821 THE WAR OF DARKNESS AND LIGHT （6）
Cane knew this was not real, but what he was witnessing right now had happened in the past. His surrounding would change depended on what moment Iris’s memories took him.
At first, he saw a little girl, playing alone on her own. She couldn’t hear her surrounding, but her beautiful blue eyes filled with curiosity.
Iris was two years old when Mason hit her for the first time, or at least, that was how she remembered it.
The little girl stretched out her arms, her eyes lit up when she saw Mason was approaching her. She had been neglected by people around her and no one wanted to play with her, thus when she saw Mason gave an attention, she looked excited.
Her smile was very adorable when she raised her arms, asking for Mason to pick her up, but instead that little boy was cruel enough to kick her in the chest, her little body hurled across the room.
There was no sound here, not even Mason’s voice or her cry. It was very silent.
Only later on Cane realized why he couldn’t hear anything. It was because, this was Iris’s memories; at that time, in her world, there was no sound. Her world was very quiet, it was terrifying.
For a shifter, who had keen senses, losing one of your senses was very unsettling.
However, this was how Iris’s world until recently when she finally gained her ability to hear. Na was part of Iris’s misery, but then in a way, it helped her not to hear all the horrible words that people threw at her all the time as she grew up.
Cane watched how Mason bullied her, harmed her and how her trauma of dark place started.
Mason locked her in the attic. If it was not him, it would be alpha Gerald. That young boy started to whip her when she was six years old.
Cane watched how Iris trembled in fear when the only friend she had, the stable boy that she had told him, was being killed right before her eyes.
Once again, Na reduced the pain, she made her forgot about that event for a while, until Iris regained that memory back, once the agony had subsided.
After that... Kellan.
God. If you did exist, how could you create such abominable creature? Even a monster deserved to live more than him. How could you create such shitty and broken person?
Cane watched everything that little Iris had to endure, while no one knew about it. No one was aware of what Kellan had done to him.
Yet, Cane was wrong. Mason knew and he did nothing.
He felt anger boiled in his veins, but in these memories, he could do nothing. He was here to witness this. His feet rooted to the ground. He couldn’t even move his body to comfort that little girl, who was curling herself under the bed, crying silently after Kellan was done with her.
God. How could you be so cruel to innocent child?
The memories about Kellan were the hardest for Cane to witness and he needed to thank Na to erase those memories from her mind. He didn’t wish for Iris to remember a second of it at all.
But, in reality, those memories returned and he disgusted with himself when he realized, he was one of the reasons why she remembered it. His curiosity and his shitty tests to bring those memories back to her was what to be blamed for.
And yet, Iris had never mentioned it, not even once. She had never blamed him for that.
Cane ruined Na’s protection to keep her safe from that horrendous trauma that could scar her for life.
This kind of trauma was the same like; you survived a massacre, but then you have to live with permanent injury, a disability, something that you would carry for the rest of your life.
The next thing that happened was when his Blue Moon pack fell into alpha Gerald’s hand and his pack member became his slave.
Cane watched how Iris stared at them when they were being dragged toward the dungeon. There was this fear in her eyes. She was a mere ten years old little girl when that happened.
But this little girl had helped all of his pack member to survive during those gruesome ten whole years. She endured the whips that came from Mason. Every scar on her body afterward was because she helped them.
Every tear that fell from her beautiful eyes when Mason locked her inside the attic, in the darkness was because she helped them.
And every fear she had whenever she defied Mason and her father’s order to send food to his pack member was because she helped them all...
And yet, despite everything, she kept doing it for ten years.
She was only a helpless little girl herself, who was being shunned away and mistreated so badly by her own father and brother, but still the fire in her eyes to help them didn’t subside at all.
Not even once Iris showed herself in front of them, she only stared at them from afar and asked a handful people that she could trust to figure out how else she could help.
She did that because she knew, if they learned those helps came from her, they wouldn’t accept it and Cane could be certain that was what would happen.
She was very young, but very mature at the same time. She was a sweet and smart little girl, who grown up into a beautiful, bright and wise woman.
However, what broke Cane the most was when he managed to conquer Blue Moon pack and this little angel was within his palm. The way he treated her in the beginning of everything made Cane sick of himself.
He almost let her died in the dungeon. The place was dark enough, it would trigger her trauma.
