Chapter 14 #2
An email came in from Inés.
Me: I’m in the middle of something. Have to go. But may I come to you? I’m nervous to be at the hotel. I’ll bring supper
Ethan: Yes, but I’ll get supper. Do you like wine?
Me: Yes, red or white is fine
Me: What time should I get there?
Ethan: Five thirty. I’ll order takeout
Me: I understand why you said I shouldn’t depend on you for support, but it’s been a rough day. It would help for you to call me Babbo. Please
Ethan: I can’t wait to see you Babbo. Be safe and I’ll hold you all night. Bring a change of clothes if you want to stay
Me: Are you sure?
Ethan: Yes, Babbo. Very sure
Me: Thank you, Ethan
I purposely didn’t call him baby at the end because I wanted him to know that I was speaking as Jude and not his babbo. Even without having done my research yet, I could already tell how complicated it might get being in a D/s relationship unless there were defined guidelines.
And then I caught sight of Inés’ email and opened it.
Father Jude,
The Bishop will meet with you tonight at 6 PM at his home. What should I tell him?
Best,
Inés
I emailed her back immediately.
Inés,
Tell the Bishop, yes, and thank you. You’re an angel.
I debated if I should sign off Father Jude but that didn’t seem appropriate. However, neither did plain Jude with Inés. In the end, I sent the email as was. Next, I sent a text to Ethan, sorry that I had to bother him at work
Me: Apologies for having to text you at work. But I have to meet the bishop at 6 PM tonight
Ethan: Where does he live?
Me: Here in Long Beach on Cota Ave
Ethan: I’ll pick you up at 5:30 barring no traffic delays. I’ll try my best to be there in time.
I looked at Ethan’s gracious offer. He only got off from work at five. Yet, he was rushing here from Newport Beach to sit in his truck so he could be there for me before and after my meeting. How could I not be attracted to the man?
Me: What will you do if I turn down your offer you’re just getting off from work?
Ethan: Show up anyway
Me: That’s what I thought. Thank you, baby. This means a lot
Ethan: I know. Got to go
Ethan sent a text at five thirty that he was five minutes away and advised me to be at the front entrance waiting for him due to high traffic. When his truck pulled in front, I hopped in and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.”
“I wouldn’t have let you go alone,” Ethan said as he drove through the circular driveway towards the exit. We need to avoid the 405, it’s jammed. If I take Willow Street we should arrive in sixteen minutes. Sound good?”
Ethan put the bishop’s address in his GPS via Willow Street, and we were off. “Tell me what happened today,” he said softly, holding my hand on the console.
I leaned back on the headrest and exhaled, staring straight ahead as if attempting to envision a future in which Ethan and I were out on a date.
Going out to dinner maybe, somewhere along the coast overlooking the ocean.
But I kept that to myself for now. “My mother’s call was first, and she screamed at me, her language less than kind.
I couldn’t take it, Ethan,” I said, turning to him.
“I told her that when I was settled, I’d be in contact, then I hung up. ”
Ethan glanced away from the road but didn’t say anything.
When he stopped at a red light, he turned fully to me.
Skating his hand over my cheek, he said, “She didn’t deserve more, Jude.
You have to set boundaries with her. Your dad, too, if he’s the same.
Love is earned. Same with my parents. Do I wish I had it better with them?
Of course, but I won’t let them debase me. ”
The light turned green and Ethan got the truck moving again.
“My dad’s not,” I said. “When my mom isn’t on a call, my dad is reasonable.
He’s not happy with my decision but I think he’d come to accept it eventually.
” I watched the streets go by as we drew closer to the bishop’s house, and I started to feel sick to my stomach with nerves.
It didn’t help that I hadn’t eaten more than a few crackers with cheese.
“After I went to the Apple Store, I decided to have coffee in Los Alamitos. I figured it would be far enough from the church or where Father Matthew lived for me to be seen. I was wrong.”
Ethan squeezed my fingers. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too,” I said, trying for a smile and failing miserably.
“Anyway, since the weather was perfect, I sat on the patio, which ran along the sidewalk. I have no clue what he was doing in that area but as soon as he spotted me, he sat down at my table.” I recounted the rest of my conversation with the priest to Ethan and ended with, “I don’t think I was rude, so much as in his face, you know?
