CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE LUCY
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
LUCY
Exhaustion settles in my bones as I stir awake. I don’t open my eyes at first as I rest in the darkness my eyelids provide, listening to the soft and rhythmic beeping from the monitor above my head. I shift my weight on my hips, wincing from the stinging ache from my abdomen.
How strange to think that only hours ago, I was cut wide open.
My throat is dry and I swallow roughly, wincing again at the sandpaper feeling inside my esophagus. What a whirlwind of a night. It was only after seven in the evening when my water broke and the baby was delivered before ten at night.
I don’t know what time it is now or how long I’ve been sleeping, but my body feels like I was awake for three days straight and slept for five minutes. I slowly open my eyes, letting out a deep exhale as the dimly lit room comes into focus.
The back of my head is still against the pillow as I turn my head to the side, my chest warming when I see him.
Theo’s standing in the corner with his back to me, without a shirt on, slowly rocking back and forth by the window.
The soft glow of the moonlight is cast down upon him, illuminating his silhouette.
My breath catches as he turns his body at an angle and I see why his arms are in front of his body. Tucked against his chest is that sweet baby girl. His arms are wrapped around her protectively, a blanket draped over her body with his massive hand supporting her little head.
I can’t tear my eyes away from the two of them. I thought I was emotional when I saw him holding her in the operating room, but that doesn’t even come close to the way my heart is melting right now. He gently rocks her, his eyes focused only on her.
With only the beeping of the monitor, it’s nearly silent in the room and I hear his voice is low and rough as he talks to her in the light of the moon.
“You scared us all today.”
My body stills, my heart stumbling over itself as his voice cracks on the last word.
His eyes scan her face, like he’s memorizing every inch. A slow and sure smile drifts across his lips.
“You really know how to make an entrance, don’t you?”
I swallow hard, the fragmented memories of earlier this evening playing over in my mind. It was such an unexpected whirlwind, everything unfolded quicker than I could have imagined. The medications they gave me in the operating room—while necessary—didn’t help with my memory retention.
It all happened so fast, but now that she’s here, life before her feels like a distant memory already.
And I’m so glad he was here with me, holding my hand through every terrifying step… just as he always has done.
The constant in my life.
The man I love with every inch of my being.
He’s slowly rocking, his expression softer than I’ve ever seen, defenseless and supple.
I nearly come undone just from the sight of him.
The baby makes a snuffling sound, her body stirring against his chest. He adjusts her, lifting her higher onto his shoulder as he presses the side of his face to hers.
“I got you,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to her temple. “I got you.”
My eyes are hot and wet as tears immediately spill over the brim. This man is going to be my undoing, I swear.
He doesn’t have to be here. He doesn’t have to be involved in any of this, yet here he is, ready to take on being a father without a moment of hesitation. For a man who doesn’t commit easily, he didn’t think twice about committing himself to her…
And to me.
I blink rapidly, attempting to blink away the tears. My nose is running and embarrassment creeps up my neck. I’m a damn mess. I lift my hands, my arms feeling heavy as I wipe away the tears.
Theo notices the moment, immediately looking at me. Relief floods his face, his eyes soft as he walks toward the bed.
“Hey,” he murmurs, a smile drifting across his perfect lips. “You’re awake.”
I plant my hands against the mattress, pain slicing through my stomach as I try to scoot up in the bed. I inhale sharply, my face screwing up.
“Easy, love,” he says, effortlessly balancing the baby against his bare chest with one arm as he places his hand gently on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I swallow hard, nodding, ignoring the pain as I get comfortable. “I am.” The words are barely audible and my throat is scratchy. “Water?”
“Of course,” he says quickly, picking up a white Styrofoam cup from the bedside table and hands it to me. “How are you feeling?”
My eyes meet his and I take a hearty sip. “Like someone just cut me open and pulled out a tiny human.” I snort softly.
His eyes shimmer with amusement. “That’s fair.” He chuckles. Theo tucks the blanket around the baby as he shifts her into a cradled position in his arms. He slowly lowers himself onto the edge of the bed.
Emotion lodges in my throat as I fully take her in with a clear mind, free of the medications from surgery. She has such thick dark hair, a perfect little nose and soft pink lips. Her chubby cheek is pressed against Theo’s chest, right above his heart.
“She’s been good,” he murmurs, his thumb stroking her head. “She’s been sleeping since you drifted off, so I’d imagine she’ll need fed again soon.”
I look at him as he stares down at her for a moment. His hair is a tousled mess of waves, falling over his forehead as if he’s been dragging his hands through it for hours. He’s still wearing the clothes he showed up in from the arena.
Oh my god, he came here in the middle of a game.
