Chapter 32
Cleo
I’m angry. River has been avoiding me since she told me about her trip to see the captain. I know she has orders and I accept that. What I don’t accept is the limbo she’s left us in.
We didn’t even get to finish our conversation…
well, not really. River told me what happened, and that she had to stay away from me for the rest of the deployment.
The only thing I was able to get in before she left my cabin was that we’d be on dry land soon, so it wasn’t so bad.
A few days away from each other and we’d be able to figure it out.
River didn’t say anything, instead she gave me a pained smile, kissed me on the cheek and said goodbye.
I keep on playing the scene over and over again in my head. Even now, when I should be watching the impressive ability of Captain Morley guiding the ship into port, my mind is elsewhere.
I didn’t visit the captain after River left.
I figured it best to wait until we’re dockside and I can speak to her and my father at the same time.
River shouldn’t bear all the blame. I was equally culpable.
There is also the matter of Benson. Morley is now aware of his and Grey’s transgressions, but I don’t think she’s aware of the depth of his wrongdoings.
After River left me in my cabin I spent a few hours scrolling through every emotion imaginable. Eventually, though, I pulled myself out of the fog and refocused. There was nothing I could do about my and River’s situation, but I could still help her case by gathering more evidence against Benson.
Shifting my energy into something positive has always been the way I’ve dealt with difficult situations at work, and this was no different. Lieutenant Pierce accepted my request to interview him a second time, and I wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily this time around.
He was a little confused at first when I jumped straight into probing questions about Benson and his buddy, Officer Hardman.
I could see he didn’t want to answer, but I was relentless.
I divulged Benson’s inappropriate relationship with Grey, which was risky, but necessary.
I needed Pierce to see he wasn’t alone. And it worked! Better than I could’ve imagined.
Pierce was able to recount numerous times Benson and Hardman had shot bigoted comments his way, always covering them up as playful banter between colleagues.
It was hard to listen to him, but I had to get it down.
Pierce went even further and gave me a pocket notebook filled with instances he’d witnessed Benson and Hardman acting in a way unbecoming of members of the Royal Navy.
I had to ask him why he’d never come forward.
Benson and Hardman had been getting away with despicable behaviour for far too long.
I couldn’t understand how Pierce stood by and let it happen.
He told me he felt he was in an impossible situation.
The culture of the ship was a delicate balance.
He said he didn’t feel confident the crew would’ve understood him reporting a fellow officer and crewmember.
I sort of understood. I’d witnessed the culture myself, and he was right.
It is a delicate balance. I understand how one small thing could have a much bigger effect on the crew as a whole.
The ship only runs so well because the crew, including the officers, are working seamlessly.
I could imagine things turning toxic fast if allowed.
And yet…people are being bullied, discriminated against, and they have no escape. They were, and are, stuck on board the ship with their tormentors. Yes, the Queen Elizabeth is akin to a floating city, but we all know how small the world is when we want to avoid someone.
River is stuck with them for seven months. Seven months of dealing with Benson’s bigotry, of watching Hardman’s “playful banter,” of knowing that speaking up could destroy her career.
That’s why I have to do this. That’s why this evidence matters. River deserves better. They all deserve better.
So with Pierce’s testimony, his notebook and a promise he’d back up my findings to the brass, I spent two days huddled in my cabin writing up my findings, ready for the meeting I intended on calling the second my feet stepped on dry land.
“Ms Carter?”
My eyes snap from staring at nothing to Kit, who is standing by my side. I can’t help but look around for River, but of course she isn’t here.
“Kitman,” I say with a steady voice. Her eyes soften in sympathy.
“I’m here to escort you off the ship.”
“Right, of course.” In my reverie, I’d missed the ship docking. My time on HMS Queen Elizabeth is finally over. I’d packed my small amount of belongings last night in preparation. I don’t think I could’ve stomached it this morning.
Turning to Captain Morley, I offer my hand to shake. “Thank you for your hospitality, Captain. It’s been eye-opening, if short.”
