Chapter 16
My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.
He kept up the chant like a mantra, needing to occupy his mind, which once again seemed clear. The ledge which he stood on had shrunk considerably, and he’d almost fallen twice. At one point, he’d kicked a big clump of dirt into the hole and never heard it hit the bottom, which only served to ramp up his fears.
My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.
Ivan hadn’t spoken to him in what seemed like years. Byk wasn’t even sure how long he’d been in this hellscape. Through the darkness, he could see flashes of light that pulsed, then vanished. Sometimes there would be a flurry of them, then nothing for agonizing minutes.
My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.
What was Teddy doing now? Was he sleeping? Byk hoped so. He didn’t want Teddy to exhaust himself, no matter what, because he had a feeling the dear, sweet man would run himself into the ground.
My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.
How ironic was it? For years, Byk had wanted desperately to die, but now he’d give anything to live long enough to have Teddy hold him again. It was the only thing he wanted out of life, to be the mate of the man who showed him it was okay to live again.
My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.
When did Byk realize he loved Teddy? That was easy. When he lay down on the soiled straw and held Byk close, then woke in the morning saying he’d slept well. At first Byk was dubious. How could anyone find that pen comfortable? Then he realized Teddy meant because he’d slept close to Byk, and his heart beat faster. Then there were the sweet gestures he’d made. Bringing him pumpkin definitely cemented Teddy’s spot in Byk’s heart.
Could they have a future? Would Teddy want to stay where they were? And why was that thought no longer as terrifying to Byk? Yes, the people had done unspeakable things there, but the building wasn’t to blame. And with what the First and his mate had done, it no longer even looked remotely the same. The smell of death and decay was gone, replaced by gentle scents from cleaning solutions, or soap, or any number of diffusers Alp had put in to give a pleasant background fragrance. It was no longer the house of a slasher, it was more like… a home.
My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.
The ground shifted again, and Byk pressed against the wall, leaving no more room for purchase of any kind. There would be little he could do if it gave way other than plummet into the deep, dark hole beneath him. He pressed his fingers into the stone behind him, hoping to at least have a little more balance, but it was hard, unyielding. The only chance he had was for someone to ? —
No one is coming. I’m going to die here. My hopes and dreams are gone now. The only thing that remains is pain, heartache, sadness, death. It’s what I deserve, and no one will miss me. How sad is it that knowing I’m going to die lets me regret the person I’d been, but no one will ever know it? Why couldn’t I have been stronger? Why couldn’t I have said “no, stop”?
My head and heart hurt. I don’t have any idea what happened, but I know it’s awful, and that the end is coming soon. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Perhaps the Maker will take pity on me, not that I deserve it.
I don’t deserve anything anymore.
File after file, box after box, a paper trail that became a blizzard of black and white as the ink-filled sheets piled up around Teddy, and still they were no closer to finding anything related to Byk. Despair clutched Teddy’s heart, because he knew if they didn’t find something—and soon—Byk would die. He wasn’t sure how, but he knew it.
His helpers had spilled out into the hall, the room being far too small to hold them all. He had Cece, Damon, Wiley, Ivan, Mal, and Alp assisting him. Micah had wanted to be part of it, but Damon said absolutely not. When he protested to his mother, surprisingly she sided with Damon and asked him to instead go paint. When she found Teddy staring at her, she shrugged.
“He’s far too gentle a soul to have it tarnished like this,” she said. “Any number of the things we’ve found would stain him, creep into his mind and set up residence. I know I can’t protect him forever, but I’m damn sure going to do it as long as I can.”
Even Wiley, who normally stood up for his brother, agreed. “I love him, but there’s a purity there that I count on to offset the awful, you know? It doesn’t matter what I see when Dad is training me, because I know that when I get home, Micah will be there, and he’ll shove it aside, and all will be right with my world. Even George, who is going to be my mate, can’t touch that darkness and turn it back into light.”
It had surprised Teddy when Alp strode in, rolled up his sleeves, and got to work. To Teddy, Alp was as pure as Micah, and he hated the idea that anything they discovered would take away from that, but when they found more files about the killing of shifters for dissection, he’d whimpered, and still he powered through, just as Mal said he would. Teddy had little doubt that when they got home, Mal would be comforting Alp, because no one could be unaffected by these reports.
