Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
FORREST
“F uck!” I yell the moment I hear the elevator doors close, and the gut-wrenching noise of her sobbing disappears.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I continue slamming my hand on the back of the door as I accept that she did it. No matter how hard I wish I was enough for her to trust me to care for her heart, I’m obviously not.
For a few seconds I thought she wanted to stay with me and that she was giving me time to show her how good we could be, but I was wrong.
Like a switch was flicked, she changed before my eyes. It was like something freaked her out, and I have no idea what the hell it was. For once I can’t read her, and she just completely confused the hell out of me.
Resting my forehead on the door, I take a few deep breaths and then stand and start marching to my office.
Time to put Operation Harper into place.
Picking up my phone, I send the text message I was hoping I wouldn’t need to, but deep down, I always knew I would.
Forrest: She’s gone.
Rem: We’ve got her, I won’t let anything happen to her.
Flynn: She’s already messaged Felisha. We’re here waiting.
Nic: Sorry, buddy. But give her the space she needs. She’ll come back.
Forrest: That’s a given because there is no other option. In the meantime, I’m taking leave. See you all in a week.
Flynn: Wait, what the fuck are you talking about! Where are you going?
Forrest: Away from here.
Rem: Don’t do anything stupid!
Forrest: Noted.
I know full well I am, but I’m not stupid enough to tell them that.
Nic: Everyone in my office in thirty minutes, I don’t want any fucking excuses. And yes, that means you too, Forrest. Then I’ll approve your leave.
I don’t know how many times I’m going to say this today but probably more times than is acceptable.
“Fuck.” I pick up my paperweight and throw it across the room harder than I think I have ever done before, considering I’m now looking at a hole in the wall right next to the door frame of my office.
But I don’t have time to worry about that now, I have a bag to pack and then get to the office before my asshole friends send out a search party.
This day sucks already, and it’s not even eight am yet.
HARPER
The elevator doors to Flynn and Felisha’s apartment open, and she is standing in front of me looking full of pity.
“Nope, we aren’t doing this! I’m not crying again. Get your shit, we’re going to the office,” I say to her and walk straight past her to the powder room in the foyer. “Just give me a minute to sort my face out. Nobody needs to see me like this.”
“Harper,” she calls after me, but I’m not stopping.
The mirror does not tell any lies; I look like a wreck. Digging into my bag for my makeup, I go about fixing the damage and pick up my phone for the hundredth time since I left Forrest’s apartment.
He hasn’t called or messaged, and I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m annoyed at him. Isn’t that what boyfriends are supposed to do, chase after their girl when she has a meltdown?
“What the fuck, since when is he your boyfriend?” I say to myself in the mirror and kind of hope the person I see before me will answer with some crazy piece of wisdom, even though I know she won’t. Because she is the cause of all this drama.
Shaking my head, I close my eyes and just take a moment to still my mind. Who am I kidding, there is no way there is anything except noise inside my head today, so I’ll just have to deal with it.
Straightening my outfit, I walk back out to see Felisha standing there with her work bag in her hands.
“What, you aren’t even going to fight me on this?” I ask, looking at her, waiting.
“No. You clearly aren’t ready to talk about what the fuck happened or what changed from the loved-up couple I saw yesterday, so I may as well get some work done. Then when you are ready to break down and share with your best friend how you are totally screwing this up, then I’ll be here, ready.” She walks past me to the elevator and pushes the call button which has the doors opening straight away, of course, because I not long walked out of it.
Ughhh, there’s that word again, “loved-up.” Why is she trying to punish me?
“Again, Team Harper, remember!” I complain as I walk past her into the elevator, and she just rolls her eyes at me.
“I’m so far in the Team Harper bunker that I’ve spent all morning designing our merchandise range with a t-shirt that has your face plastered all over it and black broken hearts all around you. Because that’s what being on Team Harper feels like right now. Standing here cheering on a train wreck that I can’t look away from, all because I never walk away from a friend in trouble.” Her voice is curt, and I can tell she is frustrated with me and worried at the same time.
