The Broposal

Chapter Eleven Han

CHAPTER ELEVEN

HAN

O nce Leti and Tatiana left, I hoped I’d be enough comfort if Kenny cried again. I’d been told I was like a deer in headlights when someone cried in front of me. Kenny never seemed to mind my awkward pats on his back or fumbly words, though. In fact, he was usually pretty happy with my uncomfortable attempts at soothing him.

He wasn’t crying just yet, so the best I could do was keep him from being alone. I played Spider-Man: Miles Morales while he lay on the couch next to me with his laptop, his feet resting on my lap. Luna was curled up in a tiny ball between Kenny’s legs. His preferred love language was acts of kindness—showing love to other people. But when he was on the receiving end, it was physical touch or bust, so I figured he was pretty comfortable all close to me and Luna.

Kenny had been glued to the laptop ever since Leti and Tatiana left. Curious about what was behind his screen, I paused my game. Kenny didn’t use social media and rarely used that computer unless he was doing research. His brows scrunched together in concentration as he typed.

“Whatcha doin’?” I wasn’t trying to be nosy, but it just came out.

Kenny startled, then cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up his nose with his index finger.

“Um, nothing! Just… research.”

“For what?”

“You know…” Kenny glanced up at me with a shy smile. “Like, immigration stuff.”

I blew out a frustrated breath. “What are you researching that shit for?”

He answered like he’d practiced his response already. “You could get insurance, so you can finally fix your ankle. You can go to school. Figure out what you’re passionate about, and then, like do it . Discover your dream job. It wouldn’t even be that hard, logistically. We already have proof of our life together! We have pictures from childhood. We know literally everything about each other for the USCIS interview. We have our lease, Luna, and Thornelius!” Kenny closed the laptop and adjusted himself so he was cross-legged facing me. “It’s like you said before, this isn’t a game. It was never a game to me, Han.”

I stroked Luna nervously. I believed Kenny about him being serious, but it hadn’t really clicked before. It wasn’t like I didn’t know everything I was missing out on, but I couldn’t be mad at Kenny for bringing it up. Not since he was actually offering a solution. I had to admit, going to college was always a distant dream. When Kenny went to university and I was stuck working, it stung. I wasn’t really the jealous type, but there was no denying I wanted what Kenny had. College was where people discovered their passions and nurtured them.

Well, except for Kenny. He studied nursing, and that obviously wasn’t where he ended up. By the time it came to actually sticking needles in people, he realized he was squeamish around blood. At least he loved food service.

Kenny’s passion was people. He was totally content at his job, where he got to please customers all day. At least when Kenny was in college I could help him with homework and shit. Not that nursing was my calling, but it was nice to pretend I had a promising career ahead of me.

I never really let myself get my hopes up for anything else. To be honest, I didn’t really know what I was passionate about, and it kind of ticked me off that Kenny noticed. He knew I never got too into any one thing, because I’d never have the opportunity to pursue those dreams.

But what if I could?

And an even scarier question: What if I let myself get my hopes up just for it to fall apart? Of course I wanted this, but it was unrealistic. Kenny just wanted to make me happy. He didn’t actually want to marry me .

“You know this isn’t something you can decide on a whim when you’re going through something, right? Let’s say I agreed to the fake marriage thing. Then Jackie wants you back. And if it’s not Jackie, you’ll find another ‘Adam’ or someone else. What happens to me when you can’t handle being alone anymore?”

“I don’t care about dating anyone else. Not until you’re safe. For good. It’s like you said, I’m never alone. Not if you’re here.” He smiled, and goddammit, who gave him the right to give me that look while saying those things?

I searched his eyes for any sign of a bluff. I knew he wouldn’t do that to me, not on purpose, but had he really thought this through? “You haven’t been single since puberty. Do you really think you could hold out?” I almost hoped he’d cave and admit it wasn’t possible, just so I wouldn’t have my hopes up.

“I told you it’s not a game to me! Maybe I offered a little abruptly, but I only did that because I knew, from the second it crossed my mind, that marrying you for your citizenship was a future I’d be happy with.”

At that, Kenny leaned forward and grabbed me by the shoulders like he was afraid I’d slip through his fingers if he didn’t hold on tight. Hell, he might have been onto something because I fully wanted to melt into the couch at his offer. His touch kept me solid, and his stare kept me hooked on every word.

