Chapter 6 Hanne
HANNE
Since there was no way to judge the passage of time, I didn’t know how long I slept.
I bathed when I returned to the cabin, fetching my own water from the well and heating the water over the flames before I poured it into the tub.
The bath wasn’t made of porcelain with gold lining.
It was just a wooden bucket on the floor.
But as long as it made me clean, I didn’t care that it wasn’t fancy.
The bed wasn’t a soft mattress made of sheep’s cotton and goose feather, just dried grass bunched together with a thin sheet for padding and blankets on top. But I slept so hard it felt like my old bed in my bedchambers.
When I woke up, it was dark—because it was always dark.
The cabins didn’t have windows, probably because they couldn’t make glass with their limited resources.
So if I wanted to see anything, I had to open the door for enough light from the torches to prepare the fire in the hearth.
It wasn’t cold enough to warrant the flames, but I needed them to see.
Without a sky in the Depths, there was no wind.
No clouds. No rain. No heat or snow. So the temperature was always the same, mild with a slight humidity to the air.
I dressed in the clothes Morco had provided and put the seeds I’d harvested into my pocket. When I approached the Gathering, people were eating another helping of stew. Normally, only lunch and dinner were served, but since there was such a surplus of food, they’d decided to serve breakfast.
I wouldn’t pass up a meal, not when I knew how rare these occasions were, so I took a bowl and sat at a table alone. It seemed like everyone was there, including Krull, and I hoped he wouldn’t bother me.
I sat down and waited to take a bite because the bowl was steaming hot. I watched the vapor dance around the surface as I stirred my spoon, seeing the chunks of meat along with the chunks of potato and carrots.
The table shook when someone took a seat across from me, and my heart leaped in dread at the thought of seeing Krull. His propositions felt like threats, and his admiration felt like an assault.
But it was that pretty brunette I’d seen speak with Morco. She was tall, with shining green eyes and a confidence I could feel even when we were at a great distance from each other. I could feel her anger the second she sat down, see her hostility because she wore it like an outfit.
Her arms were folded on the table, and she leaned close, her intimidation invading my space. “I know you’re new here, so let me enlighten you on a couple things. Morco and I are together, so know your place and stay there.”
As if someone had kicked me in the stomach, I felt the food I hadn’t touched jump back into my throat. Just when I felt somewhat invited into this group after my contribution, I was outlawed once again. “I’m sorry, who are you?”
Her eyes flashed with an obvious look of anger, like my genuine comment was a slap. “Allegra.”
“Morco said he didn’t want children.”
“Doesn’t mean he’s not committed to me. Interfere with that, and you’ll be the next thing in this stew.”
Perhaps it was a lifetime spent in a castle, but I wasn’t used to anyone speaking to me that way. My temper lashed out quicker than one of the angry vipers I found in the garden. “I’m one of the reasons our stomachs are full, and you’re going to come at me like that?”
She slowly leaned back, doing her best to retain her stoic expression, but it was obvious she was surprised that I’d snapped back once she’d trod on me. Her lips pressed tightly together, and her eyes dropped momentarily.
“We can grow and harvest these root vegetables without sunlight—and I found them. I went out into the dark in a world I don’t know and risked my life for this, and you have the nerve to sit there and threaten me?”
“I just want our situation to be clear—”
“I don’t want Morco, but if I did, this threat wouldn’t stop me.”
She gave me a long, hard stare, her eyes intelligent and emotional, the fire from her ire dimmed. It was unclear what her thoughts were, if she wanted to kill me or if my rage had neutralized her wrath.
“If you have to fight a woman for a man, he’s not worth fighting for. Just some friendly advice.”
She gave a slight wince, like my kindness had been more painful than her insults.
She left the table and walked off, head held high like we hadn’t just been entangled in an angry dispute.
She headed to the cauldron, where one of the girls ladled stew into her bowl.
Then she walked off and joined a table where other girls were seated.
“I like your flames—especially when they burn.” Krull approached my table from the side.
He must have crept close during the argument with Allegra, unnoticed in the heat of the moment.
He had an arrogant smirk on his face, the same predatory look on his face as those wolves when they’d chased me in the dark.
“Given my proposition any more thought?”
