Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
ORTHORR
Cedric was avoiding me. I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not.
He had begun to feel like a friend, and I appreciated his help with the paperwork I received from the castle, but…
The look on his face, eyes heavy lidded and cheeks bright red, when he admitted he had never been kissed—I couldn’t get it out of my head.
The breathless words repeated constantly, and I found my eyes tracking him when we crossed paths in the village center or passed each other between his lessons.
I almost regretted the words I spoke to him.
He’d been embarrassed with his confession.
Telling him he had no chance with me felt cruel, even if it was true.
And a small, selfish part of me wished I could have given him what he asked for.
The situation brought my mood down, and I found myself grumbling as I headed to Clan Urthazrak’s receiving tent, where the clan leader meetings were held.
Tavik and Saneth followed me as guards, despite my reassurance that I could make the short journey alone.
Our clans were settled beside each other.
A toddler could make the journey on their own.
Their insistence didn’t help my mood, and when I finally stalked into the receiving tent, I had to take a few moments to breathe to steady myself before sitting in the circle of clan leaders gathering for the meeting. Bren sat next to me, a friendly smile on his face as he patted my shoulder.
“Orthorr, my brother. Please tell me we will not be here all night. The last meeting gave me a headache.”
For a moment, I was distracted from my foul mood, enjoying the distaste on his face. It was not my fault the last meeting took so long. We didn’t have an expert to explain it to us like we did this time.
The reminder of who that expert was and how awkward things were between us now had the momentary lift in my mood plummeting again.
I shook my head, setting the box of paperwork on the table in front of me with a scowl.
“No. It will not take long. One of the townspeople who arrived recently worked in his town’s government.
He has gone over the forms with me so I better understand them. ”
Bren’s eyebrows lifted slowly. “That’s… good, right? Why do you look so cross about it?”
“I am not cross,” I argued, still glaring at the box.
It was supposed to make my life easier, but it had become a reminder of the sweet man who helped me.
The one who couldn’t look me in the eye anymore because I was cruel with his feelings.
Just like I was cruel with Tessa’s feelings by having momentary interests for another.
I dishonored her for even thinking of Cedric that way.
Before Bren could pester me to explain, the last of the clan leaders arrived, and I drew the attention of the group to me. “Good evening, gentlemen. Thank you for coming. We’ve received more paperwork from King Zohaib I wish to share with you. And I have updates on the journey to the towns.”
The leaders knew of Uttin’s need for assistance, we’d discussed it before he left again, but we’d sent brothers from Clan Velgraz with each company, which was known for its messenger birds who went undetected by the towns during their journeys.
Thanks to that, we received more frequent updates on the journey’s development and any requests for aid they might need.
As I went over each new document we received, Cedric’s soft tones filtered through my mind, the simple way he explained things to me without coddling me or treating me as though I were incapable of understanding.
He was patient, answered questions with an eagerness I’d admired, and always spoke with his hands, even while going over complicated government documents. It was an endearing quality–
“Should we consider a council?” Naunn, leader of the Helleik clan, asked thoughtfully. “I thought it wasn’t feasible with our constant movements, but if we will receive documents like this often…”
Bren shook his head. “I don’t believe this will be a regular occurrence. We are allies, not subjects of their kingdom. This is merely a formality to ensure the alliance is fair for all.”
I nodded my head in agreement. “Bren is right. I’ve had an expert look at these documents.
He told me he has never seen such a fair agreement before.
They are covering what is necessary, and anything else will go to Uttin, who will send runners to the rest of the clan leaders if more decisions need to be made. ”
Idrull, clean leader for the Velgraz Clan, cleared his throat before speaking. “Perhaps it might be best to involve my clan in such matters. We can send our talvok to each clan with messages and have the replies back much faster than a runner can.”
The rest of the clan leaders agreed with silent nods, and we moved on to how the Velgraz Clan would teach their birds to find specific clans.
One would be trained to follow Uttin’s orders and stay with our clan, so he could send messages when needed, and a member of the Velgraz Clan would visit a few times a year to ensure the bird is well trained and able to do its job properly.
It would mean working closer with Idrull, but he was a good man, a good clan leader, and I believed he would get along well with Uttin.
He was only a few years younger than I was, but it was his idea to train their birds to send messages.
Before, they had only been companions like our stallions were to us.
That he was open to change would interest Uttin greatly.
The meeting wrapped up with fewer headaches and grumbling, and a few clan leaders stopped to speak with me about the ease of the meeting, wanting to meet the expert who’d made sense of the government paperwork we struggled with.
I forced myself to smile and nod, agreeing to bring Cedric to the next meeting so they could meet him themselves.
I didn’t want to admit even to myself how much that idea bothered me.
Some clan leaders were unattached, and I knew a few had no preference in gender.