“I’m not going anywhere, okay? I know it’s a huge privilege to be able to promise you that. All I want is for you to have the option to make me the same promise someday.” He finally let go of my shoulders.

“It’s not that simple…” I looked away to avoid the intense staring. It made me feel naked, like my soul was laid bare only for his eyes.

“I get why you’re hesitant, like, this is me we’re talking about!” He laughed. “I’m not always confident with my choices. I can admit that. But when it comes to you? I’ve never hesitated. I didn’t question choosing you over Jackie for a second.”

“What are you talking about…?”

“That’s why we broke up,” Kenny admitted. “Second easiest decision of my life.”

I laughed, torn between looking away to hide and searching those eyes for an ounce of uncertainty. I chose the latter, but found none. Had he really chosen me over the girl he’d been with since puberty? “Um, what was the first easiest?” I asked, if only to get the attention on something that made me question my entire existence a little less.

“Marrying you, of course.” Kenny smiled.

I couldn’t help but laugh. Not because it was a joke, but because I’d never felt lighter. Kenny was offering me the opportunity of a lifetime. Wouldn’t I hate myself forever if I didn’t take it?

“If you’re serious… What the hell. Let’s do it.” I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders. If we did this right, if it all worked out perfectly, I could stay… I’d thought of marrying someone for citizenship before, but it never felt right. I never wanted to put someone in that position. But Kenny wanted this. He was choosing this.

“Really?” Kenny’s face lit up as he hopped off the couch to pull me into a way-too-tight hug.

“We can’t tell anyone it’s not real,” I said.

“Of course.” Kenny pretended to zip his lips.

“And we should probably set some ground rules. Figure out logistics, get our stories straight, and all that. You and Jackie just broke up, so we should have an explanation for how fast this is gonna happen.”

“Good point.” Kenny tapped his chin. “Well, obviously, we’ve been in love all along and have been in denial for fear of ruining the friendship. We tried to make it work with other people, but it was clear to everyone besides us we were meant to be.” He gave me a fake lovesick look, holding his hand against his heart. “Of course, when it came down to it, our love for each other was simply undeniable. We’d been in denial our whole lives, and when we finally admitted how we felt, there was no way we could go back.”

“Okay, shit. That’s actually pretty good.” If it weren’t for Kenny’s dramatic poses, I would have almost thought he was being sincere. Which was a testament to how good a cover it was.

“As far as rules go,” Kenny added, “no dating other people until you’re naturalized, obviously.”

“Still not sure you know how to be single.” I laughed.

“I won’t be.” Kenny winked. “I’ll have you, sugarplum.”

I shook my head, laughing harder. “When have you ever called a partner ‘sugarplum’?”

“Should I call you ‘baby’ instead?” Kenny asked, cheeks flushing.

“Anything but ‘sugarplum.’” I chuckled. “All right, if you think you can handle not dating for that long, I’m game.”

“Hey, that means no hookups for you, either.” Kenny pointed a finger at me like he was ready to give me a lecture.

“I got two hands. I’ll be fine.” I honestly didn’t even care for hookups; they just sort of happened. Sometimes I needed something to do when Kenny was with Jackie, so I’d find my own person. Since I made it clear from the get-go I wasn’t looking for anything serious, one thing usually led to another. It wasn’t like I hated hookups, but I could take them or leave them. With my citizenship on the line, I could definitely leave them.

“We can divorce as soon as it’s official,” Kenny said. “Well, after you’re naturalized. Three years of marriage, at least.”

“And… you’re really cool with that?” I couldn’t believe he knew how long of a commitment it was and was still asking.

“Of course. The time will pass anyway.”

I didn’t know how else to react but laugh. It was genuine, and joyful, and a little delirious. I had half a mind to slap myself awake.

“You’re still down, right?” Kenny asked this time.

“Yeah.” It was me who should have been asking Kenny that. But he’d clearly made up his mind.

“Good. Anyway, we can get divorced because I want human kids and you’re more of a succulent daddy. Not even a lie,” Kenny said, as if this whole thing were that simple. But there were so many potential complications. For one, if anyone found out…

Kenny was reliable, but so was my paranoia. I, on the other hand, was known for being brutally honest and a bad liar. I wasn’t mean exactly, but let’s just say if someone had something stuck in their teeth or toilet paper on their shoe, I’d be the first to let them know. Still, this was something I absolutely had to lie about. And I’d do it convincingly. Had to. Maybe Kenny could help me in that department. He was an actor, after all.

