Chapter 29 Not coming back
Three days later, Viv sat in the office that somehow felt both too bright and too cold, the corners too clean, like no one ever actually lived here. The walls were the same off-white as every other room in the hospital, but it still felt different today. Final.
Dr. Julie sat on the couch across from him, legs crossed, notebook balanced neatly on her knee. Dr. Jacobs stood by the window, arms folded loosely over his chest, watching the rain trail down the glass in front of him.
It was Viv's final psych evaluation before discharge.
He knew it. They knew it. The air was tense in that official sort of way, where everyone pretended to be casual but no one really was.
Dr. Julie was the first to speak. "So, Viv," she said softly, "how are you feeling today?"
Viv leaned back in the chair, arms crossed, foot bouncing. "Tired. But good, I guess."
She jotted something down. "Do you feel ready to leave?"
He hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah."
Dr. Jacobs moved toward his desk and leaned against the edge of it. "What do you imagine the next few weeks will look like for you on the outside?"
Viv exhaled slowly. "I'll try to stay on top of my meds. I'll keep seeing a therapist. I won't... isolate. I'll probably go home but start looking for a new apartment. I'll try to get a part-time job or something. And I wanna see Ash again."
That last part made his voice catch a little. But neither doctor commented.
"You want to get a new apartment?" Dr. Julie asked.
"Yes. I don't think my mother wants to live with me, so I might as well save myself the trouble and move."
"Do you think living alone would be good for you though?" Dr. Jacobs asked.
"I think living her would be worse," Viv mumbled. "At least if I'm living by myself, I can be myself. She doesn't even like me, let alone love me."
"Right," Dr Julie nodded slowly. She studied him carefully. "You've been honest about your symptoms lately, which we appreciate. Is there anything else we need to know before you leave our care? Anything you're worried about?"
Viv shook his head. "I just want to leave. Not in a reckless way. Just in a... I've-done-my-time kind of way."
Dr. Jacobs nodded. "You've made significant progress, Viv. But you know discharge isn't the end. It's just the next phase."
"I know," Viv murmured.
There was a silence as both doctors scribbled their final notes, and Viv could practically hear the sound of the pen ink sealing his fate.
"And how are you feeling about your diagnosis?"
"Schizophrenia is tough, but I can't help it," Viv said robotically.
Dr. Julie looked up with a small smile. "Alright. I think we're done here." She closed her notebook. "You'll be officially discharged tomorrow morning."
"Really?" he asked in a small voice.
"Yes. Is there any specific arrangements you would like us to make?" she asked.
"Uh, yeah," he hesitated, "would it be possible for Ash to come and pick me up? I...I don't really have anyone else to get me."
"Of course, Viv. I'll give them a call."
"Thank you," he breathed a sigh of relief.
Viv left the office in a daze, the hallway warping a little around him as it all started to hit. Tomorrow. He was leaving tomorrow.
His shoes squeaked slightly against the floor as he made his way back to his room, hands stuffed in his hoodie pocket. There was a fluttery sort of tension in his chest, like nerves and excitement all tangled together, impossible to pull apart.
When he pushed open the door to his room, he stood there for a second, staring at the same bland sheets, the same half-used sketchpad on the bedside table, the same bare walls.
It hadn't felt like home, not really, but now it felt even less like anything.
Just a waiting room. A strange, sterile pit stop between rock bottom and whatever came next.
He sat down on his bed, rubbed at his eyes, then pulled the duffel bag out from underneath. There wasn't much to pack. A few clothes and a cracked notebook. He crammed it all in without much care. Every item he touched reminded him of a moment he probably wouldn't forget, even if he wanted to.
He couldn't stop thinking about his phone.
His laptop. He wondered how many messages he had, if any.
The thought of logging back into the real world made his stomach twist, but in a way, he also missed it.
Missed music. Missed shitty memes. Missed his playlists and late-night rabbit holes on YouTube.
Missed texting his brother whenever something dumb popped into his head, even if it was just a string of emojis and an unhinged "look at this. "
He lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, the weight of it all pressing into his ribs. The excitement wasn't pure, it was stained with dread. Because after tomorrow, there'd be no more routine, no more nurses checking in, no more quiet boundaries. Just him. Alone.
Or... maybe not completely alone.
Could he ask to stay at Ash's for a few days? Would that be weird? Too much?
He closed his eyes and tried to picture it: sleeping on Ash's couch, the TV murmuring quietly in the background, maybe sharing a late breakfast in mismatched mugs and bowls. He tried to imagine Ash smiling at him like it was nothing. Like this whole mess could be behind them, at least for a while.
Viv exhaled through his nose. He didn't know what was going to happen next. But for the first time in a long time, he wanted to try.
~
The next morning arrived like a jolt of electricity.
Viv was already dressed by the time the sun broke through the tiny hospital window, if you could even call what he was wearing "dressed.
" Hoodie, jeans, shoes tied with shaking hands.