“Teddy!” Wiley cried as he rushed into the room, a sheaf of papers in his hand. He thrust them out to Teddy, who scanned them quickly. At the top of the page was Byk’s name, and Teddy’s heart thudded against his ribcage. He continued to read and found references to Callum and Cooper and an experiment they were part of, which was listed as HS-611: Project Memory. The notations were way beyond anything Teddy understood, but he hoped that Gwyneth might know.
“Wiley, can you go and ask Gwyneth to come here? Tell her it’s urgent.”
Without saying anything, Wiley took off at a run. Teddy continued to look at the pages, then noticed the others were huddled around him.
“Does any of this make sense?” he asked.
“Not at all,” Cece replied, and that was echoed by everyone else. “This is Frankenstein-level shit. How could anyone do this to a living being?”
Teddy stared mutely, wishing he could have a flash of inspiration that would tell him everything, but this science went well beyond anything he’d seen, and he’d watched every Star Trek episode there was.
“Let me see” came a voice from the doorway.
Teddy looked up and found Gwyneth there, bathed in the light from the hall. He’d always thought she possessed an ethereal beauty, her gossamer hair shining like a halo that fanned around her face. He wasn’t sure what type of shifter she was, but he was certain it had to be something of equal grace.
“Motherfucker,” she growled.
So much for grace.
“What?”
She locked gazes with Teddy. “I am so goddamn glad you all killed these people.” She turned to Mal. “Is there a place we can all go and sit?”
“Sure. We have a meeting room.” He nodded at Alp, who scampered off. “He’ll get it set up.”
“What is it, Gwyneth?”
“One of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen in my life,” she replied, her voice darker than Teddy had ever heard from her. “Wiley, you did great in finding this. Cece, can you do me a favor?”
“Of course.”
“Find something for the boys to do, okay?”
“What? But—” Wiley started.
“Let’s go, kid. You can help Micah figure out what he’s going to paint in the new section.”
Wiley narrowed his gaze, but followed behind his mother.
“That bad?” Damon asked.
“Worse. This is only a cursory look, and I don’t know how bad this will ultimately be, but Teddy… I can’t promise you that Callum will be okay. He might never be again.”
The news hit Teddy like a ton of bricks. “Why?”
“Hold your questions until we get into the meeting room,” Mal said. “That way we can all hear it and ask anything we need to know. Plus, Alp will want to be there too.”
His hands trembling, Teddy put the papers he’d been looking through back into the box and slid it into the corner. What was so horrible that Byk might not survive it?
Alp returned a few minutes later and said the room was ready. Everyone marched to it and took a seat around the table. Gwyneth was joined by Dr. Hamilton, who acknowledged everyone, then sat beside Gwyneth, her face drawn and pale.
“Okay, you all know who I am. My name is Gwyneth, and for the last fifteen years, I’ve been the doctor for the pack. I went to school for my medical degree, then went back for veterinary medicine so I could care for any shifter, regardless which form they took. What Wiley uncovered scares the hell out of me because, although I understand the basics, this is far beyond anything I’ve ever seen before. In the 1950s and 60s, Roger Sperry did experiments on cats, monkeys, and humans to help him better understand how the brain works. By today’s standards, the tests were barbaric, but it didn’t stop him from earning a Nobel prize for his work.
“Since then, scientists have been researching the workings of the brain, trying to figure out things like how it interprets sights and sounds, how memories are stored, and the like. One of the things they did was try to swap memories between one organism and another. It was discovered that by injecting RNA into areas of the brain, memories could be learned, but this was only on creatures like snails. These people took a quantum leap and were experimenting on shifters. Every one they worked on died, until Callum and Cooper.”
The room grew oppressively warm, and Teddy had problems staying seated. He wanted to get up and… and… something. He didn’t know what. There was such savage rage in him, he couldn’t understand it. He wanted to kill, to maim, to tear apart someone, and right now, anyone would do.
“Theodore!” Ivan shouted, and Teddy snapped his head up. Everyone was staring at him.
“What the fuck do you want?” he snarled.
“I want you to calm down. Your screams are not helping.”
Screams? He didn’t remember that. “Fuck you!” he roared. “Just fuck you. I have never felt for anyone what I do for Byk. I would give my life for him, without question. I want to beat back anyone who comes near him, and… and….” He jammed his palm into his eyes, scrubbing at them. How the hell could he fight this? He wasn’t a doctor or a scientist. He couldn’t be any of the things Byk needed. Just like Hiram’s wife and children, he’d failed someone he cared for.
