Chapter 5
Eve and I cuddled on the couch that night and watched Beauty and the Beast for what seemed like the hundredth time.
It was her favorite Disney movie. It was also mine, which was why I’d introduced her to what I considered a classic.
Now, having the perspective of a twenty-nine-year-old adult—and seeing the film through jaded eyes—I grudgingly realized why the movie had always appealed to me.
I was Beauty, and Gage was the Beast.
A submissive spirit had festered inside me for a long time; Gage had just brought it to the surface.
But Stacey was right. I’d also dreamed of finding my Prince Charming since I was young, only I never imagined he’d come in the form of a true-life beast. Gage’s ugliness stemmed from the core of his being, and unlike the beast of the fairytale, Gage was a master at disguise because you couldn’t tell by looking at him.
Though once you glimpsed deeper, past the gorgeous face and sexy body, he was scary as shit.
“Why’s he so mean to her? She’s so pretty.”
I swallowed hard, feeling as if Eve’s question was somehow significant. “I think he probably hides a lot of pain, baby, and he takes it out on people he shouldn’t.”
Too true.
If Gage was the beast, then I didn’t know how Ian fit into this twisted real life fairytale. He was much too likable to be Gaston. I sighed. I should give him a chance.
After the movie ended, I gave Eve a bath amongst a mountain of bubbles and giggles, and afterward, I took my time tucking her in tight, wrapping her up like a burrito. Her Cupid mouth relaxed as sleep pulled at her. I tiptoed toward the door.
“Mommy?” Her groggy voice halted me. “Can Gage eat here again?”
My heart pounded upon hearing his name fall from her lips. “I don’t think so. Now go to sleep. I love you.” I crept down the hall, my pulse accelerating as I neared my bedroom. Eve’s questions haunted me. Gage haunted me.
His memory lived inside that room.
So did his scent; it surrounded me as I settled in bed, but I couldn’t bring myself to strip the sheets yet. Hesitantly, I reached for my cell and dialed Ian’s number five times before allowing the call to go through.
“Why do you want me?” I asked as soon as he answered.
Silence.
“Ian?”
“Give me a minute. I’m thinking, because if you’re asking me that question, then you must be considering what I said, and I don’t want to blow it.”
I sank into the pillows and nestled the phone against my ear. “Okay.”
A minute passed before he finally spoke.
“When we got close in college, you touched a part of me no one had before. You saw me for who I wanted to be. Someone worthy. I want you forever. I want everything with you, and I would be honored to be a dad to Eve. I want to take your pain when you hurt, and I want to be the reason you laugh, even if you’re laughing at me because I’ve said or done something ridiculously stupid.
” The line grew thick with silence, and I held my breath.
“I come alive when I’m around you, Kayla.
That’s why I couldn’t let go, even after all these years. No one comes close to you.”
I knew how he felt, except the person who made me come alive was my childhood fantasy—a beast for sure.
“You’re leaving me hanging here, Kayla.” His breath shuddered over the line and into my ear.
“I know,” I said quietly. And I couldn’t do it anymore. I either had to let him all the way in, or let him go. “How long are you going to be in town?”
“I have a lot of vacation time saved up. I’m here for a while.”
“You mentioned going out. When?”
“Anytime. Name the day.”
“Are you sure?” I asked. “What if one night is all I can give you?”
“Then I’ll take it. I’d rather give us one last shot than go my whole life regretting I never even tried.”
I closed my eyes and attempted to block out the bright depths of Gage’s gaze, smoldering and lighting me on fire.
Get a grip, Kayla.
“How about tomorrow after my shift?” I knew Stacey would take Eve for me again, since she’d urged me to give Ian a chance.
“I’ll be there.”
The following evening came too soon. My room still haunted me, and I remembered Gage’s hands on me in vivid detail. I got wet just remembering how his tongue lapped at me, how his body pressed me into the mattress and owned me. That night owned me. Gage had always owned me.
So why was I putting Ian through this? My heart refused to budge. It wanted what it wanted, and Ian wanted what he wanted; one more chance to make things right between us.
I finished dressing and quietly shut the bedroom door to the memories.
He’d be here any minute and it wasn’t fair to have Gage on my mind before our date even began.
And wasn’t that the only thing Ian had asked for?
A final, fair chance? Letting him go would be the less selfish thing to do, but apparently, when it came to men, I wasn’t the definition of selfless.
