Chapter 17
Teddy waited until Dr. Hamilton and Gwyneth removed the IV from Byk’s arm. He still had too many wires running from him for Teddy’s taste, but they assured him it was all necessary. He clambered onto the bed and did his best not to jostle Byk. It took several tries, but eventually he found a position that was comfortable for him and not blocking any of the things the doctors would be checking.
“Hi, Byk,” he whispered in his mate’s ear. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here, but we were all working so hard to help you.” He tightened his hold on Byk, then snuggled in closer. “I’m here now, though, and I wanted you to know how much I miss you. Before you say anything, I know we haven’t had a lot of time together, and it might seem sudden to you, but my bear knows you’re meant to be part of our lives. Our mate.
“I’ve never been in love before, and I have to tell you, it’s scary and big and I don’t know that my heart can hold it all. Just between us, I’ve never… you know, been with anyone. Ivan teases me about it, saying I’m a professional virgin. It doesn’t bother me, though. I never meshed with anyone, so I didn’t care that things never went that far. With you, though? It’s so different. Even now, with things being a mess like they are, I feel as though I’m in a field of wildflowers, the sun is beating down on me, and I realize there’s never been a day this perfect before.”
It would be so easy to cry now. The more Teddy spoke, the harder the words became. He was baring his soul to the man who was destined to hold it. If Byk died, he would be taking Teddy’s heart with him, and he knew he’d never be able to love another person. This wasn’t one of those snuck-up-on-him kind of things. It hit him hard and kept barreling into him, forcing him to confront the feelings.
“My bear is a loner for the most part. Well, except when Ivan is involved. He’s family, and I can’t get rid of him, even if I wanted to.” He chuckled. “That was a bad joke, I know. The truth is, Ivan… he… held me together when we came to this country. I missed home so badly—even if I didn’t like it there—and wanted to return. He convinced me to stay and took me under his wing. He protected me. When our leader betrayed us, Ivan stepped up and offered to take the punishment for both of us. He was willing to die so I wouldn’t be hurt. I refused, and we both ended up almost dying anyway.”
Byk’s heartbeat was steady, comforting. Teddy could lay here for hours and listen to the thump , thump , thump . Love was a heady thing, he decided.
“I want you to be my mate, you know. My bear already considers it a done deal, we’re just waiting on you to give the word so we can seal the pact, as it was. We could go live together in a forest somewhere, with no one else around for miles. We could shift and run around our property, then collapse by the lake right on the blanket I set up in advance. We’d have a picnic lunch ready with all manner of breads and vegan lunch slices, pasta salad, and chocolate cake for dessert. We’d stare at each other as we ate, until we finished and put the plates aside. Then I’d… I’d….” He sighed. “I’d really like to touch you, Byk. I want my hands to stroke your skin, not like I did before, but as a lover would. I mean, if that would be okay.”
Great. Now he’d moved to babbling. Teddy was never very talkative, preferring the quiet of his own thoughts. It usually took Ivan to drag him out to be around people, and even then he enjoyed sitting back and watching Ivan as he worked the room instead of being social himself. Cece tried to coax him into getting out and doing things, but he loved being at home, sipping hot chocolate, reading a good book, and relaxing in his makeshift blanket fort, pretending he’s in a tent outdoors.
“I have a blanket fort,” he whispered in Byk’s ear. “No one knows about it, not even Ivan. It’s a place I can go and get away from the world without actually leaving the house. I’d like it if you could be in there with me. I’ll make us a slice of hot apple pie, serve it with some vanilla ice cream, and we can crawl under the cover and pretend the world doesn’t exist. If that sounds good, then you need to wake up and get better.” He reached down and squeezed Byk’s hand. “This is so stupid, you know? I never needed anyone before, and now I can’t think of anything other than how much I want you home with me.”
He wanted Byk to be his home. No, that wasn’t right. He wanted Byk to be part of his home. What Teddy desired, especially now, was a family of his own. He missed his siblings, and harbored a secret desire to have children, which he kept from everyone. It was his fantasy, the secret he knew Ivan would never let him live down.
