what we want. I’d like for whatever this is to be about more than just sex.”
Caiden’s lip twitch into a smile. “I’d really fucking like that too.”
“Good,” I nuzzle his stomach, then kiss lower until I’m parting his legs and running my lips over the skin of his inner thighs.
“These are new,” I say, kissing around a particularly red scab as his muscles tighten under my touch. I wish I could take all his pain away but I know that's not how healing works. Healing doesn't happen overnight and it's not fixed by a few weeks of therapy or the affection and attention of another person. It's something only he can control and I want to hold his hand for as long as it takes.
“I know,” he says softly, voice barely audible. “I’m trying, but sometimes, it’s still all that helps.”
Giving his thighs one last kiss, I rest my head on the pillow next to him and he turns so we’re nose to nose. “You don’t need to explain anything to me,” I say. “But promise me, if you need to talk to someone, you will. I’ll be happy to listen if you want to talk to me. I need you to be okay, Caiden. I know that's selfish but I can’t….” I can't lose you too. “I want you to be happy and safe.”
He nods and his hands find my hips.
“Did you really have a date planned last night?” Caiden asks, taking his turn to suck marks into the skin on my throat.
“Maybe. Or maybe I wanted to mess with you and make you so angry you felt compelled to kiss me.” Caiden laughs with his lips still on my skin, then slaps my stomach.
“Asshole.” He pulls back, a slow gentle grin growing on his face.
“I was angry at you, remember? It seemed justified at the time.” He dives on top of me and I get lost in his laughter. It’s sweet like honey and warm like a summer breeze. It’s a treasure that very few get to see and I want to soak it up for as long as I can.
When he stops laughing, his blue eyes are bright and sparkling. My heart somersaults, making butterflies take flight in my chest.
Caiden rests his forehead against mine.
“Do you think we could be something good?”
I kiss him. Hard. Hoping the kiss is enough to tell him just how good I think we can be.
While Caiden is in the shower, I head downstairs where I find my mum in the lounge, her kindle in her hand, and music playing softly through the speakers mounted on the wall.
“Morning,” she says, a smirk twisting her lips as I flop into the armchair opposite her. “Good night?”
“Mum,” I deadpan. “Go ahead, say everything you need to. Ask your questions.” I open my hands wide, palms up.
“I don’t actually know where to start. I mean, I guessed something was up when you came home from a ‘work trip’,” she lifts her hands into air quotes around the words, “looking like you had a run in with a vacuum cleaner and then the same day get dumped by your girlfriend. But Caiden?” She rubs the back of her neck, her focus somewhere over my shoulder. “I thought you weren’t in contact with him anymore. And that you hated him!”
“I wasn’t - he called me out of the blue.” I don’t go into the details of who exactly called me or why because that’s not my story to share, so I stick with the basics. “I’ve never hated him. We had our differences, but a lot of time has passed and we’re different people now.”
Studying the backs of my hands as they rub over my knees, I say, “I never expected any of this. I saw him and….things just happened.”
The playfulness in mum’s voice is gone when she speaks again, her tone serious. “You know I don’t have a problem with who you date, but Jamie, are you sure you’re doing it for the right reasons?”
“What do you mean?” I grit out defensively, my hands twisting together on my lap.
“Without lying to me, because I’m your mum and I know you’ve been lying to me for years.” Her eyebrows cinch into a straight line, making her delicate features look harsher than usual despite the concern in her eyes. “Have you been to Cooper’s grave yet?”
Her question knocks the air out of me. I thought she’d bought the lies all these years, the fact that she hasn’t makes me question how well I’ve been hiding my pain.
“Don’t look at me like that, Jay. I know Sage is the one who’s been leaving flowers there. I’m not judging you, we all deal with grief in our own way, which is why I’ve not said anything before. My concern here is that you’re using Caiden to fill the gap that Cooper left behind.”
My hands find my hair, tugging on the ends as I close my eyes and try to quell the whirl of emotions bubbling inside me. I haven’t dealt with Cooper’s death yet, but I’m not with Caiden in order to do that. Things with Caiden are different - they’re separate to how I felt or feel about Coop.
“I don’t expect you to understand, mum, but you’re wrong. I may not be over Cooper - not fully - but I’m not using Caiden. He’s not some quick fix to make me feel better. I don’t look at him and think of Cooper and not because they don’t look alike - we all know they do - but because he’s so different to his brother and how I feel is different.”
It’s hard to explain to Mum how he makes me feel when I’m still all over the place in understanding it myself. All I am sure of right now is that when I look at Caiden, I feel happy.
Mum moves to kneel in front of me, both her hands on my knees. Her lavender scent wafts over me and I’m suddenly that little boy again, who looks to his mum for all the answers.