Ian made me hope. He made feel good about myself again. He wanted me so much he was willing to fight for me, even after a year. Even after the things I’d done.
His quiet knock unraveled me. I checked my hair in the hall mirror on my way to the living room, and my hands shook by the time I reached for the doorknob.
Dusk had fallen since I’d returned home from work, though the temperature was oddly warm.
I was still accustomed to Oregon’s cold and rainy weather in January.
Ian stood on my doorstep, hands stuffed into the pockets of his blazer.
His mouth curved into a brilliant smile, and God how that grin had the power to make me feel like the most important person on the planet.
I didn’t deserve him. I knew this, yet I still allowed him to lead me to his rental car. It was nondescript, a white sedan to suit his needs while he was in town. Definitely not on the same playing field as the Mercedes Gage had shown up in a couple of days ago.
“You look…wow.” He opened the door for me, and his eyes swept my body from head to toe.
I wasn’t wearing anything spectacular—just a lace cami and floral skirt that tickled my knees in the light breeze.
A gauzy cover-up draped me, and my favorite part of the outfit was the white sandaled heels I wouldn’t have gotten away with in Oregon this time of year.
“Thanks,” I murmured with a smile. “You look good too, but you’ve gotta be hot in that.” I gestured toward his jacket as I slid into the passenger seat.
“Not used to it being this warm.” He removed his jacket, and the button down shirt he wore showed off his toned biceps.
Instantly, a vision of him supporting his weight above me on those arms filled my head.
I imagined his body sinking into mine, our foreheads coming together as our moans charged the air.
Maybe the problem wasn’t the Texas temperature. Clearly, my hormones had taken me prisoner and had corrupted every facet of my being. Why else would I let Gage back in after all this time?
Oh God, don’t go there. That’s even worse.
“So where are we going?” I asked after he slid in behind the wheel.
His mouth quirked into a grin as he backed out of the driveway. “Into the city.”
Butterflies took flight in my stomach. He was going all out.
What an understatement. We arrived at one of Dallas’ more upscale restaurants.
He ushered me inside, one hand resting at my lower back, and while he dealt with our reservation, I took a few moments to look around.
Crisp, white linens covered strategically spaced tables small enough to offer the allure of intimacy, and a wall of trickling water sat tucked away in one corner.
The hostess led us to a table near the waterfall, and the nervous flutters gained altitude once we were seated and left alone.
“So,” he began, studying his hands. “I am curious about one thing.”
I could only imagine. I braced myself, preparing for a difficult question I didn’t want to answer. “And what is that?”
“How did you end up in Texas?”
I smiled, relieved. We’d had several conversations on the phone during the past year, mostly entailing of “how are you?” and “I miss you.” He’d never asked how I managed to end up in such a small town so far from home.
“I got in the car and just started driving.”
He raised a brow. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” I’d sold everything I owned to do it, though it hadn’t been much.
What hurt the most was letting go of my grandmother’s locket my mom had passed down to me upon her death.
“Never thought I’d make Texas my new home, but I stopped at Gigi’s one morning for breakfast and that’s when I met Stacey.
” She’d recognized a basket case when she saw one, and her kindness couldn’t have come at a better time.
I’d been on the brink of broke—in more ways than one—and tired of driving, but I’d been unwilling to return to Oregon.
“You continue to surprise me, Kayla.” He dropped his gaze, and his expression melted in a frown.
“So,” I said, my lips forming a smile despite the awkward silence. After a few moments, his did the same, though his grin came across as forced. Something told me he was thinking about his argument with Gage.
“I want you to know all of me,” he said, “but once you hear the gory details of the person I used to be, I risk you walking away for good.”
“It couldn’t be any worse than what I’ve done.” I lowered my head, and my hair obscured the shame flaming my cheeks.
“Kayla—” He began, but the waiter interrupted before he could continue.
With a formal smile that appeared plastered on the man’s face, he presented the bottle of wine Ian had ordered and filled our glasses. “Ready to order, sir?”
Ian asked me what I wanted, which was refreshing after all the times I’d gone to dinner with Gage and he hadn’t cared what I wanted. He rattled off our dinner orders and as soon as we were alone again, he cleared his throat.
“I was a little prick as a teenager,” he said. “I slept around…a lot.”
I glanced up, wondering where he was going with this.