His duffel bag was slung over one shoulder as he hovered by the nurses' station, heart thudding with something between adrenaline and straight-up panic.
He kept checking the clock on the wall. 8:47am.
Ash was meant to be here by nine.
Nurse Carla looked up from her paperwork, lips twitching. "You're going to burn a hole in the floor if you keep pacing like that."
"I'm not pacing," Viv muttered, even though he absolutely was.
She raised an eyebrow. "You've done four full laps of the hallway and asked me the time twice in the last ten minutes."
Viv huffed and leaned awkwardly against the counter, arms crossed tight over his chest. "I'm just ready to go."
"I can see that," Carla said with a grin. "You look like someone lit a fire under your ass."
Viv couldn't help it, but he smiled. Just barely. "Maybe they did."
She passed him a clipboard for the last bit of paperwork and added, "Just don't explode from excitement before your ride gets here, alright?"
He rolled his eyes but took the pen anyway, trying to focus on the forms in front of him and not the fact that every single sound from the entrance made his pulse spike. Any second now. Ash was coming. Ash was actually coming.
And for the first time in forever, Viv wasn't running away from the future.
He was sprinting straight toward it.
The door to the reception area creaked open, and Viv's head snapped up like a rubber band pulled too tight, a smile forming at his lips.
Oh.
It wasn't Ash.
It was their mom.
Viv blinked, trying to rearrange his face into something that didn't scream disappointment.
She walked in with a polite smile, handbag tucked under her arm, dressed in jeans and a cardigan that looked like something out of a family therapy catalogue.
He hadn't seen her much, just a few brief encounters when Ash was discharged, and a few awkward sentences when she had caught him and Ash at the house.
And now, somehow, she was here to collect him.
"Hi, Viv," she said, voice light and warm, like this wasn't weird at all. "I hope you're ready."
"Yeah," he muttered, eyes flicking to the door behind her. "Is Ash not—?"
She glanced down, apologetic. "They really wanted to be here, but something came up. You'll see them soon, once we're back at the house."
Viv gave a tight nod and looked away, pretending to scratch his cheek to hide the heat crawling up his neck. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate her being here, it was just... Ash not being here stung more than he wanted to admit.
While she chatted briefly with Nurse Carla and filled out the last of the discharge paperwork, Viv stood awkwardly to the side, duffel bag clutched in both hands like a damn security blanket. No one said much to him. Josh waved a little. Francine smiled. Steve gave him a gruff nod.
It was weird. Like leaving a place you never meant to call home.
And then it was done. That was it. All the forms were signed, the files were handed over, and suddenly Viv was walking through the sliding glass doors like he hadn't been trapped behind them for months.
The air outside hit him like a punch to the chest, all cool and fresh and blindingly bright. He squinted against the sunlight, disoriented.
"Car's just over here," Ash's mom said gently, guiding him to a small blue hatchback parked out front.
Viv followed without a word, climbing into the passenger seat. The door shut beside him, and just like that, the hospital was behind him.
He didn't look back.
They hadn't even left the hospital car park yet before Ash's mom started trying to fill the silence.
"So," she said, fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel, her lips pursed, "any thoughts on what you'd like for dinner tonight? I was thinking spaghetti, but I can make something else if you're not feeling it."
Viv turned his head slowly, eyebrows pinched. "Dinner?"
She glanced at him, confused. "Yeah, unless you've developed a distaste for food in the past ten minutes. I though, ya know, because you're Italian, I could make something like pasta. I don't know. Is that a dumb idea?"
"No, I just—" He hesitated. "Am I... staying for dinner?"
Now she looked properly confused. Her brow furrowed, and her voice was softer when she spoke again. "Viv, you're staying the night."
He blinked. "I am?"
"You're staying every night," she said, matter-of-fact, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"At least until you feel comfortable enough to stand on your own two feet.
We've got the guest room all made up for you.
Well, Ash kind of took it over as their second closet, but we cleared it out. It's all set up for you."
"Oh," he said. His voice was small.
She smiled, keeping her eyes on the road.
"Ash would've told you themself if they hadn't gotten caught up.
They've been cleaning the house top to bottom all week.
You'd think royalty was coming to stay. Now, I know the two of you are together and everything, but I do still want to keep my baby safe so there'll be no sharing rooms. I apologise if that comes across as old fashioned, but can you blame me? I'm just a mom at the end of the day."
Viv tried to answer, but nothing came out. Just a quiet, stunned breath. He turned his face toward the window and let the warmth of it soak into his skin.
He was going home. Just... not the one he expected.
Keep cool, loser. Don't cry in front of your partners mom.
"Thank you," Viv said quietly, glancing over at her as she pulled the car into the driveway.
She gave him a small smile. "You don't need to thank me. I'm just glad you're out."
The car came to a gentle stop, and before Viv could move, she was already reaching into the back seat to grab his duffel bag.
