Chapter 15
The next four days found Teddy hard at work. From the moment he woke up after sleeping six hours—thanks to Gwyneth’s concoction—he pored through box after box, sifting through the detritus as well as the disgusting. He found notes on experiments they’d performed on some of the people from Wald, but they weren’t about Byk, so he added them to a folder to deal with them after he helped… whatever Byk was to him. Friend? Lover? Mate?
Ivan would stop in and bring him water or food, but wouldn’t stay to chat. Teddy could smell Jerome on him, but it was more a lingering scent rather than one where he and Ivan had slept together. He would make sure to ask about it after he helped Byk. Alp came to offer his assistance again, but after finding the files detailing the horrible things they’d done, especially to the children, Teddy sent him away. He was far too nice to have this taint his soul more than it already had.
Cece, goddess that she was, visited several times to bolster his spirit with a joke or a massage. She too offered help, but Teddy didn’t want her to find out things that had happened and get angry again. After all, since Sheena Jolie’s Angel didn’t actually exist, Hyde could only die once, damn the luck. Damon and Mal brought sweets, which Teddy was grateful for. The sugar rush helped him stay awake longer.
“Stand up.”
Teddy shook his head. “No time.”
Ivan grabbed him by the collar and yanked him off the floor. “I will not tell you again, Theodore, stand up.”
Teddy growled at him, but Ivan simply looked amused. “We both know how a fight between us would end, da?”
And Teddy did, but not the way it seemed. If they started to fight, Cece would somehow know and come in to kick both their asses.
“The room is looking cleaner,” Ivan noted.
And it was. You could actually see bare spots on the desks where before there had been piles of folders and notes.
“Come with me,” Ivan insisted.
Not giving Teddy a chance to react, he turned and marched out of the room and down the hall. Teddy followed as quickly as he could.
“Where are we going?”
“When is the last time you shifted?”
It had been so long, Teddy couldn’t recall. “A few days.”
“We both know that is a lie. Cece said when she massaged you, your muscles were like granite. After hearing this, I spoke with Malachi and the rabbit, and neither of them have noticed you leaving the compound, nor are there any instances of you on camera. Now, I ask again, when is the last time you shifted?”
“It’s been a while, okay? I’ve had other things occupying my mind, in case you didn’t know.”
“I know, and so does your new First and his mate. They’re the ones who sent me to find you. We will go outside and shift, and for an hour, we will run the hills. We can search for fish or berries.”
“I don’t have time for this,” Teddy said, turning to head back to work.
When a hand clamped down on his shoulder and spun him around, Teddy snarled.
“Look at you, so fierce,” Ivan mocked. “Go ahead and hit me. Cece will be here in moments, and you will have to fight her. Either way, you will shift. So, would you rather do it for fun, or to get your ass kicked?”
He knew Ivan was right, but that didn’t matter. “I have work to do,” he snapped.
“And it will be there in an hour,” Ivan countered.
“Why do all of you keep dragging me away from this?” Teddy demanded. “First Gwyneth gives me something to make me sleep, then you want to take me out to frolic in the forests, while Byk is in there, possibly dying!” Then he realized the truth. “It’s because you don’t love anyone. Are you even capable of it?”
It was a low blow, and the moment the words came out of his mouth, Teddy regretted saying them, but people needed to let him do this!
“I am more than capable of it, and you know this full well. I have always been by your side, forever protecting you. If that was you in that bed, I would do anything I could to save you.”
And it was the truth. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize. I would do the same for you, and I would feel as you do, but I hope I would understand that I still had others who depended on me. We all need you in our lives, and if you’re not keeping yourself healthy, then we will have failed you if we don’t make you take a break to keep your very tenuous hold on sanity.”
He couldn’t deny how much his muscles ached, especially sitting hunched over on the floor as he was, but it was a small price to pay if it brought Byk back to him sooner.
“And what good will you be to your Byk if you cannot move? I have so much respect for the people here who could not shift for many years. I don’t think I could retain my mind if I was unable to be true to who I am.”
Teddy hadn’t thought of it in those terms. It would go a long way toward explaining why some of the people here were infirm in some way. Legs that had bowed, spines that kept them hunched over, fingers that no longer worked the way they should. These were the people who’d been held for years, probably in far worse conditions than any of them suspected.
“You need this, Teddy. I’ll make you a deal. Give me thirty minutes, and then you can come back and return to your search.”
Teddy sighed. “Okay, thirty minutes.”
