CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I look down at my freshly painted toenails, a mellow shade of yellow.
It’s officially warm enough for sandals, so Lucy, Briar, and I painted our toenails after yoga last night.
Alex left after class, not wanting to join in on the pedicures. The girls liked Alex immediately. I think Briar managed to convince him to come back for another class.
The afternoon sun is beating down on me. It’s 2:03 p.m., and I’m supposed to meet Harper at 2:00 p.m. I managed to be on time today. I take a sip of my iced latte and look around. We’re meeting by the water, and I’m sitting on the only free bench.
Harper is a nurse. I guess he works at the local hospital in Emerg. I think. We’re just going to sit, talk, and go for a walk if things go well.
I’m people-watching while I wait. I don’t feel as nervous as I did the night I met Tom. I don’t feel overly excited, either. I think I’m still thrown off by all the emotions I get when I’m around Ben. It’s distracting. We’ve been avoiding each other again. I hate this. I miss my friend. I want to get off this roller-coaster ride. But Ben is with Mel, and I am going to keep dating. At least for now.
I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about what it would feel like to date Ben.
I notice a young guy approaching me. He’s wearing green cargo shorts and a baggy beige shirt with a stain on the chest. Or where his chest would be if the shirt fit him properly. Is that mustard?
“Hi, Sofia?” he asks hesitantly.
“Harper?” I ask back.
“Nice to meet you,” he says, smiling. His smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Yeah, same.” I look back down at the dark spot on his shirt. He looks like a teenager who half-assed his way to school.
There is more than just appearances, but if he won’t make an effort on our first date, will he make an effort with anything if we start a relationship?
“Did you just finish work?” I ask, thinking maybe that accounts for his shabby appearance.
“Nope, I’m off today.”
Oh, okay.
“It’s beautiful out, eh?” I ask, feeling awkward.
“Yeah, yeah.” He looks around us, then back at me. “I thought you were a little taller,” he says.
“Oh, my profile says I’m five-two. I kick out my legs in an attempt to show my high wedges. “But I’m more like five-five since I’m almost always in my heels.”
I’m the only one laughing. Clearly, I’m no comedian.
“Okay, okay. You just looked thinner in your pictures.”
Did he just?
Before I have time to say anything, he adds, “You know it’s important to take care of your body and eat healthy.”
I look down, glancing at the outfit I took time to put on. I’m wearing cute wedges and an old school type dress, maybe slightly baby doll style, which I guess does make me seem like I have a little bit of a belly, but like, WTF, who says that on a date? A first date. I’m not skin and bones… but that’s beside the point. I’m fired up.
“And that mustard you have on your shirt, was that hot dog healthy?” I ask. I’m now in a mood, and I stand.
“Whoa, whoa. I don’t eat hot dogs,” he replies, glancing down at his shirt as if seeing it for the first time.
“You don’t change your clothes for a date either, I guess.” I’m pulling my purse over my shoulder. I’m out. Some things you just can’t force. “This isn’t going to work. I’m going to take off.”
I leave before he can say anything.
I find another bench a few minutes away and plop down heavily. I let my purse fall off my shoulder beside me. I feel the warm wood under my thighs and adjust my dress to cover my knees.
Emotions stir inside of me. What is happening to me? I’m embarrassed by the way I spoke to him. But I’m even more ashamed of how I spoke to Ben the other day. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I count to four and then exhale. I repeat this, feeling the sun on my face. I let myself feel the slight breeze through my hair. As I continue my four-count breath, I hear a dog bark nearby. I open my eyes, and that’s when I see him.
He’s gorgeous.
He looks so familiar.
He’s passing the Frisbee to his dog right in front of me, the dog barks, runs, and catches it mid-jump. I’m in awe of both the dog’s abilities and the fine creature standing before me.
His hair is pushed back in an I-don’t-care-way that must have taken a lot of time to achieve. His shorts slide up his legs as he runs to his dog, revealing tanned, toned thighs. My gaze drops to the tattoo on his calf.
Why does he look so familiar? I’m trying to place him.
I can feel myself staring, pulling a Tom, but there’s something about him.
“Fuck.”
“Excuse me?”
