Chapter 14
Teddy woke, feeling marginally better. The dull ache that had settled behind his eyes was mostly gone, but he could still feel it lingering in the background. He had no doubt that it would be back in full force once he sat down with the boxes again. He opened the door to his room and found Jerome, hand on the wall, making his way down the hall.
“Jerome, can I help you?”
The cat shifter startled, which made Teddy feel bad. His glasses slipped, and Teddy could see where his eyes had been, and he wondered if Cece had been too kind when she killed Hyde. “Who is that?” he asked, fear in his voice.
“Teddy. The bear? I moved here recently.”
A few moments passed, then Jerome’s features returned to their placid state. “Sorry. I didn’t recognize your voice.”
“It’s no problem. Are you alone?”
He nodded. “Alp was supposed to come get me, but I haven’t seen him…. I mean, he hasn’t shown up.” Jerome sighed. “I haven’t seen anyone,” he said, his voice breaking.
“I understand. May I offer my assistance?”
“Dr. Hamilton wanted me to come to the clinic this morning to check in with Gwyneth.”
“I am heading that way myself. Would it be okay if I accompanied you?”
“Would you mind?” He sighed. “No matter how hard I try, I can’t get used to this place. It seems like every time I figure something out, two other things get changed.”
It wasn’t helping that the work crews were still doing the small things, which necessitated the need to have equipment in odd locations.
“I understand.” He reached out and put his fingers on Jerome’s wrist. “I am uncertain how to assist you. I don’t wish to be presumptuous.”
“No, please. Take my hand. Don’t let me walk into anything, and we should be okay.”
“I promise I won’t.” Teddy gripped Jerome’s hand firmly, so he’d know Teddy was there.
“Why are you going to the clinic?”
What could he say? “A friend of mine is there. Something Hyde did to him is causing him issues.”
Jerome snorted. “I understand that. Every day I wake up, and for the first few seconds, I wonder why I can’t see. Then I remember, and it pisses me off again.”
“I hope the Maker has a special place for him,” Teddy bit out.
They arrived at the door of the clinic, and Teddy opened it for Jerome. He guided him over to a seat, then waited until Jerome was comfortable.
“Can I get you anything else?”
“No, but thank you for your?—”
“Little brother. Who is this you have with you?”
He turned to find Ivan standing behind him, a smirk on his face. It was one Teddy had seen before, where Ivan found someone he thought was attractive and would start putting the moves on any moment.
“Ivan, this is Jerome. He’s one of the people who lives here,” Teddy said, hoping to hell that Ivan understood what he was trying to tell him. “Jerome, this is my brother, Ivan.”
Ivan held out a hand, then cocked his head when Jerome didn’t reach for him.
“Jerome can’t see, Ivan. Hyde made sure of that.”
It was only a moment, but then recognition flitted over Ivan’s face, and his smirk turned to one of anger barely controlled. Ivan took a half step back, his fists clenched and took several long breaths before he spoke again.
“I am so sorry, kitten,” he murmured finally, reaching out to take Jerome’s hand in his. “I wish we had gotten here earlier.”
Jerome jerked away. “Don’t touch me!” he snarled.
Ivan grinned. “My kitten has claws.”
“I am not your kitten!”
Why couldn’t Ivan see how upset Jerome was? Where was his empathy? “Ivan, leave him alone. Jerome doesn’t need you teasing him.”
A look of shock and hurt crossed Ivan’s face. “Who said I am teasing? I quite like kittens. They’re so soft and furry, and they love to be stroked.” He turned his gaze toward Jerome. “Do you like to be petted, kitten?”
Before things could escalate, the door opened, and one of Dr. Hamilton’s nurses stepped out to take Jerome inside. Teddy was disgusted by Ivan’s callous attitude.
“Why would you do that? They took his damned eyes, Ivan. He’s having trouble adjusting, and you didn’t help matters with your goading him.”
Ivan’s nostrils flared as he stared at Teddy. “Little brother, do not presume to lecture me about things you know nothing of. That kitten might not know it yet, but I will have him.”
The words disgusted Teddy. “Is that all you can do? Think with your dick? He’s someone who’s undergone a tragedy, and you’re standing here lusting after him.”
“Theodore, you are treading on very dangerous ground here. I neither want, nor need, your approval. Do I make myself clear?”
The attitude ratcheted up Teddy’s anger. “Mal and Alp won’t let you hurt him! Neither will I.”
Ivan gave a dismissive wave. “You think you know me so well, but I promise you, you do not. Have some faith in me, as I do in you.”
