Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
LUCA
Now that the fog of anxiety had cleared, I was left with two duelling emotions: concern and irritation.
The first was for how the public rumours of our relationship might affect Ollie, and the second was for Kevin sticking his oar in.
I got it about Ollie. I did. His fear for his job was written all over his face.
But it wasn’t like I could say, ‘Hey, unless you straight up told your boss to go fuck herself, your job is safe’…
without confessing what I’d done and how I knew that.
I had to hope he trusted me enough to know I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him.
And pray he wouldn’t use this as an excuse to push me away. The man had been hurt too many times in the past. I’d finally felt like I was getting somewhere with him.
Hopefully, this morning’s wake-up call wouldn’t set us back on that front.
Irritation bubbled over the concern when I entered Kevin’s suite and found him sat at the table. He had a face like thunder, several newspapers spread in front of him, my name screaming from the headlines of each one.
Jack took up a spot by the wall, gazing off into the distance. I didn’t acknowledge Kevin, not yet. Instead, I poured myself a much-needed cup of coffee before settling into the chair opposite him. Sipping my caffeine, I waited for him to speak.
“The journalist? Really? Could you not keep it in your trousers just this once?”
“It’s not about that.”
Kevin scoffed, his finger smacking down on a particularly damning photo.
Someone must’ve sneaked a shot in the restaurant.
It showed Ollie’s hand in mine, our heads bowed together.
If our body positioning hadn’t given away the intimacy of the moment, the secret smile I wore as I gazed adoringly at Ollie would’ve.
“You’re telling me you’re not fucking him? ”
My temper flared. “I’m telling you that I’m not just fucking him. I’m serious about Ollie. And forgive me, Kevin, but the last time I checked, your job is to manage our band, not our private lives.”
A vein throbbed in Kevin’s temple. “I shouldn’t need to remind you that when your private life becomes public, it then enters my domain.
What kind of image are you trying to present here, Luca?
I thought I’d made it clear that the last thing the label wants to see is examples of your fuckboy behaviour. ”
I took a sip of coffee, using the time to get my anger under control.
Either Kevin wasn’t listening to me, or he was choosing to ignore what I’d said.
“What part of this classifies as fuckboy behaviour, exactly? The romantic candlelit dinner? The fact we were holding hands in the lift? The way Ollie tried to shelter me from the press?”
“You can’t be telling me you’re serious about this boy.” Disdain dripped from Kevin’s every word. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jack tense.
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. He’s not a boy, Kevin. He’s a grown man capable of making decisions. As am I.”
“Jesus, Luca. You can’t be this naive. Tell me, what do you think will happen when this inevitably blows up in your face? What’s to stop him from writing a tell-all book on you?”
“Ollie wouldn’t do that. That’s not why he’s with me.”
Kevin leaned forward, his face solemn. “Luca, I’m looking out for you here. Ollie is a journalist. It’s his job to sell stories about the rich and famous. And they don’t come richer or more famous than you. Hasn’t it occurred to you that he’s using you?”
I gritted my teeth. “He’s not using me.”
“You sure about that?” Kevin raised an eyebrow.
I thought about the way I’d pursued Ollie.
How he’d fought me every step of the way.
How he’d wanted to keep us hidden from everyone.
None of those actions suggested he was manipulating me.
I’d had many people try and worm their way in with me for one reason or another.
I’d bet every penny in my offshore accounts that Ollie wasn’t one of them. “Yes. I’m sure.”
Kevin grunted, sitting back in his chair. “So this isn’t just a fling.”
“No.”
“You’re going to go home and settle down with him? Get a house? A dog?” He scoffed. “Doesn’t really sound like you.”
Actually, his description sounded like all my dreams coming true. But I couldn’t admit that without Kevin fussing about what it might mean for the future. Not that I had any plans to give up the band…but I was determined to have a normal life too. Jesus, hadn’t I earned that?
“Maybe.” That was all I’d give Kevin for now. “Are we done here?”
“Not quite.” He was tapping on the table now. I could almost see his brain whirring, trying to work out how he was going to spin this. “That’s what you and Ollie have agreed to then? To carry this on after the tour?”
I opened my mouth to give him an affirmative answer but stopped with a frown. Had we actually discussed it? Or had I just…assumed?
Kevin patted my hand pityingly. “Maybe you should chat with him before making any grand declarations to the press. I’ll go with the ‘private interview’ line. It won’t appease them, but if the two of you aren’t photographed together again, hopefully, the rumours will die away.”
