Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
KAI
I woke up the next morning the same way I had hundreds of times before.
With Silas in my arms.
The positioning might be the same. The way his leg had found its way between mine. How his face was pressed against my chest. Even the small snores huffing from his mouth were the same.
But everything was different.
I was different.
After cleaning up in the shower, we’d collapsed into bed. We didn’t talk, just exchanged lazy kisses like we had all the time in the world.
God, I hoped that would be the case.
Eventually, Silas had drifted off to sleep. It was a long time before I followed him though. I didn’t want to close my eyes, just in case I opened them to find nothing had changed. That I was alone on that cramped sofa, a literal and metaphorical wall keeping us apart.
Sleep must’ve claimed me at some point. I didn’t think either of us had moved all night. My morning wood was pressed against Silas’s warm thigh. How many times had I woken up in this state and immediately panicked? Tried to calm myself down before Silas felt it and realised?
I mean, it had happened before. He’d always laughed it off as one of those things. That was the kind of man he was. He never wanted me to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.
Yet that was exactly how I’d made him feel when he’d confessed his feelings for me.
I’d make it up to him. As fun as it’d be to show him the various ways we could take care of our morning wood, we needed to talk first. I wasn’t letting us stay suspended in this confusion and miscommunication any longer.
Two decades was long enough.
A light tap on the door was followed by Tristan’s head poking in. I stiffened, making Silas shift sleepily. Shit, I’d forgotten I had a loose end to tie up.
I gestured to Tristan that I’d meet him in the hall. Guilt twinged as I eased my arms out from around Silas. It felt wrong to leave him in bed to go and talk to another man. But once I’d spoken to Tristan and told him he could go, there’d be nothing standing between us.
I grabbed a robe from the back of the door, throwing it on before joining Tristan in the hallway.
“Sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up,” I said quietly after closing the door behind me. “I know you hate being in unfamiliar places.”
“It’s okay.” Tristan gave me a wan smile. “I can cope for one night. Looks like you guys have worked things out.”
I couldn’t hold back my grin as I thought back over our night together. “We’re not there yet…but we’re on the way.”
“Good. You deserve to be happy. Even if you’re going to break the internet when your relationship comes out.”
I groaned inwardly. Tristan wasn’t wrong there. Our onstage kiss had doused the rumours and conspiracy theories with petrol and set them alight. If I hadn’t fled the country after our final show, I imagine the press would’ve hounded us. It’d been bad enough with us on separate continents.
But once they knew the truth…the attention would be overwhelming.
It wasn’t enough to put me off being with Silas though. Nothing was. I’d face down every reporter in the world if it meant I got to love him the way I’d always wanted.
“I’ve ordered an Uber,” Tristan said. “Figured I’d get out of the way before everyone woke up.”
“Thank you.” I pulled him in for a hug. “Bringing you here might not have been the best thing, but I’m so damned grateful for everything you’ve done.”
Tristan patted my back. “I’m glad to have you as a friend. And like I’ve said, this was helping me as much as you.”
I froze. “Wait, us ‘ending’ this…is it going to cause a problem for you?”
Tristan pulled out of my arms and began to fiddle with one of his rings. “No, of course not.”
I’d known him long enough to know his tells. “Tristan…”
“It’s fine,” he said hastily. “This was never meant to be a permanent solution…just something to give me a bit of breathing space.”
“I wish you’d tell me what’s going on.”
He slumped against the wall. “It’s…complicated. I want to, but…”
“I get it.” Life was a chaotic and convoluted mess at the best of times. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No.” He smiled tightly. “Maybe just give me a heads-up before you and Si go public. It might give me time to get…plans in place.”
“I can’t imagine we’ll be doing that for a while. The last thing we need right now is more press attention. We won’t hide it forever, though, so of course I’ll let you know.”
“Thanks, Kai.” His phone buzzed in his hand. “My ride is here. Let’s catch up when you’re next in the States.”
“Hang on,” I blurted as an idea came to me. “What if we made another post? A coupley type one? Would that hold whoever is bothering you off for a bit longer?”
Tristan wavered. “I mean…yeah. It would help. But what would Silas think?”
“If Silas knew something was going on with you, he’d be the one suggesting it.
” That I was confident about. Si would do anything to help someone out.