Shit. Did I say that out loud?
He’s approaching. “Are you okay?”
He lifts his hand to cover his eyes, blocking out the sun. His dog follows him, running up to me, but sits just before he reaches us.
“Oh, yeah, sorry. That was nothing.”
This man is beautiful.
“I could have sworn you swore at me,” he says.
“Oh, God no, I’m so sorry,” I mutter, utterly embarrassed. Is that just what I do now, embarrass myself over and over?
He sits next to me. This is unexpected.
I should tell him. But what do I say?
He offers me his hand. “I’m Cole.” I shake it.
“Uh, Cole, this is going to be really weird, but I should tell you something,” I admitted hesitantly. “There are pictures of you. Online.”
His face does something I can’t explain. “Is that what the whole ‘fuck’ thing was for?” He laughs.
I laugh. “Uh, yeah, sorry.”
“So, where are these pictures of me?”
“Um, I’m on a dating site, and I was talking to you, well I thought I was talking to you, but it ended up being a kid. I was catfished. He, well, was sixteen…”
“Wait, what? There are pictures of me on a dating site?” He leans against the bench, tilting his head to the sky as he rubs a palm down his face. “Are you sure it’s me?”
“Yes, it is definitely you.”
I relay the story, making sure to mention the pizza parlor where we met.
“That must have been some shock,” he says sincerely.
“That’s one way of putting it!” I laugh again, and I can feel his body relax beside me.
I hear a fart. It DID NOT come from me. I look at him.
“That was not me, I swear.” He wiggles his toes under his dog, who looks up with a sheepish grin. Ha, I never saw a dog grin that way before. I laugh.
“Sure, is that why you take your dog out with you, so you can blame him for your mishaps?”
He shakes his head, laughing, and leans down to pet the soft golden fur. “Poor Brutus is a little gassy after getting into the kitchen garbage last night.”
My hand flies up to my mouth. “Oh, no,” I mutter.
Our eyes meet, and another laugh escapes me.
“Well, thanks for letting me know about the whole dating site and my pictures. I better go pay that kid a visit,” he says as he stands.
“Yeah, no problem. I mean, it’s weird that I actually ran into you. I was kind of wondering who you were.”
Brutus lumbers over, and Cole ruffles his fur. “You can pet him.”
I put out my hand gently, and he sniffs me before rubbing his head on my knee. “Oh, you’re so sweet.”
“Thank you,” Cole replies.
I hoist an eyebrow.
“Yeah, yeah.” He smiles, revealing a dimple on his left cheek. “Hey, this might be weird since, technically, you’ve already had a date with me…”
I laugh again.
“But did you want to maybe go out sometime?”
I stand, “Oh, okay, uh, yeah, I’d like that.”
“Good,” he says.
We exchange numbers and make a plan to meet up in a few days.
I watch as Cole and Brutus leave.
I feel the excitement rise in me.
This is what dating should feel like, right?
* * *
I rock back and forth, trying to adjust myself on my mat. I’m not sure why Happy Baby Pose is supposed to be oh-so-good. I’m not sure if it’s because my thighs are too thick or if it’s the fact that I’m not flexible, but this doesn’t feel good. I look at the woman on one side of me; her eyes are closed, and there’s a smile plastered on her face. She is the picture of calm. I don’t feel calm. I think Happy Baby is making me an irritable baby.
“Let’s start rocking side to side,” The instructor indicates from the front of the room.
I rock a little too hard and land on my side. Whoops. I roll back onto my back and extend my legs. I think I’ll just wait for the next pose. I close my eyes.
After leaving the park, I decided I needed to check myself. I’ve been letting whatever this is with Ben affect me way too much. I’m irritating myself with how I’ve been reacting, which is how I ended up here. I open my eyes and see the sun setting through the window. The sky is forming a beautiful mix of pink and orange.
I’m thinking about work. I need to write my article about my date with Harper. What do I even say? I’m embarrassed by what I said. Did I overreact? I mean, he didn’t exactly call me fat or anything. Was it just my ego?
I sigh.
Regardless, he couldn’t even put a clean shirt on for our date.