I wanted to protest. Wanted to shout to the world that they weren’t rumours. That Ollie was mine, and I didn’t give a fuck who knew it.
But that wasn’t fair to Ollie. He hadn’t asked to be put under the microscope. And he certainly hadn’t made his intentions for after the tour clear.
I gave a stiff nod before shoving my chair back to leave. Kevin grabbed my wrist before I could do so. His lips were thin as he cautioned me. “I know you said he isn’t using you…but I want you to think about it, Luca. Has he told you he has feelings for you? Made you any promises about the future?”
I glared at Kevin’s hand until he released me. “Just…think about it. That’s all I’m asking.”
As much as I tried to stop them, Kevin’s questions wormed their way under my skin. I found myself analysing every interaction with Ollie. Questioning if he’d done or said anything that hinted at a future for us after this tour.
I continued coming up empty.
Remember last night, I told myself, more than once. A guy who just wanted a fling wouldn’t turn down a night of sex to snuggle. He wouldn’t wash you in the shower before tucking you up with your favourite TV show. That’s the kind of thing a partner does, not a fling.
Still, the gnawing worry in my stomach wouldn’t go away. It didn’t help that Ollie seemed to think this would end when the tour did. Was that because we hadn’t discussed it? Or was that actually what he wanted?
I couldn’t seem to get a moment alone with him to talk about my fears either.
Kevin kept him busy the whole day, insisting he interview individual members of our vast techie crew to get their perspectives.
Meanwhile, I was stuck in sound checks and reviewing possible new song ideas with Kai.
The closest I got to Ollie was in the longing glances I couldn’t help but throw his way every few minutes.
“Quit it.”
“What?”
Kai kicked my leg, forcing me to finally drag my attention back to him. “Watching him. You’re making it obvious.”
Silas chose that exact moment to stroll past, whistling an unfamiliar tune. Kai tracked him like a predator until he was out of sight. “You’re one to talk.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“Because it doesn’t matter how I look at Silas. He has never noticed, nor will he ever notice.” He bent and twisted the notepad in his hands. “But Ollie knows, man. You wear your heart on your sleeve around him.”
“I’ve always done that. You guys have known how I feel about him from the start. Why is it suddenly a bad thing?”
He shrugged. “I’m not saying it is…but are you sure he feels the same way? There’s no denying you’re hung up on him, but…”
Kai’s voice drifted off, making my spine stiffen. “Spit it out.”
He pursed his lips, leaning closer. “Okay, as clear as it is that you’re into him…I don’t get the same vibe from Ollie.”
“He’s a closed book,” I said automatically. “Not everyone is as open about their feelings as we are.”
Kai nodded slowly. He hadn’t revealed his feelings to Silas, but he’d made no effort to hide them from the rest of us. “That’s fair. But explain this—you’ve been mooning over the guy all day, but he’s barely glanced at you.”
That wasn’t true…was it? “And?”
He blew out a breath. “And I don’t want you to get your heart broken. Trust me, there’s nothing worse than unrequited love. You’ve not known him long at all. What’s the rush? There’s no harm in holding back part of your heart until you’re sure he’s in this with you.”
I studied Ollie as he laughed with one of the sound techies, noting how swiftly he turned his back when he felt my eyes on him.
Was Kai right? It’d been easy to dismiss Kevin’s concerns…
but it was harder to ignore Kai. The quiet voices in my mind were getting louder, reminding me how little Ollie had opened up to me.
But maybe that was because he was worried about his job.
Would he leave me for it? Was his career more important to him than I was?
There was no way he was fooling around with me for a story. I didn’t believe that for a second.
But what if I was just some…experiment to him?
Some wild oats he wanted to sow before he found someone sensible to settle down with?
Someone who didn’t spend months at a time travelling the globe.
Someone who knew what time zone they’d be in from day to day and whether they could make dinner that night.
Kai wasn’t done. “Also…you know his job is secure, but he doesn’t. Is it really fair to be so obviously flaunting your relationship, knowing he’s worried about it?”
A muscle jumped in my jaw as I turned over his words. “So what are you saying? I need to stop being so obvious about it in public?”
“That or tell him the truth.”
I grunted. Yeah, that wasn’t happening. I’d prefer to keep my possessive and interfering behaviour quiet as long as possible. That might not make me a good person, but if it kept Ollie within my sphere, I’d deal with it.
One thing was certain, I needed to talk to him. Because Kai was right. I was falling hard and fast, with no idea if Ollie was beside me or not.