CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
S o, I decided to date online…
by: Sofia Daria
So, I decided to date online… and I got the ick.
Have you ever gotten the ‘ick’?
Ick - An expression of disgust, an unpleasant feeling that runs through your body. Like eating cold, chunky oatmeal.
I had yet to experience this so-called ick people talked about until I did.
I shudder as I type a description of the encounter, right down to the comedian’s humiliation of Tom.
Sounds like a terrible night, right? Turns out my coworker was there with some friends, saw me, and invited me to hang out with them. All in all, it ended up being a great night with friends, and it reminded me - listen to your intuition!
I guess I do have an intuition after all, I think smiling to myself.
* * *
Alex sent me a text shortly after reading my article online. I’m not sure if I am turning him off dating even more than he already was, but I reassured him that finding love one day would all be worth it. We made plans for him to come to yoga next week.
I’m reading a new mystery novel, snacking on chocolate-covered almonds, when Ben walks into the bookstore to water the plants. Our eyes meet, but he doesn’t say anything. I look back down at the page I was reading, but I’m just staring at it, unable to focus. He clears his throat, so I look up.
Ben walks over to me and rests his elbow on the counter. He runs his hand through his already tousled hair, leaving it a bit messier, giving him an I just rolled out of bed look. He’s sexy as hell.
I imagine what it would be like to be in bed with him. Sheets tangled between our legs, our limbs intertwined, our hearts beating fast. I snap myself out of the dead-end road my mind wanted to travel on.
“ What’s up?” I ask casually, glancing back down at my book as if I have better things to do. I’m so immature.
“ I read your article this week.” He’s put the watering can down on the counter next to him.
I’m surprised. I didn’t think Ben would read my articles since he was so against it, but I get why now.
“Oh, yeah?” I ask again, showing little interest.
“You need to be careful, Sof…” he starts, but I don’t let him finish.
“Thanks, Dad,” I say, knowing my maturity level has just fallen even further. But Ben doesn’t back off or pull away. I look up at him, and there is concern in his eyes.
“Sof…”
“Where’s Mel today?” I’m trying to change the subject, but I’m also nosy and jealous.
“She’s in class.”
“So, how’s that going?” I ask in a tone that might be a little sarcastic.
I can’t stop myself. I feel a fight brewing. My emotions are about to take over my mind, body, and soul, and there is nothing I can do about it. I glare at Ben. Poor guy, he doesn’t deserve this, and yet, here it is.
He leans further on the counter so that his face is right in front of mine. His eyes are peering deep into my soul. I see the gold flecks, and I’m in a trance. My breath is speeding up. Is he aware he does this to me? Does he know he sends my body into sweet convulsions, making me feel all syrupy and gooey inside?
I snap back to reality. Mel. Yes, she is with him, I’m not. I wait for his response.
“It’s been a few years. We’re just reconnecting,” he says.
“Reconnecting. Is that what they’re calling it these days?” I ask, laughing.
“Sof.”
“Funny how you can kiss me out of nowhere. Tell me you like me, and a week later, you’re in bed with someone else.”
He pushes himself off the counter, standing tall. “Weren’t you in a hot tub with a random stranger just a few days ago?”
Huh, so he is reading all of my articles.
He’s not wrong. I was in a hot tub, making out with a rando, and I’ve been on other dates too. I have no reason to feel this way or act like I am.
“I guess we’re even,” I say, closing my book and standing.
“This isn’t a competition, Sofia.”
“Isn’t it? You tell me you like me, and then what? Because I’m dating, you feel it necessary to get back at me and flaunt your sexy mermaid of a woman in front of me?” There it is. I let it all out on the table. “I’ve got work to do, so if you’re done watering the plants, I should get to it.”
I pass Ben, and he grabs my arm, turning me towards him. Our eyes lock. I pull away.
“Don’t,” I say, and I march to the restroom.
Once inside, I place my hands on either side of the sink, feeling the cool marble under my palms. I face off in the mirror, willing my reflection to come at me. I feel riled up. I wish for just a moment that I didn’t wear makeup. I could be one of those women in the movies who splash cold water on their face and it changes their entire mood. They instantly calm down. Who am I kidding? I’m not about to start neglecting my eye makeup on the off chance I need to splash cold water on my face.
When I emerge, Ben is gone. I spend the afternoon reeling in a mix of emotions until Emily arrives. She distracts me with stories about her night, and we decide to order sandwiches from the deli down the street for lunch. I ordered a few chocolate brownies, obviously to feed the jealous beast lingering inside me.