I didn’t want them stealing Cedric away.
The thought was selfish. I couldn’t give Cedric what he wanted, and standing in the way of his happiness was unkind. I had to ask myself why I was acting so cruel to such a sweet man. He had done nothing but help me since we were introduced. Since when had I become so uncaring of others?
A rough hand landed on my shoulder, the grip tight enough to force me to comply when Bren said, “Come with me, Orthorr. I believe it is time to talk.” He gave me no choice on the matter, waving away Tavik and Saneth, who stood outside the receiving tent waiting for me.
“Go away. He does not need an escort between our clans, and we will be sharing a drink. Go back to your duties.”
The couple shared a look, uncertain about whether or not to listen to their elder, but Bren’s next warning got them moving. “Go, or I will tell both your parents you are hoping for children.”
Tavik looked horrified, shaking his head rapidly, and Saneth was already pushing him back toward our clan before he could speak a word in reply.
Those two weren’t interested in becoming parents.
They wanted only each other. There was nothing wrong with this, but if their parents thought they might change their minds, they would pester them incessantly until they managed to convince them Bren was lying.
And the parents were more likely to believe their clan leader than their wayward sons.
Ducking into Bren’s tent, I sat at the table in the middle, rolling my shoulder as the stiffness from before made itself known again.
It had felt better after Cedric’s attentions, but the ache had come back a few days later, and I couldn’t rid myself of the pain on my own.
I didn’t want to draw the worry of the healers by asking for their help, and I couldn’t make myself ask Cedric again.
It had led him to the wrong idea last time.
And I wasn’t sure I could resist his siren’s call if I got that close to him again.
Guilt settled heavily in my gut, and I tossed back the ale Bren set in front of me before he could fully sit down. His eyebrows jumped up, and he poured me another before demanding, “What is on your mind, Orthorr? Something bothers you.”
“It’s nothing,” I argued, giving my focus to my cup instead. Perhaps the answers were in the bottom if I just kept drinking.
Bren made a thoughtful hum, studying me closely.
I could feel his eyes on the side of my face, even while I avoided his gaze.
Bren had known me for a long time. He was there when I took over as the clan leader for the Northern Clan.
So while it annoyed me, it didn’t surprise me when he seemed to figure out what bothered me without me speaking a word of it to him.
“It’s one of the new arrivals, isn’t it? Has someone caught your eye?”
I shot him a glare, my words tight with guilt and self hatred. “I found my bondmate. You know this.”
He took a sip of his ale, lifting a shoulder carelessly. “I do. We were all sad at her passing. But she’s been gone many years, Orthorr. It isn’t wrong to move on.”
“It is!” I bellowed, unjustly angry at my friend thanks to the conflicted feelings in my heart. “I promised her I would not take another. She was it for me. I dishonor her by even thinking of another in such a way.”
He scoffed. “You did no such thing. I knew Tessa well. If you told her you would never move on from her, she would have argued with you. She would not have wanted you to live the rest of your life alone.”
I scowled at him. While she had technically been asleep when I made the promise, it didn’t make a difference. When I bonded to her, I told Tessa she was the only woman I would ever love. I would not dishonor her memory by allowing myself to be swayed by another.
Bren sighed, the noise holding a tinge of exasperation. “Sometimes I forget how headstrong you are. Drink more. We are not done with this conversation until I understand better. If you were so determined, you would not be so upset right now.”
He poured me another cup, and I drank it willingly, still frustrated with myself. “I am upset because I was cruel to him. I knew his story, he has lived his whole life without that kind of attention, and yet I made him think he could possibly have that with me.”
Bren straightened from where he was pouring himself another cup. “Hold on. Him?”
I made a face but didn’t comment. Cedric’s gender wasn’t so important to me. It was his energy, the sweetness in him, that drew me to him.
The ale was strong, and I felt my tongue loosen and my body relax. My shoulder still ached, though. Only Cedric’s touch seemed to help.
“He’s such a sweet man. Kind to his core and helpful. He plays with me, doesn’t coddle me, and teases like we are equals. Friends. I did not wish to lose our friendship. I should have been kinder.”
“And how will you feel when he finds another?”
The question made me scowl, and I tossed back the rest of my drink, demanding more. The idea of someone else receiving Cedric’s sweet words and playfulness annoyed me. I wanted his attention only on me.
Bren pointed at me as though I said the words out loud. “See? You want more than friendship with him. It is written all over your face.”
Baring my teeth, I growled at him, “I do not. I cannot. I found my bondmate. She is gone.”
It still hurt to say out loud, even so many years later.
Tessa had been my perfect match. A lot like Cedric in some ways.
Sweet and caring, but with a bite to her that always made me smile.
She took my warriors to task when they upset her, and they loved her for it.
The whole clan loved her. I was wrong to think of anyone else after loving her.