822 THE WAR OF DARKNESS AND LIGHT （7）
Iris found herself staring at the blinding light that surrounded her with Cane hugged her tightly, but when she closed her eyes, the sound of howling wind dissipated and the warm embrace of Cane disappeared as well.
She felt like Cane had suddenly vanished and this prompted her to open her eyes and found herself in a battlefield.
She was in the middle of a war!
Iris was scared to see countless beasts fought against each other viciously and the knights swatted their swords like crazy, while the magic users used their magic to create defensive shield and protect them from enemy.
In the distance, Iris could see Cane’s black beast, fighting viciously against five beasts at the same time or Redmond’s grey beast. Iris caught a sight of Jace, Aliana and Ethan’s beast as well.
However, no matter how gruesome the battle and how crowded the field, none of them paid attention to her, neither they attacked her. It almost like she was invisible.
But then, the image changed. The war was over and some of the beast had shifted back into their human form, they looked exhausted, all of them, as they looked for their fellow comrades, who was still alive or buried the death.
The ground smeared with the color of blood, dead bodies littered the ground. Cane could be seen among them, leading his people for this gruesome assignment.
The alpha’s expression was stoic, but you could feel his anger and rage when you saw his eyes. He clenched his jaw tightly when he found one of his warriors died during the cruel battle.
Iris could feel how it broke Cane’s heart. The pain of losing the people that had stuck with him since the beginning and prepared their funerals.
Cane blamed himself for each death of his men and Iris could feel it. Her heart ached for him. She wanted to touch him, but all she could do was standing rooted in her place. Somehow, she knew, she was here to watch and feel every turmoil that Cane felt.
He was not as stoic and emotionless as he tried to show to the world. His heart shattered.
But then, when Iris thought Cane’s expression would never change, in the distance, Dean came to approach him, he brought a letter to him and when he read the contain of it, there was this small smile on his lips.
Iris recognized the letter. It was her letter. She had written for him, but he had never replied. She had complained about that and made a fuss.
After reading the letter, Cane put it carefully inside his pocket pants, his eyes softened.
And now Iris realized why Cane couldn’t reply to her letter and why he didn’t want to be distracted, because everyone needed him.
Literally, Cane was the mastermind behind all of their attack plans and they needed his instruction, not only he had to lead the shifter, but he needed to give Cedric some pointers where he put his man and what to do with the situation.
Cane couldn’t afford to be reckless. He looked exhausted and barely slept, but before he could get the rest he needed, another battle was right before his eyes.
Despite that, her letter always managed to make him smile and soften his eyes, though he didn’t reply it Iris could feel his longing for her and his urge to go to her and ditch everything. So, his action not to reply to her was his last attempt to keep focus on what was going on.
Iris was not sure why she was here, but everything that she was seeing, played backward.
After the battle, she was presented by the moment, where Cane had to say goodbye to her before he left for war and then the scene in the attic, in the Blue Moon pack, where he found her there.
Iris felt his pain to see her in such condition.
And in spite of all the things he had to take care of, he still had so much love to give to her. He took care of her, even though he was in so much pain himself.
"I am sorry..." Iris whispered to herself when she watched how Cane snuggled to her, looking very defeated.
"I am sorry..." Iris said it again when she heard herself telling Cane how much she hated him and it broke his heart even more, but his touch always as gentle as ever. "I didn’t mean it."
Iris was not the only one in pain when she lost their babies, but Cane too. He was the father of their children after all.
But, with everything that was going on, Cane didn’t have time to mourn and what worse was when the only person to share his grief was not in the state where she was emotionally stable.
Not only Cane didn’t have time to mourn, but he needed to be hurt and be in so much pain to see his mate in the brink of craziness.
Cane endured everything alone silently...
How much pain that he had to go through at this point. How many time he had to break his own heart, gather the pieces and then kept going?
His heart was not made of rock and even if it was, that rock must have turned into dust by now.
Iris was not the only person, who was grieving, Cane too. He also lost his children and even though it was not the first time, it didn’t make thing easier. No death was easy to the people, who was left behind.
This road should be walked by them together, but instead, Cane walked down this road alone when Iris forgot everything, when she forgot about their death daughter. Cane had to grief all over again for that.
But still, he chose not to say anything, because he didn’t want to see her in so much pain. He would be grieving for both of them.
And like usual, he carried everything on his own without any complain.