The smile he got was bright. He missed Ivan so much. They hadn’t been separated for longer than a few days since they’d been born. Wherever Ivan went, Teddy wasn’t far behind. As close as they were, people thought they were twins.
When they got outside, they undressed and put their clothes in the box, then shifted. Ivan’s was quick, but Teddy’s took longer this time than usual. His body protested each move. He definitely needed to do this more often. When the shift was finally complete, Teddy stretched his face toward the sun, marveling at the warmth. He wished Byk was here, running with them.
When Ivan nipped him on the flank, Teddy’s first impulse was to chase after him, to do what they did when they were cubs and tackle him, then roll around in the dewy grass. Now though, he only wanted this time to pass quickly so they could go back inside. Ivan nudged him, and Teddy finally moved. They loped through the forest, knocking down branches, trampling grass, splashing in the water. Any other time, it would be fun, but not today.
Teddy shifted back, the change easier now that his muscles had gotten a workout. Ivan followed suit.
“It is not yet thirty minutes.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, but I have to get back inside.”
Ivan reached out a rough hand and stroked Teddy’s cheek. “I knew you would say that. Don’t worry, I will tell them we were out here the whole time. I’m sorry I had to take you away from your work.”
“No, you were right. I needed to get into my skin for a bit. I feel so much better now, and I appreciate it.” He gave Ivan a smile. “Next time, don’t bite me on the ass.”
“Very well, I will do my best not to.” He nudged Teddy’s shoulder. “It isn’t my fault it’s so biteable, though.”
It was a surprise when Ivan took Teddy’s hand. He hadn’t done that since they were kids. He led Teddy back into the compound, down the ramp, and back to the makeshift office, where he let go. It was weird how Teddy missed the contact.
“Theodore….”
“I was a jerk, and I’m sorry.”
“No, little brother. You were fine. It is I who was the jerk. It hurts me to see you in pain, especially knowing there is little I can do about it. I can’t fix your heart, so I had to help your body. That makes sense, da?”
It was easy to tell Ivan was getting flustered. His accent was becoming thicker, heavier. Most telling was his face. There was pain there, and it hurt Teddy to see it.
“Do you want me to come home?”
Ivan shook his head. “No, you must follow your heart, as must I.” His shoulders slumped. “I will be telling Damon and Cece that I am going to be leaving and coming to live here.”
That was news to Teddy. “Really?” He wasn’t about to question the decision. If he could have Ivan here, things would be so much better.
“Da. I cannot live there, knowing my brother is lost in the backwoods with no one to protect him.”
He was joking, but Teddy knew the truth. Ivan wanted them to be together. “I… I’d love for you to be here. We could go exploring together like we did when we were kids.” Teddy tamped down on the eagerness. “I mean, if you want to.”
“Nothing would make me happier, little brother.” He patted Teddy on the back. “Now go back to your research, and please, I beg you, find something soon. I want to see you happy and whole again, okay?”
“Yes, okay!” One last hug, then Teddy hurried back to his office.
He’d been looking through another stack when the door opened. The deep voice from behind startled Teddy for a moment.
“How can I help?”
He spun around and found Mal standing there, arms crossed over his chest, seeming as though he was daring Teddy to tell him no.
“Thank you, First. If you’d like to go through those boxes,” he said, pointing to the ones in the corner.
“Will do. Figure out where you want Damon, Cece, and the boys. They’ll be here in about fifteen minutes.”
“They’re coming to help?”
“Of course. I’m sorry we haven’t had time the last few days. Damon was helping me put out some fires with the Council, and Cece was playing den mother while Alp was working on some things.” Mal ducked his head and scratched his neck. “It’s not a legitimate reason. We should have all been here, helping you. I’m sorry we?—”
Teddy held up a hand. “Please, First. Don’t. Byk and I aren’t the only people you all worry about, and it would be selfish of me to think that everything else should come second to us. Alp spent the whole day here helping, and Cece massaged my shoulders, you all brought me food. Everyone helped in ways they could. I am grateful to have any assistance, but not one of you left me alone.”
Mal shook his head. “That’s not an excuse. I’m the First, and you’re part of my pack. I should have been able to find someone to help out and?—”
“Mal, stop. Really. There’s no reason to feel guilty, I swear.” He took a breath. “Do you want me to feel bad because I haven’t been doing the job you hired me for?”
“What? No, of course not. Callum should be your priority right now.”