“I like him. Not because of Cooper but because of who he is. He’s funny, and smart and probably the most annoying person I know but I want to be with him. Isn’t that enough?”
She touches my cheek and I take her hand. “I can’t answer that for you. I just don’t want to see either of you hurt. Lord knows you’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime.”
“I know,” I reply, biting my bottom lip. “I’m not going to hurt him.”
Movement in my periphery catches my attention and Mum stands and straightens her pink sundress. Caiden is at the doorway, dressed in his standard black jeans and a neatly pressed navy blue short sleeved shirt. He’s toying with his tongue piercing, his gaze darting from my mum to me and then back again. I don’t know how much he heard but I’ve no doubt he sees the concern in my mum’s eyes.
Standing, I walk over to him and wrap an arm around his waist then brush my lips over his cheek. “You look very handsome, sunshine,” I say. He sighs softly, leaning into my hold. His body trembles, slight enough to go unnoticed had I not been holding him.
“Are you okay?” I whisper.
He presses his cheek to mine so that his lips are near my ear. “Really fucking nervous. What if he doesn’t want me here?”
Loosening my arm from around him, I take his hands and lead him back upstairs and into my room. My hands grip his face, my palms rubbing over the sprinkling of stubble on his cheeks while his hands rest on my chest, one over my heart and the other under my shirt, drawing patterns across my ribs.
“You have every right to feel however you feel, but I promise you, your dad is going to be beyond happy to have you back. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad.” Caiden’s eyes narrow, little lines appearing around the edges that make him look older than his twenty three years. “But for the last three years, he’s talked about seeing you again, more times than I can count. He wants this. We all do.”
Caiden’s shoulders are tense, but at my words, some of it melts away. While his body is still trembling, his lips have curved into a slow smile. I kiss his forehead, then his nose, then the purple bite mark on his neck.
“That’ll be fun to explain,” I joke, licking over the bruised skin and eliciting the sweetest moan from him. His eyes close and he scratches his nails down my stomach, making the muscles dip and clench. Playfully, I spin Caiden around and pull him so his back is flush against my chest.
“Your dad will be back in less than twenty minutes, how about I help you work some of this tension out?” My hands roam up and down the expanse of his chest, over the smooth fabric of his shirt which clings beautifully to his pecs and delicate muscles.
“Do you think I have time to bend you over my desk and fuck you?” I growl into his ear before biting on his earlobe. Caiden shivers and presses further into me. My hands find the button on his jeans, popping it before sliding down his zipper.
“I’m not sure. You’re good, but you’re not that good,” he quips. My hand snakes up his chest, coming to land on his Adam’s apple. I squeeze gently, loving the way his body relaxes in my hold.
“You shouldn’t test me, sunshine. You may not walk away unscathed,” I say, hunger thick in my voice. Caiden chuckles and squirms his ass back so it’s rubbing against my erection. With one hand gripping his neck, I use the other to pull his cock from his boxers, jerking it in slow, torturous movements.
“I don’t like that you’re not in my hoodie,” I whisper, because I’m suddenly so possessive of this man, I have this urge to keep him dressed in my clothes all the time. There’s something primal and urgent in the thought that has me pushing him towards the desk and hastily undoing my jeans. The need to be inside him, overwhelming.
We work together, a frantic movement of limbs, until he’s naked, his back arched, his elbows resting on the desk. The line of his spine beneath flawless pale skin excites me, and I trace it with my tongue from the tip, beneath his black locks to the base, just above his round, plump ass.
“You’re intoxicating,” I rasp, letting my hands wander his smooth skin, forgetting the fact that we’re in a hurry. “I can’t get enough.”
My hand slides between his cheeks, and he shudders, his hole clenching when my finger gently taps at it.
The sound of a car door closing and voices from the front of the house has Caiden straightening, fast enough that he knocks into me. When he turns around, his cheeks are the prettiest shade of pink I’ve ever seen and his eyes are blown wide. Dark and inviting. I have to kiss him, so despite his attempts at pulling his clothes back on, I grab his throat and haul him to me, smacking my lips to his.
Caiden moans, and my balls ache and I’m very close to saying fuck it and bending him over anyway, when he pulls away and wipes at his split-slicked lips. “Later,” he pants, patting his mussed hair. “I need to do this now, not a second later. Before I chicken out.”
“Later,” I promise, then help him straighten up so he doesn’t look like he was just about to be fucked, moments before seeing his dad for the first time in three years.
There’s nothing he can do about the hickeys that dot his neck, yet he pulls the collar of his shirt up, giving him a bad boy drummer vibe, in a feeble attempt to cover them up.
Taking a deep breath, I watch as Caiden gives himself a pep talk, then opens the door and pads quietly down the steps. I follow, ready to catch him if everything goes to shit.