A touch on his arm infuriated Teddy. How dare anyone lay hands on him! He whirled around and found Cece there, staring into his eyes with such concern, he couldn’t take it. Bad enough this was happening, but to see pity on her face? No.
“Back off, Cece,” he warned.
“Hey! Watch how you speak to my mate,” Damon barked, jumping to his feet.
“All of you calm the fuck down!” Alp screeched. “This whole display isn’t doing Callum a damn bit of good. You should all be ashamed of yourselves for being so fucking selfish.”
His words jerked Teddy’s mind back to the here and now. Adrenalin still surged through him, and he found the idea of tearing someone limb from limb a delightful prospect, but Alp was right. Now was not the time, and Cece definitely wasn’t the person.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured.
Cece pulled him into a hug. “Don’t be. I wish I could do something.”
He stroked a hand over her shoulder. “You are. You all came to be with me, and I’m grateful for that.” He turned his head toward Damon. “Please, First. Forgive me.”
Damon gave a sharp nod. “Forgiven.” He gave Gwyneth his attention. “Please, continue.”
“I… don’t really know what to say,” she uttered. “It wouldn’t do me any good to tell you what they did, because as far as I know, it can’t be undone. It will take someone far smarter than me to understand the details, and I’ll be honest, I don’t know that I want to. I mean, I knew they were monstrous, but this goes beyond anything I would have imagined.”
“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Alp asked, his hands twisting around each other.
“If I had to guess, I would say that Callum’s body is rejecting the things they… added to his brain.”
“Why now?” Teddy demanded. “It’s been over a year.”
“My best idea? The shifter in him has been struggling to heal since then. Shifting back to human, his brain returning to this body, exacerbated it. I think it’s likely his bull was also affected, but the human brain is far more complex, and therefore much more delicate.”
“What if he shifts again?” Damon asked, his brow furrowed. “That should help his body heal, right?”
Gwyneth shook her head. “I’m not sure. It might, but then again, it would only be a delay. I don’t think he can adapt fast enough.”
“So he’s going to die? No, I can’t—won’t—accept that!”
“When Mal got hurt, you had me lay with my head on his chest so he could sense my distress. What if Teddy did that?”
“This is his brain, Alpin,” Gwyneth said soothingly. “It’s not even remotely the same.”
“Then what can we do?” he wailed. “We can’t let him die.”
“Like I said, this is beyond my knowledge. I can’t even begin to understand any of what they did.”
“Then nothing we do can make the situation worse, right?” Mal asked. “Why not try something—anything? If it doesn’t work, we’re no worse off.”
Teddy’s heart was breaking. He wasn’t above pleading for the life of his mate. “Please, Gwyneth, I have to do something.”
She stared into his eyes, then her shoulders slumped. “Go ahead. Try. I’ll see if I can track down someone with more knowledge about the brain, but we can’t undo the surgery. Callum’s body will have to accept it, or we will lose him.”
The bluntness scared Teddy. Gwyneth had never been the most subtle person, but now that it was aimed at him, he hated it.
“Okay, Teddy, here’s what we’re going to do,” Cece said. “We’re going to put a different bed in there, and you’re going to climb in with Callum. You’ll hold him, sleep beside him, talk to him. Whatever it takes to engage his brain and his shifter abilities.”
“Touch him,” Mal added. “Keep touching him.” He sighed. “I want to tell you to give him your bite, but it requires the exchange of semen, and that’s something we can’t do.”
No, Teddy wouldn’t have sex with someone who was unconscious. It was immoral, not to mention disgusting. He would, however, do what Cece suggested.
“I have things to say to him,” Teddy told the group. “I want to talk about a future with him, so he knows he’s loved. I want…. Want….”
He couldn’t hold the tears back. He’d had a life shown to him that he wasn’t even aware he wanted, and now that he knew it, the thought of losing it was beyond painful. When Ivan pulled him into a hug, Teddy sobbed into his shoulder.
“Little brother,” Ivan said softly, nuzzling Teddy’s hair. “Go to your Byk. We will all make sure you are not alone.” He hugged Teddy. “Because you are also loved.”
Teddy stood. He had a mate to try to help, but it made him happy to know he wasn’t alone. He had his family behind him.