I bring myself back to the present moment when I hear the instructor, “Gently let go of your feet, bringing your legs down to the mat for S avasana , corpse pose.”
I widen my legs and arms so they’re not touching my body and close my eyes again.
I hear a singing bowl, and I let the sound run through my body. I exhale a sigh, releasing to the mat. It feels like I’ve been lying here for hours when I hear, “Thank you all for coming, Namaste .”
I blink my eyes open, but my body isn’t ready to move yet. I’m rolling to my side when I see Aiden hand in hand with a short brunette. Behind Aiden I see a tall silhouette I would recognize anywhere. Briar. I sit up quickly grabbing my mat, no time to roll it. Briar spots me.
“What are you doing here?” she asks.
“You know, I just needed to Zen out, and you’re always saying how good yoga is for you.” I lift my shoulders and drop them, then indicate Aiden. “What happened?”
Briar moves me towards the back of the room. I’m struggling with my open mat crushed into a ball. Briar takes it out of my hand and starts rolling it up like a pro.
“Aiden, yeah, wasn’t going to work out. It’s Okay.” She smiles, a warm smile, letting me know that she truly is okay.
“Do you want to grab a tea?” I ask.
She looks from me to Aiden and considers it. “You know what? Yeah, I’d love a tea.”
We walk a few blocks towards a little cafe. The sun has set, but the streetlights provide a soft, warm glow overhead. The street is quiet, and I find myself feeling calm, finally.
“So what happened?” I ask as we drop into the soft, worn, dark brown leather sofa.
I let my yoga mat and bag fall to the floor, then lift the warm mug to my nose, breathing in the refreshing peppermint.
“We only went out a few times. It really is no big deal.”
“You sure?” I ask. Briar is such a sweet person. She doesn’t really date, but when she does, I know she puts her heart fully into it.
“Yeah, I think I was more excited about the idea of him. He had the same hobbies as me, so I guess I was excited that we could share that together.” She takes another sip and pauses. “But if I’m completely honest, I don’t think I really liked him like that.”
“Okay, I get that. But I’m here,” I urge. “Anytime.”
“I know.” She puts her mug down and gives me a quick side squeeze. “How are things going with you?”
I shrug. Where do I even begin? My throat is constricted.
I pull one of my legs under me to face her.
“You going to tell me why I found you at yoga?” she asks. “It’s not exactly your thing.” She winks at me.
“I know, I know. I’ve just been feeling…I don’t know…a lot of feels lately. The crap kind.”
“What’s going on? Ben?”
“How did you know?”
“Sofia, I’ve always seen the way he looks at you, and then you tell us he kisses you and just walks away? I know you like him. It’s okay to like him.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s back with his ex.”
“Who’s his ex?”
“A beautiful redhead, Mel. She broke his heart years ago, and apparently, they’re an item again.” I stop for a second, trying to keep my emotions in check. I won’t let that yoga class go to waste. “She was in the shop the other day. They kissed right in front of me.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Sof.” She rubs her hand lightly on my arm, her eyes showing concern.
“It’s okay, it is. I mean I’m still dating for the article. Plus, something kind of weird happened today.”
I fill her in on all the deets from the morning. My date with Harper, the guy from the catfishing, Cole giving me his number.
“Wow, that’s a lot,” she agrees. “You know, Sof, just because you’re writing these articles and dating doesn’t mean you have to fall in love.”
I think about this.
“And just because Ben is hanging out with Mel again doesn’t mean he still loves her.”
She’s right.
Of course, she’s right. It’s Briar, the smartest woman I know.
“You’re right on both counts.”
“One day at a time.”
“Yes, one day at a time,” I agree.
We finish our teas and talk a little bit about our plans for summer. Briar’s signed up for a two-week retreat in Costa Rica.
I’m so happy for her, living her best life. I wish I could do a retreat like that, but I think I would be bored with all the calm, peace, and quiet.
I glance at the large clock above the fireplace in the corner and tell Briar I better get going. We stand and walk back to the studio, where we’re both parked.
“Thanks for the tea and chat,” I say as she wraps her arms around me, taking me in for one of her friendly hugs. I watch her as she crosses the street to her car, waving as she drives away.