It's why we are such close friends; we both know what the other needs. I don’t need to be mollycoddled right now. This diatribe of insults for my stupidity is exactly what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.
Felisha is different. She can be the strongest, hard-ass bitch in a boardroom, but when her world started falling apart earlier this year, so did she, and it was a shock to both of us. I knew how to protect her, but it meant that I had to be the strong one to step into her place at times. It was probably good training for what is to come for me today.
“Great, what color shirts are we getting?” I ask. “I mean, anything but yellow because it will make my face look washed out and pasty.”
Standing side by side as the elevator descends, I turn to look at her. “Thank you,” I whisper, leaning my head on her shoulder for a moment, and she just gives me the few words I need to hear to get through this day.
“I’ve got you. We will get through this together.” Her voice is full of compassion.
I close my eyes and just rest my head there for a few moments longer until the elevator slows as we get close to the ground floor.
Standing up straight, I throw my bag on my shoulder and prepare to take on the day the only way I know how. To find someone or something that needs me to rip it apart and send people scrambling because this bitch is on a rampage.
Welcome to the world of having an unstable woman as your boss: you never know what you are going to get from one day to the next.
FORREST
“What do you mean we don’t need to know where you are going!” Flynn yells across the office at me. “Harper is in danger, and you are just going to go off-grid and don’t give a fuck. I don’t understand you, Brother.”
“Calm down, Flynn, and let him talk.” Nic pushes Flynn into a seat while I just stand in front of them all with the emotion of a stone.
“Rem has her covered, and he’ll contact me if anything changes. I’m not going to be without my phone. I just can’t be here right now. I can’t see her all the time and watch her hurting.” My voice is flat and devoid of any feelings.
“What about you, you’re hurting too. Look at you.” Flynn throws his hands in the air in frustration at me.
“I’m a big boy and can look after myself. I don’t need your permission to be on my own. Harper needs space, and so do I.” Walking over to my brother who I know is only acting like this because he cares, I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it. “I’m not like you, Flynn, all full of noise and bluster. I need time to lick my wounds and regroup. I’ll be back, because like I said, she can have time to clear her head and overanalyze every damn single thing that happened between us, but nothing will have changed. She’s still the woman for me, and there is no way I’m giving up without a fight.” He is frowning at me, and I know it is probably just at the words I used to describe him.
“In the meantime, I’m relying on you and Felisha to keep her safe at night when she is on her own and frightened. Felisha will know what to do, she’s been there before. I just don’t know how bad it will get without me there. But I can’t worry about that now. In order to be the man she needs me to be, I have something I have to do first. Promise me one thing, though.” I wait for him to look me in the eye. “If she needs me, and not just a little bit but really needs me, you know, deep within her soul that she feels she can’t breathe without me, then you tell me, and I’ll be here. But until then, she’s yours to protect for me. If I can’t trust my brother and best friends, then I have been wasting my time all these years putting up with your three ugly faces every day.”
They all nod at me with that certainty that they won’t let me down.
“I’ll see you all soon.” I have said everything I needed to and turn to walk out of the office. I don’t wait to hear any of their replies because I am all talked out.
As I climb into the backseat of the town car I ordered with my bag, I greet the driver.
“Heathrow Airport, please.”
He nods in the mirror at me, and the car pulls away from the curb and into the morning London traffic. I sag into the back seat and start working on my laptop. Just because I’m not physically in the office, they should know better than to think I won’t be working.
* * *
Looking out the window of the commercial jumbo jet as it pushes away from the terminal, I hear the captain start speaking through the speakers.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the seat belt sign is now activated, and we should be ready for take-off shortly. With a flight time of eight hours and forty-five minutes, we should be landing in Chicago at 7:15 am Monday morning, local time. Sit back and enjoy your flight.”
The noise and vibration of the plane is soothing, and although I haven’t flown commercial for a long time, first class still gives me room to be alone, for which I’m thankful.
