Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
ORTHORR
The alcohol in my system made getting back to my tent a task.
I was grateful Bren had sent Tavik and Saneth away, or they would have coddled me the whole night for drinking in excess, and I likely would have more in my tent in the morning trying to care for me.
I crept to my tent, trying not to draw attention to myself as I stumbled a few times, and eyed the receiving tent where the townsfolk slept for a long moment.
It was right next to mine. How close was Cedric’s bed to my own?
Was it wrong to wish to go to his tent instead and join him?
I hadn’t held someone while sleeping in a long time.
Alcohol made the thought less daunting, but I still hated myself for thinking it. I forced myself into my tent, managing to strip from my clothes and crawl into bed with a groan. Perhaps I would see Ambrose in the morning about my shoulder. He wouldn’t tell anyone else. Right?
I fell into a fitful sleep, my emotions too turbulent to truly give myself rest. When I opened my eyes and found myself in a familiar dreamscape, I sighed in relief.
The memory was bittersweet, but perhaps it was for the best. To remind myself of what I had, and the promise I made to her before she passed.
Sitting up, I looked around for my beloved.
She was nearby, as she always was when I dreamed of her, laughing and playing with the children of the clan who loved her like a second mother.
I watched from the rock I sat on, rubbing lightly against the ache in my chest whenever this memory came to the surface.
When she turned to look at me, I expected her to beckon me like she always did. Instead, she turned to whisper to the children, sending them off back to their parents as she came to join me. I frowned. That was not what happened. I always joined her in the playing. Why was the memory changing?
Plopping herself down next to me, she sighed, leaning back on her hands, eyes closed as she smiled up at the sun. “It’s been a while, Orthorr. Have you forgotten about me?”
Straightening, I practically shouted in her face. “Never! You are my other half, Tessa! I would never forget you!”
She hummed, turning to look at me. There was no accusation on her face, only a familiar smirk that I cherished while she was alive. She was teasing me.
When I frowned, she snickered, shifting so she could poke my cheek. “Always so serious. Have you found someone to make you laugh yet? You need someone to help you relax.”
It took work to mask my response, but I couldn’t look away from her. I never could when she was alive. She was so vibrant and happy. She always kept my focus.
She raised an eyebrow expectantly.
“No,” I shook my head. “You were my bondmate. I will not take another.”
“The way I remember it, you said you wouldn’t take another woman,” she replied loftily. “The one you crave isn’t a woman. Your promise is still kept in that regard.”
I blinked in surprise, then frowned at her. “How–”
She shrugged. “I could still hear you, even in the end. The promise was sweet, and I chose not to say anything because I could see your heartache, but Orthorr, it has been years. It’s time to move on. You deserve to be happy.”
“I was happy,” I croaked. “I had you. You are my happiness.”
Sighing, she sat up and crawled into my lap like she had when she was alive, pulling my head to rest against her so she could stroke my hair softly. Wrapping my arms around her, I fought back tears at her familiar scent. I’d almost forgotten it after so long.
“There is nothing wrong with finding happiness again,” she finally said, her tone holding the same determination she’d held when she was alive. “I told you this when I first got sick. Do you remember?”
My brows furrowed as I thought back. There was so much happening as we struggled to find a treatment for her illness. Most of our conversations were forgotten under the haze of heartache.
She poked my forehead playfully. “You weren’t listening, were you? You’re such a man.”
“Forgive me,” I pleaded. “That time was difficult for me. I barely remembered to breathe.”
She hummed again, tipping her head until I looked at her face.
“I told you that you’d find happiness again.
And when you did, you’d know I sent it to you.
” She gestured behind her to the setting sun, something we always watched together.
The connection hit me like a boulder to my chest. Startled, I looked back at her to find her grinning wickedly at me.
“You–”
Shrugging, she said, “You were being stubborn. I had to be more obvious about it.”
“Tessa…”
“No, Orthorr. You will not spend the rest of your life alone merely to honor the memory of me. You dishonor me by doing so.” At my shocked expression, she wrinkled her nose at me in a way I still adored.
“You know I never would have agreed to you being alone the rest of your life. Using my name to ensure that happens is dishonorable, and you know it. So stop being so stubborn and go get your man before it is too late and someone else sweeps him off his feet. He’s kind and thoughtful. It won’t take long.”
When I woke, the ache in my chest was lighter, and a sense of determination took its place.
Tessa was right. I was dishonoring her memory by using her to avoid falling for someone again.
