Chapter 17 Silas
Chapter Seventeen
SILAS
Kai had gone by the time I returned downstairs. Part of me had wondered if he’d wait. If he’d think about what I said and realise the truth.
That I wasn’t lying. I wasn’t confused.
I was just head over heels for him.
But no, the ground floor was silent, Kai long gone. I’d stood in the kitchen, staring at where I’d offered my heart to my best friend on a platter.
Never in a million years had I expected him to fling it back in my face.
I’d imagined maybe he’d let me down easy, explain he didn’t feel the same. Or perhaps rebuke me, say that I had no place doing this when he had a boyfriend.
But the way he’d rejected me was so much worse. He hadn’t believed me. That it was so inconceivable, so ridiculous, that I might want him in a way that was anything but platonic. Even worse, he didn’t deny that he had romantic feelings for me. That would’ve been easier…maybe.
I thought I knew Kai better than I knew myself.
Today proved how fucking wrong I was. Never would I have believed he could reduce my feelings to nothing. A mere inconvenience that I’d get over.
I’d meant it when I’d said not to call me until he’d pulled his head out of his arse. I wasn’t expecting him to leave Tristan for me or anything like that. But until he could acknowledge my feelings rather than belittle them?
Yeah, I was happy to wait for that.
Well, happy was a stretch. But for the first time ever, I didn’t want to be around Kai right now. I didn’t want to be around anyone.
I spent the next three days closeted inside my house, catching up on all the episodes of The Circle I’d missed while on tour. Originally, I’d been waiting to watch them with Kai. Trashy reality TV was a guilty pleasure we indulged in together.
But since everything had gone up in smoke, I wasn’t waiting any longer. It was a tiny, petty rebellion, but it felt satisfying nonetheless.
Maybe I’ll text him who the winner is, I thought sourly as I shovelled more Pot Noodle into my mouth. It was curry-flavoured, something Kai couldn’t stand. Just the scent of it made him gag.
I’d bought a whole tray of them out of spite. Turned out I didn’t much like them either, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to eat every single one.
My phone buzzed for the hundredth time. I glanced at the screen to check it wasn’t Kai before ignoring it again.
Sooner or later, I would have to face the real world. We had studio time booked in for tomorrow, which meant I’d have to come out of hiding.
And I’d have to face Kai. Have to look him in the face, knowing he’d rejected me.
With how fun that was bound to be, I felt perfectly entitled to ignore everyone until then.
Unfortunately, the world had other ideas. I’d barely got through another half an episode before a beep alerted me to my front door opening.
I threw off my blanket in a rush and scrambled to my feet. Very few people had my key. Just Kai, Arlo, Luca, and…
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Ruby proclaimed as she swept into the room. For some reason, she was more dolled up than usual. She wore a pretty black shift dress with red heels. Not only was she wearing makeup, but she’d arranged her curls in a fancy updo.
No amount of makeup could hide the disgust as she took in my living space. Her fingers pinched her nostrils shut as she spoke. “What is that smell?”
I dropped back onto the sofa and pulled the blanket back over me. “Dunno.”
Ruby tutted as she strode over to the windows and flung back the curtains. She didn’t stop there either, opening a few windows wide.
I winced at the sudden influx of sunlight. “Ow.”
“Stop moaning,” Ruby said in a firm voice that I imagined she usually reserved for troublesome patients. “This place is a pigsty, and you’re not much better.”
I picked up my Ben and Jerry’s from the table and saluted her with a spoon. “A pleasure as always, Rubes.”
She snatched it from my hand before I could take a mouthful. I whined in protest, only for her to knock me on the head with the spoon. “Is this what you’ve been living on? Pot Noodles and ice cream?”
“Maybe.” I glared up at her. “When did you get so bossy?”
She gave me a withering look. “When I got old enough to realise you and Kai are like most men. Piss-poor communicators who need to be kept in line.”
“Hey!” I protested. “I don’t need to be kept in line.”
She looked pointedly at the pile of detritus littering every surface in the room.
“What? It’s not like I was expecting company.”
“Men, honestly.” She started to gather the rubbish in her arms. I got up to help her, but she batted my arms away. “No. There’s no time. You need to go shower and get ready.”
“Ready for what?”
She sighed. “Please don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”
I searched my mind frantically, but nothing presented itself. “Umm…”
She grabbed the spoon and whacked me on the head again. Even in heels, she still had to reach to do it, but by damn she did. “What’s wrong with you? It’s Dad’s sixtieth—you helped organise it.”
“Balls,” I said, clapping my hands over my face. How could I have forgotten? “I’ll go get ready.”
I made it as far as the doorway before recent events hit me, freezing me in place.