“I just want to eat, alright?” I kept my head down, dunked my spoon in the scalding-hot broth, and hoped he would just go away. It was a lot easier to tell Allegra off because she was a woman, but there would be very different consequences if I pissed him off.
“Alright, let me join you.” He took the seat across from me, where Allegra had just been.
No.
Now Allegra’s company felt like fucking sunshine.
I’d been starving a second ago, but now my appetite vanished. Even a full bowl of stew wasn’t enough to chase off the hunger because I was used to a diet full of delicious bread and pastries and jellies. Now it was just meat and vegetables, when I hadn’t cared for meat much in the first place.
With the same obnoxious grin, he stared at me, reveling in my discomfort.
I spun my spoon around the stew, unsure if I should just get up and leave. But if I walked back to my cabin, he might follow me, and there might not be anyone around to witness whatever might happen.
My eyes flicked past him in the hope that Morco had arrived, but he was nowhere to be seen. I saw Caius, who seemed close to Morco, but he was engaged in conversation at his table and probably didn’t even know I was there, let alone distressed.
Krull continued his stare. “Where’s that fire I just witnessed?”
“I said, I want to eat.”
“Go ahead,” he said. “Don’t let me stop you.”
I continued to stir the spoon in the bowl. “Kinda hard to do when you’re staring at me like that.”
“Like what?” His smile slowly faded, his eyes developing a dark intensity, knowing full well I wouldn’t dare identify his intentions verbally.
“I don’t want to have children.”
“With me or in general?”
I should tread carefully, but his presence was making it hard to breathe. “Both.”
His reaction didn’t change, but he cocked his head slightly. “I’m a survivor. That’s the kind of father you want for your child.”
“I don’t want children.”
“But you’re going to have them anyway,” he barked. “The Elders have decided so. You need to contribute to our society, and this is how you do it.”
I pushed the bowl forward slightly. “I contributed. And I will continue to contribute by planting and growing crops that will nourish us in the future.”
“That’s not enough.”
“Says who?” I snapped. “Are you one of the Elders?”
Instead of provoking his anger, I provoked something else, a sick smile. It grew across his mouth then reached his eyes. “There it is.”
I pulled the bowl back and tried to retreat within my body. I didn’t know how to deter his interest, not when he tried harder when I ignored him, not when he was amused when I fought back.
“Your eyes change when you get angry. I like it.”
My eyes immediately flicked away, and I wanted to squeeze them shut so he couldn’t look at them any longer. That was when I spotted Morco. He had just stepped into the Gathering wearing casual attire, a long-sleeved black shirt and trousers, probably trying to hide the bite marks from the dogs.
His eyes swept the areas as he approached the cauldron over the fire.
My eyes locked on his. Please come over here.
He stood in line like everyone else, didn’t cut just because he was the chief. He held my stare.
Please come over here. I knew he couldn’t read my mind, probably couldn’t read my stare either, not when we hardly knew each other. But I hoped he would somehow recognize my distress and rectify it.
He moved up in line and looked away.
The disappointment was like a knife.
“What are you looking at, Blue?”
My eyes came back to his. “What did you call me?”
“Blue.” He slowly smirked. “The same eye color my children will have.”
“I said no, alright?”
“For now. But everyone here knows you’re mine—and soon, you’ll know it too.”
My heart suffered palpitations, and sweat collected under my clothes.
I was angry but scared to express it, unsure if that would entice him even more.
I’d had little interest from men in Baccara simply because I was a noble and rarely left the castle grounds.
Was this what the world was like for everyone else?
Advances that couldn’t be rejected, interest that was predatory. “Just leave me alone.”
“How can I change your mind, otherwise?”
“I won’t change my mind.”
“Krull.” Morco appeared, eyes reserved for my adversary. “Prepare another batch of meat. Stew’s almost out.”
Krull hesitated, eyes still on me like he wanted to continue this conversation despite the interruption. But he didn’t dare defy Morco and left his seat. “Yes, Chief.” He didn’t look at Morco once as he left, staring at me until he turned his back and walked away.
The second he was gone, I could breathe again, could feel the air fill every crevice of my lungs. An invisible net of safety surrounded me, cast by Morco’s bare hands.