“I want a family, Byk. With you. I mean, if that’s something you think you want. I don’t know. I understand I’m throwing things at you that you might not be ready for now. Or maybe ever. It might be stupid of me to even bring it up. I never knew I’d have a mate, never realized a family was a possibility, and now it’s all I can think of.
“And I know it’s not fair of me to tell you this, especially now. It’s just….” He exhaled, pushing the air out of his lungs until they ached. “Gwyneth says you might not get better, but I say that’s bullshit. No pun intended.”
Of course, there was no laugh, but Teddy felt certain Byk would at least chuckle.
“You have to get better, Byk. Now that I’ve tasted you, touched you, I don’t think I can go back to a life without you. And I know I’m putting pressure on you, I do, but I want you to come back so you can tell me to screw off or say that my plans don’t mesh with yours. I don’t care if you tell me you don’t want to be with me, just so you come back to do it. Please, I’m begging you, don’t die on me.”
It wasn’t Byk’s choice, of course. If the Maker wanted him to return to her, he would. He turned his gaze toward the ceiling.
“Please, don’t take him from me. I’m not ready to let him go. There are so many things about him I want to spend a lifetime learning. You gave him to me for a reason. I’m begging you not to see if I can survive his death, because I assure you, I can’t. He’s already planted seeds in my heart, and they’re blossoming. If you take him from me, the flowers and my heart will wither and die.”
He put his head on Byk’s chest and closed his eyes, praying that the sound he was listening to didn’t stop.
When the ground stopped crumbling, Byk breathed out a sigh of relief, but when the razor-thin ledge started to shore itself up again, he let out a strangled cry. Dirt didn’t just reform out of thin air. What the hell was going on here?
“I’ve never been in love before, and I have to tell you, it’s scary and big and I don’t know that my heart can hold it all. Just between us, I’ve never… you know, been with anyone. Ivan teases me about it, saying I’m a professional virgin. It doesn’t bother me, though. I never meshed with anyone, so I didn’t care that things never went that far. With you, though? It’s so different. Even now, I feel as though I’m in a field of wildflowers, the sun is beating down on me, and I realize there’s never been a day this perfect before.”
He knew that voice. The timbre was similar to Ivan, but different. It could only be Teddy!
My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me. My name is Byk. Teddy will find me. He’ll save me.
It came true! Teddy was here, and he’d save Byk.
“I have a blanket fort. No one knows about it, not even Ivan. It’s a place I can go and get away from the world without actually leaving the house. I’d like it if you could be in there with me. I’ll make us a slice of hot apple pie, serve it with some vanilla ice cream, plus a mug of hot cocoa, and we can crawl under the cover and pretend the world doesn’t exist.
Yes! Byk wanted that. He wanted to cuddle with Teddy again. To be embraced by those big arms, to be held. Damn it, he wanted to love Teddy! To show him he could be a good mate. He would be the best mate ever.
Faggot. Goddamn wimp.
Connor’s voice. Again. Why was he hearing it? Why was this hatred still haunting him?
“I want a family, Byk. With you. I mean, if that’s something you think you want. I don’t know. I understand I’m throwing things at you that you might not be ready for now. Or maybe ever. It might be stupid of me to even bring it up. I never knew I’d have a mate, never realized a family was a possibility, and now it’s all I can think of.”
A family? With Teddy? Oh, that would be so perfect. Byk had often thought he could make a good father. He was patient and kind, and he loved with his whole heart. To be allowed to help raise a child, especially with a man he knew he loved? The Maker was giving Byk a life, one he wanted, especially after losing out on so much of it to start with.
“And I know it’s not fair of me to tell you this, especially now. It’s just… Gwyneth says you might not get better, but I say that’s bullshit. No pun intended.”
Not get better? Never have the chance to be Teddy’s mate? No! That wasn’t happening. Not now, not ever. He wasn’t sure who Gwyneth was, but she was wrong. He was Teddy’s Byk, his mate. And nothing would keep them apart.
“You have to get better, Byk. Now that I’ve tasted you, touched you, I don’t think I can go back to a life without you. And I know I’m putting pressure on you, I do, but I want you to come back so you can tell me to screw off or say that my plans don’t mesh with yours. I don’t care if you tell me you don’t want to be with me, just so you come back to do it. Please, I’m begging you, don’t die on me.”