Okay, he might not be Tristan’s biggest fan right now, but once I explained everything, that would change.
“Trust me. Let’s take a photo now. I’ll fill Si in on everything and text you the go-ahead to post it. ”
Tristan’s shoulders sagged like I’d lifted a weight off them. “I really should say no, but I’m not selfless enough. So, instead, I’ll just say thank you.”
I tucked him in against my side. It felt wrong to hold him like this, but Si would understand once I explained. I pressed my lips to his cheek, raising the phone to catch us both in the frame.
“Thanks,” Tristan said as I passed his phone back to him. “You’re the best boyfriend I could’ve asked for.”
“Anything for you, I’m ju—” My words were cut off as a door slammed behind me.
Fuck. No, no, no, no. Please don’t be Silas. Please don’t have seen and misunderstood.
I spun around, fear gripping my heart. Silas was already at the end of the hall, his shoulders taut and fists clenched at his sides.
“Si, wait! I can explain!”
I shot after him, but he was moving too fast.
It’s okay. He can’t leave. He’s not even dressed.
But he wasn’t letting that stop him.
I raced down the stairs after him as he swooped his shoes from the ground and yanked open the front door.
“Si, wait,” I begged, hurrying after him. “I can explain. It’s not what you think.”
He wheeled on me, hurt and anger sparking like kindling. Burning down the precious thing we’d been building between us. “Save it. I’m so fucking tired, Kai.”
I froze as he stalked towards me. “This is the final time I’m going to say this. Sort your shit out. If it’s me you want, then have me. But I’m not going to be second best to anyone.”
A disbelieving laugh broke from me. How on earth could Silas think he was second best?
“Glad you think I’m funny,” Silas spat bitterly, walking backwards. “Sometimes I think I don’t even know you.”
His words cut me to the bone. My vision blurred as I took a step forwards. “Si, please…”
But it was too late.
He’d slid into Tristan’s Uber, the driver taking off quickly.
I dropped to my knees, the bite of the gravel barely registering against the pain of watching Silas leave me.
“I’m so sorry,” Tristan said, coming up behind me. “I’ve fucked everything up. Again.”
“No, this is on me.” It always had been. I’d made a chain of endless mistakes where Silas was concerned.
“You can’t let him get away.”
“I’m not going to.” Of the two of us, I was the one who needed space when things got hard. Not Si. If he had space, he ended up in a tailspin where he couldn’t see the wood for the trees. I needed to get him to listen to me, and soon.
I got to my feet as a plan slowly started to form in my mind. Silas couldn’t hide from me for long. We had studio time booked in for this afternoon.
If I could get Arlo and Luca to help me…
I bade Tristan goodbye, reassuring him again that this wasn’t his fault, and left him outside to wait for another Uber.
I hadn’t made it further than the hallway before I collided with Ruby. “Oof, sorry.”
“That’s okay,” she said with a yawn. “My fault. Haven’t had any tea yet and…wait, why are you coming in from outside?”
I tried to stop from wincing but wasn’t fast enough for Ruby’s shrewd attention. “Malakai James Parker. What’ve you done? Where’s Silas?”
“He’s left.”
Her hands went to her hips, and I knew I was in trouble. She might be thirteen years younger and a whole foot shorter, but that haughty nurse look had me quaking in my shoes.
Well, my metaphorical ones, anyway. I’d been so desperate to stop Silas that I’d run outside barefoot.
“What did you do?” she seethed. “Tell me you didn’t make him leave.”
“I fucked up.” Then I told her the same thing I’d told Dad and Tristan. “I’m going to fix it.”
My new mantra, apparently.
“You better,” she said warningly. “I love you both like my brothers. I’m not losing either of you, so get it sorted.”
I dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to let that happen.”
I jogged up the stairs, refusing to look at the door to Silas’s room as I passed it.
I refused to accept that last night would be the only one we shared. I’d fucked up, but I was going to fix it.
I was going to fix it.
Storming into the room Tristan had slept in, I grabbed my phone. For a second, I debated calling Silas and trying to get him to listen over the phone.
Then I remembered the look on his face as he told me to sort my shit out. Yeah, this wasn’t a conversation we could have over the phone.
Instead, I hit Arlo’s number. It took a few rings before his sleep-addled voice came on the line.
“Arlo? I need your help.”