And those words hit home. Ivan did have faith in Teddy. For the longest time, Teddy believed only Ivan did, until he opened his heart to the fact that he wasn’t totally alone in the world. Damon, Cece, the boys. They were all there, badgering him, annoying him, pestering him.
Maker, he loved them so.
“I’m sorry. All I ask is that you please don’t hurt him. He’s had so much pain in his life.”
“We all have, Teddy. Sometimes you need to take the pleasure where you can, da?”
And that was what worried Teddy. Ivan was all about pleasure. His own. He was, as most who knew him understood, a slut. It didn’t matter if it was a guy or a girl, and looks never seemed to factor into the equation. All that mattered was Ivan had a place to dip his junk.
“I see that look, Theodore. The one that says, ‘Ivan will hurt Jerome, and we’ll be left to pick up the pieces.’”
And they would. Unless, of course, Jerome rebuffed him. After Ivan calling him kitten, it seemed unlikely Jerome would fall for Ivan’s schmoozing charm. At least Teddy hoped so.
“I thought you were in with Byk?”
“I was, but Gwyneth kicked me out so they could examine him.”
“Is he... was…?” Teddy wanted to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.
Ivan moved quickly, slipping his arms around Teddy’s shoulders and pulling him in. “He is unchanged from when you saw him last.”
“I shouldn’t have slept. I should have kept looking!”
“No, Theodore, you should not. You are no good to your Byk if you cannot function. Nearly asleep as you were, you could miss vital information. Your Byk will not begrudge you caring for yourself for a short while, trust me.”
It didn’t seem that Teddy knew Byk well enough to know whether he would forgive him his lapse. Then he understood that Byk took care of him, just as Teddy cared for Byk. It was a symbiotic thing, where they each saw to the other’s needs.
“Do you think he cares for me?”
Ivan chortled. “Of course he does. Look in the mirror, brother. You are big, strong, smart, and you look enough like me to be considered handsome. In dim lighting.” He kissed Teddy’s forehead. “You are a beautiful man, Theodore, from your skin to your soul. Anyone, man or woman, would be the luckiest person on the planet to catch your eye.”
“But Byk is?—”
“Very lovely as well,” Ivan interrupted. “The two of you would make the most beautiful of babies, if you could.” Strong fingers slid through Teddy’s hair. “And do not concern yourself. I truly believe that your Byk would care for you no matter the circumstances.”
Teddy sniffled. He hated being weak in front of anyone, but especially Ivan, who now stood stroking a hand over his back.
“You do know it is okay to cry, yes? I will not tease you for your tears, for it tells me your feelings are strong and genuine.”
Teddy squeezed Ivan so hard, he grunted. “I want to take him places for runs. Out in the woods, where we can go and he can nibble tender grasses, or to town for a milkshake, or to a movie. Maker, I want to do so many things with him.”
“You will have that chance, Theodore, I promise.”
Teddy knew better. That was something beyond any of their powers. “I prayed to the Maker to take me if only to make Byk better.”
“The Maker does not bargain. You know this.”
“I had to try, right? I mean, have you ever cared enough for someone that you would gladly give up everything to make it right for them?”
Ivan tucked a knuckle under Teddy’s chin and gently lifted until their gazes met. “Yes. You. When we were left out in the snow to die, I prayed to the Maker to keep you safe. It didn’t matter what happened to me, as long as you were well and whole.”
The admission rattled Teddy. “I asked for you to be taken care of if I died.”
Strong arms tightened. “We are stupid, you know. We blindly accepted that we were to blame for their loss, and we would have died if only to make it better. The problem with that, and it took me many years to figure it out, is that the dead don’t care. They are beyond such things. They reside with the Maker, who cares for them. They have no need for those of us left behind to apologize or sacrifice ourselves, because it will do nothing for them.”
Teddy had never considered that. As much as he had loved the children, nothing he could do would bring them back or help them find peace. Even Cece killing Hyde couldn’t do that. It only brought comfort of a sort to the living.
“I still wish it had been us who found him,” Teddy said through gritted teeth.
“As do I, but not for redemption. It was for those who still survived, who had gone through horrific things and came out of it. I look at the people here now, under Mal and Alp’s care, and I understand that anything we did was done for them.”
He was right. “Do you regret it? Taking those lives?”
“No, and I never will. I would not care if they had families waiting on them, because everyone here did too. They all had people who loved them and wanted them home. Revenge is not a good thing, but there are times, like this, where it is justified.”
A door opened, and a haggard looking Dr. Hamilton stepped out of the room. “Teddy?”
He was alert immediately. “Yes?”
“Could you come with me, please?”
The words were ice down Teddy’s spine. “Is he?—?”
“No, he’s unchanged. We want to talk to you about his care, though.”