Teddy’s sadness smacked Byk in the face. Of course he wanted to help Teddy fulfill that dream! Nothing would mean more to him than to show Teddy how much love Byk had in his heart. How the two of them could be together, raise a family, have a life.
“Please, don’t take him from me. I’m not ready to let him go. There are so many things about him I want to spend a lifetime learning. You gave him to me for a reason. I’m begging you not to see if I can survive his death, because I assure you, I can’t. He’s already planted seeds in my heart, and they’re blossoming. If you take him from me, the flowers and my heart will wither and die.”
The fog lifted somewhat. Byk could smell Teddy now, his sweet scent filling Byk, revitalizing him. He wanted desperately to pull Teddy into a hug, to love him like he never thought possible.
He opened his eyes, then blinked against the harsh lights. “Teddy?” When Teddy’s sweet face appeared, Byk smiled. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Teddy whispered, his voice giving out on him. He leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Byk’s lips. “Welcome back.”
“Back? Was I gone?” He tried to sit up, but Teddy put a hand on his chest.
“Stay still. You’re still hooked up to several machines.” Then he looked to the side. “Can you get Dr. Hamilton and Gwyneth, please? Tell them Byk is awake.”
Footsteps retreated quickly.
“What’s going on?” Byk asked.
“You’re in the infirmary,” Teddy replied. “Do you remember any of what happened?”
He tried to think, but there was nothing. A vague sense that something was missing, but nothing concrete he could point to. “No, not really.”
Teddy leaned in again and brushed their cheeks together. “It’ll be okay. I promise. Just stay still until they come to check on you.”
A moment later, another face appeared. “Dr. Hamilton?”
“Oh, Callum, you had us so worried,” she said, her eyes tired and her lips drawn and thin.
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Hi, Callum, my name is Gwyneth. It’s a pleasure to meet you finally.”
Everyone was calling him Callum, and even though it was what they’d always called him, it sounded so wrong. “My name is Byk.”
Gwyneth smiled. “Then Byk it shall be.”
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?”
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
His head throbbed as he thought back. “We… were out and looking at a sweatshirt. It was blue, I think. I wanted to get it and… I don’t remember.”
“When was this?”
“Yesterday, I think.” He turned to Teddy. “Wasn’t it?”
Teddy bit his lip and shook his head. “It was almost a week ago.”
That wasn’t possible. “No, it can’t be.”
“Do you remember attacking Teddy?” Gwyneth asked.
“What? I would never!” Byk shouted, lurching up.
“Hey, calm down,” Teddy insisted. “Don’t worry about it, just relax.” He turned his attention to the very tall woman. “Can you please show some tact?”
She shrugged. “Probably not, but I’ll give it a go.”
“When did I attack you?”
“It doesn’t matter. I need you to?—”
“When did I attack you, damn it?”
Teddy slid a hand over Byk’s cheek. His fingers brushed against hair, but Byk knew he couldn’t grow one that quickly. He’d really been out of it for a week?
“The day of your… episode. We were at a bar, and?—”
“What? But why? I don’t drink.”
Teddy grimaced. “We should tell him. He deserves to know.”
“Know what? You’re scaring me.”
“You see,” Gwyneth began, but Byk cut her off.
“I need Teddy to tell me what’s going on.” He gripped Teddy’s hand. “Please.”
So, haltingly, Teddy did. He explained about the files they’d found, about how they’d done something to Cooper’s brain and implanted bits of it into Byk’s head.
“Is that why I keep hearing him?”
“Very likely,” Gwyneth answered. “Can you still hear him?”
Byk nodded. “Like his voice is far away, but close enough to whisper in my ear.”
“And what does he say?”
“Nasty, vile things. He—I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fair enough,” Teddy said.
“I spoke with my friend. She thinks they were either trying to find a way to transplant memories, or make it so that Cooper would overwrite Call—Byk’s mind, in essence becoming Cooper, but in a new body.”
Byk covered his eyes with his hands. He wanted to blot all of this out, to say it couldn’t be true. He knew better, though. He could hear Cooper. Feel him. Was it possible he could become his brother? Would Byk cease to exist?
Was it possible his love for Teddy could die?