“And the pack should be yours. All parts, not just us. If you all have time, I would love a few extra hands, but I won’t be upset if you’re all busy.”
Mal looked distinctly uncomfortable. “Look, let me feel guilty. It’s a good motivator to get this done. After we’ve found a way to help you both, then I’ll stop. Fair?”
“Fair.” Teddy held out a hand, but Mal grabbed it and pulled him close.
“You are pack, Teddy. Never forget that.”
He stepped back, then went over to where Teddy had indicated the boxes. He grabbed the first one, then sat in the spindly chair and got started.
“Mal?”
He peered up. “Yeah?”
“Can we… find Alp something else to do?”
“I’m sure I could. Why?”
“Earlier I found some documents that would probably upset him, and… well, I like your mate a great deal. He’s all sunshine and sweetness.”
Mal snorted. “Alp? You’re talking about my rabbit, right?” He laughed so hard, he had tears streaming down his cheeks. “Alp sweet. Oh, Maker. Please let me tell him you said that.”
“Are you saying he’s not?”
When Mal finally sobered, he gripped Teddy’s shoulders and stared into his eyes. “Alp is the kindest, gentlest, most loving person I’ve ever met. He’s also got a steel rod for a spine. I’m not saying he doesn’t get hurt, because we all know that’s not true. Every time he looks at one of the people here, I can see it in his expression. He wants to take away all their pain and have their lives be happy and carefree, but he also knows that’s not possible, so he does what he can to make things better for everyone.”
“But at what cost?”
Mal seemed startled. “What do you mean?”
“He puts up a good front, but Alp is hurting every bit as much as these people. You can see it when he flinches at loud noises, or melts into the background around people he doesn’t know. Alp is afraid, but he faces that fear as much as he can. Having you as a mate gives him a strength he might not have otherwise.”
“Y-You think Alp is afraid?”
“Wouldn’t you be? Everyone here has fears, and it would be impossible for Alp not to have them too. I know when we get Byk back, he’s going to need me to hold him together sometimes, and that’s fine. I’ll do that every day for the rest of my life, just so I can see him smile.”
Mal sighed. “I’m glad to hear you say that. The pack needs more mated pairs.”
Even the First saw Teddy and Byk as mates. Teddy wanted that more than he ever imagined he could want something. What was it about Byk that called to Teddy and his bear? Why could both of them see laying with Byk, cuddling under a tree, sleeping together, with Teddy’s head across Byk’s back? Why hadn’t he ever wanted to be with another person until he met his bull?
“Is it too soon for me to love him?” Teddy asked, giving voice to the question that had been nagging at him for days now.
A soft hum. “I knew I wanted to be with Alp, even when he was still in rabbit form. I think it’s our animals that know. They aren’t worried about it being too soon or maybe we’re not right for each other. They feel the connection on a level we can’t understand, and it takes our human brains time to catch up, because we’re hung up on the aspects of love that aren’t nearly as important.”
It made sense, and Teddy was grateful to Mal for the wisdom. “What about Alp?”
“Let me put it to you this way. Have you ever fought an animal? I mean, a real animal?”
“Yes. I once fought a mountain lion that was stealing food from our camp. What does that have to do with anything?”
“What do you think would have happened if you told the mountain lion not to do that?”
“It would ignore me, or maybe attack, if it was feeling bold or cornered.”
“Now imagine that cat is the size of a tiny bunny. Alp won’t be told what to do. You need to make him think it’s his idea, otherwise he’s going to ignore everything you tell him. His mother said he’s always been like that.” His lips twisted into a grin. “Let me tell you something. Alp is a big boy, and he’s going to be more hurt if we try to keep him out of it. He’ll find out eventually, then rant and rave, scream and cry, and need me to make things right again, but it’s better than the alternative.”
Mal would know best. Mates weren’t rare, but a bond like he had with Alp was. Shifters usually stuck to their own kind, but Teddy had never been interested in bear shifters. Too big, too aggressive, to damned loud. He wanted quiet and peaceful, to lounge with someone and not have to worry about who wanted to be in charge. If Byk needed to take the lead, that was fine, or if he preferred it to be Teddy, that would be good too. Or, crazy notion, they could walk side by side and help each other over the rough patches. That one sounded the best to Teddy.
If they could find out what Hyde and those bastards had done and find a way to fix it, Teddy would ask Byk to be his mate. Would ask him to share a life.
Please, Maker, let it be soon.