Ivan kissed Teddy’s cheek. “It will be well, you have my word. I must go find the boys, lest they find mischief to get into.”
That wasn’t true. The boys were good kids and never caused anyone grief. Ivan wanted to be alone with his thoughts and feelings for a time.
“You can rest in my room, if you want.”
A twitch of the lip. “Thank you, brother.”
And with that, he was gone. Teddy turned and followed Dr. Hamilton to the clinic, where Byk lay unmoving. Gwyneth gestured to the chair, and Teddy sat.
“You’ve known me too long for me to beat around the bush,” she said. “Callum is not getting better. In fact, we think his condition is deteriorating. Even though Lydia—Dr. Hamilton—isn’t a human doctor, she agrees with my assessment.”
“No, he can’t die,” Teddy gasped.
Gwyneth moved to him and placed a hand on Teddy’s shoulder. It wasn’t at all comforting, but then Gwyneth had never been a nurturing person. She was strict, and brooked no nonsense from anyone in the pack. If she spoke, people listened. Even Damon wouldn’t dare to countermand anything she had to say.
“His body is weakening, but his mind seems to be hyperactive. There is something going on in his head, that we can’t see. I need you to try something.”
“Of course. Anything.”
“Good. Ivan said you were connected with Callum.”
He shrugged. “We’re friends, but not much else.” It wasn’t the whole truth, but Teddy didn’t know how Byk felt and wasn’t going to presume.
“Oh. Really? Ivan seemed to think there was more at work. It’s fine, though. Sometimes friendship is strong enough. What I want you to do is call to him, let him know you’re here. Touch him, if you’d like. We need to make him aware that he needs to fight to get better.”
Teddy could do that. He got up and moved to the bed. The wires that had been attached before seemed to have doubled in numbers. Now monitors had beeping, whirring, blinking, flashing lights all over Byk’s body. It hurt to see him like this, especially after seeing him healthy and whole.
He leaned in close. “Byk? Byk, I need you to hear me. We’re here, and they’re doing everything they can to help you, but you need to fight. You need… need….” Teddy drew in a sharp breath. “Maker damn it, Byk! I fucking need you to fight, do you understand me? I need to touch you. To hold you. To whisper words in your ear that will let you know my feelings. I fucking love you, and I am begging you to be strong!” His voice cracked. “Please, Byk. Come back to me. Please.”
“Maker damn it, Byk! I fucking need you to fight, do you understand me? I need to touch you. To hold you. To whisper words in your ear that will let you know my feelings. I fucking love you, and I am begging you to be strong!” His voice cracked. “Please, Byk. Come back to me. Please.”
That voice. It was one he knew. He’d heard it before. It whispered to him, told him things would get better. Made him trust the voice. It… brushed him. Made him feel special. Stroked strong fingers through hair and scratch skin that had itched for far too long. He remembered that. He remembered….
Teddy! I can hear you. I’m frightened. I’m forgetting who I am, and that scares me. I almost forgot who you were, and that terrifies me. You are the only person in my life I love, and it was slipping away like water through my fingers.
I’m here now, though. I love you, Teddy. So much. Fight for me, please. I beg you, don’t let me fade away.
“Teddy… I love you.”
And with those words, the blanket once again covered his mind, dragging him back to the dark place. This time, though, there was a pulse of light for him to hold on to. Teddy was there, and he would do his best never to forget him again.
He would remember Teddy, no matter what it took, because he knew that Teddy was the only person who could end this nightmare and bring him home.
I find myself standing staring into an abyss. No way to move forward, and behind me is a maw that seems eager to swallow me whole. Rage pours into my body as my feet cramp from being too near the edge with no purchase.
Why am I so angry? What is it that’s eating away at me, forcing me to want to lash out at everyone? I’ve never meant to hurt anyone, it only happened when things became too much to handle. Who am I kidding? That was always my default. Think with my fists instead of my head, then spend hours regretting it, only to turn around and do it again. And again. And again.
No, that wasn’t right. Callum—Byk—never wanted to hurt anyone. He wanted quiet, placid people. Ones he could be friends with. He wasn’t interested in hurting someone. Why was he thinking that?
No. Teddy promised he’d help, and I have to believe that. I trust in him, love him. Teddy will do everything he can to make things right. And if he can’t? Then… I don’t know. It won’t be his fault, though. Teddy is the only good thing in my life, and I couldn’t ever hold him responsible for what happens to me.
The ground crumbles beneath my feet, falling into the pit, never to be seen again. It won’t be much longer until the ledge I’m on crumbles and I tumble into the darkness, which won’t let me go this time. It’ll consume me, I’m certain.
At least the pain will end.