I grabbed a couple of beers from the mini fridge by the couch and continued planning. Kenny sat up to take the beer I handed him, and Luna hopped off the couch, stretching out on the floor.

“We should get engaged publicly, so it’s more believable.” I popped my bottle open and took a sip. “Then we won’t have to worry about telling everyone.”

“You’re a genius! We can do it at that drag show I’m doing with Leti!”

“Ah, so you are doing the show!” I said excitedly. Kenny didn’t make it a big deal, but I knew it meant a lot to him. He’d never been able to express himself with makeup, fashion, and sure as hell not his sexuality when he was with Jackie. Doing drag was a big step.

“Of course I’m doing it!” Kenny said it like it was the only thing that made sense. And, knowing him, it did.

I laughed. “Go big or go home, I guess.”

“You should be the one to propose, since you’re a terrible actor, and the proposer has an excuse to trip over their words and get nervous and stuff.”

Leave it to Kenny to call it “acting” instead of “lying.”

“Good point. I don’t know how you do it.” I had to admit I was relieved by the idea. I couldn’t imagine faking all the emotion that came with being proposed to. But with Kenny’s background in theater, I was confident he’d kill it.

My breath hitched when Kenny rested a hand on my knee, and his other hand gently touched my cheek, forcing me to meet his deep brown eyes. The same eyes he used to wear green contacts to cover up. He’d stopped wearing them after high school, but his eyes were even more stunning now. Big with thick lashes and strong bone structure to frame them. Kenny leaned forward so our faces must have been less than a breath apart, but I couldn’t get one out to test the theory. The eye contact was thrilling and excruciating, and I couldn’t bring myself to pull away. Then Kenny grinned and sat back.

“See? Acting isn’t that hard,” he said, but “acting” wasn’t the word I would’ve used. I wasn’t sure what just happened, but it felt like I’d gotten swept up in some sort of spell, one that left me struggling to find my feet again.

“That didn’t help at all,” I said. Kenny just grinned.

“So, how about holding hands? Like in public,” Kenny asked.

“Sure. Gotta sell it, right? What about… uh… kissing?” I almost wanted to tease Kenny about that drunken kiss but decided against it. I didn’t need him feeling weird about this. Everything was so nerve-racking as it was. And drunken kisses aside, I was sure we’d at least kiss during the “proposal.”

“That’s what I was about to ask. I’m cool if you are.” Kenny winked. I wished he wouldn’t be so damn charming, even if he was kidding. It was making it hard to concentrate.

“I’m not really sure how we’d do a proposal without kissing,” I admitted.

“Exactly. But, um, like I said… you’re not the best actor.”

“Oh. You think it’s too risky, then?” A public proposal was a bit ambitious.

“I just mean… maybe we should practice? I can give you some pointers. Like, use your real emotions to fuel the fake narrative. We have to look convincing if we’re kissing in public. It’d be obvious if it was the first time, you know?”

Heat rushed from my chest into my cheeks as I glanced at Kenny’s lips, remembering how soft they were, even sloppy drunk.

“You want to practice kissing?”

“Don’t be weird about it.” Kenny was blushing now, too. “It won’t work if we can’t even do a practice kiss.” He bit his lip. “Are you okay with that?”

I took a big gulp of my beer, then set it down and leaned forward, pressing my lips firmly and eagerly against Kenny’s. It was a kiss that said “I’m sure about this.” A quick kiss, one that lasted less than a second but didn’t help release the heat in my cheeks. It was my first time kissing a dude on purpose, but I had no time to second-guess it. Kenny had kissed guys before, so maybe he wasn’t as nervous as I was.

“Okay, that was a start.” Kenny practically giggled, his cheeks red as hell. “I was thinking more like this…”

Kenny gently cupped my cheeks in his hands, and my stubble shifted under his fingers. He was moving painfully slowly, like he was showing off his acting by milking every moment. It was hard to keep my lips from twitching, since I was hoping to just get it over with. But maybe also because part of me just wanted those lips on mine.

Okay, okay, okay, maybe that “homophobia” I was so worried about was just straight homo. Minus the straight.

But that was irrelevant when it came to Kenny. Because this was all fake.

