Chapter Twenty-Five #2
I ran into her at the grocery store. I turned the corner and there she was, trying to reach something on the top shelf.
I got it for her and we talked and it was magic.
We stood there maybe twenty minutes before she said she had to go.
The last thing she said was that the four of us should get dinner sometime.
Because she’s with Harris and I’m with Ryleigh.
Ryleigh’s great. She’s the one I want. Whatever I’m feeling doesn’t matter. I’m not that guy.
There were a couple more entries singing the praises of the ever-perfect Shawna and then nothing. The rest of the diary was
blank.
Ryleigh glanced at the time. It was barely five. She would guess that Dustin was still at the office, but she sent him a quick
text to confirm. He replied, saying he would be working until six.
I have something I want to drop off.
“I’ll be back in half an hour,” she told her cat. “Then we’ll spend the whole evening together. I promise.”
She drove to the law office. Alex’s car was gone—no doubt he was on his way to pick up Noah. She parked and went inside. Dustin
was at his desk. He looked up when she knocked on the open door.
“Hey,” he said easily. “Your text was cryptic. What could you have of mine? We did the property exchange a few weeks ago.”
She held up the diary. His eyes widened.
“How’d you get that?”
“You didn’t go pick it up, and Cheryl’s been reading unclaimed diaries.”
“I thought they were going to be destroyed.”
“No, just read.”
She walked over and handed it to him. He put it on the desk and looked at her.
“You read it.”
She nodded. “Shawna?”
“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t do anything about it. You mad?”
“No.”
She studied him, taking in the broad shoulders and handsome face. Dustin was a good guy—just not the guy for her.
“You should go see her. She’s spending the summer with her folks in Los Lobos, but I’m sure you could figure out a reason
to drop by.”
He slumped back in his chair. “What’s the point? She’s engaged to Harris.”
“She’s not. He wasn’t in love with her and he broke things off. She’s pretty crushed and not sure she can ever trust a man
again, so I’m not saying it would be easy.”
He stood again. “They broke up? She’s single?”
Ryleigh smiled. “Good luck, Dustin. I hope it works out.”
“It’s possible I’m an idiot,” Jax said from her chaise on the widow’s walk.
“I agree.”
“Hey!” She glared at her sister. “I haven’t even said what we’re talking about.”
Ryleigh grinned. “Oh, sorry. Tell me what we’re talking about and then I’ll say you’re an idiot.”
“That’s not very supportive.”
“I’m not concerned. Whatever’s wrong, you’ll handle it. You’re good at life stuff.”
“But not matters of the heart.”
“Ah, so we’re going to talk about Marcus. Interesting. I wondered if you’d miss him and it seems you do.”
“I do. A lot.” Jax looked out at the sky. At nearly eight, the sun was making a last flirty appearance before setting.
She stretched out her legs and sighed. “I don’t think I know how to be in a romantic relationship.
I’m afraid to trust someone with my life and any important decisions.
Apparently being vulnerable is part of the whole love thing and I don’t want to trust anyone with my, you know, heart. So I hold back.”
Ryleigh glanced at her. “You mean romantically, right? Because you love me and your kids and Ramon.”
“And Huckleberry. I love Huckleberry.”
“I’m sure he’ll be delighted to know he’s made the cut.”
Jax drew in a breath. “Doesn’t it scare you to love Alex?”
“Mostly it hurts. He’s amazing and everything I want.”
“He’ll get over Kim.” Jax silently added the word eventually, because she had no idea when that would happen.
“Agreed, but when that happens, there’s no reason to think I’ll be the one he wants to be with. Thus far he’s managed to avoid
falling in love with me. We’re having sex, Jax. Regular, amazing sex. If that and our friendship isn’t enough to crack open
his heart, then nothing will. He doesn’t think of me that way.” Her sister paused. “Wow, you’re really good at not talking
about your issues. You totally distracted me.”
“I wasn’t trying,” Jax said. “I was really asking. Aren’t you scared to love Alex?”
“No. I want to love him. I want the connection, the closeness. I want to spend my life with him. He’s the one for me.”
“The one.” Jax shook her head. “I don’t know what that means. I don’t believe in the one.”
“Then phrase it differently.”
“I want to be with someone in a relationship that makes sense to me. I want to feel that we fit.” She thought about what had
gone wrong in her marriage. Some was Harris but a lot was her. “I want to feel safe.”
“Don’t you feel safe now?”
“Yes, of course. I meant I want to feel that it’s okay for me to, you know, expose the bad parts and be able to trust he can
handle it.”
Ryleigh swung her legs around so she was facing her sister. “Jax, Marcus was totally there for you when Ramon ran off. He took charge and dealt with all the things.”
“I know.”
“Are you going to let someone great get away because you’re scared?”
“Maybe.” Even as she spoke, Jax was shaking her head. “Well, that’s just dumb. The love thing threw me. I’m not ready to love
anyone. But I do miss him.” She was also dealing with an unexpected sense of loss when it came to him. Like it could have
been great, but she’d blown it.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she announced. “Distract me, please.”
“I got a job offer.”
Now Jax was the one swinging her feet to the ground as she stared at Ryleigh. Cold swept through her and she wanted to scream
that there was no way in hell her sister was moving. Only she saw the pain and determination in her sister’s eyes. This was
one of those moments they would both remember. Jax could completely mess it up, or she could do the right thing, no matter
how much it hurt.
“I love you,” she said, grabbing Ryleigh’s hand. “I’ve loved you from the moment I told Mom that yes, we should have a sister.
I believe in you and I want you happy. If you want to move, then I’ll help in every way I can.”
Ryleigh’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave you and the kids and my life, but I can’t stay
here. It’s going to hurt too much. I still want all the things, Jax. I want to fall in love and have kids. If I stay, I’ll
only be in love with Alex.”
“I know.” Jax hugged her. “This totally sucks.” She drew back. “Have you told him?”
“No.” She ducked her head. “I’m hiding from him. I told him I didn’t feel good, so we’ve only been texting. I need to suck
it up and let him know about the job offer.”
“You need to let him know you’re in love with him.”
“I can’t!”
Jax leaned close. “You have to. Not for him but for you. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if.’”
“Are you going to be brave?”
Jax groaned. “It’s really better for me when I’m the one giving advice.”
“I’m sure that’s true, but you didn’t answer the question.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Jax! Come on. You’re tough. Tell Marcus you freaked and that you want to go out with him with the idea of seeing where things
end up.”
“Or I can get another parrot.”
“Ramon would never forgive you.”
“I think I could live with the pain.”