How could I face Kai? Would he even want me there?
“Why are you standing in the door like a lemon?” Ruby demanded from behind me. “You’re going to make us late.”
“I can’t go.”
Ruby laughed, the sound fading when I still didn’t move. “Wait, what?”
I turned numbly to face her. “I’m sorry, Rubes. I can’t…Kai won’t want me there.”
“What are you on about? Of course he will.”
I shook my head sadly, staring at the carpet. “No, he won’t. We had a massive fight, Rubes. I can’t go. I’m so sorry.”
Ruby sighed, rubbing her fingers against her temple. “Okay, stuff is starting to fall into place now.”
“What stuff?”
“Well, first, we have the stellar condition of your living environment.” She gestured widely like a game show host. “Plus, there’s the fact both you and Kai have been ignoring your phones.”
“He’s probably busy with Tristan,” I scuffed my toe against the carpet. Stupid, idiotic Tristan.
That wasn’t fair. Tristan seemed perfectly nice. All he’d done was realise what a catch Kai was and snapped him up.
I was the idiot for not doing the same approximately eighteen years ago.
“Doubtful. From what Louis said earlier, he found him sulking at home. Like you, he had to be reminded of the day, dragged out of a disgusting pit, and shoved into the shower.” She gave a delicate sniff.
“After finding him in that state and you not answering your phone, Louis nominated me to check in on you. Have to say, I wasn’t expecting things to be as bad as this. ”
God, that was so unlike Kai. Had I hurt him by telling him my feelings? I slumped against the doorframe. “Shit, Ruby. I’ve made such a mess of things.”
Tears burned at the back of my eyes, but I bit my lip to hold them back. Ruby was already deep in nurse mode. If she knew how broken I was, the fussing would accelerate to unprecedented levels.
There was no fooling Ruby. The next thing I knew, I was sat at my kitchen table, a steaming mug between my hands.
Ruby couldn't hide the worry in her eyes as she took the seat opposite me. Instead of tea, she held a fine-stemmed glass filled to the brim. “Pinot? It’s barely four p.m.”
Her withering look had me cowering. “I feel like I need it to get through this conversation. Besides, we’re getting an Uber. And don’t pretend you don’t keep this here just for me. We both know you hate wine.”
“It’s—”
“Pretentious,” Ruby chimed in with me. “So you’ve said. Repeatedly. Now, start talking and talk fast. We’ve got a party to get to.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to remind her I wasn’t going, but I chickened out under the glare she levelled me with.
“I…I told Kai I have feelings for him.”
She choked on the sip of wine she’d just taken, hitting her chest to clear it. I shoved back my chair in alarm, but she waved me off. “I’m fine.”
I hovered uncertainly until I was sure she was okay.
“Sorry, that wasn’t what I was expecting you to say. Just to be clear, when you say feelings, you mean…?”
“I mean, I want to be with him. I want him to be my…boyfriend. Partner. Husband. Whatever the fuck you want to call it. Kai’s it for me.”
Ruby’s squeal was so loud that I worried for the glass she was holding. Before I could blink, she’d rounded the table and thrown her arms around my neck in a tight hug. “Oh, I’m so happy. This is the best news ever!”
“Rubes.” I gasped, pulling at her arms. “Can’t. Breathe.”
She dropped her arms hastily. “Oops, sorry. Got overexcited for a minute.”
She practically bounced back to her chair, her grin taking up her whole face. For a second, she looked so much like Kai that I couldn’t bear it. I let my gaze drop to the table, begging that numbness to take over again.
“Wait…” Ruby said slowly. “If you told Kai you have feelings for him, why did you argue? If anything, I should be here dragging you both out of your bedroom because you were too busy fucking to remember the party.”
“Jesus, Ruby.” I rubbed my forehead. “I don’t need to hear you talking about sex. You’re like twelve.”
“I’m twenty-three, and I’ve probably had more sex than both of you combined.”
I clapped my hands over my ears. “La, la, la. Not listening.”
She leaned over and flicked me on the elbow. “Don’t make me get the spoon.”
I lowered my hands. “Always straight to the violence with you.”
“Problem with being the youngest sibling, I’m afraid. Got to play to your strengths.”
“And violence is your strength?”
“I’ll give you a demonstration if you don’t quit trying to distract me. What happened with Kai? Why aren’t you fucking like a pair of Energizer Bunnies and staring lovingly into each others’ eyes?”
I sighed. Should I really be talking to Ruby about this? She was Kai’s sister, but she felt like mine too. I’d been in her life since she was a baby and regarded her as my sibling as much as Kai did.
“Two reasons. One, he has a boyfriend.”