With my phone in my hands, I glance at it one last time, longing for a message from Harper but knowing there won’t be one.
I haven’t sent her one either, but I don’t think I need to. I laid out to her how I felt, and now I have to sit back and wait.
And that requires patience, which I have none of, so this could be interesting.
Turning on airplane mode feels like I’ve stopped breathing, because for a short time, I’m out of contact, and that is going to kill me. Because if something happens to her in that time, I’ll never forgive myself.
And that’s why I’m on this plane, because I can’t let her live like this, always looking over her shoulder, and neither can I.
HARPER
“Come in,” I grumble at the knock at my door.
I’ve only been here just under an hour and it already feels like it’s been days.
“A delivery for you.” My secretary walks in with a coffee cup and bag with a red ribbon tied on the top of it.
“From?” I snap at her. I don’t need surprises today.
She shrugs her shoulders and then quickly leaves my office.
Untying the ribbon and opening the bag, the smell goes straight up my nose, and my stomach growls in response, reminding me that I skipped breakfast this morning.
I pull out a cardboard takeaway box with a message written on the top of it.
For you, cupcake.
Breakfast and coffee.
Eat it, or else.
Forrest x
“Oh my God, he didn’t.” I stare at the note and read it again in my head. “Asshole, don’t be nice to me, I don’t deserve it,” I say to myself, hoping that it will make me feel better for the way I am hurting him right now.
Opening the box, inside is a breakfast burrito like he makes for me at home. He knows I can’t resist this; it’s been my favorite breakfast since that first morning he cooked it for me.
“This makes no difference in what’s going on between us, but it’s a crime to waste such good food, right?” Taking my first bite, it almost feels like a kiss from Forrest, and that nearly undoes me. But I continue to hold strong as I chew my way through the food and drink my coffee. The caffeine is just what I needed, considering I didn’t get much sleep.
Taking the ribbon from the bag and slipping it into my office drawer, I hear something rattle in the bottom of the paper bag as I bump it.
I pull out a little envelope with a box of ibuprofen inside it. Written on the envelope are the words:
Take two, you will thank me later.
Forrest x
“Bastard.” I want to send him a picture of my middle finger in front of the box, letting him know what I think of his gesture, but I can’t. I promised myself this morning that I won’t be in communication with Forrest until I’m ready.
If he thinks I’m going to come crawling back to him because I can’t function without him, then he has another thing coming.
But as I sit here sipping my coffee, my heart hurts at how much I miss him already. It feels like he is so far away from me, and I hate that more than I thought I would. Now I just need to work out how I’m going to avoid seeing him when he is just a few streets away in his office, or God help me, when he is with Flynn and Felisha. Surely, they wouldn’t be that cruel to me and organize anything where I have to run into him. I mean, I just wouldn’t go. I’d be sick or book an important meeting, visit my mother, or there could be a sister crisis where I’m needed. I could come up with anything if it meant I didn’t have to see him. It’s going to take a while before I think I will be able to manage to do that.
* * *
Like a normal Monday, all the chaos of things that happened in the hotels over the weekend needs to be dealt with, along with the normal operational issues that happen day to day. Instead of being the wicked-witch boss, I have stayed in my office and worked the whole day without a break. My secretary popped her head in at one stage and asked me if I needed lunch, but I just waved her away. And Felisha sent me a message this morning telling me she would be out of the office for a little while. Apparently, Forrest had organized for her to go to his apartment and collect all my things so I didn’t have to. Which was kind of sweet but also pissed me off, because what if I changed my mind? I mean, I’m a woman, right, we do things like that. Part of it hurts that he is so quick to move me out. Especially after the way he carried on about being my big protector and that I couldn’t make a move without him knowing. And straight away he is happy to dump me in Flynn and Felisha’s lap and arrange for me to have bodyguards for every minute of the day. Like he is washing his hands of me so quickly.