“My pleasure, Ms Carter. I’ll see you in the debrief later.”
I’m pleased she’s already expecting a meeting with me. Maybe it’s more to do with my dad spitting feathers and the captain’s need to keep him happy, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll get my time to speak and that’s all that matters.
Kit and I are silent as we make our way through the ship. Eventually, I can’t take it anymore.
“Kit, where is she?”
Foolishly, I thought River would’ve found a way to see me before I disembarked.
Kit sighs. “She’s in the bunk.”
A tight sensation grips my throat.
“She’s a mess, Cleo.”
“Why won’t she talk to me?” I know she couldn’t see me, but hell, she could have sent me a message. “Is she ending this?”
We reach the gangplank, but Kit doesn’t stop, and she walks with me until we’re off the ship. Stopping and looking over her shoulder, Kit gestures with her head to step to the side. Other sailors are disembarking and we’re in the way.
“She’s spiralling, Cleo. I think it’s finally hitting her just how much you mean to her, and this whole thing with Grey and Benson has hit her hard. She’s scared of what’s going to happen to her. Then there’s your dad.”
“It has nothing to do with him.”
“Well, he certainly thinks so. River’s been requested to meet him in the captain’s private mess.”
“What?” This is the first I’m hearing of it. I didn’t even know my father was here yet. “He’s on board?”
Kit nibbles her lip. “He arrived as soon as we docked. He was already in Portsmouth, waiting for the ship to come in.”
“He has no right,” I begin, but Kit stops me with a hand on my arm.
But he does have the right. That’s the problem. He’s the Admiral of the Fleet. He has every right to pull rank, to insert himself into my personal life, to intimidate River with his authority and his position.
And I hate it. I hate that he uses his power this way. I hate that he can’t just be my dad and let me figure things out on my own.
I hate that River is probably terrified right now.
“He does have the right, Cleo. He’s the bloody Admiral of the Fleet. Anything that happens on or off the ship is his concern.”
I shake my head. “But he isn’t here as the admiral. He’s here as my dad and that’s not right. River would never be dragged in front of someone so high up in normal circumstances.”
“I know,” she says sympathetically. “But these aren’t normal circumstances.”
“Take me to him,” I bark, but Kit only sighs again and shakes her head.
“I can’t. I have orders, Cleo.”
“Did he give you the orders?”
She doesn’t need to answer. I see it in her face.
“Fine. Where am I supposed to go?” I’m beyond angry, but not at Kit. I hate it when my dad pulls this shit. Why does he always wreck any progress we make by inserting his authority into my personal life?
River might be one of his sailors, but he’s way over the line this time. River should not be in the firing line, not when there are so many other troubling things happening on this ship, under the nose of the officers and captain.
“This way,” she says softly. I practically march in the direction of one of the many buildings which make up the naval base.
We enter a conference room and Kit pulls out a chair.
“You shouldn’t have to wait long. It’s been lovely to meet you, Cleo, and for what it’s worth I hope you can figure it out with River.”
Tears sting my eyes, but I keep them from falling. “Look after her, okay?”
“I will,” she says, smiling.
“And Kit…tell her I’m not giving up.”
Her smile gets wider. “Aye aye.”
Nearly an hour passes before I see another person. Captain Morley enters the room and sits opposite me.
“Where is my father?” I ask.
She looks uncomfortable because I’m guessing she knows exactly where he is and with whom.
“He’ll be along shortly.”
I nod, but don’t let her continue. “You’re going to want to read this.” I pull out a pile of paper which makes up my findings. It’s been a while since I had to write everything out by hand. I’ve probably got carpal tunnel now.
“What is it?” she asks, retrieving her reading glasses from her shirt pocket.
“Read and see. We’ll discuss once you’ve finished.”
I’ve always explained things better in writing, and I need her to grasp the full weight of the situation.
Maybe half an hour passes before she places the last piece of paper on the conference room table. Her face is ashen, and she’s yet to look at me. I think I got my point across.
