Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
SILAS
“Ooh, yes,” Emily moaned loudly as she bounced on my cock. “Right there. That’s it.”
Was her name Emily? Or was it Emma? Evelyn? I was sure it began with an E.
Bollocks. What Kai had said earlier about me fucking and running had really struck a nerve. Why, I didn’t know. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that about myself. I was the one inviting these women back to the hotel, knowing fully well I’d never call them.
My mind drifted, wondering what Kai was doing right now. Had he gone out for the night? Maybe hit up a gay bar with Arlo? I knew he liked to do that sometimes.
“Hey.” A small hand slapped my stomach. “What’s with you?”
I winced. What was with me? I had a hot girl riding me, and instead of focusing on her, I was thinking about my best friend.
“Nothing,” I said, wrapping my hands around her hips and thrusting upwards. My dick obviously hit the right spot because her head fell back on a high-pitched whine.
I continued fucking into her, trying to focus on her firm tits bouncing in my face.
Was Kai serious about finding a boyfriend? He’d had the odd fling, but it never lasted long. I hated those times. Sure, I wanted Kai to be happy…but I’d never been good at sharing. Especially where Kai was concerned.
If he got into a committed relationship, what would happen to us? I couldn’t see a boyfriend being happy with Kai and me spending all our downtime together. Or feeling okay about the way we interacted on stage.
I knew I wouldn’t like it if Kai was my boyfriend. I’d want him all to myself.
Emma…Emily…Evelyn, whatever the fuck her name was, huffed and lifted herself off me.
Bollocks, I’d stopped paying attention again. “Where are you going?”
She was tugging on her dress with sharp movements. “You’re not into this. I’m out. I’ve always wanted to fuck a celebrity, but I didn’t realise it’d be this shit. It’s like you’re not even here.”
The celebrity comment stung, which was ridiculous. I’d literally picked her out of the crowd for a one-night stand. “I am into this.”
“Really?” She threw open the door dramatically. “Try telling that to your dick.”
I winced as the door slammed loudly behind her before staring down at my cock. It lay limp between my legs, not an ounce of fun in him.
“Fuck my life.” I pulled off the condom and flung it towards the bin. Never before had I gone soft while I had a hot girl riding me.
Knowing my luck, it would be all over social media before I woke up.
With a sigh, I flicked off the lamp and rolled onto my side. Stupid Kai was getting in my head and ruining my fun. I was tempted to knock on his door and make him hang out with me.
No, I told myself sternly. He might not be alone.
I scowled into the darkness at the thought that my best friend might be getting laid when he’d inadvertently cockblocked me.
Just as I was hovering on the fine line between waking and sleep, an errant wondering slipped in. What position did Kai take in the bedroom? Having three queer bandmates meant I knew more about gay sex than your average straight man.
He had to be a top, I thought drowsily, my eyelids sliding closed.
I fell asleep to the image of my best friend railing into someone, my cock stiff as steel between my legs.
I sat bolt upright in bed, my sheets soaked with sweat. The blankets were tangled around my legs. A familiar figure loomed over me. I squeezed my eyes shut.
It’s a night terror. I told myself. Not real. Not real. Not real.
I didn’t stop to think. Dragging in a lungful of air, I grabbed my phone. I couldn’t see the screen through my fear, but my fingers knew what to do.
Kai picked up after a single ring. “Silas?”
I whimpered, forgetting how to form words. Why wasn’t he here already?
“Shit, I’m coming.” I could hear rustling in the background, followed shortly by the door slamming. “It’s not real, Silas. I promise.”
“I can’t get out,” I whimpered, still caught in my nightmare.
“I’ll get you out,” he said. I could hear him running now, his feet thudding against stairs. “I’m coming. I promise. Hang on, I’m nearly there.”
I focused on his breaths, squeezing my eyes shut once more. There was a beep as my door unlocked, and I let out a shaky breath as the first tears began to fall.
Kai always had a key to my room for this very reason.
Kai was there before my tears hit the pillow. As he’d done hundreds of times before, he lifted my covers and slid beside me. I let him haul me into his arms and press me against his chest. Let his big hand cup the back of my head like I was a broken child needing comfort.
Because that was what I was. No matter how old I got, that broken child remained inside me. The child who’d been betrayed. The child who’d had to grow up too fast.
But just like he had since the day he’d realised what was happening, Kai held me tight. Promised me things would get better.
They would. They had.