She never would have wished that for me.
The memory of her still hurt, but wanting to spend more time with Cedric didn’t make me love her any less. I could care for them both.
I sat up, wanting to find Cedric immediately to apologize and ask him to give me another chance.
I forgot for a moment what I’d been doing the night before until my stomach roiled, and my head twinged sharply.
What was I thinking, getting drunk with Bren?
It had been years since I’d drank that much.
I wasn’t used to it anymore, and I didn’t have the ability to get past it as quickly as I had when I was younger.
It took time and considerable effort to get to my feet and head toward the creek we’d settled by for the time being.
It was later than I usually woke, so the creek was busy with children playing and clan members bathing.
I did my best to hide the effects of my hangover, stripping to get into the river in hopes the cool water would clear my aching head.
“Bread will help,” a soft female voice spoke, drawing my attention.
Zoya was sitting on the edge of the creek, her baby sitting between her knees playing with the lapping water.
Her sharp eyes were on me, and when I shot her a questioning look, a smile played at her lips.
“For the hangover. Drink lots of water and put something simple in your belly to settle it. Bread helps.”
For a long moment, I thought about pretending I didn't know what she was talking about. In the end, I let out a sigh and nodded. “Thank you. How did you know?”
“You’re pale, you looked quite nauseous before you got in the water, and it seemed like you were trying to hide it.
I assumed you didn’t want people to know because you did it to yourself.
” She lifted a shoulder, absently stopping the baby from putting sand in his mouth.
“I also saw you stumbling into your tent last night. You weren’t very subtle. ”
My expression flattened. So much for sneaking back. “How many people noticed?”
The look on her face told me I didn't want to know the answer to that question. She was trying too hard not to laugh.
I finished my bathing, the cool water helping a little to ease the pounding in my head, and followed Zoya’s advice to have a light breakfast and lots of water.
I couldn’t say I felt better afterward, I wasn’t as young as I used to be, and hangovers were harder on me as I grew older, but I could at least function to seek out Cedric.
Except, I couldn’t find him. I poked my head into the tent where the language lessons were held, but I must have caught them on a break because it was empty.
I checked the village center next, but he wasn’t there either.
I was going to check the receiving tent when I finally saw him coming out of it with a younger man at his side.
My stomach clenched tightly, fear that perhaps he’d found someone among his own people instead, but before I could speak with him, he noticed my presence and spun around, practically sprinting back into the tent to hide.
My mouth fell open. How did I even respond to that?
I decided to wait for him to come back out, but Cedric didn’t make it easy on me.
He ate his meals in the tent, somehow managed to sneak out the back for his lessons without me noticing, and when I saw him on his way back, he darted away in another direction while I was waylaid by a few of the townspeople who had questions about the next trip to Al Nuzem.
Frustrated, I decided the next time I saw Cedric, I was not going to let him run away. I needed to apologize at the very least. Whether or not he agreed to spend more time with me, he deserved that much.
Just before supper, I waited near the receiving tent, giving the tent my back as I acted unaware.
He would have to come out to get his meal, even if he chose to eat in the tent, and I was going to catch him when he did.
I heard the tent rustle, but when he didn't come out the front, I went around the back to catch him in the act of escaping, coming up behind him when I saw him peeking around the side.
“Looking for someone?”
He squeaked and whirled around, but before he could dart back into the receiving tent, I grabbed his elbow, dragging him a short distance away behind a nearby tent so we could speak privately.
“Orthorr–”
“Wait, please,” I interjected, turning to face him fully.
I released him, I didn’t want to force him to stay with me if he truly wished to leave, but I hoped he would give me a chance to speak.
When he didn’t immediately run, I took it as a good sign and rushed to explain, “I wanted to apologize. I was unfair to you. I–”
“You don’t have to apologize,” he cut me off, his cheeks turning a deep shade of red as he avoided eye contact. “It was my fault.”
“No, ravsol, it wasn’t. I am at fault for being dishonest with you.”
That confused him, and he finally looked up, his eyes searching mine. “Dishonest how?”
“By making it seem like your interest was one sided. It wasn’t.
I was conflicted because of my past, but…
” I sighed, running a hand over my face roughly.
“I realized my late bondmate would be angry with me for denying my interest in you. She never wished for me to spend my life alone.” Taking his hands, I squeezed them gently.
“Whether or not we explore this connection, you should know you did not act untoward. I wanted very much to kiss you. I still do. Will you let me?”