She’s reading about her own ship. About the culture she’s created, even if unintentionally. About the crew members who are suffering under her command. About the officers she trusted who are abusing their power.
This is her failure, and she knows it.
She swallows hard. “Do you intend to publish this?”
I roll my eyes. “That’s not what this is about. I have no intentions of dragging you or your ship through the court of public opinion. I’m showing you this because things have got to change. You owe it to your crew to stop Benson and Hardman.”
“I had no idea,” she says quietly.
“Because the culture of the ship is designed to be that way.”
Finally, she lifts her eyes. “I have a good crew, Cleo.”
“I know you do, which is why they deserve better. River deserves better. I know we broke the rules, and I understand you need to discipline her, but please don’t let what happened between her and me distract from the bigger issue.”
“I need to talk to the admiral.”
“You are the captain!”
The door opens and my father steps in with a severe look on his face. I think he was expecting me to look sheepish. He’s in for a shock because I am the opposite of that.
Sitting back in my chair, I look him in the eye and wait. It’s Captain Morley who breaks the silence.
“Sir. I have an urgent issue that requires my immediate attention.” She then turns to me. “May I make a copy of this?”
“Of course.”
“What’s all this,” dad asks, pointing to the scattered paper in front of the captain.
“This is a problem, sir. I will need to sit with you later today and discuss the contents of the file.”
“Is it the article?” he asks.
“No, but Cleo is the author behind the findings. If you’ll excuse me.”
The captain gives me a nod and salutes my dad before leaving. He sits in her vacant chair and looks at me expectantly. When I don’t offer him what he wants, he smacks his hand on the table.
“What the hell were you thinking, Cleo?”
“Care to elaborate?”
“You know very well what I’m talking about. You slept with a crew member.”
“I did, and I know we broke the rules, but I am a civilian and it was consensual. That’s all there is to it. Able Rate Dawson has been disciplined, so as far as I’m concerned the issue is dealt with.”
“You are my daughter,” he begins.
“I am an adult woman who has autonomy over her life and body. I don’t now, or ever, need your permission. If you want to talk about inappropriate behaviour maybe we should circle back to the meeting you just had with River.”
His cheeks grow red. “I have every right—”
“You are the Admiral of the Fleet. Tell me, when was the last time you dealt with such a minor infraction personally? Are you constantly called to have chats with sailors who misbehave? No, I didn’t think so. You made this into something personal. What the hell did you say to her?”
“That is between me and Able Rate Dawson,” he grinds out.
“I swear to God, Dad, if you’ve done anything to mess this up for me, I will never forgive you. River wasn’t just a warm body. She’s important to me and we were building something.”
“Cleo.”
I slice my hand in the air. “No, I don’t want to hear it. I suggest you catch up to the captain, Dad, because you have a much bigger problem than me sleeping with River.”
“What did you write, Cleo?”
“The truth. Don’t worry, I won’t sully the reputation of your true love, Dad.
The article I was assigned to write is finished and will do exactly what you planned.
I’m sure you’ll have a whole host of youngsters lining up to join the Navy once it’s published.
The report I wrote for Captain Morley highlights the bigotry and discrimination that is running wild on board the Queen Elizabeth unchecked.
You might want to clean that up before my article is released.
I can only imagine the shitstorm you’ll receive from the public if what I found leaks to the press.
And no, that wasn’t a threat, just an observation, because the truth always comes out. ”
“What? Cleo, what are you talking about?”
“Captain Morley will fill you in. Now, as far as I’m concerned my job here is done, so I’m going home. Do not put me in this position again, Dad. If you manipulate your power to get me to do what you want ever again, we’re through.”
“Cleo,” he says, and for the first time since he stepped in, he’s looking at me like my dad instead of the admiral.
For a moment, I want to soften. I want to let him in, to let him help, to go back to being his little girl who needs his protection.
But I can’t. Because his protection comes with strings. His help comes with expectations. His love comes with conditions.
And River deserves better than that. I deserve better than that.
“No, Dad. Enough. I need some space after all this shit. Please respect that.”