Does he even love me or was I just a fascination while it lasted? Like I said to Cherie, was I just another person to save? And as soon as I pushed back like she did, he let me.
I don’t notice that I have reached into my drawer and am now running the red ribbon between my fingers, chastising myself for doubting Forrest.
I want to think bad things about him, but I just can’t. He cares for me more than I deserve, and I can’t deflect my bad behavior on to him.
The creak of my office door opening has me quickly shoving the ribbon back into the drawer, knowing at this time of night the only person it will be is Felisha, but my heart stops when the deep voice echoes through the room.
I never noticed how similar they sound until this moment.
“Hey, Harper, just checking if you’re ready to head home with us.” Flynn walks toward my desk, looking unsure how to handle me.
And this is the reason everyone warned both Forrest and me to stay away from each other. Because if things go bad, like they have, it affects us all.
“Flynn. Wasn’t expecting you.” I stand as he gets closer.
“I came to pick up my two favorite girls.” Not sure if his humor is hitting the right spot with me tonight.
“Don’t let Tori, Elouise, and Cherie hear that.” I try to smile at him, but it’s halfhearted because I’m tired and I don’t know how he feels about me right now. He’s probably as pissed off with me as I am with myself for hurting his brother, but I had to do it. If I let it go any longer, then it would have been harder to walk away.
But in the meantime, I need to fix this.
Stepping out from behind my desk, I walk toward him. “I’m sorry, Flynn, you probably hate me right now. I tried to tell him this would happen, but he just ignored me. And I know it’s going to be hard with me living in your home, so I appreciate your kindness right now.” I’m trying to hold back tears that have been hovering just under the surface all day.
“Harper, yes, I’m pissed off, but not at you. Both of you are as stubborn as the other, and I just want to smack your heads together and hope like hell the brains rattling around will reset themselves. But while I can’t do that, I’m still your friend and you are important to me. So, whatever you need, I’m here, okay?” His face is full of empathy, and that makes it even harder to hold myself together.
“Thank you. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you are the better brother.” I shrug my shoulders, and he bursts out laughing at me.
“We both know you don’t mean that, but I’ll take it while I can.” Wrapping his arm around my shoulders, he pulls me to his side in the half hug that I have come to allow from him. It’s short but firm and tells me he cares at a time I need to hear it.
“Can you do me a favor, though? Can we not talk about him? I know I sound like a bitch, but I’d prefer to pretend he isn’t your brother and that I can just be in your home and not have to hear how quickly he is moving on.” I step back to shut down my computer and collect my things, but Flynn laughs behind me.
“Oh, he’s never moving on, I can guarantee that. But sure, I can do that for you. Now let’s get out of here, I’m starving because I missed lunch today.” Flynn moves toward the door and holds it open for me.
“Same but don’t tell your brother that.” I stop and look up at Flynn, slapping my forehead. Force of habit that I need to break in time.
“Doubt that will be a problem right now.” And I keep walking as he locks the door behind me. Flynn’s answer is a little weird, but I don’t have the energy to think any more about it.
Felisha is standing outside her office waiting for us, and as I approach, she holds her arm out and I link mine inside it. It’s our equivalent of a bro hug without actually hugging.
I’m going to miss that the most. His touch.
I was just getting used to how good it felt to be held in his arms and not feeling like I was drowning in pain.
But now it’s all gone, and it hurts so deep.
It’s for the best, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.
Maybe it’s time I let Felisha in that little bit more into my life and start to reach out and connect on that deeper level of touch. And although she is a friend, she is the closest person I have to me, even above my family. So surely, I should be able to let her hug me.
The thought settles in my head, and I’m determined to try it, but just not tonight.
I’m so emotionally drained that I’m not sure how I’m still functioning. I just want to shower and crawl into bed to sleep.
And that thought is enough to have my heart racing inside my chest.
How the hell am I supposed to sleep when Forrest isn’t there to keep me safe?
Well, you were the idiot who pushed him away, so now you are about to find out.
This sounds like fun… not.