Chapter 40
Chapter Forty
DAISY
“Daisy, Hi.” Drea greeted me with a smile I couldn’t match.
After Kaia had left, I went home to find the house empty. I figured once she got there, she’d at least wait for me before leaving. I’d hoped she would change her mind, but she didn’t. She really went to Drea’s and left me, again. This time was my fault.
She loved me. Kaia Rhodes loved me in the way I loved her, and I couldn’t say it back. I didn’t know how. I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe she actually loved me, and for four years?!
Every time I came home from a date, she sat there, in love with me, listening to me complain or boast about it. Every hookup I had, which wasn’t very many, by the way, she let me go into detail about how they did or did not please me, and she was in love with me the whole time?
Was that why she never dated? I knew she said it was because of her dad, but was that the only reason? I’d feel awful if it was because of me, although a small part of me was happy she was waiting for me. I should’ve said it back.
I didn’t. I didn’t say it back because she’s wrong.
She wasn’t in love with me. She couldn’t be.
Maybe she was in love with the idea of being with me, but she couldn’t truly love me.
I wasn’t someone to be loved. I was unloveable.
I was complicated and came with too much physical baggage.
Eventually she’d see that and things would get messier than they were now.
If I knew all of this why did I show up on Drea’s door?
Why was I begging to see Kaia? I didn’t even know what I was going to say when I saw her.
I wanted to say I was sorry. I wanted to say I loved her back ten times.
I didn’t want her to break things off. I didn’t want things to be over between us.
But I didn’t say it back. I felt angry when she told me when I should’ve been so happy. I should’ve kissed her and said it back, but I couldn’t. Now, I might’ve ruined things between us, and it was justified. She had every right to never want to see me again, and I’d understand.
“Hi, Drea. I’m sorry to just show up unannounced and so early. I was wondering if I could talk to Kaia? I kind of messed things up last night, and we got into a fight. Which I’m sure you already know.”
She nodded. “Yes, I do know, and I’m sorry, she’s not here. Why don’t you come in?”
She wasn’t here? Well, where was she, then?
Now I was getting worried. I figured she’d still be here and I’d have a chance to talk to her, but I was too late.
Maybe she got home after I left and was packing her things to leave.
Maybe she knew I’d come here so she went to Fallon and Mackenzie’s or the bookstore.
Breathe, Daisy. Drea will know where she is.
She’s okay. Wherever she is, even though she’s not happy, she’s safe.
“Okay.” I nodded and followed her to the living room, where she motioned for me to sit on the couch.
“Where is she?”
“She said she was going back home. I’m sorry about what happened. Are you okay?”
I laughed. “Oh yeah, I’m just peachy. My best friend admits something to me, and instead of being honest, I get mad and defensive and she runs away.”
“Yeah, she told me. Hopefully she’s calmed down by now.
It’s a lot to process, I’m sure. Admitting your feelings is never easy, trust me, but she really cares for you, so you have to understand how your reaction hurt her.
Don’t think that means I’m taking sides here, I’m not.
I’ve been rooting for you two since day one, you know. ”
I smiled. “I do. She mentioned you had a helping hand in our first meeting, and our first kiss. Thank you, Drea.”
“Why are you thanking me? You should be blaming me and yelling at me for things going to shit.”
I shook my head. “Because if it weren’t for you, I would’ve never fallen in love with her. I would’ve never had the pleasure of knowing her, and my life wouldn’t be half as good as it is when she’s with me. So, thank you, Drea.”
She shrugged. “I had to. I saw the way she kept looking at you and finding excuses to wander the store just to get close to you. I just wanted to help her out. She deserves to be happy, and you’ve been that for her. If you feel the same, why didn’t you tell her?”
“I was scared, but I need to talk to her. I need to explain.”
I needed to tell her I was sorry for how I reacted and that I love her too much to not let her love me. If she kept being in love with me, it would only break her heart more when she realized I couldn’t be what she needed.
“Go home, Daisy. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. Have faith, love.” She smiled and led me to the door.
“I don’t need faith, Drea. I need Kaia.” I smiled sadly and said goodbye.
I drove as fast as I legally could and fidgeted with the steering wheel the whole way there.
What if she already left? What if I was too late?
If she really loved me like she said she did, I had to believe she’d still be there.
I jumped out of the car, ran to the house, and threw open the door. I sagged in relief when I saw Kaia sitting on the couch. She jumped up and whipped around to face me, opening and closing her mouth when our eyes met.
Her eyes were red and watery, and I started to cry again. I hated seeing her upset, and it was killing me that I was the reason. I wanted to fix things, to go back to the way we were, but I knew after last night, there was no going back. And after today, we’d never be the same again.