All I felt was that I was finally rid of him.
And him not being a nice man made it easier for me to stand up to his bullshit.
Plus, he’d been speaking to my mother again after the bishop told him not to.
He used the excuse that Bishop Sanchez enlisted Father Matthew’s help in finding me.
My grand exit was to trash my coffee and stalk out. ”
“Jude, what prompted you to see the bishop?” Ethan asked, as he maneuvered the truck in the city traffic.
“I want this whole thing to be over. When I reviewed the canonical laws, if I’m not laicized, the bishop or any other superiors that he might call in can keep the petition going for months.
” I lifted my shoulders in question. “I don’t know, maybe years.
If the bishop is in a reasonable mood, I’m hoping that once he hears the finality in my voice, that he’ll set the laicization in motion.
If not, then I’ll have to keep evading them.
If they harass me, I guess I could put a restraining order on them. What do you think?”
“Later,” Ethan said, as he nodded toward the house that he passed in order to find a parking space. I gulped hard, my Adam’s apple feeling like a boulder in my throat.
After a few more times around the block, when Ethan was in front of the stucco house again, he suggested, “You better go inside. It’s a couple of minutes after.” Putting the truck in Park, he pinched my chin. “You’ll be fine, Babbo. And I’ll be waiting for you.” Then he gave me a quick kiss.
I began to open my door and then slammed it shut again. “Ethan, I should’ve worn my clerical attire,” I groaned. “I didn’t think. God, what’s wrong with me?”
Ethan grabbed the back of my neck. “Jude, your chinos and button-down shirt look respectful. You handed in your collar as a symbol of your resolve to leave. You’re dressed perfectly for the life you want to build outside of the Church.
Go now,” he said with a little push. “I think I saw a figure by the window.”
“Fuck.” I didn’t dare lean in for a kiss and he didn’t offer one for the same reason—the bishop peeking out.
“Good luck, text when you’re done in case I’m parked on another block.”
“Okay,” I said, and then turned toward the house. I was halfway up the walk when the bishop was waiting on the threshold. “Hello, Father Jude.”
As soon as I was inside and he closed the door behind us, I dropped to one knee and kissed the ring on his outstretched hand. My eyes still lowered, I said, “Thank you for seeing me, Your Excellency. My sincere apology for not speaking to you in person before I left.”
Raise up and follow me, Father,” he said, his demeanor kinder than last time, which puzzled me.
If anything, I expected him to be harsher.
He led me to the room with the confessional, which resurrected memories of last time I was there, and his reaction led me to running away.
He gestured for me to take my seat and then took his.
I went through my prayer and when it was time for me to confess my sins, I was at a loss.
And that’s exactly what I said to the bishop.
“Your Excellency, I broke my solemn promise of obedience to you by running away and abandoning my post in the parish. I had a run-in with Father Matthew this morning. I stood my ground when he was being disrespectful to me and interfered with my mother again.” I met the bishop’s watchful gaze.
“I’m not being facetious when I say that I believe God would’ve thought I used great restraint before I retreated. ”
Bishop Sanchez looked at me thoughtfully. “What about your vow of celibacy?”
I thought this would come up and I answered without hesitation. Although, my forehead and neck were damp with nervous perspiration. “All the time I wore my clerical collar and considered myself a priest, my sins were only those of thought, which I’ve already confessed.”
“And since then, Father Jude?” he asked, his tone abrasive again. “Since you are an ordained priest until you are laicized, your attempt at excuses means nothing.”
I braced myself for another round of condemnation. “I had physical contact with a man.”
The bishop pressed me. “Is he the one who originally sought your help in the confessional?”
My whole being burned with embarrassment. Not for my actions with Ethan, but for having to discuss them with my bishop. “Yes, he is, Your Excellency.”
“You said in your petition that you’ve thought—and prayed—about leaving for the last three years. What made you finally feel that you couldn’t struggle any longer? Was it having feelings for a man?”
I wrung my hands out of his sight. Even so, he must’ve read my uneasy body language in the way I couldn’t seem to sit still.
“Not entirely,” I said hesitantly, testing the waters for myself to see if they held truth.
And they did. “When I met the man, I began seeing him as a representation of what my future could look like.”
“Do you have feelings for this man?”
“Friendship, Your Excellency.”