The depth of his pain was unfathomable, yet he kept going, dragging a long trail of wound behind his back to move forward, carrying the responsibility as the alpha, because countless lives was on his shoulders if he felt.
And once again, he had no time to grief properly.
"I am sorry..." Iris broke down crying when she watched how Cane carried Rora in his arms and buried her on his own.
Cane didn’t show it on his face, but right now, Iris felt all of his pain. This was the kind of pain that would kill you and turn you insane. Iris was physically ill when she felt it.
How could someone endure this so much pain and didn’t die? She felt like dying now, but in front of her eyes, Cane didn’t show any emotion at all on his face.
How deep he buried his feeling? Hid it, so not a single soul could learn about it?
"Cane... I am sorry for leaving you alone..." Iris should be there with him, standing by his side and shared the burden, the grief, the responsibility and everything in between, but she was not there...
And once again, everything was played backward to the death of Chrystal. Cane also carried the baby in his arms. Feeling the coldness of her small body and stared at his death daughter.
There was no expression on his face, but there was a great tempest within him. The baby felt very heavy, because he carried her not in his arms, but in his heart.
Iris felt all of Cane’s struggle and how he tried his hardest to keep his people away from harm, but their situation made it impossible and death after death couldn’t be avoided.
Everything played out from Cane’s perspective and Iris felt all of his emotions. His fear, his sadness, his anger and how complicated everything was.
Iris watched when Cane assaulted her in the library. She could feel his desperation and ashamed. She could feel how it hurt himself and his ego for not being able to have a child on his own, the thought of it boiled his blood.
He was enraged by what Iris said.
But after that, he filled with so much guilt. This guilty feeling gnawed in his heart every time he saw her, though he suppressed that feeling so hard.
It brought her to the moment when he forced himself into her for the first time.
He filled with so much rage within him and all Iris could feel was pain because of how angry he was at that time.
He wanted to hurt someone. Cane wanted to kill everything that related to Gerald. He wanted to get rid of his bloodline.
It was not Iris that Cane saw when he did that, but Gerald’s daughter, the remaining piece of the person, who had hurt him so much, causing so many deaths to the people he held so dear.
And after that, Iris learned what riled Cane up so much, what triggered him to hurt her to the point he almost killed her.
That night, before he assaulted Iris, Cane visited the dungeon first. He met with Mason and everything that came from his mouth was what lit the fire of revenge in his heart. Mason’s words flamed his rage and his thirst for revenge.
The assault to Iris happened only a few weeks after he managed to take down Blue Moon pack, thus the wound of ten years slavery was still fresh. The memories of those dark times etched in their mind.
They still licked their wounds, but what Mason said only pour salt on it.
And then, Cane memories took her to walk through ten whole years of agony when they were still in the slavery.
The humiliation, the pain, the scar, the agony, the misery, torture and torment that Cane had to endure during those period of times.
The death of people he knew, countless people, who died in his arms and how he lost count when he witness his pack member breathed his last while he couldn’t do anything about it.
The sexual abuse Cane had to go through, or the sexual abuse that his people had to endure.
The memories were gruesome, bleak. Hope did not exist during that time.
"S- stop, please..." Iris couldn’t stand it any longer. She didn’t want to see it anymore, but she couldn’t close her eyes, neither she could turn deaf upon hearing those cries, pleas and screams when the people of Blue Moon pack were being assaulted and tortured.
Iris felt what Cane was feeling and she knew, if it were her in their shoes, she would never forgive Gerald and anyone, who related to him. She didn’t even want to breath the same air with someone, who related to the person that brought hell upon her life.
Iris witnessed how Cane held a death baby in his arms, while the mother also died during the childbirth and it didn’t happen once or twice. Cane was there during all of that.
Now Iris realized why Cane didn’t show his emotion openly, he looked like he was emotionless... because if he kept using his heart to face his adversity, he wouldn’t have it anymore.
What Cane had gone through during the slavery was too much for one person to endure, for one heart to bear.
Cane used his heart less to prevent himself crumbling, because his pack members relied on him and he couldn’t afford to fall.
When Iris thought the slavery was Cane’s worst memory, she was faced with the fact when Cane was forced to watch when his pregnant mate was gutted alive and his son was being taken away from his death mother’s stomach forcefully.
The sound of laughter and mockery when Cane wailed in pain to witness such cruelty.
God...
How could you let someone endure so much pain? How Cane was able to live after everything...?