Okay, focus.

Real emotions to fuel the fake narrative. But I didn’t know what kind of emotions I was supposed to use. Happiness? Passion? Love? I wasn’t exactly great at channeling feelings, real or otherwise. Instead of thinking, I slid my fingers behind the nape of Kenny’s neck, feeling the ends of his freshly cut hair stand up as I gripped him softly. He leaned in so our noses brushed against each other like two ships barely escaping collision. If this was a game of chicken, I sure as hell wouldn’t be the first to back away. We both closed our eyes, and for a moment I thought maybe I was dreaming.

Finally, finally , our lips touched. And touched. And touched. Kenny’s parted slightly without intruding. An invitation I gladly accepted. His soft lips turned up into a slight smile when I parted mine. His hand shifted to the back of my neck, running through my hair. I let out an unexpectedly embarrassing noise at the sensation.

Just when I felt my jeans get tight, Kenny pulled away.

“Whew! That was—great job!” He said it like he was nothing more than an acting coach and not the first man I’d ever kissed. “Let’s try a proposal kiss now.”

“A proposal kiss?” I asked breathlessly.

“Yes, propose to me, lover!” Kenny grabbed my hand, pulling me off the couch so I could kneel.

I managed to laugh out a proposal between fits of childlike giggles. “Kendrick Bautista, will you marry me?” The words came out easier than expected.

“I’d love nothing more from life!” Kenny swooned, wiping his tearless eyes. I stood up and hugged Kenny the way I’d seen couples do in engagement videos. We laughed and kissed again. I wasn’t one for sappy confessions, but something about it being fake filled me with giddiness and giggles. Hopefully our real performance would be better than this one.

We practiced several different kisses, just to be safe. One where Kenny leapt into my arms and we kissed while I carried him. Kenny was cut, but lean and a bit shorter, so it wasn’t too hard to hold him. We kissed again while pretending to cry happy tears. And another where we channeled the passion of two lovers who just got engaged. I felt myself getting lost in the performance as the acting filled me with warmth.

Once the night was over, I felt like an expert in acting, or at least in kissing Kenny.

I went to bed dizzy and giddy. I was going to marry my best friend. I was getting my green card. I drifted to sleep with a smile on my face.

Then I woke up to Kenny’s silhouette in the door once again. This time he was sober, but he still crawled into my bed, pulling the blanket over himself and snuggling up to me.

I let out a little laugh. “What are you doing?”

He looked at me without saying anything for a bit, and something about the intensity of his stare made me blush. Kenny had never looked at me like that before, and I couldn’t quite place the emotion behind it. He looked down at my lips and bit his own.

“I think we need a little more practice, don’t you?” he finally said.

At that moment, I didn’t care about the logic behind it. Yes. We needed practice.

Kenny patiently waited for my answer, still looking at me with that hungry smile. I couldn’t help it. I leaned forward and planted a slow, soft kiss on Kenny’s sweet lips. I wanted to do a good job for him. If this was going to work, we needed to be experts, and from my experience so far, Kenny already was. I had some catching up to do.

When I pulled away, one of his hands traveled down my chest. The other found its way behind my neck, gripping me softly but protectively. I got the feeling I didn’t do a good enough job the first time, so I went in for another kiss, this time following his lead and letting my hands roam his body freely.

I’d seen Kenny’s body before, but I’d never felt it. Never took the time to appreciate the slight dips of muscle on his abs or the inviting warmth of his chest. I wanted to explore more. Wanted to feel all of him.

So I kissed him again, matching his hunger this time as I pulled him closer, meshing ourselves together so we could fill every crevice of each other’s bodies. Kenny weaved one leg between mine, his hands moving to my ass and squeezing the fat, pulling me closer so my pelvis was pressed against his. As I felt his form shift under his boxers, my mouth moved on its own to his neck, and I allowed myself to enjoy the soft hum of pleasure Kenny let out at the sensation.

“Good,” Kenny said approvingly. “You’re so good.”

The praise warmed my insides, and my blood rushed downward. Kenny gave me that smile again when he felt me harden. His fingers moved to the edge of my boxers, tugging slightly.

“Are you ready?”

I eagerly nodded.

“Han, are you ready?” he asked again.

Maybe he wanted me to say it out loud, so I did. “Yes, please .”

The blankets got pulled off me. The light turned on. And I woke up.