He forced himself into her. He let Aria did whatever with Iris and not even once he punished her, even when she was announced as his luna, his pack member treated her like a scourge and he did nothing about it.
Once again, Na downplayed Iris’s pain for what she had gone through, because she needed to keep her heart pure, away from rage and vengeance.
Cane witnessed Iris’s fear and pain when they stoned her, yet all she wanted was to help them... again, despite how bad they treated her.
Still, he did nothing to help her, neither he punished his pack member for the way they treated their luna. He saw how Hanna desperately told them it was her missy, who had fed them all in their darkest period of time.
Why he didn’t do anything? He was being very sceptical with her.
At that time, Cane still saw Iris as Gerald’s daughter, as a pawn to keep Blue Moon pack in check. But, he needed to admit that the mate bond between them, softened their feeling.
Without it, there was no way Iris would fall for him that easily after everything that she had gone through because of him. How could she fall for someone, who had assaulted her?
Cane felt like he was no different from Kellan, who took advantage and hurt this pure woman.
He took her innocent in the worst way possible and he tortured her without him even knowing it, because he was too busy with his own vengeance. He couldn’t care less about anything else.
Cane thought, watching what Kellan had done to Iris was the worst part of her memories, but as it turned out, watching the way he raped her was the worst.
That memory was even so hard to remember. The cruelty that he showed toward the woman, who had helped them all, who helped him all this time.
He only added scars to her wound and an apology wouldn’t enough to cover it. It was very hard to watch how he let out his anger and tortured her in such a way.
If he could turn back time, he would hug her and tell her that she was safe now, that everything would be alright. She didn’t need to be afraid anymore and she wouldn’t be alone...
Cane saw how she walked naked when he took her to the welcoming party when all the alphas and the king attended.
How those filthy alphas salivated upon seeing her and how they touched her and Cane didn’t do anything, as she cried, confused and scared.
How disgusting he was.
Obviously, that was not the last time he hurt her with his ignorance and after all he put her through, she still had a heart to give him. A love so pure for him.
She gave him babies, making him a father again...
And then, Cane finally reached to this devastating moment, where she lost her babies.
The pain when she gave birth to their babies and even more when she learned Chrystal couldn’t make it, one of the babies died.
The guilty feeling that rendered Cane unable to breath. The pain that he had never felt before. The physical pain and emotional one that he couldn’t comprehend how Iris was able to endure this.
And then she lost Rora.
Everything that Cane saw became meaningless. He watched everything in motion, but he didn’t feel like he was in the right place. He didn’t feel like he was there at all.
Was this how Iris felt?
The pain was too much, it turned him numbed. This numbness was not a salvation, but also a torture. The numbness made you thinking the reason of your existence and why you were here in the first place, why do you need to live after you couldn’t feel anything at all.
However, a moment later, after such a numb feeling, he was overwhelmed by sadness and then anger. The feeling was very strong.
Cane watched how Iris told him how she hated him, but in truth, she hated herself. She hated everything around her, she hated the way she felt.
And then, that numbness returned again and she felt out of this world. Everything became meaningless one more time and the circle continued...
Emotional turmoil repeated over and over again, changing every few minutes or hour and it left her exhausted.
There was a day when Iris felt so hard to even lift a finger, but there was also a moment when she felt she wanted a revenge and killed the people around her. But then, the feeling shifted again, as she missed their daughters terribly and blamed herself for everything that happened.
The next image was when Cane found her in the attic.
Iris felt so numb and she was desperate to feel something. She confronted her trauma, but it didn’t make her feel any better.
"See? I am so hurt. She is in so much pain..."
Suddenly the little auburn girl appeared beside Cane again, as she pointed her finger at Iris. She pursed her lips and tears welled in her eyes when she spoke again.
"I don’t want her to be hurt... why people keep hurting her?"
The girl resembled Iris when she was only six years old. She was wearing a simple blue dress, which the color matched her eyes.
"What should I do to make her stop being in pain?" Cane asked softly, he bent down his body and caressed her cheek. "What should I do to apologize to her?"
The little girl blinked her eyes and then stretched out her arms. This was the same gesture that Cane had seen when she saw Mason, thinking her brother would give her some comfort, but as it turned out, he gave her more pain than one could imagine.
"I want a hug..." the little girl said. "I am scared..."
Cane knelt down and pulled her small body for a hug. He caressed her back gently, as she snuggled against him.
The little girl clutched his shirt tightly.