17. Nathan
The sun’s rays filter through the boardroom windows, casting a warm glow on the mahogany table. I sit at the head, trying to focus on the financial reports in front of me, but my mind keeps wandering to Maria. Her laugh echoes in my ears, and I can almost feel her fingers running through my hair as we lay in bed back in Montauk.
“Mr. Colton.”
I blink and look up to see one of the board members staring at me expectantly.
The man frowns. “Can you give us an update on the deal for the new downtown building?”
“Uh, yes.” My fingers are like butter as I fumble with the papers in front of me. I can feel my face growing hot as I struggle to remember the details. “We, uh, we’re still in negotiations with the seller. We should have a final decision by next week.”
This isn’t like me. My mind never wanders during meetings, and I’m always so prepared.
Never before has any woman had this kind of power over my thoughts. And it’s not just the physical attraction. There’s something about Maria that calls to me on a deeper level, something that terrifies and excites me all at once.
As the meeting comes to a close, my shame and frustration grow. The other board members file out, muttering amongst themselves, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
What the hell is wrong with me?I’ve always prided myself on my ability to maintain control in every aspect of my life. But Maria… she’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. She smashes that control to pieces.
I run my fingers through my hair, trying to regain some semblance of composure. I need to get a grip on myself. I can’t let my feelings for a woman jeopardize my career — or any other part of my life.
I step into the hallway, still feeling the weight of my embarrassment. As I try to gather my thoughts, I notice Corey, leaning against the wall.
“Hey.” His eyes narrow in concern. “You okay, man? You seemed a little off in there.”
“Fine,” I answer curtly, attempting to brush off his concerns. “Just had a lot on my mind.”
“Maria?” Corey asks knowingly, and I can’t help but tense at the mention of her name.
“Drop it, Corey,” I warn. We’ve talked about her enough as it is.
He sighs, shaking his head. “Why don’t you just admit that you’re into her?”
“Because I’m not,” I lie, my voice betraying my frustration.
Corey seems disappointed, like he expected better of me. “I’m just tired of seeing you lie to yourself. I thought you were smarter than that.”
“Thanks for your input,” I snap, my mood souring further. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other things to deal with.”
He watches me for a moment before walking away, leaving me to stew in my own thoughts. In all honesty, I’d give anything to be free to admit my feelings for Maria, but doing so would only complicate our already delicate situation.
Feeling restless and agitated, I make my way to my private gym in the building. I need to work off this excess energy before I blow and do something regrettable.
After putting in my passcode to unlock the door, I change into some gym clothes and grab a set of boxing gloves. My fists make solid contact with the bag, each hit echoing throughout the room as I let my anger consume me.
Why can’t I get Maria out of my head? It’s infuriating how much control she has over my thoughts, and I hate feeling this vulnerable.
As I continue to pound the punching bag, my phone buzzes in my pocket. Reluctantly, I step away from the bag, taking off my gloves and pulling out my cell. My heart skips a beat when I see Maria’s name on the screen.
“Damn it,” I mutter under my breath, conflicted about whether to answer or ignore the call. But as much as I want to avoid facing her, I know I can’t dodge her forever.
Plus she’s no doubt calling about work. She is still my assistant, after all.
With a resigned sigh, I swipe to answer the call, bracing myself for whatever comes next.
“What is it?” I ask, fully aware of how much of a jerk I sound.
“There’s some urgent paperwork that needs your signature in the office,” she says, her tone professional but tense. “I sent you an email earlier, but I didn’t hear back from you.”
I curse under my breath, frustrated with myself for forgetting something so important. Normally, I’m on top of everything, making sure nothing slips through the cracks. But ever since Montauk, I’ve been a mess.
“Thanks for letting me know,” I tell her, attempting to sound calm even though I’m anything but. “I’ll be right there.”
I hang up the phone and wipe the sweat off my brow, considering taking a quick shower before heading back to the office.
But as I glance at the clock, I realize that time is of the essence. It’s almost the end of the workday, and if they’re the papers I think they are, they need to be signed before five. With a sigh, I decide to forego the shower, knowing that it’s more important to get this paperwork signed.
“Get it together, Nathan.” I make my way back to the office, still wearing my gym clothes and drenched in sweat. I can’t afford to let Maria see how much she affects me.
When I step into my office, Maria is there, the papers in her hand. Her eyes widen at the sight of me, covered in sweat and wearing shorts and a T-shirt. She clearly wasn’t expecting me to look like this, and I can sense the raw, primal attraction between us.
It takes all of my self-control not to grab her, press her against the wall, and kiss her senseless.
“Here’s the paperwork.” She hands over the folder with a slightly shaky hand. I can tell she’s just as affected by our proximity as I am, and it both thrills and scares me.
“Thank you.” My reply is curt. Professional.
As I sign the documents, my thoughts race. What the hell is happening to me? Why can’t I just put this behind us and move on?
“Is there anything else you need before I leave for the day?” Maria asks, her voice soft and uncertain.
I want to tell her that I need her, that I crave her touch like a man dying of thirst craves water. But instead, I swallow my feelings and shake my head. “No, that’s all for now.” I hand the folder back to her. “Thanks again for reminding me about this.”
“Of course.” She smiles but avoids my eyes.
“Is there… something you need?” I wince. Damn it. Why did I even ask that?
“Actually…” She hesitates for a moment, biting her lip before continuing. “There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
“Okay.” My pulse races as I wait for her to go on. As much as I want to hear what she has to say, I’m also terrified of where this conversation might lead.
She takes a deep breath, her brown eyes searching mine for a moment before she speaks. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that night we spent together in Montauk, and I can’t help but feel disappointed that things have been different between us since then.” Her cheeks flush a soft pink, her vulnerability evident in every word.
My stomach churns with a mixture of guilt and longing. The memories of our time together are never far from my thoughts either, but I’ve tried so hard to push them away.
“I understand that our situation is complicated,” she continues. “But I would regret it if I didn’t tell you how I feel. I have feelings for you, Nathan, and I think… I think you might feel the same way about me.”
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I know she’s right, but admitting that out loud seems impossible. It goes against everything I’ve tried to maintain since that night — our professional relationship, my emotional independence, my control over my own desires.
“Maria.” My voice is barely more than a whisper as I struggle to find the right words. “What happened in Montauk… it was special. But we can’t let it affect our working relationship. What we had was fun, but it’s time we got back to reality.”
I try to keep my expression neutral, but I can see the hurt flicker across her face as she processes my response. As much as I want to reach out and comfort her, to tell her that I feel the same way, I know that doing so would only make things harder for the both of us.
“Okay,” she says quietly, her eyes filled with sadness. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“Of course.” I nod once. So that settles it.
I turn away from her and walk toward the door, feeling like there’s a gaping hole in my core. I desperately need that shower now — both to wash away the sweat from my workout and, if possible, the heavy weight of my feelings for Maria.
As I leave the room, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve made the right decision in keeping my emotions hidden.
I’ve hurt Maria, someone who has managed to break through the barriers I’ve spent years building up. Someone I’ve grown to care deeply for. And yet, I know deep down that this is the best choice for both of us. My track record with relationships is far from stellar, and the thought of causing Maria any more pain is unbearable.
But life is messy. It’s complicated. And at least I’m honest about that.
One day, Maria will thank me for this.
And maybe I’ll even thank myself.