"I can carry it—" he started, but she was already out the door.
He followed her hesitantly up the path, his hands stuffed into his pockets, heart thudding too fast in his chest. The house looked the same as he remembered, semi-detached, clean brick, door slightly faded from the sun.
He'd only been here once before, briefly, but now it felt like some kind of portal.
Like stepping through it would mean entering a new version of his life.
She pushed the door open and stepped aside to let him in. Viv took one cautious step inside. And then...BANG!POP!
"SURPRISE!!"
Viv jumped back so hard he nearly tripped over the step.
His eyes darted up in time to see Ash and Brad launching party poppers into the air, glittering confetti raining down around them.
Ash had a balloon in each hand, a crooked party hat on their head, and Brad was wearing a stupid grin like he'd been waiting his whole life for this moment.
"Welcome home!" Ash exclaimed happily, laughing at Viv's reaction.
Viv stood frozen, blinking through the shock. "What the—?"
Ash tossed one of the balloons at him. "You really thought I ditched you at the hospital like a loser? Come on."
Brad held up a tray of supermarket cupcakes, each one topped with uneven icing and a single rainbow sprinkle. "Ash made me bake, something I have never done in my entire life. I want you to appreciate the pain I've suffered."
Viv laughed. Actually laughed. It burst out of him like something untethered, and he had to press a hand to his mouth to keep from full-on cackling. "This is—You're such a dick," he said to Ash, though the smile stayed on his face.
Ash beamed. "But I'm your dick."
Viv groaned. "Okay, that's disgusting."
"Love you too," Ash shot back, and they reached forward to fix Viv's hair a little, before placing a party hat on his head with exaggerated care.
Behind them, Ash's mom leaned against the kitchen doorway, arms folded, watching the chaos with a warm smile on her face.
Viv took it all in, the balloons, the glitter, the cheap cupcakes, the stupid hats. And it hit him: This wasn't just a party. It was a beginning.
Ash grinned at him, eyes full of mischief, and grabbed his hand without warning. "Come on."
Viv barely had time to react before he was being tugged up the stairs, their fingers laced tightly, Ash's palm warm and familiar against his own.
The laughter and glitter of the living room faded behind them, replaced by the soft creak of the staircase and the muffled thump of Brad shouting something dumb from the kitchen.
"This is so dramatic," Viv muttered under his breath, trying not to trip on the last step.
Ash led him to the guest room, which wasViv's room now apparently. and nudged the door open with their hip.
It was simple, but nice. The bed was freshly made, a light grey duvet tucked in perfectly tight.
There was a small desk pushed beneath the window, a lamp, a shelf with a couple of unread paperbacks, and most surprising of all, a framed photo of Ash and Brad on the wall, both of them sticking their tongues out like idiots.
It smelled like clean sheets and lemon furniture polish. Someone had lit a candle recently.
Viv didn't get a chance to say anything.
Ash closed the door behind them, turned, and kissed him.
Their lips pressed firmly against his, and Viv felt all the breath leave his lungs.
It wasn't rushed or frantic, it was intentional, like Ash had been waiting for this all day.
One of their hands cupped the back of his neck, the other resting just above his waist, and Viv felt himself melt into it, dizzy with how much he'd missed this. missed them.
By the time they pulled away, Ash's nose was brushing against his, and Viv couldn't even pretend to speak. His face was flushed, eyes wide, heart slamming hard against his ribs.
"Hi," Ash murmured, barely above a whisper.
Viv swallowed. "Hi."
They stood there for a second, wrapped in the kind of silence that only belonged to two people who didn't need to say everything out loud.
Viv blinked rapidly, trying to keep it together, but the warmth in Ash's eyes, the softness of their hands still resting on his sides, was undoing him. It hit all at once, like a wave crashing through him, swallowing up the fear and the loneliness and the ache he hadn't let himself feel in days.
"I never wanna leave you again," he said, voice trembling. "I hated it. Being in there without you. It sucked so bad, Ash."
Ash's expression faltered, just a little. They stepped in closer, their forehead brushing against his, like they were grounding him.
"I love you," Viv whispered, and it felt like truth spilling out of him faster than he could catch it. "I love you so, so much."
And then he was crying.
Not the angry kind, not the I'm-so-fucked-up kind. These were soft, silent tears that slipped down his cheeks before he even realised they'd started. His shoulders shook, and he brought a hand up to his face, like he could maybe hide it, but Ash was already pulling him close again.
"I didn't think I'd find this," Viv choked out against their shoulder. "I thought when I lost Matteo, when everything went to shit with my family, that was it. I thought I was just gonna be broken forever. But I—" He couldn't finish.
Ash's arms wrapped around him tighter. They didn't try to fix it. They didn't tell him to stop crying or to calm down or to be brave. They just held him and let him feel it. All of it.
And for the first time in a long time, Viv let himself believe it was okay to need someone. That maybe, just maybe, losing one family meant finding another.