Chapter 13 #2
Plastering a casual smile on my face, I turned to face him. “Yes, Jack? Something I can help you with?”
For once, Jack wasn’t attempting to hide his emotions from me. His nostrils were flared, his jaw set as he slammed to a stop in front of me. “What the fuck are you playing at?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Don’t play innocent,” he growled. “Cut the bullshit. You’re trying to make me jealous.”
“What’s got you so angry?” I taunted him, idly tilting my head to the side. “You can’t actually be jealous. That would require you to see me as something you’ve always insisted you don’t.”
“I’m not jealous. I’m angry because you’re playing with my feelings.”
Something in me snapped. Stepping into his space, I closed in until my chest was brushing against his. “What feelings, Jack? Last I checked, we were colleagues and nothing more. I’m perfectly entitled to have an active and healthy social life, and I’m long past needing your blessing.”
The tips of his ears turned red, but he didn’t say anything, just stared me down.
“Don’t worry, I know there’s nothing here,” I said bitterly. “Four years of you almost solidly ignoring me has taught me that.”
I needed to get away from him before I did something stupid, like slamming my mouth to his.
“I’m not ignoring you.”
“Really? Doesn’t look like it to me.”
Jack blinked. “This is what we agreed. To be professional and nothing more.”
“What you agreed,” I countered hotly. “And if that’s all we are, then you storming after me like this is completely inappropriate.
As were all the other times you’ve done it.
So which is it, Jack? Are we colleagues or something else?
Because the way I see it, the only thing stopping us being like we were before is you.
There’s no Kevin, no threat to your job.
Nothing is stopping us being…friends. But you’re still treating me exactly as you have for the past four years. ”
Jack shifted on his feet. “What does it matter? You’ve been fine without me. Different bloke every weekend. You don’t need me anymore.”
I stepped back from him, a hollow laugh on my lips.
Fuck, I was so exhausted by this bullshit.
How could I criticise Kai for keeping his feelings quiet when I was just as bad?
“You’re right. I don’t need you, but I do want you.
I’m tired of pretending otherwise, Jack.
Being with you was the happiest I’ve ever been, and I’d do anything to go back to those days. ”
Jack was frozen, shock etched in every line of his face.
“I want you, Jack, in my life. I’ve always wanted you. If you ever decide you want more too, even if that more is just friendship, then you know where to find me.” It almost broke me to say the next part, but I knew it was needed. “But if you can’t? Then I can’t be around you any longer.”
“What do you mean?”
I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. “I mean we can’t keep doing the same bullshit over and over again. You ignore me. I make a comment. You get jealous but refuse to admit that’s what it is. We argue. You go back to ignoring me. Rinse and fucking repeat. I’m done, Jack.”
His eyes were wide, like he was seeing me for the very first time. Maybe he was. I’d come a long way from the young kid he once knew. I’d changed. I knew what I wanted now.
It was the same thing I’d always wanted. The difference now was that I wasn’t prepared to settle. If Jack couldn’t give me what I needed, I’d get it from someone else.
“Take your time,” I said to him, my voice thick. “You don’t need to rush to make a decision. I mean it though. Something has to change. I want you in my life, but I want to be happy more. If you can’t give me that, then you need to walk away.”
I’d barely seen Jack in the months since, glimpsing him only at events I attended with Luca. I certainly hadn’t heard from him. I knew I’d told him to take his time, but seriously, six months?!
Only an idiot wouldn’t be able to see the direction this was going in. That was okay though. If Jack wasn’t choosing me, I could move on.
I would move on.
With what had been happening over the past several months, I’d been tempted to reach out.
Jack would have come running—he always did when he thought I was in trouble—but I didn’t want him here out of some misplaced sense of loyalty and duty.
I wanted him here because he wanted to be with me.
Even if it was just as friends, that would be better than nothing.
So I didn’t reach out. I might’ve felt better getting his thoughts on what was happening, but I didn’t need them. The police were following up all leads and Simon was more than capable of keeping me safe.
Besides, this crap happened all the time. It didn’t make sense to stress too much about it.
Pushing all thoughts of Jack to the back of my mind where they belonged, I shot off a quick text to Simon. Unlike my former guard, he never stayed at my house. He had normal working hours and took his allotted time off every week, another guard taking his place as needed.
I didn’t have a problem maintaining a professional relationship with Simon. He wasn’t stupidly overprotective and I didn’t want to fuck his brains out.
See? Easy.
By the time I was in my running gear, Simon was letting himself into my house. He too was wearing trainers, shorts and a T-shirt. With his lean muscles and easy smile, he was a good-looking bloke. I also knew from his social media that he was bi.
He didn’t do it for me though. Even if I hadn’t been hung up on Jack, Simon was too kind, too thoughtful.
He’d never kick down my parents’ door before lamping my dad.
Not that that’d ever be needed these days.
Thanks to the restraining order Jack had helped me set up, I hadn’t heard from them in years.
“Usual route?” Simon asked.
I gave a clipped nod, leading the way out of the house. “Two loops though. I want to do five miles total.”
Simon hid his wince with a cough. I raised a brow at him and he smiled sheepishly. “I’m certainly getting fitter these days.”
“You don’t have to come.” Up until recently, I’d run alone, the tracker on my phone enough to appease everyone. I’d certainly never run when Jack was my guard. He’d prefer to do any workout other than running.
“You know that’s not a good idea,” he said warningly. “That’s one of the conditions for me keeping the little situation between us.”
I rolled my eyes but didn’t argue. “The others would only worry.”
“They deserve to know you’re being stalked.”
I sighed. “We’ve been over this, Simon, it’s not a stalker. It’s just a few letters and a couple of photos. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Threatening letters,” Simon said quietly. “And photos that prove they’ve been at the same places as you at the same time. If there’s nothing to worry about, then why are the police concerned? Why is the label insisting you don’t step outside your front door without me?”
Usually Simon kept his opinions to himself, but this was the one subject he refused to be silent about. “It’s all part and parcel of being a celebrity, Simon. Luca and Silas have both dealt with this in the past and it’s been fine. They’ll get bored eventually and fixate on someone else.”
“Or they’ll escalate things,” he said quietly. “You’ve read the letters, Arlo. Don’t minimise this.”
Ready to be done with this discussion, I put my headphones over my ears and started to jog.
No amount of speed could outpace the nagging concern that Simon had put in my head. Should I have been more worried? Was I actually in danger, or were they just a weirdo fan?
Lines from the many letters skipped through my mind.
I want to lick your skin all over. Peel it off. Wrap myself in it so I can sleep inside you.
I saw you smiling at someone else today. Why are you doing that, Arlo? Do I need to teach you a lesson?
You’re mine, Arlo. I want to see how deep I can press my blade before you bleed. How far I can bend your bones before they break. You’re mine to play with, Arlo. My toy.
I shivered, pushing my legs harder. Okay, maybe Simon had a point. This person was unhinged, but they’d go away soon.
Right?
My legs were screaming as we reached the lake. Pausing, I dragged in massive lungfuls of oxygen.
Simon pulled up beside me, equally winded. “This is probably highly inappropriate for me to say, considering you’re my client, but you’re a fast motherfucker.”
A laugh rasped from my throat at what Simon considered inappropriate. “You gotta be fast when you’re growing up as a scrawny gay kid on a council estate.”
I glugged some water down as Simon did the same. Fastening the cap on, I nodded to him. “Come on, race you back.”