Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
SILAS
I had no idea what had come over me.
All I knew was that Kai had been behaving oddly. He’d shied away from my attention where he normally drank it up. Even when he looked at me, it was like there was a barrier there that was entirely new.
I didn’t like it.
Even still…I didn’t know why I’d kissed him.
I’d been watching him. Listening to him sing about his heartbreak. Feeling his breath on mine.
Closing the distance between our mouths had felt like the most natural thing to do.
And now his hands were cupping my head like I was something precious. His tongue was doing things to mine that had to be unholy.
And I was doing them back. My hands were moving over him like they did during “Tease.” But the difference this time was that I wanted them to.
I wanted to touch him.
My finger caught on the wire leading to his earpiece as I ran my hand up his neck, accidentally ripping it out of place.
Kai stiffened, breaking away from me and stumbling back. His eyes swept over the stadium in horror.
Oh my god. We’d been making out in front of ninety thousand fans.
What had I done?
Arlo was standing behind his drum kit, his jaw hanging open. Luca was beside him with an inexplicable thunderous expression.
But it was Kai I was worried about. Kai who looked like he was living his worst nightmare live on stage.
I took a step towards him. The movement caught his attention.
“Kai…”
He didn’t look at me. Didn’t react to me calling him.
Just turned and ran.
I didn’t care that we hadn’t finished our set. Didn’t care that thousands of cameras were catching my every move.
All I cared about was the fact Kai was running from me.
Shoving my bass at Luca, I followed him. “Kai. Wait!”
He didn’t stop. I knew he heard me, though, because his pace sped up.
Cursing his longer legs, I powered through various stagehands and techies as they jumped out of my way. In the distance, I heard Luca speaking into the microphone. I had no idea what he was telling our fans, and right now, I didn’t care.
Kai ran into our dressing room, slamming the door behind him. I was on it in a second, rattling the handle. Fucker had locked me out. “Kai, open up.”
Silence.
I thudded my head against the door. “Don’t shut me out. Don’t hide from me.”
The door opened so suddenly that I fell forwards, stumbling over my own feet.
Kai caught my arm, steadying me. Pulling me into the room, he slammed the door again before letting me go like I repulsed him.
He stood before me, his chest heaving. Sweat from the show glistened on his skin, his shirt askew. Was that from me? Had I been tugging at it?
I looked down at my palms like they might hold the answer for me. Not that it mattered. No doubt, videos of us out there were currently going viral on every social media network available.
“Why did you do that?”
Kai’s question had me looking up. Raw emotion swam over his face. His nostrils were flared. His jaw clenched. “What?”
He prowled a step closer, towering over me. I wasn’t scared though. How could I be? This was Kai. My Kai. “Why. Did. You. Kiss. Me?”
Why was he so angry? “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?” He shoved his dreads back, using the tie on his wrist to pull them into a bun. It was something he did when he was agitated.
I hated that I was making him feel that way.
He was no longer looking at me, his scowl on the floor. God, I’d let him down so much. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? Kissing me, or not knowing why?”
“The first one,” I blurted. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I took it too far.”
“Took the act too far, you mean,” he laughed sourly, grabbing the back of his neck.
“No, that’s not—” That wasn’t what I’d meant. I’d meant I’d taken it too far in front of an audience. I hadn’t meant to embarrass him.
“I’ve got it,” Kai cut me off. “I think we need to set clearer boundaries. Maybe spend some time apart. I think everything between us is too…blurred.”
“What?” Why was he talking about spending time apart? What the fuck had I done?
Everything was moving too fast. I needed to pause time for a second so I could think. Think about why I’d kissed him. Why it’d felt so right.
And why the fuck it had made him so mad at me.
“I’m leaving after the show,” Kai continued. I struggled to hear him over the high-pitched shriek that had taken up residence in my brain. “I’ve taken a film role in an indie movie. I’ll be shooting on location in Mexico.”
“Okay,” I said, my brain scrambling to catch up. “I’ve got that charity gig next week, but after that, I can fly out and join you.”
“No.” Apparently, Kai had become very friendly with the spot six inches above my head, seeing as he couldn’t look away from it. “I mean it, Si. We need to spend some time apart. I need some…space.”
“Space from me?” I reached up to rub at my chest. Why was it hurting? Surely I couldn’t be having a heart attack at thirty-five?
Kai sighed heavily. “It’ll be good for both of us.”
“Right. Love that you’re making decisions for us both without consulting me.” Where had that ice in my voice come from? “Didn’t realise our friendship was something you need space from.”
Something I said finally finally made him look at me. “Friendship…that’s what we have.”
“That’s right,” I said desperately. “I need you, Kai. You’re my best friend. You can’t leave me.”
He gave me a tight smile, and there wasn’t an ounce of the man I knew in it. I felt like I was looking at a stranger, one who was struggling just to be in my presence. “I have my own life, Silas. It’s time I lived it.”
I couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. I turned away, pretending I was examining the snack selection. In reality, I could barely see through the tears clouding my vision. “I hadn’t realised I was holding you back.”
Kai’s hand dusted over my shoulder, like he’d reached out to touch me and then decided against it. “This is for the best. You’ll see.”
I sniffed, swiping at my face with my hand in mortification. “Sure.”
“Silas.” The pain in Kai’s voice grabbed my emotions in a chokehold. I wouldn’t hurt him. He was the one person who’d kept me safe. I’d never hurt him.
Drawing up my carefree grin, I turned to face him. His haunted expression almost had me slipping. Almost. “Sounds like a great opportunity. You’ll have to send me lots of pictures.”
“Silas.” He reached for me, but I skirted around his hold and made for the door. “Are you okay?”
“Yep.” I yanked open the door to see a gaggle of hassled crew bickering. “Sorry, guys, we’re just coming to finish the show.”
I glanced back at Kai and grinned once more. “Come on, let’s get this done so you can get on your way.”
Kai was rigid in the centre of the room, all his muscles tense. “Si—”
“Leave it,” I said sharply, all too aware of the many watching eyes. Something I should’ve been aware of before launching us into this mess. “Come on, I promise to behave myself.”
I didn’t give him a chance to respond.
I went back on stage.
Took my bass from Luca.
Apologised to the audience.
Played my heart out.
And didn’t look at Kai once.
But it didn’t stop me thinking about him. How right that kiss had felt. How desperately I wanted to grab him to see if it had been a fluke.
I didn’t. Because none of it mattered. Kai was leaving. Had planned all of this long before tonight. Planned his escape without telling me.
Because he needed space.
Space from me.
That yawning darkness that only struck at night began to creep in. Soon, Kai wouldn’t be here to push it back.
But that was okay. I’d been selfish, behaving the way I had. What he’d said tonight about needing his own life told me as much. I couldn’t expect him to keep picking up my shattered pieces for me. I’d always known that one day, he’d get tired of doing so. Get tired of me.
I just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon.