Chapter 13
Teddy clenched his hands as he stared at the mess he hadn’t even made a dent in. There were far too many files, too many stupid scraps of paper. Too much information to sift through. A needle in a haystack would have a better chance of being found.
“I’m here if you need help,” Alp said from the doorway.
It was funny, but not in a ha-ha kind of way. “I don’t know where to start,” Teddy admitted. “I’m not even certain what I’m looking for.”
Alp stepped into the room and picked up a box that he placed onto one of the few bare spots and sat beside it. “The best thing to do in a case like this is start with one thing and work your way outward. My mom says that’s the easiest way to find something, and it’s always worked for me.”
The bunny was right. If Teddy didn’t start somewhere, he’d never be able to help Byk. He grabbed a box and took a seat at the small desk.
“Thank you for your help, Alp.”
“No need to thank me,” he replied. “You and Callum are ours, and we’re here for you in whatever you need.”
Hearing that made Teddy feel less like he’d walked away from Damon and Cece and simply moved to another part of their family. He turned to Alp, who was scrutinizing a ream of papers. “Do you think of Cece as family?”
“Hm?” Alp looked up and smiled. “Oh, yeah, of course. She’s like one of my sisters. Wiley and Micah are my nephews.” He chuckled. “And Damon is the big, growly brother-in-law who might be in over his head just a bit.”
“You might not want to say that to Damon.”
Alp shrugged. “Cece told me I should, then said she’d protect me.”
Of course she did. If there was one thing for certain, she loved getting Damon riled up. He briefly wondered if she did it so they could have angry sex, then pushed that thought out of his head quickly.
The next several hours passed in relative silence. The sound of pages being turned, chairs moving, and the like were the only noises that broke the quiet. At some point one of the kitchen staff brought food and placed it on the desk. She said that Malachi had told them to bring it and that Teddy and Alp were specifically told they should eat.
Neither did. Teddy couldn’t even consider food, especially when his Byk was lying in the infirmary. He hadn’t heard from Ivan, so Teddy decided now would be a good time to call him. He took his phone out and pressed his brother’s contact.
“It took you longer to call than I thought it would,” Ivan said by way of greeting. “This is good. It means you are focused on your task.”
“I’m trying,” Teddy admitted. “We’re not having much headway.”
“We?”
“Alp came in and offered his help.”
“Ah, the bunny is good, and you chose wisely to become a member of their pack.”
At least Ivan agreed that this was a good move for Teddy. “How is Byk doing?”
“Well…,” Ivan hedged.
The tone had Teddy on alert immediately. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I swear to you. He is nearly the same as when you left.”
“Nearly?” He sighed. Ivan could be so frustrating. “I’ll be down there in a few minutes.”
“No!” Ivan growled. “You do your work. You are more help to him there than you would be here.”
“Then tell me what’s going on!” he ground out.
“Very well. He and I were talking, and?—”
“He was talking? When did he wake up? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“No, nothing like that. Remember when our babushka was in the hospital and the doctors told us that if we talked to her, she would listen? I was talking to your Byk. I told him how much you needed him and that you cared for him.”
Teddy wanted to be angry. Ivan had no business doing that. The thing was, if it helped, he wouldn’t care at all. “And?”
Ivan blew out a frustrated breath. “And he muttered that he loved you. He did not wake up, just murmured it in his sleep. I told Gwyneth and the vet, and they both agreed that it was involuntary and that he is still heavily sedated.” He paused a half second. “I also believe that it makes him more likely to say things he feels.”
“So you think he really cares for me?”
“Da. I am certain of it. Theodore, you have never known the love of another, and I know this must scare you so, but know that I am here, the rabbit is here, Damon and Cece are here. The boys are here. You are not alone. You will never be alone.”
“Damon and the family came?”
“How is it you say? Duh! You are their family as well, little brother. They care about you very much, and they know you need people around you can lean on.”
For years, Teddy had thought no one wanted him around because of his shame. He feared that they would shy away from him, as to not be tarnished by his failure. Cece and Damon refused to allow him to wallow, though. Cece would drag him and Ivan out onto the mat, then proceed to show them they weren’t the toughest or strongest, and therefore were not in charge of their destiny. She reminded them often that they could only do their best and hope things would work out right.
He hated to admit it, but she became like a surrogate mother to him. Always making sure that he and Ivan ate, that they took care of themselves, that they washed behind their ears and brushed their teeth.
He would never take her love for granted, nor would ever not cherish Byk’s love, if he should be so lucky to get it.
“Are you thinking about Cece?” Ivan rumbled.