In these small, dark hours, it was difficult to remember what had changed. That I wasn’t that terrified child any longer. That it was just a nightmare, a tortured reflection of what my reality used to be.
Kai continued to murmur in my ear, his grip unyielding.
Focusing on his voice, I let him ground me. Let him remind me that this was my current reality.
Eventually, as they always did, the tears slowed into nothing. The darkness crept back in as sleep took over.
The next time I woke, it was minus all the side effects. The darkness had fled, taking the seemingly insurmountable fear of the night before along with it.
Years of therapy had helped me get to the place I was today. Therapy and Kai.
He’d followed through on his promise. First when we were teenagers and then every day since.
I honestly didn’t know where I’d be without him. I didn’t like to think about it. It was too dark a path to tread. The darkness still crept in occasionally, but Kai’s light was enough to banish it to the shadows.
My head rested on Kai’s shoulder, his arm across my hip. Some straight guys might be freaked out, waking snuggled up to another man. But this was Kai. Everything with him felt…right.
I didn’t move, taking the opportunity to study him. Normally, he was guarded, always holding a piece of himself back. No matter what I tried, I could never tease that final part of him out.
But in sleep, his secrets were stripped away. His face was relaxed. The ever-present frown lines melted away into nothing. There was no denying that he was a beautiful man. Honestly, I didn’t understand how he didn’t have a queue of fans waiting to bed him after every show.
If he did, he wouldn’t be holding you like this now, would he?
I scowled, shifting slightly. That wasn’t true. I was sure Kai wouldn’t let anyone come between us.
Not even the man who holds his heart?
My shifting woke Kai. He yawned widely before a little frown appeared on his face. He glanced over at me blearily. I could tell the exact second he realised he was holding me. His whole body became as stiff as a board.
“Morning,” I said, trying to alleviate some of the tension radiating from him. “Thank you for last night.”
“Uh, you’re welcome.” His voice was so hoarse in the morning, like dry gravel being raked over. “You okay now?”
I nodded, my five o’clock shadow scratching over Kai’s skin. “Yeah. I’m sorry for waking you.”
“It’s fine,” Kai said quickly, his solemn gaze on me. “I don’t mind. You know that.”
Before I could say anything more, Kai extracted his arm and leapt out of bed. He moved so fast that my face hit the mattress, making me give a small oof.
Kai didn’t so much as glance back, hurrying for the bathroom and closing the door behind him.
When he came out a few minutes later, I was sat up and leaning against the headboard. “You know, anyone would think you were the straight one if they could see how you run away after waking up with me.”
Kai rolled his eyes, prowling over to my coffee machine. “You say that like you want to keep snuggling.”
“Wouldn’t mind,” I sniffed before catching myself. What was wrong with me? Why was I acting so butt-hurt?
I couldn’t help it. I felt…rejected.
Kai turned to face me, leaning back against the console table with his big hands wrapped around his mug. “Do I need to remind you that you’re straight? Wanting to snuggle with other men doesn’t exactly scream that.”
Something in his tone niggled at me. It was like he was…challenging me somehow. “Wow. Talk about subscribing to toxic masculinity.”
Kai didn’t respond other than to raise an eyebrow as he sipped his coffee.
“I’m confident in my sexuality,” I said, unable to stop myself rising to the bait. “Wanting affection from a friend doesn’t change that. If we’re going down the toxic route, I’ll remind you that what I was doing in this bed a few hours ago proves I’m very much straight.”
Kai stared at me, his face totally expressionless. “You fucked her in that bed?”
“Obviously.” I mean, what else did he expect? People didn’t actually fuck up against walls or over tables. That shit only existed in books and movies. “Where else would I have fucked her?”
Kai put his barely-touched coffee on the side table, turning his back to me. Without a shirt, I could see every tense muscle in his broad back.
For some reason, I wished I could call my flippant words back. Jesus, how would I like it if Kai pointed out he’d fucked someone else on the same sheets I’d then slept on. Aside from anything else, it was plain rude.
There was a gross feeling in my stomach, sliding through my veins as Kai’s muscles knotted tighter.
“Kai, I—”
“I need to get ready,” he interrupted me, already striding for the door. “I’ll see you at sound check.”
“Wait,” I said, scrambling to get to my feet. The sheets twisted around my legs, slowing me down. I cursed as I struggled to get free. “Kai, can we—”
The sound of the door clicking shut told me I was too late.