Chapter 6 #2
Honestly, it was something I tried not to think about. Just the idea had a wave of loneliness crashing over me, too much for me to bear.
Dragging myself back to the moment, I stepped back from Kai and swung my bass back to my front. It landed in place just in time for my cue.
Twisting at the same time as Kai, our backs met as our fingers flew over our instruments. I could feel his heat through the cotton of our shirts, his shoulders pressing against mine as we rested our weight on the other.
That was the thing about Kai and me. No matter what happened, I knew he’d never let me fall.
“Tease” transitioned into “Deep Down.” Throughout the song, I danced around Kai, drawing out those grins he fought to contain. Each one was like a nugget of gold. I hoarded them all, knowing I was the only one to make him soften like this.
But, like every show, everything flipped when “Night’s Darkest Secret” began.
It was the sole song in our set where Luca and Kai switched roles.
Like a lot of our catalogue, it was one Kai had penned.
Kai had a beautiful voice but was loath to provide more than backing vocals.
I had no idea what it was about this song that made Kai want to sing it, but for some reason, he’d insisted.
I’d been surprised, but Arlo and Luca hadn’t.
It didn’t matter. We all had each other’s backs, no matter what.
When we’d first pitched the song, our management had flipped their lids. Only when Luca outright refused to sing did they relent and let Kai do it.
And given it was our single biggest hit, it was a good thing they had. In fact, it’d been so successful that they’d pushed Kai time and again to take lead vocals on another track.
But for some unknown reason, he’d refused.
Without a guitar, Kai liked to occupy his free hand by slinging it over my shoulders and pulling me close. He’d crowd me from behind, singing the lyrics into my ear like he was whispering a secret. Arlo had once asked if it was odd, knowing I was straight and yet letting another man feel me up.
Logically, I got it. But this was Kai. He wasn’t just a random guy.
He was the other half of me.
Tonight, Kai grabbed the front of my throat and used it to haul me against him. Like me, he was respectful. While there wasn’t an inch between our upper halves, we were careful to keep our hips well apart. It wasn’t like the audience could see it anyway.
His big hands felt so right, cupping my neck. One of his fingers rested against my pulse point, and everything in me relaxed. I let my head fall against his shoulder, my eyes drifting closed as I lost myself in his husky voice.
Don’t you know you’re my secret?
How much more obvious can I be?
Because while you’re thinking of her,
I can’t help wishing you were thinking of me
Time and again, I’d asked Kai who the song was about. There was a pain to it, a deep, desperate need. It had made me almost angry when I first heard it. I wanted to track down whoever was making Kai feel this way and shake them until they saw sense.
This secret is mine to keep
I’ll only share it now
In the dead of night
Because if I show it in the light of day
I know there’s a chance you’ll push me away
So that’s what it’ll always be
Night’s darkest secret
Wishing you were with me
“It’s no one,” Kai would say, brushing me off. “Don’t worry about it.”
It was the only secret he wouldn’t share with me.
It hurt.
The song came to an end, and Kai quickly stepped away to grab his guitar from Luca. He didn’t look at me as he did so, taking up a spot on the furthest end of the stage.
It made sense. We didn’t want to focus all our attention on one section of the audience.
The next number was fast and hot. I stepped up to the edge of the stage, lifting a foot and resting it on a speaker.
My gaze was caught by a fan at the front of the pit.
Big, bouncy blonde curls framed her heart-shaped face.
Her top was low-cut, her breasts spilling over the top. My cock stiffened behind my bass.
Cutting my gaze to her face, I saw her eyes widen and her tongue wet her lips. I shot her a wink, delighted at the way she bounced in excitement.
Oh yes, she’d make excellent company tonight. I could envision her bouncing just like that on my dick.
The set ended and I made a surreptitious gesture at Rhys, my guard. He rolled his eyes but nodded, knowing the drill by now.
Giving the crowd a final wave, I turned to follow my bandmates off stage. Luca had already vanished, no doubt wanting to get the inevitable meet and greets over with so he could track down his reporter. Kai was prowling off into the wings, barely slowing as he handed his guitar to the waiting tech.
“Hey, Kai,” I called, rushing after him. “Wait up.”
He didn’t hear me. His long legs didn’t pause for a second as he strode out of sight.
“Umm, Silas?” A small voice had me pulling to a stop. “Can I take that from you?”
I turned my charming grin on the cute techie, making her blush intensify. “Of course, sorry about that.”
“No problem,” she said breathlessly, peeking at me from under long eyelashes. “Do you have plans tonight? I was thinking maybe we could…hang out?”
Oh fuck. I winced internally. This was why I shouldn’t fuck the crew. Don’t get me wrong, the night I’d shared with Annie had been hot. But I had a firm policy of no repeats, something I was clear about upfront.
Sadly, like many I’d messed around with, Annie was hoping to be the one to change my mind. In a way, I wished she could. It wasn’t that I was opposed to settling down, but I’d yet to find someone whose company I could stand to be in for longer than a fuck.
Someone other than Kai, obviously. Being around him was as easy as breathing. Why was it so hard to find that same simplicity with someone else?
That was why I had the no-repeats policy. The last thing I wanted was for someone to catch feelings I wouldn’t be able to return.
“Sorry, hun.” I flashed her an apologetic grin. “I’ve already got plans.”
Hurt flickered over her face before she replaced it with a determined smile. “Well, you know where I am.”
“Sure,” I replied easily before walking away.
There wasn’t a chance of that happening. I caught sight of the blonde from the audience waiting at the front of the meet-and-greet line. She spotted me, her face lighting up as she gave me a coy wave.
With Kai as my bestie and an endless line of beautiful women waiting to keep me company, I didn’t need repeats.
Like I said, I was living the perfect life.