“You should shower,” I whisper, my nose crinkling at the familiar smell of sweat and hockey. It’s not a pleasant smell, although I don’t mind it on him. There’s something oddly comforting about it.
He glances at me, his eyes tired, arching a brow. “Are you saying I smell bad?”
“You smell like you came from a game.”
He smirks, lifting his brows. “Because I did.”
“You dropped everything for me…” my voice cracks, “for her.”
His expression softens, his eyes glassy. “I did and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
Something about his words and the way he’s holding her like that’s where she belongs makes my chest twist painfully, cracking wide open. He’s worked so hard to get to where he is, the thought of him sacrificing that for me throws me off balance. What if it builds resentment in him?
“You don’t have to do all this,” I say before I can stop myself.
Theo stills and I want to take the words back immediately. It was a negative thought, a second-guess that I should have kept to myself. I want him here with me, but at what expense?
At him putting everything else second?
His gaze doesn’t harden. If anything, it softens more and his eyes flicker down to the baby before meeting mine once more. “She’s my girl.”
My throat tightens and my heart shatters into a million pieces.
“Theo…” My voice catches on the tail end of his name.
He cradles her in his arm as he lifts his other hand to cup the side of my face. “You’re mine, Lucy—and she’s a part of you, so that means she’s mine too. I don’t care about biology. I don’t care about anything other than the two of you.”
Tears spill over again and Theo catches them with the soft pad of his thumb. “I love you, Lucy. I love you and I love her.”
“I love you so much,” I breathe, staring at him through the tears. “You’re the only person I would ever want to do any of this with.”
A smile tugs on his lips. “The feeling’s mutual, Freckles.” His fingers slide against my temple as he pushes my hair away from my face. “You’re it for me, you know that, right?”
I can’t fight the grin that spreads across my face. “I hope so. You’re all I want. You’re all I ever wanted.”
“Well, I’m yours, love. Only ever yours.”
The baby stirs in his arms again, her lips parting, jaw open as she yawns. We both look down at her, my heart warming at the sight of her still in his arms. He holds her like he’s afraid she’ll slip away like sand through his fingers.
He holds her like she’s his… and that’s because she is.
“I like you like this,” I murmur, my fingers trailing over the tattoos on his skin. Shirtless with his tattoos and chain, shorts hanging low around his waist with a baby cradled in his arms. “Daddy is a good look on you.”
A faint groan rumbles in his chest. “I might need you to call me that another time,” he rasps, his eyes on mine. “Preferably when we’re alone and you’re healed.”
I laugh softly, shaking my head. He’s all man. “Deal.”
He chuckles, the sound of our laughter dissipating as he shifts the baby in his arms. “Do you want to hold her?”
My heart skips a beat and my answer is immediate. “Yes.” Fear follows closely behind the word. He looks like a natural, like a pro. She’s so small. What if I don’t do it right?
Theo’s eyes slowly scan my face, as if he’s reading my mind. “It’s okay, Luce.”
I swallow hard, nodding. He carefully shifts on the bed, turning his body to face me. My arms are stretched out to him and he gently places her inside my embrace. Her weight settles against me, and I tuck her against my chest, reveling in her warmth and the way she smells.
Fresh and new, but familiar, like I’ve known her for an eternity.
A comfortable silence wraps around us and time is momentarily suspended.
Nothing outside of this room exists. Only the three of us.
Theo’s hand is on my thigh, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing my leg through the blanket.
I trace my finger over her face, over her eyebrows, down her pert nose and over her soft lips.
“She’s perfect,” I breathe, my chest constricting as I look at him.
“Of course she is,” Theo murmurs, his head turned, gaze latched on mine. “She’s a part of you.”
I blink away the tears and look back down at her. At the little girl who’s loved so much already. “She needs a name.”
Theo scoots closer. “When you look at her, what’s the first thing that comes to mind?”
“Rosie,” I murmur, stroking her cheeks with the tips of my fingers. I look up at him. “Rosalie.”
A smile tugs on his lips as he glances down at her. “Rosie,” he says slowly, like he’s testing it out. His eyes flick to mine. “It fits her.”
Hope blossoms in my chest. “You think so?”
He leans closer again, his lips brushing mine. “I do.” He presses his forehead to mine. “I’m so proud of you, Lucy. So fucking proud.”
“I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”
He pulls away, just enough for his eyes to burn into mine. “Yes, you could have.”
I smile back at him, slowly shaking my head. “I don’t know… but I’m glad I didn’t have to.”
“Never, love,” he murmurs, his lips finding my forehead in a soft kiss and I revel in the way he feels—like a promise I know the universe will always keep. “You’ll never have to go through anything in this life alone, ever.”