“Yeah.”
“She is a good devil bear,” Ivan said with a chuckle. “I praise the Maker that we were allowed to be found by her and Damon.” He exhaled sharply. “And also that we did not die thinking we had shamed ourselves.”
Well, Teddy still wasn’t sure about that, but he was finding reasons to live every day now. Byk was a good one. He made Teddy feel as though the darkness that dwelt within him was being pushed away, made better, being replaced by the light Byk brought to his life. Even before he heard what Byk had said, Teddy was grateful to have him as a friend. Should he be worthy of Byk’s love, he would forever cherish it.
“I shall let you get back to your search, brother. Please, for your sake, as well as Byk’s, find something.”
Then he was gone. Teddy glared at the offending boxes, each of them holding a trove of information, and tried to will the one he needed to plop into his lap. When it didn’t, he sighed and heaved the next box closer so he could look through those for the information they so desperately needed.
“Stop, Cooper!” Callum cried as Cooper shoved him down again.
“Stop being a fag,” Cooper taunted.
“I’m not!” Callum refused to get up, because he knew he’d just end up on the ground again.
“Yeah, right,” Cooper scoffed. “Don’t think I haven’t seen you staring at my friends.”
He wasn’t! Well, maybe Daniel. He was beautiful. He worked out every day, and the results were spectacular. Even if Daniel was only sixteen, his body was that of a man. A chest that stretched any shirt he put on, a stomach that you could count the ripples on, pants that were so tight, you could see the outline of every bulging muscle. He also gave off that odor of hard work and sweat that made Callum weak in the knees. And if he even so much as looked at Callum with his lopsided grin, he popped a boner.
Daniel was the epitome of manliness, at least as far as Callum was concerned. He was never overtly mean to Callum, but then again, he wasn’t exactly friendly. More… indifferent. Which was still better than any of Cooper’s other friends. They would tease him, knock him around, and say it was all in fun, and Callum was a pussy if he couldn’t handle it.
“So, I am back. Have you missed me?”
That voice again. But now Callum knew it. Teddy’s brother, Ivan. It was good to hear, even if he’d much rather have Teddy with him.
“I spoke with my brother. He is hard at work, doing everything he can to find out what is wrong with you.”
There was something wrong? Everything seemed fine.
“However, he believes in you. He knows you are good man and will make excellent mate.”
Mate? Teddy wanted to mate with Callum? Why?
“He believes you are all that and a bag of chips, I think the saying goes.”
Hazy visions of Teddy floated in Callum’s mind. He was strong, quiet, considerate. Everything anyone could ever want in a mate. Callum yearned for his bite, wanted—needed—to be linked to Teddy.
“My brother is such a faggot.”
That word burned in Callum’s brain. It wasn’t Ivan speaking—it was Cooper. That didn’t make any sense. Hadn’t Teddy told him that Cooper was dead? Why was it all so hard to remember?
“Well, maybe if you were a little less of a prick to him.”
“Oh, fuck off, Dan. How would you feel if your brother was queer?”
Daniel’s face came into view, and Callum couldn’t repress the smile. He was so handsome. Teddy was better, though. Wait. Who was Teddy?
“Who’s to say my brother isn’t gay?” Dan asked. “And by the way, that’s the word. Gay, not faggot, not queer. Gay. Grow the hell up, man.”
Cooper sneered. “Fag, queer, gay. Whatever. Callum is one.”
“And that affects you how? Callum is cool as hell, and one day you’re going to realize that and it’ll be too late for you to make amends for your bullshit attitude. You’re going to lose the one decent thing in your life, all for some garbage about him being gay. And I’m not saying he is or isn’t, because it doesn’t matter at all.”
“Dude, he pervs all over you! How can you say it doesn’t make you sick?”
“Because we look at girls. Does that make us sick?”
Cooper snorted. “That makes us normal.”
Dan sighed and clapped Cooper on the shoulder. “You don’t get it, and by the time you do, you’d better hope it isn’t too late.”
He was my best friend, and I treated him like shit. He—wait. He wasn’t Callum’s friend. Why would he think ? —?
The image blurred, going from fuzzy to dark once again. Callum was sure he’d never heard Daniel talk about him like this, nor had he considered Daniel more than an acquaintance. Maybe it was all wishful thinking on his part.
“…is worrying himself sick over you.”
That voice. Oh! Ivan again. Why was it so hard to think? So hard to remember?
“He hasn’t eaten in days, and he only showered because I threatened to throw him in the stream if he didn’t. I’ve never seen him like this before. That tells me how he feels for you. He will likely be quite angry if he knows I told you these things, but Teddy feels as though he lets everyone down. He fears that the Maker never will grant him kindness again.”
Teddy had feelings for him? Wait. He knew that, didn’t he? He was certain Ivan had said it before, but though he tried, he couldn’t recall. It was as if everything was a mire in his head and thoughts were being sucked into it, never to be seen again. Things Callum—no, Byk—should know were just… gone. How was that possible? He tried hard to picture Teddy, but the image was blurry, out of focus.
The harder Callum tried to gather those shards of memory, the more they fractured, crumbling to dust and being swept away by the wind. Fear coursed through him, terror at whatever was stealing away bits of him and destroying them. He needed—needed—something. What was it? He’d been thinking about something, and now it was gone as if it had never existed. But it had. Hadn’t it?
He tried to focus on one thing. Something basic. His name! He could remember that, right? He was… was….
Like everything else, it was gone. He couldn’t recall anything about who he was, where he was.
“…thinks he’s not worthy.”
That voice. Where was it coming from? Who did it belong to? Could they help him remember who he was? Please, say my name. Tell me who I am. I’m so afraid. Don’t leave me. I don’t want to die.
Alp yawned, his head lolling, until it dipped and his chin rested against his chest. Teddy could understand. He was exhausted too. They’d been at it all day and hadn’t come across anything remotely relevant to what was done to Byk. His gaze swept the room, and despair clutched Teddy’s heart. They had barely made a dent in all of this mess. And with more of the base to be looked into, how much hadn’t they discovered yet?
“Alp, you should go home and sleep.”
With a start, Alp sat upright. “No, I’m okay.”
The shine from the drool on his chin told a different story. “It’s fine. I’ll continue to look. You go rest.”
The door opened and Mal stepped inside with Damon and Cece. “Any luck?”
“No,” Teddy snapped, shoving the box to the floor, where it tipped, spilling the contents. The anger was finally too much to hold in. “Every goddamn thing we’ve discovered is useless! We found details of horrors they committed, also receipts for the diner in town. Oh, and one for condoms and lubrication. Beyond that, nothing remotely relevant. They kept minutiae! Stupid things that serve no purpose, but the things they should have had at their fingertips? No, let’s put those into piles and we’ll go through them later.”
Mal took a step toward Teddy, but Cece brushed by him and went to her knees. She reached for Teddy, who wanted to pull away, but couldn’t. He needed the demon bear right now.
“Cece, I’m afraid.”
“I know, Teddy bear. You need rest, though. Dr. Hamilton says you haven’t slept in days.”
“I can’t sleep, don’t you understand? I close my eyes and all I can see is Byk lying on that bed, not waking up. I can’t fight something I can’t see.”
“You told me you wanted to be more than muscle. This is your chance to do just that. However, you need rest if you’re going to be of any use to your bull. Do you understand me? At least six hours of sleep, not just laying in bed tossing and turning.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small brown vial. “Gwyneth said this will help you relax and shut down your brain for a while. She said if you don’t get some sleep, your body will suffer for it.”
“I can’t,” Teddy cried. “I have to help him! I… I love him.”
“Then prove your love by taking care of yourself as you try to help him.” She held the glass tube out. “Drink this.”
He wanted to argue, but he knew it would do no good. And he was tired. He had a hard time focusing on what he was reading, the words on the page blurring or sliding over the edge. He knew he was starting to hallucinate, and Cece was right. If he lost it, he’d be no use to anyone. He took the bottle from her, noting how shaky his hands were. He pulled the rubber stopper out and swallowed down the contents.
“Tastes like chocolate,” he murmured.
“Gwyneth knows what you like,” Cece replied softly. Then she did something that still amazed Teddy. She stood and put one arm under his legs, using the other to keep him steady, then hefted him off the chair and into her arms. How strong was Cece?
“Alp, can you show me where to put him?”
“Then you get some rest too,” Mal insisted. “And don’t argue with me.”
“Yes, First,” Alp said. “I don’t have the strength to argue.”
Alp yelped when Mal picked him up. “Then I’ll give you mine,” he whispered. “Come on, Cece, let’s get these two to bed.”
And with that, they all left the office, and Mal led them down the hall toward the rooms. Teddy was already nearly asleep by the time Cece lay him on the bed and pulled a blanket over him.
“We’ll fix this,” she promised. “As a family.”
Then she kissed him on the forehead, turned and switched off the light, and closed the door behind her.
“I’m sorry, Byk. So sorry.”
And then, despite his best efforts, Teddy fell asleep.